How do you teach abstinence to your children without using shaming language...

abstinence-only doesn't work and actually ends up with the opposite desired effect

There is nothing for me to respond to, there. Congrats.

When all there mates are having sex in the future and you tell them to wait for a very long time, they probably won't listen. You're probably better off telling them to wait for when they are ready, do it with someone they really are in love with and do it safely.

Also, I'm unsure if 8 and 9yo is too early.

I also agree with this post.

>abstinence only doesn't work
This op, have sex with them first so they really understand what it's about.

States with abstinence-only sex education have the highest teenage pregnancy and std rates for some strange reason.

Because everything you said is a fantasy, right? You live in some strange world where having sex is a bad thing and people get shunned for it.

This is basically what my parents told me and I waited until I was 23 and with a girl I thought I was going to marry

Is at least one of your kids a girl? Congratulations, you will become a grandpa at an early age, since she will get knocked up before finishing high school.

This. Teaching your kids sex is bad and not letting them understand that humans are a sexual species will make them turbulent and sexual when hormones come around. Teach them what sex is and how to do it safely is important. This doesn't mean you can't say 'value yourself more than sex' and shit that increases their self esteem.

>Because everything you said is a fantasy, right?
Why is your first thought that I'm fabricating a scenario? I partook in the bullying, have witnessed the bullying, and was related experiences by girls close to me. Based on these experiences, I'm going to tell my children it's not a good idea because the shame isn't worth it.

I don't know. I don't know if there's any way to actually control your children once they pass puberty.

My dad accidentally had me when he was young, and he always told me from a young age "wrap it up, don't make a mistake". The girl I lost it to was a very sheltered girl, cute. But raised to do good in school. She only thought to do good in school, but it's not hard to break down barriers and fuck her. She got lucky, just teenage love and her dad never knew about it and it didn't fuck up her life. Same for me, I didn't get some girl pregnant.

However I don't think there is anything you can do to stop teens from fucking. I grew up poor and in a rough neighborhood. I knew chicks that waited until marriage to have sex. Chicks that acted like they were about it and smoked weed with rough-necks like us, but waited. I also knew chicks that grew up in the suburbs, had two golden retrievers and a pool in the backyard. They played piano and soccer, but were complete fucking whores.

Why does everyone assume teens just won't follow their parents advise especially if their parents raised them well and have good relationship with them?

>didn't fuck up her life

you were just the first of many

Where do you live where people get bullied and shamed for having sex? Saudi Arabia?

That's not it. Encouraging abstinence based only on sex is icky or some other form of shame as a consequence doesn't work. That's generally what is referred to when people disparage abstinence.

>dad everyone else is doing X why can't I it sounds like so much fun and I want to try it too
>because I say it's bad

It's natural for kids to want to rebel but on big issues if they are raised right I agree with you

People? Your average mother fuckers? No one cares. Children? Teenagers? High school students, this thread being about children? Those are the jerks. I lived in Virginia and now live in California.

what a strawman. You are assuming the parent isn't imparting values and their beliefs. Why is it assumed the teaching abstinence means they believe sex is bad?

I mean good god every American television show for young adults had an episode on this very topic. One of George Lopez's most famous arcs is Carmen getting harassed by boys and girls at her school for the notion that she might've had sex with another boy. That's a thing that happens. I'm quite surprised you never witnessed such a thing, even on television.

and what I mean, is the story of two girls.

You had Shannon. Who grew up poor with us in the city. By every measure this girl should have been fucked six ways from Sunday by the dudes. Her older sister had a boyfriend that she was fucking, but she didn't. Of course we needled her about her, tried to tease her about being a virgin. But this chick held fast. Parents were divorced, mom most likely smoked crack like mine did, just generally poor. But she held fast. She's still a good friend to this day and I respect her.

