be in relationship with love of your life, plans to marry, etc

> be in relationship with love of your life, plans to marry, etc.
> have baby with boyfriend
> experience trauma from childbirth
> begin to have intimacy issues in relationship
> start seeing therapist to work on problems
> gain better communication techniques
> still left alone most days with the baby while boyfriend works 6 (or 7) days a week
> boyfriend taking my vehicle to work, start to feel trapped at home
> low estrogen levels, severe stress, isolation, start having anger outbursts
> discuss issues thanks to therapy and better communication
> boyfriend spending more time at home
> become very happy, almost stress free
> think relationship is well, but still working on the sex aspect
> decide to go outside for a cigarette
chilly.jpg
> throw on boyfriend's big winter coat
> sit down in chair, old iPhone falls out of pocket
> no sim, "only used" as spare phone and for pub g matches
> open quick mindless game to play
> finish, go to close app
> see another app opened called "Frysbee"
confusion.jpg
> never heard of it before, so decide to inspect
> see literally hundreds of messages to other women
feelsbatman.jpg
> investigate messages
cantstopwontstop.gif
> all flirty, sexting, lingerie/nudes and his dick pics

wat do.

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you use a lot of fancy learn-ed words, but make dumb choices with your life.

I don't know how old you are, but I've been learning that love in itself is not enough to prevent bad things from happening, especially when it comes to animalistic people like your boyfriend who don't care how their behavior affects anyone.

I guess your boyfriend is cheating because you guys aren't having good sex. That's a reason for him to do it, but in no way shape or form an excuse.

I'd say forget this douchebag, and I rarely say that, but you a child with him.

I thought this was an ad for frysbe, but you spelled it wrong

Would like to add I did confront the boyfriend. He doesn't think it would be an issue since he was only taking to them and never met up with anyone (that I know if at least). He also swears that all those late nights at work when he could never tell me when he was actually of and days he had to drop everything to go in for an hour or two he was legitimately at work - but how could I really believe him now.

We've discussed stuff like this before. Actually, one night I was feeling really bad that I was having trouble having sex and asked his thoughts on sleeping with another woman. He assured me I was the only one he ever wanted, and he was fine with waiting until he could have me again. I believed him.

I guess I just feel really betrayed because he hid this from me and doesn't see it as a problem. But while I'm just in the next room taking care of his child, he's gone to the bathroom getting his rocks off from random women online. He's not watching porn, he's not just talking to one woman, he's constantly putting hundreds of random women as a higher priority than his family. Plus, how can I really believe anything he says anymore. But having a baby seems to complicate everything. I just feel so down and in shock, like this must be some big dream.

Man, I literally never even heard of it before today. But they can use this as an ad if I can get some $$

We live together in a city away from family, have joint bank accounts, a child and it just feels so much more complicated now. I feel like such an idiot to have fallen for his bullshit. If this happened before we had a child, I would have dropped him like it's hot.
And I'm 27 btw.

I have a similar problem. My boyfriend was sitting next to be and I noticed he had a tinder and called him out. He felt really bad and deleted it said he was using it for fun with his friends. No problem for months, then I noticed we were sitting one day and he had bumble on his phone. Called him out again made a huge deal about it, he said I was overreacting. I forgave him and this weekend I saw another dating app. I love this kid to death but I know what I have to do. Just cut him out its gonna hurt like hell but I don't see a way out of it. I'm not gonna marry someone that is gonna use dating apps and lie to me, I just don't see a future for us. I'm not gonna allow him to talk me out of it like he always does. He wasted my time. Even if it was for some sort of ego boost its still sick. He might not have cheated yet but if you keep window shopping one day you'll end up buying something. Sorry you have a kid with him and that he treated you like this.. I know it hurts. But he'll do it again just sneakier if you forgive him. He might not think you're the one if he needs validation from other women. But that doesn't mean you're not the one for someone else. If you forgive him you''ll start developing negative feelings that will never go away. Like jealousy every time he talks to other girls or you'll start spying on him. You'll become bitter and start to resent him, like I started to. It just doesn't end well.. You deserve better.

