Just spent an hour waiting for someone to pick up on the suicide prevention hotline...

Become a Buddhist and realize that all of life is suffering. Once you accept this you will find joy and letting go of trying to make everything perfect.

Have you tried to clean your room?

I gotcha user. Do you respect your dad still? Are you two friends at least?

I converted to theravada Buddhism 3 months ago. It hasn't helped much.
It's the cleanest room in the house.

Not in the slightest. We like some of the same things, but ever since I was a kid he'd rather watch the TV than go do something.

>I have to help pay bills
>I also don't want to leave mom behind
Those sound like decent reasons not to kill yourself for starters, not that I'm trying to argue against you here. Is there anything you can do to confront your brother? Or is that to do with your family 'hating each other'?

My brother is legitimately autistic, not even joking. He won't listen. I'd rather be dead than have to see my mom suffer everyday. At least I'd know she'd be with me soon.

So I don't think I can offer much in terms of intervention, but what do you want to talk about?

I know I've said it a lot but at this point I don't know. I've been talking to people about the "plan" I've made, but nobody really knows because I haven't told anybody the true nature of it.

>It's the cleanest room in the house.
Then your definition of "your room" is wrong.
Get your house in order.
Get your life in order.
Stand up for yourself at work.
Try a diet that works for you.

Well I'm just jumping in, but what is the plan senpai?

The suicide hotline honestly sucks. Don't sweat that bit.
I truly sympathize with what you are going through right now. You are very strong for putting up with the shit you've put up with. People crack under less, and you haven't broken yet.
I've been in the same place you've been a few times before. It does get better. One important tip for you right now is to focus on yourself. Failure, death, is not an option. You cannot kill yourself. You have to do everything you can so that you survive. One user suggested that you become a leader within the house; that could work. But if that doesn't work, get out. Your family will be forced to change, and that will likely mean your brother having to get a job, or at least it should mean that. Therapy definitely works too. One tip on that I have to give is to be perfectly honest. Maybe, you shouldn't spew to some asshole, but certainly after you see them once and get a good vibe, then by all means tell all. With complete honesty, you will get through your problems so much faster.
I wish you the best and know you can do it.

JFC I said senpai, not senpai. I didn't even know that could autocorrect here.

that is F A M not senpai god damnit.

>Already tried asking Jow Forums before and the advice I got worked for a while
I did pretty much everything you said. House went back to the way it was. I've been eating a plant based diet and I take supplements, health's been declining still.
I know it sounds like high grade faggotry, but I've really always wanted to go to Japan. I'm planning on going to every island, play fighting games at the actual arcades, go to some nice restaurants, and then jump in front of the train on the last day.

I appreciate the kind words, user.

Nah dude that isn't high grade faggotry. Other than jumping in front of the train, that sounds pretty sweet. I've wanted to get out of the country for years just to see things from the other side. It actually would probably be high grade faggotry not to go check it out.

I made plans with my last ex to go there, but that relationship tanked. I still have the money I've been saving since then, I don't want it to go to waste. People would say that it would be a waste to go do all this awesome shit and then die, but I'd be helping businesses along the way.

>I was a faggot in another way.
Whatever you say.

Well hey at least you have the money. I guess if you are set on this path and really want to die afterwards, that is your decision. I can speak for myself in saying that I'd like to hear about your experiences out there. Maybe don't burn all the money, but that sounds like a fantastic life experience.

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Well no need to be rude.

I'm probably going to write about it somewhere, I don't know where yet. I'd love to share the experience as a parting gift to the world but I don't know where I would.

Ever try opening up to your dad? Some nuts can be tough to crack but that might help if you try a bit.

ive never been on this website before but i saw this and felt like i needed to say something... why do you feel like suicide is the only option?

He lacks empathy and is fucked up on anti depressants. Believe me when I say I've tried.

I've talked to hundreds of people about it, people I know, people I don't know, all the advice hasn't worked. Some people really are just meant to die earlier than others, you know? I guess I've just been hard wired to want that early death and nothing can really "re-wire" me.

Fair enough. A life experience is a valuable gift. If you don't mind my asking, it seems like you tie a lot of your life experiences to your family. Is there any reason why you let their lives influence you so significantly?

My family hails from the South, so the mantra of "family is most important" has been drilled into my head since my early years.

Fair enough. What part of the south are you from? I assume the U.S. I moved down to Florida and I can kinda see what you are saying here.

What country are you in? Is there any kind of social support for people like him or your brother?