Now take Jenn, who grew up in the suburbs. Same school district, but she grew up with everything in her favor. Had an inground pool in the backyard, two nice dogs, a family that was together. She played piano and was on the school's soccer team. She decided she'd rather slum it with the guys and got fucked so many times. I don't know what she's doing right now, I'm sure she's smoking crack with some loser.

So I honestly don't know. I'm older right now, but I couldn't imagine raising a daughter. Like I said, you had one that grew up from a broken home that saved herself and another chick with everything in front of her toss it all away. Women are weird.

scarymommy.com/teaching-abstinence-without-shaming-child/

here's a good article for you OP

m8 it doesn't take a genius to know that the rich girl's parents imparted no values unto her, and that the poor girl made her own values based on her life experiences.

They're honestly more likely to be cool if you treat them like adults on this. Did not shield them from sex Ed or they'll learn from their friends and porn, etc... And then explaining this is "what we believe and value in our family" and make them feel they have a choice in the matter without judgement.

That's your best bet. Because times changed, youll have a fuck of a time making them hold onto such a thing, and outright being a dick about it and they'll rebel. It's not like the 40s. Kids can get away with a fuck of a lot more, with a lot less shame from their peers.

"My way or else" won't work and "these are our values and why" might.

But there's no sure fire way and you're probably fucked.

That's the definition of abstinence: teaching kids that sex is bad.

No its not. How can you arrive to this conclusion

How is "don't have sex" not teaching kids that sex is bad?

Ah, the good ol' "Teach them not to have sex to increase their chances of underage pregnancy and STDs" trick. That never gets old.

You could just explain what sex is, give them resources, maybe explain the benefits of oral over penetrative, and not be, as we say here on Jow Forums,

> f u c k i n g r e t a r d e d

Well that's the whole point buddy. Tell me how a girl who grew up rough with a bunch of horny boys saved herself for marriage, no one to tell her any values. If we could have, we would have fucked the shit out of her.

Where did she get her values from, it wasn't from us.

>Where did she get her values from
Her life experiences man c'mon. The divorce of her parents, along with whatever her sister was up to, allowed her to conclude, on her own,
>This probably isn't for me right now.
You've never learned something about yourself that you concluded on your own from your own experiences? She sounds like a great gal you should wife her.

bets on OP being part of a wm/af couple?

Would you want your 15 year old daughter to get pregnant? Since she’s a minor, you’re now mandatorily responsible for helping her take care ofnthe baby. If she was an adult, then it would be her responsibility

>values
Interesting way to spell "retardation". Very few men would marry a girl who wants to wait until marriage, and it's certainly not the top, just the opposite.

She's a very good friend, an actual woman I consider a friend. She's pretty cool.
>wife her
You're probably right.

not true, it works, when done correct, which often it isn't

Hey I'm not the one asking for advice here, I just gave my experience. She's a very good friend, and I'm sure she'd make a fine wife...I'd rather you guys didn't make me think differently.

Because I had a few beers, now I'm about to start hitting her up.

Question OP.

Realistically, they may not wait that far. But why not teach them they should wait until they are with someone they love. In a committed, safe, and trustworthy relationship?

I totally agree with discouraging them from casual sex

Oh, so you're ignoring facts now. Super.

Yeah, so we've already explained in this thread that abstinence only education leads to higher levels of teenage pregnancy and STDs, and you're voluntarily ignoring this information because you think your opinion on whether they should have sex or not matters.

Give them condoms, explain what safe sex is, and the chances that they get pregnant will go down. Either OP grows the fuck up and learns how to be responsible in the face of risk, or they afford their children an increased risk of pregnancy. You cannot stop your child from having sex at some point, and OP is fucking retarded for believing they're going to be able to keep a constant vigil for the next 10+ years.
Kids can fuck. Adapt or suffer the consequences.

>Give them condoms

wow really?

I'd teach my kids about safe sex bur will let them know I expect abstinence. I will not pay for my children wanting birth control. What defeatist parenting

How about don’t teach kids to be degenerates who hook up? Tell them to only have sex with people they trust

And tell them about condoms and why they are important.