Talk to your bf about it not /adv.

As far as monogamy goes, not everybody is built for it. Pic very much related. I am not saying you should tolerate polygamy, but expecting young virile man to stick with just one nagging women for 20+ years is naive.
>still working on the sex aspect
If woman dont give his man the intimacy, he will seek it elsewhere. This very old saying even your grangrandma knew.

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I wouldn't start a battle with him over it, but I would let him know that there will be consequences for his actions if he continues. A man who fucks sluts like crazy against his wife's wishes doesn't deserve a wife or a child.

If this is what's happening as a result of you two not having good sex, then you ought to consider a.) having good sex, or b.) ending the relationship. If you plan to raise a child with this man, and love him as much as you say, I guess sucking him off couldn't hurt.

With this guy needs to know, before he considers continuing to behave like a dog, is that he can't just keep getting away with it. He has no right to go around like that and you ought to do something about it if he refuses to stop. You have the legal right to take your child out of a neglectful or dangerous situation.

Also consider counseling.

Thank you, user. This is what I needed to hear. I'm finding it hard to forgive him again, when he's done something similar in the past. The last time we were in a rut a few years back, I caught him trying to chat up and have sex with an old friend of his from his hometown. I told him how much that hurt me when I'm right here for him if he ever wanted it. This was before we had a baby, and a few years ago.

Since then I forgave him, half blaming myself because we were in that rut. He swore he would never do anything like that again, and I foolishly believed him. Our sex life became so much better, and all was well up until I had issues with the childbirth and started having panic attacks when he would try to get in my pants. Like I said, I'm in therapy right now working on it and I thought we were getting better again. I understand it must have been hard on him for the past 10 months, but I swear it's something we've been working on. I confessed to him they I was worried something like this would happen again, and he assured me I had nothing to worry about.

He assumed that because they were just random women it wouldn't matter. And honestly, if it happened once or twice I might get it. But it's been hundreds of women for the past year, before we even started having intimacy problems again. He was doing this before, while, and after I was pregnant with his child and that's why I feel so betrayed right now.

I get it. I honestly blame myself for a lot of it, since I've been struggling with sex. Going along with your point, I guess I feel like he hasn't really put his family as his number one priority. I understand that men have urges, just as women do. But if you make a promise to your significant other that you understand and will wait, and you break that promise by wasting hours a day talking to internet whores instead of working with her through your problems then you don't really care.

The amount of times I've asked him to put down his phone and spend time bonding with his family is ridiculous. I get that I'm a big part of the sex problem, but it's hard to fix it when he can't even take the time to sit next to me and try being close again.

You seem like a great person and you're trying to fix yourself he should support you, not go behind your back and look for other women.

Im sorry but he sounds really sleazy, love can blind us so I totally understand that you decided to ignore previous red flags.

You are already doing everything you can to try to fix the relationship, you are getting therapy also you are doing everything you can about the sexual aspect. He should understand.

You should get support from family and friends if you can, have some time away from him. You'll be lonely at first but at least you'll realize if you really need him in your life.

Just be strong and don't let him manipulate you. Taking a break might be a great way for him to ponder his mistakes. But the sad truth might be he can use the break as an excuse meet other women. Unfortunately this might be the only option that will reveal what kind of person he truly is.

oh wow this is good advice.

Well, I suggest don't rush this. If you are already doing therapy, try couples therapy first, or send him to one, too. It sounds like he's under a lot of pressure. At work for sure, seeing all those overtimes and working 7 days a week. And then there's the fact that you are home all week, earning nothing. This means that if he fucks up, his whole family is screwed. If he's around your age, then that's a lot of pressure on him. I assume he's still not some boss guy but just some regular wage slave working hard to get higher on that ladder.

