Bf is sexually frustrating me and just doesn't understand

I've been with this guy for over a year and we haven't had sex yet. He can't get it up, not sure what his problem is. I suspect he's a virgin but it's not a problem, only that he acts sexually - kissing me, cuddling, touching - all the things that lead to the build up and should end in sex but don't.

I'm no corpse, I'm very sensitive to these gestures and it's been going on for over a year now. Sometimes, if I go along he'll go on for hours and hours on end, and nothing. I can't take it anymore, it's giving me migraines, messing up my hormones, leaving me tensed with no release. I told him to go to the doctor yet he still hasn't. I don't know how to help him or what to do, it's beyond me but I dont want him to touch me anymore. I even threatened him that if he doesn't stop I'll go find relief with someone else this awful tension he leaves me with and doesn't hurry to fix somehow. He only comes up with excuses like 'stay more' 'stay over night' stay over day' but they didnt solve anything. Am I bad? What should I do? I need it as well but I'm willing to wait but not in these circumstances, yet he won't understand. He'll be like 'waaaah why dont you let me love you its like you wanna break up'

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I think you know the answer, it's pretty obvious.

He needs to go to a doctor. Force him if you have to.

Grab his hand and walk him through to the doctor's office?

Does this kind of problem have a solution? He's over the age of 30 and although he says he's had sexual relationships before but left him interested (because of the persons involved), I suspect he's still a virgin and has only masturbated. This could have triggered or worsened his problem?

Well op I had the same shit with my gf. She had issues too. I could not help her to solve them altough there was a bit of progress. Also 1year no sex. I would assume it is even worse for a man. She once rejected me all frightend as if I was about to kill her. I loved her and she was afraid of me. No idea if I can act sexually assertive anymore. No advice here sry. Maybe you can conclude something for yourself from my experience.

I mean, he's clearly gay, closest probably, and he might feel ashamed for being with you but not being intimate with you, and he might be in denial because of that. You never thought about this?

tell us about his tastes, OP. what music does he listen to? what hobbies does he have?

also on a 1 to 10 scale, how hot is he. and how hot are you? be honest.

95% sure she was molested in the past from the sounds of it

Maybe, maybe not. She did start grinding back than on her own. Does not matter anyway. I tried my best and was not good enough for her. Sad thing is I doubt I can force myself to put effort in any relationship again. Dooming myself to fail. Always tried to stay close. She does not. Too much apparently. So I gave her space. Weeks later she is all upset how we drifted apart. That hit me right in my heart and soul.

How much space did you give her? You always feel like you're walking a thin line with people who need or claim to need more space, it's either too little or too much.

>He has a problem
>You've communicated this problem to him and offered him a solution (go to doctor)
>He ignored your suggestion and concerns

Red flags.

He's clearly not gay. He's a very good guy, traditional, loyal and repulsed by the idea that there are gays out there in the world. He also looks and acts aroused and hungry when with me...but somehow, like he's not bene very exposed to this kind of intimacy much before.

I suppose there could be an underlying psychological issue with him as well. It's so deep not even he can see there's a problem with him, and not the setting or context. And I try to keep in mind I'm not the problem, but the feeling I'm repulsive ot him in some way that may not even have anything to do with me personally, starts to creep in.

I'm sorry about the damage it has caused you, user. If it helps, I once was slightly similar to your girlfriend, back when I was a virgin. Was your ex still a virgin? I wasn't molested but put great importance on this, I would crave to make love with my boyfriend but was scared shitless of the act itself and the spiritual and emotional implications of it. I like to think there are some to it. So it took me quite a while until I relaxed but had my unintentional moments of panic and hysteria when boyfriend would try to initiate at first. Sorry it didn't work out in the end with you two, just know you're not to blame. Don't let it affect your future relationships, her response had nothing to do with you personally

Honestly just sit down and talk with him about exactly what you typed here. Talk him through and say maybe he's gay, religious, nervous etc. I was like this with my ex girlfriend at first, I would lead her on like you be never had sex. I didn't know how (I was a virgin) until after two months of dating we finally did it & I couldn't get hard, too nervous. Needless to say she has depression so she thought she was ugly, point is just talk to him & find out. If my ex talked to me I would probably still be with her.