Tell them that they sleep with their arms over the covers or they get the belt

Single mom, spoiled childhood without life lessons, lots o vidya, avoid social activity.

Enjoy your fresh incel child

Best regards
Incel

>I expect abstinence

If OP lives in a broken household, and have divorced their father, (which, if marriage statistics are to be believed, is the case) then OP doesn't have a fucking leg to stand on.

>defeatism
more like being responsible and giving them the whole story. Teaching them to recognize STDs visually, maybe giving them some sort of manual on some kind of hand-based pleasuring so that they can identify possible STD concerns. The fact that you wouldn't pay for birth control for your kids is extremely stupid, and I hope you learn your lesson after it's too late. It's a real shame that only stupid people like you and your children are breeding so heavily.

Every kid who has sex is going to trust their partner. Educating them on the importance of sex and how serious and adult it is does not make them degenerates, and giving them a reasonable time frame before they're ready for it (like 6 mo. to a year) is absolutely something you can do, without outright stating abstinence is the only option.

you suck at parenting period letting have kids everything they want

Woman who wait are sexy

Was like that in Michigan too.

and what does your wife say about this?

you teaching abstinence and your wife taking your daughter to get the pill or emasculating your son is counter productive

women have very different views on sex

I have my kids work for what they want. I have them do chores, and establish things like scarcity and the value of labor.

Birth control is a safety measure, and I have no fucking problem whatsoever ensuring that they are doing everything in their power to stay safe and protected. The fact that a previous poster stated they would withhold that safety equipment is irresponsible and fucking stupid.

You are making tangential, irrelevant, and incorrect comparisons because you know I'm calling you out on your psuedo-Christian horseshit. Under no fucking circumstances should a parent be too afraid to explain to their child how the fuck they were CREATED.

To teenager virgins. Not well adjusted adults.

If you are white and have a son OP I don't think you have anything to worry about but if you have a daughter perhaps you need to think of ways to keep her number of partners below 2 dozen. The virginity pony for women is already out of the barn

What are you talking about. I never said I wouldbt teach kids what sex is. I just said after teaching them all the information that I want to impart vakue of abstinence becaus eyhats what I beleive and what I expect of them. So if those are my values why the fuck would I buy them condoms? Do parents no one longer have the right to raise their children as they see fit? Tons of teens have syaid adstent by being raised well in the past without handing birth control why should today be any different.

Oh no, the abstinence teacher is suddenly losing the ability to spell check! What an unfortunate but inevitable tragedy!

I knew you were stupid, but I didn't think it would take this little amount of time before you were reduced to overused talking points.

>I just said after teaching them all the information that I want to impart vakue of abstinence becaus eyhats what I beleive and what I expect of them

Abstinence for a period of time to determine their value before having sex is okay. Stating that they should never have sex is stupid, and they will disregard this advice because they have hormones that override your stupid bullshit.

>So if those are my values why the fuck would I buy them condoms?
Because you don't want your kids turning into parents before they leave school, fucktard.

>Do parents no one longer have the right to raise their children as they see fit?
You posted on Jow Forums, and you are looking at my opinion! I know you haven't processed that fact yet, but here we are!

>Tons of teens have syaid adstent by being raised well in the past without handing birth control why should today be any different.
Actually, a ton of kids DID get birth control and as a consequence, didn't get pregnant! Of course, because you're a fucktard, you don't recognize that the people who do get pregnant overwhelmingly had no access to contraceptives! You are endangering your child's life because you are pig-headed.

Just be upfront about it. "Do you know about sex?" and just go from there. It will be awkward for you but important for you.

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Just chiming in to say you're an utter dunce and part of what's wrong with culture today. Bad advice.

This seems to be a sore topic with you and I don't think you're in a mentally sound place to have this conversation. There's nothing wrong with abstinence , I practice it and so does my friend. Life isn't about sex.