I don’t like my girlfriend wanting to hang out with her friends (guys specifically) and enjoying their company, so whenever she sees friends in public and says hi and chats a bit I walk off ignore her for a bit go cold and make her make it up to me by showing me love.
This weekend she invited me to go to one of her guy friends party, I tried to avoid it, because I fucking hate seeing her around other guys, but I got roped into it. We had plans the next day but I told her we don’t have go through with that because of the party basically threatening to cancel our plans because of how she wants to be with her friends.
At the party I plan on ignoring her and talking to the other guys, hopefully I get there earlier than her and when she turns up I’m not gonna say hi or acknowledge her and make her come up to me.
So my question is am i being an asshole? I am approaching this all with a reward/punishment mentality, reward what I like to see and go distant when she does what I disapprove of. I’m not being abusive by beating her or anything I’m just going distant when she doesn’t do what I like.
Yeah, you're an insecure, manipulative asshole. Stop it. >I’m not being abusive Actually, you are. Abuse is not just physical. You are trying to manipulate her into either leaving you so she can actually have friends or leave all of her friends to be with you. The fact that it bothers you this much shows that you have some deep insecurity issues.
Jackson Clark
Depends how your gf acts around these friends bit you do come off as massively insecure.
Blake Watson
>You are trying to manipulate her into either leaving you so she can actually have friends or leave all of her friends to be with you
I’m more looking at it like I don’t wanna get cucked but I’m not doing the whole typical controlling overbearing boyfriend thing who is constantly checking up on where she is, but I’m also not rewarding her when I see things I don’t like. I could be completely wrong I’m definately open minded to changing the way I do things because I don’t know any other way, any advice?
Joshua Powell
Saying this as a guy, you're completely wrong. Your whole attitude screams that you're insecure and terrified of other men. That is so repellant to women it's not even funny. It's like you're asking her to cheat on you.
Jeremiah Nguyen
She has told me a couple of times she worries I don’t care about her because I never show jealousy and jealousy means I care about her and don’t wanna lose her, she likes it when I’m ‘possessive.’ Does this help you in any way? I think she has daddy issues
Anthony Flores
Honestly, the way you're going about being "possessive" and "jealous" is by behaving in a passive-aggressive manner. That's kind of the opposite of masculine bro.
Isaac Flores
The point is don’t want to be overtly jealous or possessive because that would allow to comfortable in the relationship when she’s doing things that make me uncomfortable, I want her to feel insecure and unsure when she does things I don’t like which theoretically would push her closer to me and cause clingyness in a good way.
Cooper Jones
Yeah your logic is completely wrong, and the way you're doing it is trash as well. And that's putting aside the fact that it's emotionally abusive what you're doing.
Wyatt White
Then what would be better? How Can I achieve a similar result without doing it this way? Or is what I’m trying to do wrong and I should drop it?
Camden Davis
This is all ignoring when I ‘reward’ her.. for example when we have sex I reward her by being extremely loving and giving her lots of attention, hopefully prompting more sex.
Asher Flores
Actually actively make choices rather than being indecisive or passive-aggressive and pouty. In fact, that's a great way to describe your entire strategy: Being pouty when she's around other guys. Why do you think a girl would think that's "possessive"? It's just childish and effeminate. >This is all ignoring when I ‘reward’ her. The "rewarding" is completely irrelevant for how stupid the negative reinforcement you're trying to accomplish is going to work.
Jeremiah Walker
>In fact, that's a great way to describe your entire strategy: Being pouty when she's around other guys
I definately don’t come across as pouty, more as not caring. For example when we’re walking holding hands and she sees a friend and is talking to them I don’t wanna sit there looking like a little bitch while she’s talking to another guy I so I just go on my phone or whatever and when she’s done I put my hand in my pocket so she can’t hold it, while being acting completely oblivious, which makes her work for my attention back because I feel like I just got cucked.
Jonathan Brown
What do you need to do is start getting female friends. You have to give her a taste of her own medicine that's the only way she'll truly understand how you feel so when you go to that party instead of talking to guys at the party you should be talking to girls at the party then you can watch her get jealous and then you can explain to her that that's how you feel when you see her talking to guys.
