Why does my boyfriend treat me with no respect or care about me whatsoever...

Yeah, I'm the idiot who doesn't know shit on a board full of suicidal teens who want a gf/bf while being in my 30s and in a happy marriage.

I sure didn't come to my conclusions about women after years of dating many different ones and being around them for extended period of time. Not while growing up with three sisters, helping raise five nieces, or anything like that.

By just mentioning how most women enjoy conflict on a fundamental level I must be an edgy moron or something.

Kids these days.....

Again, I'm amazed that you managed to grow up with three sisters, help raise five nieces and get married and still have such an idiotic grasp on the concept of codependence. Your conclusions are retarded. Its like you've been exposed to an incredible wealth of knowledge about people and why they behave the way they do yet you've learned so little.

Let me, a suicidal teen, teach your old ass some new tricks. What OP is describing is classic codependence. The assertion that she's purposefully creating an abusive relationship so that she has stories to tell her friends later is probably the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. Basically she can't leave because she's recreating some kind of trauma or reliving some sort of emotional vacuum from her childhood. If you had all paid attention to anything happening in front of your face for the past 30 years you probably would have noticed that people's relationships with their parents and past traumas are huge indicators of what their relationships are going to be in the future. Sticking around in a relationship where someone treats you like shit strongly indicates some serious self esteem issues and a desperate need for validation. Chances are she has either been abused or had a fucked up relationship her dad so, naturally, she recreates this relationship with the other men in her life. She can't leave because even though the fighting and abusive behavior is so painful the times that he's nice and gives her the validation she's so desperate for is deeply affirming for her. She's hypnotically attracted to the dysfunction because for some bizarre reason the human mind likes to recreate trauma. Even though it is painful and damaging, its easier for our brains to maintain patterns we're familiar with then break out of its conditioning and try something new, especially if we've been raised with zero self-esteem.

So, in summary, read a fucking book, dude. You're dumb as hell.

>She's hypnotically attracted to the dysfunction
So in other words...she's attracted to the conflict. Wow, you sure showed him.

Because you don’t respect yourself.

You just said she is attracted to drama and that isn't why she is leaving, you also said she does it because she is familiar with like it is the norm or something.

Both are what I said, you fucking dunce.

You just slapped 'codependence' on there to try and make it seem like a mental disorder and OP is special. Most women grow up in shit homes these days, it's been that way since the late 70s really.

Some recognize it is garbage and refuse to act that way (like my wife) others just keep the cycle going (like OP and most women in general).

>You just said she is attracted to drama and that isn't why she is leaving
Holy shit you're dumb. Nowhere did I use the word "drama". Being treated like human garbage by your partner is not called "liking drama". Abuse is not "drama". Also, what you said isn't what I've said. I've explained the psychology behind codependence and you insisted that OP likes being treated like shit because it makes fun stories she likes to tell to her friends, which is absolutely retarded.

>you also said she does it because she is familiar with like it is the norm or something.
You have the reading comprehension skills of a fucking gerbil. That's a very disingenuous oversimplification of what I said.

>You just slapped 'codependence' on there to try and make it seem like a mental disorder and OP is special.
Firstly, codependence is a real thing that every psychiatrist, psychologist and normal human person with half a brain has accepted as legitimate psychology. Secondly, what does being special have to do with understanding basic psychology?

>Some recognize it is garbage and refuse to act that way (like my wife) others just keep the cycle going (like OP and most women in general).
Now I know for a fact that you're brain dead if you genuinely think that getting over deep seated childhood trauma is as easy as just deciding not to act a certain way. I'm done talking to you. You are honestly the stupidest person I've encountered on here in quite a while.

>So, in summary, read a fucking book, dude. You're dumb as hell.
>The assertion that she's purposefully creating an abusive relationship so that she has stories to tell her friends later is probably the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.
> If you had all paid attention to anything happening in front of your face for the past 30 years
>Constantly attacking the other user with void arguments.

Wow, You sure are the edgiest kid on town.

>Cherry picks the specific parts of the post that irritates you and ignores the rest of the information because you have no intelligent rebuttal.