What's the difference between abandoning your mother for another city and abandoning her for death? Both leave her in a difficult situation and the latter will leave her heartbroken. Could you move to another city and send her a bit of money to help keep her afloat?

Really does sound awful though OP, I hope you find a way through it

I wasn't born in the south, but mom's from Georgia and Texas, family's pretty much been here since the 1600s, and dad's family is Euro-Brazilian, moved to Texas in the 1800s

I'm in the US. When I die I know she'll join me, we pretty much keep each other going but she's just been slowing down a lot. I'd rather be waiting for her in death than having to wait years to meet her in death.

i dont believe that nothing can really "re-wire" you, i just believe you havent found what can yet.. i know it is definitely hard, and i know whatever i say probably wont help in the slightest but please dont kill yourself.. Take the trip to japan, it sounds nice. Experience what you want to, you deserve that with everything going on in your life. I know when that last day comes there is nothing i can do to stop you from jumping in front of that train, but before you do, think of the amazing time youve just spent in japan, think of your mother, think of anything that might make you smile. Think of this message. We are complete strangers i know that, but despite that fact, i dont want you to die. im sorry i really dont know what to say other then i genuinely do hope your life starts to look up at some point.

I really appreciate the message, but I need to clarify (I'm bad at explaining.) I'm not worried about getting better at this point, I'm just worried about snapping and doing something worse to someone else.

So just out of curiosity, if life went unexpectedly well, how would it go for you OP?

Wow. I've never heard of the suicide hotline fucking up like that. I've called it six times in the past two years, and they've been IMMENSELY helpful each time. You need to look into mental health facilities in your area, pronto. The suicide hotline is usually really good on that, they were for me all six times. But now you have to do it yourself, and I'm greatly sorry they fucked up like that.

If its alright for me to ask, what are you worried about doing?

Family would be happy to see each other every day, living with qt. That's really all I want but 2 years has really been long enough for me to see it's not going to change. I've been out of state to talk to people, and nothing. I've accepted this fate. All I want to do now is talk to some cool ass anons about my situation, you've been extremely helpful.

Murder. That's all I'm comfortable with saying atm.

you say youve accepted this fate? is there nothing that can change your mind? nothing at all that might make you feel even slightly better and not go through with ending your own life..?

I don't want to be presumptuous, but are pleasant family relations mostly what you want? And hey I'm glad I can be good company. How do you feel about seeking the U.S. before you make any big decisions?

I mean, maybe winning a fighting game tournament would be cool, but I really don't want to waste time grinding for that. I'd rather do something productive in my last days.
Seeking the US? Not sure what you mean.

Oh that was my bad. I meant seeing the U.S.

I've been to pretty much everywhere in the US that I already want to, one of the reasons why I'm going to Japan as opposed to a different state. Also yeah, good family is what I want. Was seriously planning on marrying my ex because her family was fucking awesome, but she kept using my politics against me in irl situations to put me down, so I cut off all contact. Before the election she was the sweetest girl you'd ever meet.

if winning a fighting game tournament means enough to you not to end your life, then is it really wasting time grinding for it? if its something you think would be cool then grind for it. if it means that much to you, then it is productive

I'd rather be doing things like saving more money for Japan or making sure my mom is okay before I leave.

So if you don't mind my asking, what was the political straw that broke the camels back here?

then do those things, stay with your mum until she is okay. you see? there are things you still care about, so focus on those.. focus on those things that take your mind off ending your life.. focus on your mum, and winning a tournament.. i dont know what else to say, i wish i could be of more help. theres nothing i can say to stop you from making your own choices, i just hope things work out eventually

I said that I don't believe churches should have to marry gays, and she found out from that I was conservative. She would tell people that I voted for Trump even when I didn't want people knowing. I'm in California too, so I lost a few friends and potential friends from it. Called me homophobic and racist in conversations, seemed like she valued her agenda over me.
I'd ask for contact info cause you seem like a cool dude but I'm not sure I feel comfy not being anonymous

Well from hearing your side, I'm pretty liberal and bisexual, but churches should never ever be FORCED to marry gays. Idk what else you said, but if it was just based on that, that is some bullshit my dude. I guess depending on what else you supported on his agenda, maybe you should be in a position where you should defend the beliefs, but its far from my position to make any assumptions. Conservatism is not the enemy of democracy generally speaking.