Daniel Cruz
The thing is I do though and she’s met them and she sees girls flirting and checking me out and stuff and she shows very obvious jealousy including asking who they are saying that they can fuck off etc but I feel like it’s different for a girl to show that sort of jealousy rather than a guy. Not sure why.
Ryder Myers
Your tactic obviously doesn't work because she still goes out of her way to be around other guys both alone without you and right under your nose.
You can bitch and ignore all you want but she loves the attention more and willing to live with your pouting and you can bet she has talked about your pouting to her guy friends and told them to keep the flirting down when you are around.
When she meets new guys and you are hovering she will have one eye on you until you take off and then she can have some time with them without you seeing. Once she's finished hanging with him she'll come find you, tell you a few I love you's and it all good.
Jackson Hernandez
>I definately don’t come across as pouty, more as not caring. You're being pouty dude. Your explanation just hammers home how lame it is.
Charles Turner
>I am extremely insecure and have trust issues
Jaxon Perry
Tbh the ‘attention’ is more of a brotherly thing as far as I can see. I may be exaggerating, things like sticking the middle finger up as she walks past a guy she knows also she calls them fags a lot in a friendly way I think. Not really sure what this all means
Tyler Taylor
come on user, you and I know it doesn't work both ways. you have female friends and your gf goes batshit and believes all you want is to fuck them while she can pretend all her guy friends don't want to fuck her even as she talks about giving blowjobs to keep them interested.
Jaxon Gray
This.
Jaxson White
that is what you see but you don't know what happens as you leave the room. she knows you will eventually
you also don't know who she is really meeting when you aren't around. she may not be interested in her friends but her guys friends bring other guys around when they hang out together. she has a great tactic for attracting new guys, keeping the old and keeping you in check. she knows you are so fearful of losing her she can do most anything and your discomfort is necessary.
My point is, if she really gave a shit she'd back off a little. all her sweet talk and I love you's don't mean anything since they are done in private. no way she wants her guy friends or new guys to believe she's free to do whatever
Parker Carter
I had this conversation with my girlfriend because we both work together and I said to her "your guy friend we work with wants to fuck you". He calls her beautiful all the time and became jealous/distant when we started dating. I even asked her "do you not believe that he would fuck you if you gave him the chance". She said I really got her to think and now she agrees with me that men and women can't be friends because one of them will want to fuck.
Jackson Reyes
>she tells him she wants him to be jealous and possessive >he acts like he's totally uninterested in her when she's around other guys I can't believe there are people who actually think this makes sense.
Oliver Cruz
She mostly stays home a lot. I’m usually over at her house everyday we bang and I leave. The only times she hangs out with these guys is either uni or when she has a specific gathering with them which is extremely rare, only for birthday parties like in this particular case. She also lives with her family and after meeting them they wouldn’t like a lot of unfamiliar people coming over also I feel like her family would tell me if something weird was going on with her.
I’m not really sure what I’m paranoid about once I write this all out because she’s basically constantly with me and doesn’t get out much. Probably petty things like her not responding to my text instantly and things like that.
Luke Miller
Doesn’t it seem like a beta move to just do watch she wants like that?
>if you aren't passive aggressive, you're showing emotion, and therefore beta As I said, you're beyond help.
Kevin Bennett
Op here, this was not me.
Andrew Smith
Further proof that men are idiots
Oliver Martin
You could just talk to her about it. Or stop being insecure and jealous Because there are other men on earth.
Aaron Jones
OP I think you're being a bit weird about all this by actively ignoring her and stuff, but to all the people in this thread saying he's insecure and terrified of other men: you're totally wrong.
OP - and anyone, for that matter - is totally justified in worrying that someone might try to flirt with/manipulate their partner, because that's a thing that happens all the time. The difference here - and OP take notice - is that it's a two way street. The girl can either shut that shit down immediately or keep playing along, which is tip toeing into cheating already, and will eventually lead to it if she gives into her lizard brain.
If your girlfriend doesn't think hanging out with other guys is a bad idea, she's either completely naive and hasn't noticed when guy "friends" constantly hit on her, or she's a hoe and is just looking for the next bed to jump into. There really isn't a gray area. Any decent man knows that hanging out with other girls when he's in a relationship is a bad idea, and that should equally be expected of the woman.
