A couple days ago my dad got put into custody by the local cops for suspected domestic violence. My mom was cleaning up his stuff that he tends to hoard (she says all the old stuff dad picks up to bring home is junk and tries to toss it). This regularly angers my dad and he sometimes breaks out into varying degrees of violence from time to time. I was sleeping and didn’t witness my mom locking my dad outside (she says she ran inside the house out of fear my dad was gonna attack her with a rake - she got a mild scrape too). My dad has a history of abuse towards me, my mom, and sis, though I guess we all have made peace with it. I know that my dad is a good person, but with occasional outbursts of anger.
Anyways my dad called the cops on her but ended up getting arrested instead. Now my mom guesses that there’s gonna be a court battle later on but does not wanna charge him and just wants him back home. And before you guys go on about Stockholm syndrome, and all the other colourful things to say, he’s a threetime cancer survivor (thyroid, lung, and prostate (maybe colon too?)) and he’s currently in remission.
My mom doesn’t want to see him get shanked in prison, or die without proper medication. I don’t either.
I think my sister has a vendetta towards my dad. She wants him in jail, period. The cops want her testimony of things and I know she’s gonna run away with her “characterizations” of the situation. This isn’t the first time she’s been devious like that. She has a lot of maturing to do and I will let you guys fill in the blanks.
My mom just wants whole thing to die down. My sister won’t listen and thinks my mom is being weak and a coward. I can’t help but think she’s doing it for her own ulterior motives. What should I do?
>sister sees her mother being threatened and abused by her father >somehow she's in the wrong for wanting her father to face consequences??
Cameron Carter
Stop enabling your dads shitty behavior.
My mother almost died of cancer, so I understand where you are coming from.. the problem is you can't use that as an excuse to enable this kind of behavior. You need to fix whatever problem is being caused by these stupid situations, otherwise it could tear your family apart.
Lemme clarify. I don’t justify his violence nor support it. I had to chokehold my dad with a knife before he could use it for whatever one time.
My situation is that this is a problem between my mom and dad. My sis is shoehorning herself in between and messing things up. The line between her justified defense of my mother against my dads abuse, and her own personal revenge borne from her personal hatred of him is hella blurred.
The point is, leave it to my mother to deal with it and let the adults do the talking. Why is my sister so more concerned than the very victim herself? That is my greatest concern.
Sebastian Lee
Hey I want him held responsible for the things he did to us. My sis wants his head. Where do I draw the line?
Ian Murphy
How do you know the reason your mother opposes it isn't because she's afraid of what your father will do to her? Domestic abuse cases don't always end in prison (they rarely do), so there's a good chance that he'll come back and hurt her more if he's not put in jail. Your mother might not want to take that risk and might think that putting up with it is better than potentially worse abuse.
Nolan Rivera
How is he going to be held responsible if the police don't lay charges?
Charles Bailey
What you have here is heart vs head, and your sister is actually the more rational one.
Your father is objectively, factually guilty. But you and your mother want to forgive him out of love and pity for his medical condition.
That is wholly admirable in you, but it is NOT automatically the superior position. Your sister actually has a much stronger case than you, and so rather than domonizing her you should be trying to win her over by making the case for pity.
Samuel Price
Your sister is the only one in the household with common and moral sense. You should be proud of her OP. It doesn't matter how much cancer you have or fucking are, you don't do that and everybody is objectively safer without him in the house, including him. He's attacking your mother with weapons. Your mother could have fucking died you dickhead. She could die whenever one of these little 'outbursts' happen. This is not an exaggeration. If you care for your family at all you'll support your sister. Domestic abuse is no joke.
Thomas Hernandez
Charges huh? I never said I oppose them. I just know that my sister will try to fabricate things to vilify him more than his own actions ever will. I speak from experience. She was stuck in the CAS system for 9 months because a friend of her jumped the gun and thought my mom was attacking her from listening in on during a phone call despite such never occurring. Needless to say during the resultant court battle, claims that my mom held KNIVES to her throat were made. The original story was that my mom came upstairs to serve her dinner and kicked the door open or something. Her friend misinterprets and thinks she’s getting beat over the phone after she hangs up to avoid my mom hearing her vent about whatever to her. No such knife incident happened, and my mom had to miss work and school to fight the court case herself. I helped. And here she is. I still wonder where those “claims” came from, her or the CAS lawyers - among other lies.