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So she's attracted to conflict then? Thanks for clearing that up.

Being too stubborn to recognize someone is saying the same thing but worded differently is pretty bad.

>getting over childhood trauma is as easy as not acting a certain way

Don't think that was even remotely implied anywhere.

>Haha you are dumb.
Wow, you sure know how to argue.

Not him and I mostly agree with you, however you really do get over a trauma by deciding to abandon your usual modus operandi. It is not easy by any means, but that is literally how it's done. Personal accountability is still a thing even with traumas and mental illnesses.

Changing your lifestyle habits is like picking up a 200 pound stone with your bare hands.

It's piss easy to figure out what you need to do. (Grab the rock and lift)

But doing it is the real bitch.

You're boyfriend has probably turned you into his mother figure and is resentful that you aren't being his perfect mom. Abort mission.

I'm literally a child abuse victim with PTSD and OCD, user. I know how difficult it is, but a change is possible and you are the only one who can make it happen. Pretending that trauma ruins your life forever and you don't have any agency anymore helps no-one, especially not trauma victims.

>So she's attracted to conflict then? Thanks for clearing that up.
Again, abuse is not "conflict". "Conflict" relationships and "dramatic" relationships aren't the same things as abusive relationships. I really don't have any more patient to teach you basic english.

>Being too stubborn to recognize someone is saying the same thing but worded differently is pretty bad.
Firstly, not worded "differently", worded incorrectly. Secondly my qualm is with more than his wording, its with his entire oversimplification of human behavior and his assertion that codependence is just some fancy thing I made up to make OP seem special.

>Don't think that was even remotely implied anywhere.
Read this sentence right here
>Some recognize it is garbage and refuse to act that way
I think it was more than remotely implied.

You still haven't provided any counter argument. Condescending sarcasm is not a substitute for actually having intelligent rebuttals to things you don't agree with.

You get over trauma with therapy. I think you really underestimate just how deeply our childhoods program us to behave a certain way. If human beings were capable of being truly objective about their behavior then I don't think psychiatry or psychology would be a thing because we could all just fix ourselves. People need guidance. That's why therapy exists. I do agree with personal accountability but in the sense that I don't hold people accountable for their issues, I hold them accountable for their recovery. At some point OP is going to have to make the decision to seek help for her codependence and take control of it. It sucks that she's in the position she's in but only she can be responsible for fixing it. I'm not here to justify someone in continuing to make harmful decisions, just pointing out the universally acknowledged fact that fucked up childhoods fuck people up and it takes a lot of work to reprogram dysfunctional early development.

probably figured out youre a dumb whore and is using you for the remainder of the relationship. haha bitch

>Again, abuse is not "conflict".
SeeYou stated exactly what the other guy said, don't try to warp it.

Therapy is helpful, but I think that people overestimate it. A therapist can make you see certain things, but they can't make you change your ways. That's on you. Ultimately, you are the only one who can save yourself.

>Nearly all intentionally start fights with their boyfriends over stupid shit just for drama.

Bet that's also why he started "being a jerk"

You wrote a lot of words I'm not going to read because I know it boils down, back there in your head, to whining about soggy knees.

Ouch. The psychology major got blasted pretty hard in this thread.

Literally just dump him. There is no reason not to

Why would some women rather be with 5 times divorced wife beater rather than with anybody else?

slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/

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They are attracted to drama

>You stated exactly what the other guy said, don't try to warp it.
I didn't. Your reading comprehension needs some work. He stated that she started all the drama in her relationship because she wanted stories to tell her friends later and I state that she is attracted to abusive relationships because of some past trauma. Two completely different statements. Additionally, the world conflict implies mutual battle between two people. Abuse is an entirely different word. A pedophile does not have a "conflict" with a child, he abuses them. Seriously, I'm not going to be your dictionary. You have the internet, look this shit up.

I think people underestimate therapy more than anything. A therapist is like a gym. The equipment and resources are there but if you don't go and put in the work nothing is going to change. I'm not implying therapy is a magic fix. Nobody is going to do the fixing for you. Therapy is immensely helpful, the same way a physical trainer is helpful. They can show you new exercises and stretches and all sorts of techniques you didn't know before but putting those things into application will always be up to you.

