anons I don't really know what to do, my parents told me a couple of days ago that they're divorcing
both my brother and I left the country 5+ years ago and it's highly unlikely that either will move back any time soon; my parents are already fairly old like 57, my brother and I are around 30
I'm supposed to skype call them today but I have no clue what to do or to say
has anyone gone through this? any advice? is there anything I can say or do to keep them together?
If they are unhappy with each other let them break up. When my parents broke up my sister constantly made a fuss about it and just caused more stress. Just try not to pick a side and don't let them bitch about each other to you.
Would you rather they were together and miserable?
but I don't think they were miserable, they just can't seem to properly discuss their issues and escalate to this kind of shit
I just want them to be nicer and more open with eachother and now they pull this shit
I don't even know if they were really that unhappy, they went traveling together a ton in the last years
they never really bothered trying to improve on their faults, and they do have some of course
and wtf will I do when they're really old? I'm just worried about them desu
These things do happen and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. Even in long marriages it can happen that the couple decides splitting up is the best solution.
yea I dunno, I've been single for quite a while now and stuff like this scares me and makes me think that even on the off-chance that I might find someone there are literally no guarantees and it makes me feel even worse desu
my control-freak mom passed some of that onto me and the idea that the little that I (might) have can all blow up in my face at any moment sucks; they were one of the few examples in my head that it can eventually all work out fine
Many marriages work out just fine. The bottom line is that you can never know what will happen years down the road.
If you're an adult and even moved out this shouldn't affect you. It's their lives, they'll do their thing.
>They aren't able to properly discuss their issues
Nigguh you ever been in a relationship! I've got two ltrs under my belt. My current one of 5 years is fantastic.
My first however, you get to this point when you aren't properly matched where you literally even hate them for how they chew.
Our parents generation, they were under so much pressure to marry so young, and to stay together period, that a lot of then are mismatched and seeing it through decades of children.
Even if your parents married in their (late 20s?) They weren't a part of this whole cultural shifted aversion to marrying the wrong person or staying when you did.
>this shouldn't affect you
of course it will, I'll have to visit them separately, call them separately, they'll both need more attention
I'm not saying that's my main issue but it does affect us
If they are not wanting to work things out through counseling or something similar then they probably should just get it over with. Mine got a divorce when I was 17 ( I'm now a couple of years older than you) and it made home life a lot better for me. Just like the other user said don't take sides or put up with one parent bad mouthing the other, there is bound to be bitterness that can't be avoided but they should have enough respect for you or your siblings to realize it is still your mother/ father they are talking about and to just not go there
ok I guess there's little doubt about it from what you anons are saying, there's nothing I can really do besides be calm about it and there for them if they somehow need it and if it gets fixed it'll be by their own will
I hate being in a position where I literally cannot do anything to improve the situation
thank you all for your thoughts and advice
You can't expect this kind of common courteously from the average human being. Everyone is petty and spiteful except for those who actively fight their nature and make a point to be a pleasant person. If your parents were married for 30+ years and they couldn't figure out how to properly communicate they should not be together.
Also what is their financial situation? My parents divorced last year due to personality issues (dad was abusing Lyrica) and my father ended up dead within months. He had thrown himself into 40k of debt and opened credit cards illegally in my mother's name.
they're fairly well off, they wanna sell the house in the suburbs, split the money and move back into the city; they have an extra apartment and a studio, and dunno what'll happen to one of my grandma's apartment; they don't have money problems and if it comes to it my brother and I make more than enough to help them out
they both still work anyway, unless they end up doing something really stupid I don't think money is an issue
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, user; I guess from that point of view my situation isn't that bad
the parents of a friend of mine also divorced somewhat recently and after one his grandpa's died and his mom was finally free to travel and live her life she got cancer a year later =(
You’ll live
My parents divorced when l was in elementary school
>you'll live
ofc I will, everyone will, but it's unlikely that anyone will be happier
Don’t worry they won’t and there’s nothing you can do about it
Maybe your mom will go into a depression and turn gay like mine
Maybe your dad will get desperate and marry again to an angry cat lady like mine
Maybe none of that will happen who knows
It doesn’t matter, none of this matters
>fifty fucking seven
>getting a divorce
Full blown retarded
Just be happy they didn't divorce during your adolescence and you had, presumably, a good upbringing from both parents during your formative years.
I love how these threads always bring out the "they need to work out their differences!" teenager retards.
what a useful contribution user
More useful than the posts of teenager virgins.
no, not really, you've added nothing of worth, it's an empty observation
I appreciate the bumps tho
answer posted for you in the other thread op
so I just called with them and they said they "kind of made up", then my brother decided to yell at them and blame them for everything I told him I'll kick him out of the call if he doesn't calm down and so he left the call
anyway, they didn't really tell me anything about wtf happened, apparently they had a similar attempt a couple of months ago that they never told me about, simply put they haven't told me jack shit about themselves
so I asked why did they make up anyway and they couldn't tell me either, they said they're "trying again" and when I asked if they're actually gonna try to figure things out constructively we kinda hit a dead end
basically I don't have high hopes for them in the long run, they don't seem to be capable to discuss and that's probably what will be the end of it anyway
it took me literally years to get out of this way of being, whether they want to or not parents really do imprint their faults on their own kids
"no user we can't go into all this stuff it's personal" nigga we're fucking family who the fuck do you talk about things if it's not close friends and family that's literally my point that it's personal and we should be able to fucking talk about it that's how I fucking ruined a great relationship in my 20s by being a closed fucking retard who blew up 4 years later
I feel like shit and with just about no hope for anything in life anymore, humanity has a long way to go before it can live with itself
in hindsight I was also dumb and should've said that I'll leave the call rather than saying ill kick my brother out of it, but I texted him afterwards to sort of apologize and explain why we shouldn't yell and be mean to our parents now of all times...
the irony being that he's married; how the heck do some people not think "if I were these people how would I feel if my own son would be yelling at me after I've already been in a difficult thing with my wife for years"
it was just such a childish reaction
Were they happy before?
I don't even know anymore user, what would that mean anyway
my mom said they would indeed be happier if they stayed together, for what that's worth
Yeah, boss. I've been there and it really sucks, though my parents split up when I was still a kid. It's like the others said, accept that you can't fix the situation and continue to love them. Don't pick sides and don't let them make you pick sides, and know that while it's painful now it's better than a toxic relationship. You'll get through it, I know it's tough, but you will.