Sorry for the rant. What I’m getting at is she’s gonna turn a domestic violence case into a murder trial with her spin.
James Jackson
That’s an interesting idea. However I don’t think she’s afraid of violence from him. She can kick his ass six ways from Sunday. Hell even I have and did do so myself. The problem is more so the act done rather than the damage caused. If he decides to retaliate I will be there to stop him.
Adam Howard
>Person who abuses you >Good person No
Isaac White
There’s many ways to skin a cat. My mom says that police intervention is overkill. Hear me out: I think that whatever shit my dad pulls my mom has made peace with it a while ago. All she seeks now is justice for his current actions. But getting it in the form of jail time for him is not what she seeks. What greater justice is there than to reform those involved? Jail time isn’t the way to go to hold him responsible. Inb4 you label me as an apologist.
But what is justice, and how would you see it dealt?
Lincoln Murphy
I demonized her because of her explicit motive: to put his ass in jail. But I don’t agree with her reasons. She does not act on my mother’s behalf, but rather appropriates her suffering to fulfill whatever revenge plot she holds towards him. Even if she operates with noble intent, she ignores my mother’s wishes, no matter how inferior to the option of jail time for him. Besides at his condition it’s a death sentence and my mom is NOT gonna stand for it if he dies. I sure as hell won’t. And I say this, his guilt in the matter be damned!
I ain’t trying to be argumentative here or anywhere here. I really appreciate the feedback you guys.
Levi Morris
Ow, all that edge hurts you know. It’s patronizing to be told the severity of my moms situation. I should know better than you do about this, and I do. I don’t support my sisters motives. Her cause makes sense, but she wants him to rot in prison for her own satisfaction and not my moms, and my dad does deserve a punishment for his deed, but jail is not the right solution for him and for my mom. I am somewhat aware of his abusive past. I am also aware about his use of weapons. Refer to a post above where I had to chokehold my dad from swinging a knife.
And if he tries anything funny with my mom it’s his caved skull in the dirt. But that hasn’t happened yet, and it’ll be a cold day in hell if I let it.
Again not trying to be rude and all, I really appreciate your posts here. It’s just a lot to process.
Benjamin Lopez
Tell me about it brother. But we’re trying to move on from the situation. How may we be satisfied with his actions? If we run his ass to the ends of the earth and to the deepest pit of hell will we then know peace?
All I’m saying is to forgive and forget. Maybe not that last part, but still.
Jordan Gutierrez
Your dad sounds like a piece of shit cancer or no cancer. And you and your mother just enable it. Seems like your sister is the only one with a bit of sanity.
Ethan Carter
Yeah man nobody cares about him being a cancer survivor or patient or whatever. That shit doesn't excuse domestic violence. Your sister seems like the only one in her right mind. A "good person" doesn't attack their family. And a situation like this doesn't "die down". Either he needs to be kicked out or he needs chill in prison for a bit then get kicked out.
Noah James
Your sister is not shoehorning anything. You said yourself that she's a victim. This is no longer a problem between mommy and daddy when little Johnny and Sarah have to go to school with black eyes.
Camden Torres
OP here. So we drop his sorry ass in jail for a couple months or years (whatever the judgment is). What then? Do we move on and forget all about it? Ride into the sunset on our high horses? Unlike others I still feel like I can salvage what’s left of this broken family. Jail time... sure, I guess it goes hand in hand with his deeds. But to what end?
It’s like a superhero taking down a super villain rampaging throughout the city. The hero has won, the villain is routed, but the city is in ashes.
This is a Pyrrhic “victory”. My goal here is not to “win”, because there is no true victory here, but to lose less. I might seem to you guys as a stubborn hardass. Maybe I’m missing something? But that’s my stance. Either way I’m not walking away from this a winner and so is my family.
Nicholas Hall
I don’t take shit from him now that I’m older. Neither does my mom. Enabler my ass. What I’m getting at is, what makes the cops any better than we are at stopping his shitty behaviour. We’re trying to find the best solution: to end his behaviour without tossing him out completely. Jail is just a room to house him and he’d be no better here or there. We’re Reforming him mate, at least that’s the plan.
Isaiah Perez
She wasn’t directly involved in the original incident, which is why I say she’s shoehorning herself in between. All other incidents past or present is tangential. It was between my mom and dad. She can fend for herself as she says so.