Not the guy that originally asked, but that sounds pretty awful that she did that. From a liberal, I'm sorry some of us are like that.

i completely understand if you want to remain anonymous, like i said ive never used this site before but if theres a way we can get in contact while you can stay anonymous id be happy to? just to talk or whatever if you need

That's pretty much all I told her. I don't even like talking politics, she just asked my opinion and I got baited. I'm not even really that conservative.

p much all I have is phone because I deleted my social media stuff and haven't been on steam in 200 days. I'll post my # if you want me to

I'm sorry. It sounds like you got screwed by partisan politics. It's getting easier and easier to happen in this environment. Honestly you just seem like a pretty cool person who got screwed by circumstance.

Such is life here in California.

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its up to you, if you want to post it ill be happy to talk whenever. im not sure how much international texts cost though. either or that or if you had an email? i dont mind, im happy to talk either way

[email protected]
email me then I can email you my number

How much longer are you gonna be out here?

Until Japan probably.

Test

Oh I meant this Jow Forums thread lol

Not sure, been up for a day or two and I'm probably going to catch up on sleep cause I have the weekend off.

Though I do want to go out my way to say you seem like a pretty cool dude. So I hope you stick around in some way.

Thanks dude. You're pretty good yourself.

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Understandable. But for real my dude, don't just accept California as your life. Clearly you are capable or more than you give yourself credit for. You've earned a great adventure. Go to Japan. Experience something new. Meet new people. Create your own family. Make life worth living. You ever need someone to talk to, let me know, Ill drop an email or something. But only for a bit cause this is Jow Forums after all.

When the time comes to go to Japan I'll probably post a follow-up.

i've emailed you if you want to talk. if you dont want to, its fine, i entirely understand :)

didn't get one.

So suicide prevention is giving you the thrill, its a tactic they use to nake sure you care enough to keep coming back and yes they have people on but they also use other forms of liberal media to help, and you arent sure what to do besides talk about wanting to beat daigo and talking about maybe going to Japan with your ex girlfriend that hates your liberal notions on what gays should get without working for it.

First off. Fuck fags man. Theyre trouble for the most part.
Second off youre in good standing so dont worry about the prevention line and just make sure you dont have to have a reason to give them any real info because its when you do that that the whole thing has to start making turns until youve reached the end of the thrill because suspense pays off in multitudes and the thrill of the chase is really more than just having something to offer yourself at the end of it. Shes probably waiting for you to say something along those lines sos you can show youre ready to fight for something. Gays arent important enough in your life any way to warrant ruining that relatinship no matter how short sighted she may have been. Its your only girfriend man, work at it wirhout putting things between you.
Cont.

i sent one to the email you gave? was it the correct email?

If you want to keep in touch, send something indicating its you to this: [email protected]. We can go from there

I'll make a throwaway hold on

Third, fighting games are cool and japan is awesome but if its to play fighting games just go to so cal and run around the LA scene for a bit, three majors a week or so and lots of places to play if youre willing to drive to within 60 miles, about a half hour drive between the scenes.
Japan gaming is mostly 3rd strike, sf3, and other old style games along with 4. Its the bigger part of the scenes anyway with the special exclusions, and i say this with a bias for the old scene and games 13 years or so that the place is awesome for lots more reasons than that but being that you arent in the best of spirits and probably not very good yet there isnt much the place can offer you outside of some perspective. To you it might be grind more, to me it would be get to know one of them really well and have them to show you off to their friends.
Ill probably be emailing you too just to be sure youre good. This shit is not enough for that but if its just a friend to talk to, someone did this for me a few years back and by golly I owe him one.

let me know

[email protected]

>[email protected]
Check your stuff and go from there

You can't reply on this email, fuck this, I'll post my number but I'm deleting it in like 10 minutes (916)-837-4947

My dude 9408674394

mods pls delete

Go outside and get sunlight
Sleep right
Excercise
Eat right

I just got in the thread but I texted you bro

Spamming thread to get mods to actually do their jobs the one time a thread needs to get deleted what the fuck you retard janitors

Forgot to post a dumb ass pic

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jesus that guy is like 2% bodyfat

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Why your dad can't work OP?
By the way, a common salary can carry a family, unless you have to pay a big or luxury house.
Your brother is really an autistic or just a fuckwit?

What about helping your mother seeking a better paid job or support her for 1 or 2 years while certified herself into some job that can pay her enough or maybe even more?

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Maybe find some work you love so you can escape with work, for example helping other people or what ever the fuck you like

I learned salvation was a women only thing.