Degenrate here. What’s the fastest way to detox marijuana from your system?

1. Stop being a nigger.

2 days is nearly impossible

Why are you on probation, OP?

Just curious.

Have to take a piss test. I must have smoked less than half a gram in a blunt. And a few hits out of the dab pen. Yes I have a piss test by Wednesday morning. Also yes I'm aware the post malone meme was some random picture I chose for the thread.

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Buy quick fix it's synthetic urine. I have drug test this week, I'm gonna pass lol. Make sure to buy the 3oz bottle, directly from the website though or you don't get the 100% money back guarantee, and also your batch may be expired if you don't buy from them direct.

>Pic related

That's my kit I'm using this week

Forgot pic

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>130 lbs

you need to eat a couple hundred cheeseburgers is what you need to do

Run long distances and binge water

You're fucked.. Straight up.. You can do all this baton twirling and tap dancing right now, but you're pretty much proper fucked at the moment..

You can not cheat the system.. Let me repeat.. YOU. CANNOT. CHEAT. THE. SYSTEM.

As someone that was on probation recently, the first thing I realized was that they don't play.. They will throw your ass back in jail with a quickness if you violate.

The fact you're on probation and doing something like weed, the longest lasting drug when it comes to detection time, is supremely fucking idiotic on your part.

Learn your lesson and take it on the chin.. Maybe next time you won't be such a dipshit.

>YOU. CANNOT. CHEAT. THE. SYSTEM.

Yes you can lol. Not in Hawaii though their labs are too good

This. Weed is fat soluble. It stays in your system for a long fucking time.
Niacin might help (or other b vitamins). They help to purge your body. But likely he is fucked

This is not your gay as blog, go back to plebbit

here you go

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Become a woman. This will solve all your problems.

I've seen this method applied so many times before by people.. They all end up in jail.

Truly, only stone cold idiots try to cheat the system when it comes to lawful drug testing..
If the only thing keeping you out of jail is staying off drugs and alcohol, and you don't want to stay clean off drugs and alcohol, then you're either completely fucking retarded or a full blown addict.

Get really fucking stoned and start jacking off non stop up through the piss test.

You're not going to be able to do that for a long time after Wednesday anyway.

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get some piss tests from your local CVS and see if it shows up positive if it does go to your local seedy pajeet head shop or gas station and see if they have one of those system flush things i've read things online claiming they work

imagine a fat hot turd being pushed out of that stinky poohole

Can confirm.

Had to switch jobs last year or follow company to Phoenix, took severance and didn’t want to pour water on my 3 month paid vacation and not smoke. Got first job offer, passed with Quickfix, was a breeze. Ended up taking another job that didn’t test, but I passed the first one using the synthetic stuff.

Kill yourself
Sage and report

might be possible to pull off in a quest diagnostics or something but i think probation piss tests are supervised

Yea mine wasn’t supervised. If supervised you need to buy the rubber dick thing with it, which makes it 5000x more uncomfortable than the already uncomfortable process of holding a jar of fake piss under your ballsack

niacin and pickle juice
yw

Yeah but they probably bought it from a smoke shop instead of directly from the manufacturer, probably didn't verify the batch # to see if it's still valid, probably didn't even get the temperature right either. I know plenty of ppl that have passed probation piss tests with this method

>detox marijuana
drink a liter of ꜱoy sauce

1. Drink bleach.

2. Tide Pods.

3. .357 Magnum to the back of the head works too.

Get on the Social Workers websites. See where they complain about people beating drug tests, and how

Holy shit are you me? I’ve been smoking a CBD pen to deal with the stress of managing a campaign during election season, and I just decided to quit 3 days ago. The best method is just to quit cold turkey for at least 3 weeks to detox. After that you can smoke about twice a month without any withdrawals or cravings. Also, never smoke alone, it can lead to depression/anxiety especially if you’re a doomer. Always smoke with a friend(s)

Oh shit I didn’t see that you only have two days. In that case, drink a lot of Pedialyte and water, and make sure you sweat/piss a lot

You should be fine at 130 lb, start drinking water.