I admit, having that many women on his list sounds bad, but I think there's more to it than "having an ego boost." Maybe he has depression, he's near to burn out, and talking with strangers without any consequences is his way to deal with it. Yes, because admit it: with your own woman, even sex can be stressful. You have to really think about how she feels, make her properly prepared before it and so on. Not to mention that the kid puts you on a tight schedule. No more spontaneity, no more sex when you are in the mood. It has to be planned. If the kid sleeps, or let some family member baby sit and so on. It takes a lot out of the wonder of sex and just makes it a mundane routine you do to keep your mental health in good shape. Yet he can just text to these women any time he feels like it.

Just think about it before you act. There's a reason why you married him and why he married you. Don't throw it all away because he's in a bad mood or something. Really. Send him to therapy first.

>boyfriend working 6-7 days
>don't put out, don't provide the love
>surprised he's found other avenues

Either you take it at face value or you ask him
How the fuck did someone plant a kid in you and you're this dense

I appreciate the advice, but just want to clear something up. I'm on maternity leave for a year here in Canada and my EI payments biweekly are just as much as he makes working those 6-7 days a week. I'm typically the breadwinner, and was planning on going back to work in the next 2 months and he was going to stay home with the baby for a year after getting a lay off from work and EI assistance as well. I always told him I thought he was working too much, putting too much stress on himself and he finally talked to his boss in the past couple weeks to work 40 hours over 5 days instead of 55+ hours 6 or 7 days a week. That's actually how his last boss died at 56, a heart attack from pushing himself and working so much.

I appreciate the fact that he wanted to be the breadwinner while I was taking a break from work to raise our child, but it was unnecessary for him to work that much when I still had a good paycheck coming in. Sometimes I think he wasn't even at work at all since he was never paid any over time, just "banked" the hours or got $100 under the table from the boss.

He did say he thought he had a problem and can't stop. I've mentioned couples therapy before, an he cringed at the idea. I don't think he'll be open to working on it with a qualified professional, and I don't think he has the tools to work on it himself either. At this point I think he needs it though. When an addiction starts to ruin your relationships, you know the consequences and you still do it you have a problem.

Thank you, user. I think you're right, I need some time away to clear my head and figure this out. It just sucks that my family aren't close by and they're all going through their own stuff right now. Mom's mom has lung cancer, is staying with her right now getting chemo and needs 24/7 care. My brother got laid off from his job of 20+ years. My sister is just a little crazy, estranged from the family, full of drama and living on welfare. But I'll figure it out, I'll find somewhere to go. I really need a break right now.

Never change, Jow Forums

I ain't justifyin' shit. My girl and I have had dry spells and you just learn to deal with these
But seriously, talk to him, not us.
Go exercise or go for a walk. A little solitude does a person well sometimes. You may find that solitude preceding a visit with someone provides you the time and ability to look at this with more objectivity
Wear a ballcap, I got my goofy ass sunburnt out there

But seriously how do you get someone to frontload spawn in your goblin cave without realizing that if you want answers, you have to get them from the source?
I cannot think of any place less than Jow Forums from whence I would want relationship advice on these matters

Yeah fuck you, you'd be the first one to pitch a bitch fit if for some reason you totally failed at sex and she thought it would be acceptable to hit up her Chad friend. You dogshit losers bitch about this all the time. Responsibility and growing spine isn't just for the women to do. Fucking sorry ass millennial pigs. Zero self-discipline and the self awareness of a fucking brick.

go back to yelling at the clouds old man. can't wait for all you retards to die out

I've spoken to him already about this and it got no where. He said he's sorry, it was a mistake, he won't do it again, blah blah blah. But I've heard it all before, and I don't think he'll change. I love him though, and things get more complicated when a kid is involved. I'm looking for advice from user I guess because I don't know who to bring this up to in my real life right now because it's humiliating and hurtful.

And I obviously put out before, hence the baby. I'm honestly not sorry I'm having mental health issues that I've been trying to work on to get back to the mind blowing amazing sex we used to have at least 5 times a week before his baby tore my vagina open after 72 hours of painful, PTSD reinducing labor. Besides, he was doing this when our sex life was good too so I don't think that's really the problem at hand.

Yeah, I do blame myself for it because I was having panic attacks whenever he would stick his dick near me - but I really have to keep reminding myself the messages go as far back as when I bought him that phone (2 years ago, pre pregnancy). He said so himself, when we talked about it.