I'm not gonna give you a class on how to act around women but women love men who are aloof. So if you want to deny your girl what she loves then maybe her next man will treat her right.
Brody Sanchez
>being passive-aggressive is the same as being aloof >aloofness is the universal language of love virgin detected
Ayden Williams
user, she always knew guys are trying to fuck her she just told you they weren't. Nothing has changed, you think you've won a victory but you haven't. What will change, she will hide from you her guy "friends" now.
Girls always try to manage their bf so they can keep other guys around. If something is disclosed to the bf that proves one or more is actually trying to fuck her the gf has to acknowledge it happened, pretend to share the concern, but will continue and hide better.
Given the choice of keeping her bf or keeping all the guys wanting her and pursuing her she'll eventually ditch the bf, telling him and everyone he is just insecure and jealous.
Grayson Rogers
>Given the choice of keeping her bf or keeping all the guys wanting her and pursuing her she'll eventually ditch the bf, telling him and everyone he is just insecure and jealous. Reading that made my blood pressure go up
>I feel like her family would tell me if something weird was going on with her You would think but that doesn't happen until its too late. I had two ex gfs parents apologize about their daughters behavior but that was after she was caught cheating. In one case the mother was helping her daughter cheat.
Ayden Brown
>she'll eventually ditch the bf, telling him and everyone he is just insecure and jealous. And she'll be both right and justified in OP's case. Guy's an obvious basketcase.
Brandon Perry
Kek this. No matter how buddy-buddy you are with your gf's parents, once your gf is an adult, they aren't gonna meddle. They know by then that it always backfires. And it does.
They're great at apologizing for their daughters though.
Kevin Lee
yeah idiots to put up with a woman that continues to behave as if she is single and available and expects her bf to shut the fuck up
Instead of ignoring or running off the first time a girl does shit like this when you are dating you break up
Leo Howard
>a girl who hangs out with other guys while she has a boyfriend and tries to hide it isn't a basketcase
>They're great at apologizing for their daughters though.
Not my last ex's mom. When my ex started whining about me being controlling and jealous for not wanting her to hang out with a guy from work that obviously wanted to fuck her, her mom encouraged her to hang out with the guy because he was being more supportive. People suck.
Camden Thomas
You're being selfish as fuck, and proving that you're an insecure half man. Sorry OP, this relationship won't last unless you sort yourself out, or unless she's mentally ill.
Brody Hill
>given the choice That's where you're new. I don't give my girlfriend choice and neither should you. Her choices are do as I say or I dump her.
Dominic Butler
>a girl who hangs out with other guys while she has a boyfriend and tries to hide it isn't a basketcase Doesn't sound like she's trying to hide it at all.
In any event, that has no bearing on my assessment of OP as a basketcase. The "girlfriend" may be one as well, but I can't tell.
Jayden White
Look, this girl isn't ready to have any bf and op is foolish to think she is. instead of the loop they are in he should break it off himself now. you are right however, she will run off because she has plenty of choice she has cultivated. where you are a bit wrong is it won't matter what OP says or does
Jayden Richardson
There is no universal language of love. Women love men who are dominant and masculine and men love women who are submissive and feminine. You're problem is you treat men and women as equal. You want a girl who is agreeable and emotional so you act agreeable and emotional because you think "that's what I want so that must be what girls want." You probably were raised by a single mother who told you "respect women". There's a reason you're single but you have to change if you want to fix it.
Benjamin Martinez
I think you're replying to the wrong person.
Mason Cox
Never ask adv for advice senpai. This thread is full of cucks and female-apologist
Tyler Gonzalez
only a woman could write this post. >if you don't wholeheartedly support me you're abusive, someone call 911
Anthony Diaz
>if you don't immediately and indiscriminately agree with every idea that comes out of my mouth you're a controlling jealous insecure beta male
David Brown
You are being emotionally abusive. Hopefully she realizes this before you get worse.
Jace Adams
You're manipulative, and an asshole, but that's a natural feeling. But for the sake of the relationship you should stop or she'll leave and/or cuck you. Even worse, she'll manipulate you back and pop out a child and then make you pay child support when she dumps you.