>I'm going to criticize you for saying something that I didn't bother to read.
Post discarded.

Its not that I was opposed to having a debate about the legitimacy of codependence or the effects of trauma on early development but no one even attempted to give an intelligent response.

An user stated 'you like drama' and followed it up with a statement you disagreed with.

Then you stated that they 'were attracted to conflict for an unhealthy reason'.

These mean the same thing but are worded differently. That is what people are trying to tell you. The reason they aren't debating you is because they agree with you and the other user's statement of the OP not leaving because of her attraction to conflict/drama even if it is unhealthy.

You seem to think the second part of his post somehow negates the first. You may disagree with that part, but you are in agreement with the main point.

It's like two people saying the earth is round, but one says it is round because of A and the other for B and the person arguing for B is looking for affirmation that the earth is round to prove person A wrong when that isn't even up for question as it is an agreed upon concept.

*im new here*
"abuse is not conflict"

You've conflated abusive/traumatic relationships experienced as a child, with the free thinking, free willed adults.
It is literally the definition of conflict, if you have the choice to walk away, and decide to stay on

no one ever said all conflict is a even fight, just that you decided to fight

about 3ish months ago, when we got into our first major fight. after that it's been constant. At this point all we talk about is our relationship and fight about our relationship so we definitely talk about the issues (at least on my end, he seems to not really want to). i'm not sure what else to do here.

lol this actually might be true i've had one of the shittest childhoods you could imagine.

Because he knows what he's doing. For some reason women like being treated like garbage. I'm sure a bunch of white knights will flood into here and tell me how I'm wrong and they treat women with respect.

You know, there was a girl I really liked. My heart burst for her. You know what she did, she left me for another guy. She came back, but only because I started being distant. I started being a piece of shit and never returned her calls. I called her names, and all but ignored her. Everyday, she came back. I hated being that person, in fact I didn't even want to be with her anymore because she already broke my heart. But for some reason treating her like a dog made it so I couldn't even get rid of her.

See, and that's the thing about women like you. I don't mean to attack you, maybe you're very confused. But there are tons of guys that would be with you and worship the very ground you walk on. They would probably suck your dirty ass toes after a long day of work if you told them to. But that's not what you want, you like being treated like garbage. That's why you stay with this guy. When you hit 30 you'll wonder where all the good guys went and why your friends have stable relationships.

>nothing but fighting and fucking
ideal relationship desu

My psychologist says it's a pattern. If you always date abusive men you're likely seeking that specific kind of person. We tend to go in circles and build ourselves certain standards, consciously or subconsciously.

>why does my boyfriend treat me with no respect or care about me whatsoever?
because he never respected you or cared about you and played nice and now he's bored with playing. He stays around because you give him pussy on demand.

>all this muh trauma horseshit itt
fuck knows what changed, only he can answer that one. stop engaging every time he starts picking a fight and quit picking them yourself. and no: "but he makes me so angry/pushes my buttons/deliberately eggs me on" is not an excuse for indulgence. somebody's gotta start the self-control party and if he's stubbornly insistent on being a fucking babby then it either all falls to you or it all falls apart. again. your choice. chances are you're being a babby about something(s) too and he's just not said anything because men are goddamn retarded like that more often than not.

as for why you can't leave? you can leave. you're choosing not to. it's a won't that feels like a can't. also you already know why you don't want to leave, you said it yourself right there in the op
>he used to be the perfect boyfriend
you found him. against all odds you two managed to find each other. and then he fucked off without actually going anywhere. you don't wanna leave because you know the incredible man you fell for is in there somewhere and you're hoping he'll stop being a fucking turbofaggot niggerwhore of babylon and come back out soon.

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Have you let him out it in your butt?

You should probably leave him. Tell him "I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore" and list off the reasons why if he asks.
If you still want to work things out (don't), try to talk about this issue with him.

Because he's handsome and can't get any better.
Or on rare occasions, they are really messed up mentally.