I don't know about your housing situation but maybe you should ask him to leave and you stay at home. Thats where you keep all the babys items. This is just temporary, take it one day at a time. You both just need space to think things over and realize whats best for both of you and the baby.

I would instantly forgive my boyfriend when he puts on his apologetic face, so making decisions when he's like this always lets him of easy and leads me to regret my decision. Discuss the issues together but don't let him talk you into something you don't want to do. Don't be agreeable to make him happy. He's the one at fault not you in this situation.

There's so many people taking his side like he's some helpless creature. He's working long hours but in a previous post you stated it was optional so theres not extra pressure on him to make money. He can control his urges but chooses not to. He might have an addiction but refuses help. You are honestly running out of options here.

Wow you must be a great partner if you would let your s/o cheat if you were having emotional issues

God I wish my boyfriend let me cheat when he was having depression, would totally benefit our relationship

You and your partner must be really happy

He’s trying to protect you from the burden of his sexual needs.

I have very similar situation with my girlfriend.

We had great sex life before having a child. Both regularly wanted each other and satisfied each other.

Now she rejects me every time I try to initiate sex and she NEVER wants or initiates sex.

We fight about it all the time. She always says we will work on it and it will get better but it never does.

When we do have sex it is forced and unenjoyable.

This leaves me feeling unwanted, empty, unloved.

Our child will be 2 soon.

I feel depressed constantly about this and a growing resentment towards her.

I would never cheat or hurt her. I love her more than life itself but I'm becoming very unhappy.

I can understand that it's very hard to adjust to life after a child. It felt like our relationship was being tested too the most outrageous degree. I also felt like I lost a part of myself to motherhood, and it's been really difficult trying to figure out who I am now.

I wish I could say it gets better, but it doesn't always. There are so many factors at play - pregnancy and breastfeeding produces crazy hormones that can cause a shit storm of issues for the woman. Your body changes, and you can be left with life long scars that constantly remind you of the trauma of childbirth. Add into that the fact that you have a new, little human being literally climbing on you all day you just feel touched out when they finally go down it's hard to be comfortable being intimate. Don't forget, you're probably covered in puke/poop, haven't showered in two days, and you're just a plain mess you're not really going to feel sexy.

The best advice is to try to get some time away from the baby together - just the two of you. Go for a nice date, or sit and talk to her while she has a bubble bath to relax (and wipe the spit up from her hair) so she can feel a bit more normal. Taking those steps and having better communication/getting in the groove of things really seemed to be helping our relationship at the time.

I would also highly recommend seeking therapy together or even just for your wife to work through the root cause of the issues. I've been learning a lot about myself from the few sessions I was able to attend so far, and it's been very helpful getting me back on track and feeling more"normal" again. Today's been a bit of a set back, but thankfully I have another appointment soon.

I feel bad for kids that come from unmarried dumbfucks like you. Get an abortion next time the condom breaks.

Decide if it's worth it. Because if he thinks it's worth it, you have so much work ahead of you. It can be worth it, though.

I would remember that when you two were going through hard times, he was, too. I would read and read websites like loveisrespect ect and remember to fight fair. And if he refuses to improve and communicate, that is emotional abuse and you should leave him.

I would also like to add that PPD is a very real issue, and will not get better in time. It can manifest in many ways, and is one of the most common mental health issues that can happen after childbirth.

I had PTSD from a past experience that I don't want to get into now, but my therapist believes that the trauma I experienced opened up that wound again. This is just a set back to my previous progress, and I'm finding it much easier to work through this time around. I don't know your wife's past, but there could be more underlying issues here that she needs to work on.

Yup, because marriage is obviously the end all be all to relationships. Can't have a kid unless you're married, ayy.

>but expecting young virile man to stick with just one nagging women for 20+ years is naive.
That's a gross simplification of the situation. Try not to do that again.

You married a douchebag.

Sucks for your kids. This is why people need to eat mushrooms together before signing a ridiculous contract with governments.