99% its self induced ED, he wants cuddling and touching because he wants you just as much but willy panics when its about action (previous experiences)

i guess you get bitchy and expect a good dicking after a year, but that wont happen unless he feels safe, until he feels its ok if he fails

you are a terrible whore, im glad i had a better girl than you when i had this problem, and it was solved within a month, dumb bitch

I have, every single word I've written and more. The most I see it does is putting pressure on him 'to perform already or lose me', which, as much as it's true, isn't helping either. Or he falls back to his ideas of how it should be in order to work: stay over more, it's gotta be in the evening, no i'm too tired let's try first thing in the morning, this food I've eaten doesn't sit well with me, etc.
If he's nervous it doesn't show much, except for the few times when there was no chance in hell we'd have sex that time, probably knowing this, he seemed a lot more confident and aggressive. Pretty sure he would have went flacid had we tried going all the way again

He's got a small dick and is trying to hide it.

>He's a very good guy, traditional, loyal and repulsed by the idea that there are gays out there in the world.
>He's clearly not gay.
Clearly.

Do you know how many closest gays are in denial and speak out against homosexuality? Catholic priests, politicians, all of the rail against homosexuality, yet look at the scandals they create. He really sounds like he's projecting his own insecurities.

Is dicking the only option for you? I mean, he could eat you out or maybe you could get kinky and use some toys.

Too much looking back now. But the relationship was almost broken anyway at that point. A week later it was over. Bad example to analyze since like I said it was already over.

Have you tried asking him what's wrong? Chances are he has a virgin's fear of failure.

Lmao you have a point, but not in his case. If there's one thing I know for sure in this world is that he's not gay, close or no closet

I saw it, didn't look small

Nice bait but still gonna reply

Have bene understanding and reassuring with him for over a year now, not just a month. And I'm not even bitchy, but I cant take part in this anymore, it's past the point of teasing it's torture now and it's making me physically sick.

Oral doesn't do much and fingering isn't the same. I could do it myself better, with or without a toy. But one should expect it to happen one day? He wants to marry me and have kids, how will that happen lmao

Probably exactly what you said. Said she did it at 16 and regretted it. Made out once all lovey dovy. Time to part ways hug n kiss and she starts to cry. Talked so much about it but she never even gave me a hint whats wrong. In the end she did not like me anymore I assume. Afraid to break up and neglected me even more. We had a dispute, met one more time. The usual I am not ready for relationship bs. Last thing I said was, everything is alright, she was panicing because shopping with mom, being late and too much stress and pressure from the situation....? Always on eggshells with her. Already have trust issues from childhood. Over half a year of neglecting studies and food. Have very low bodyfat now, experience and blue balls endurance now as positive effects.

If medical. Tease him until he is on the verge of finishing, several times. If mental, well talk to him no other way

If he's not homosexual and covering it up I'm not sure if I can help :/ I'd defer to the opinions others have expressed then, or else therapy for him but that's kind of the final option.

So why doesn't he finger you or give you oral at least?

Don't tell me, you're both Christian and despise homosexuality?

If yes, he's definitely gay and trying to hide it because everyone he knows is against it and would disown him.

You do realise most people who claim to be so against being gay are usually gay themselves but try to deny it, even to themselves, thus they grow a hatred for it.

I'm guessing you're either American hardcore Christians, hardcore Muslims, or Russian. Those seem to be the groups that hate gays so much.

He isn't attracted to you enough to bone

You've been dating for a year and he can't get it up?

A) he masturbates too much. 100% guarantee that he tugs it to porn twice a day at least.
B) he's gay. Like super gay
C) genuine, serious medical condition. A young man in his 20s should be getting healthy erections a few times a day. Does he still get morning wood? If he does, it's A)

Either way, you should probably break up. This is the height of your relationship.

Just say this then: Tell me what's going on with you because all you make are excuses to make love to me? Please tell me the truth if not I'm breaking up with you. Done & done, good luck

>putting pressure on him 'to perform already or lose me',
Tell him that is fucking bullshit. You have given him a whole year already, so you have definitely proved to him that you are (more than) willing to give him time. He has to start working on his fucking problem and seek help. Tell him you know thinks won't work instantly, but you are willing to give him time and help him.

>He wants to marry me
Remind him that, as the husband in a Christian marriage it is his duty to nurture and cherish you. That includes taking care of your sexual needs. (Ephesians 5)