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If its just a piss in a cup test you're fine.
If you're going to a lab you might have trouble.

Ok buddy imma help you out
You need
32 oz gatorade
32 oz detox drink
Water gallon
Unless you want to spend the next 2 days swimming 5 hrs a day don't try to exercise it out. You will just raise your levels.

Wake up early morning of 4 hours before test a least.
Pound 32 oz gatorate when you wake up
detox drink
4 hours before pound that shit.
Fill it with water and pound it again
Have a gallon water and be constantly drinking
Ditch the water before you get to the probation or he will think you're trying to dilute(you are)

You should be pissing the whole time
After 2 hours after drinking the detox piss 3 times Then hold it. When you piss, the most THC is in the beginning and end. Get the midstream piss in the cup.

Pray to jesus, still a chance ur fukkkked.

I passed one once where I should have been dead to rights. It was a surprise when I arrived at a steel plant to do some contract work. I was locked inside the gate when I was told I would be taking it. There was a two hour safety program through which I power drank water and coffee. I had a jug of heavy duty degreaser in the truck of which I put a glob in my coat pocket and stuck my fingers into whle walking back to give my specimen. Made sure I peed on my fingers, trickling down into the cup. I passed. Don't remember the brand of degreaser now.

No way to do it fast enough. Get some clean pee. It's in your system month for at least a month if you are a regular user.

Sounds like soup sandwiches are in your near future.

Bro no shit drink a ltre of antifreeze your shit will be clean next day. I use prestone but i think any brand will work

Best way to get rid of an addiction?
Stop and never touch that shit again for the rest of your life AND MEAN IT
Don't know how not to relapse?
Don't let yourself have the oportunity to do so (i.e. if you know you're an avid masturbator just delete all your porn from all your folders on your PC, block all adult sites on your computer and turn on your search engine's adult filter)
I guess for pot you'd have to flush everything you have down the toilet, delete all the contacts of your dealers from your phone and break up with any of your druggie friends
I'll gain weight back in no time once you drop that shit

it's legal now you don't have to worry.

Gallon of water per day, take creatine, you can get it at Wal-Mart. I believe this to be your only hope at this point. Good luck

Apple cider vinegar

Go to drug store ASAP buy a bottle of niacin, and a bottle of multi vitamins. today if possible. OK take 150 mg of the niacin and a dose of the multi vitamin you will need to drink about 1 gallon of water over the next 5 to 8 hours. When you wake up tomorrow repeat this process. ok after the 8 or so hours take another dose of the vitamins and continue with drinking water approx 1 gal every 5 hours or so. Wed morning make sure you drink one bottle of water before you go in approx 12 oz. Also make sure you pee a couple times before you go in for the test. Also one of the side effects from niacin is red patchy skin that might make you itch a lil bit that is normal as it is flushing your body out.

Quickfix if you can get away with it

If super desperate little time, look up “certo method” for diluting. It’s the nigger method but better than nothing

Here is more information about what i told you in the last post.
healthline.com/nutrition/niacin-flush
Also do some google work to get the exact dosing methods

Niacin Flush
Niacin flush is a method that has been argued to allow a person to successfully clear out traces of metabolites from their body in a shorter amount of time than usual. This is done by increasing the rate at which body breaks down fats, which is where metabolites usually tend to deposit, which in turn allows the person to pass the drug test even though just a short period of time has passed since their last drug use.

The problem with this method is that niacin pills have varying levels of effectiveness from person to person, depending on their height and weight, as well as their metabolism rate. People with higher than average body fat content have reported this method to fail more often than people with lower body fat content.

Another thing to note about this method is that it is not a miracle solution like some people claim and that it has to be done over a period of time, preferably 2 – 5 days for maximum efficiency. This is due to the fact that niacin is very hard on one’s liver and taking large amounts of it (more than 500mg) at once poses a serious health risk.
addictionresource.com/drug-testing/niacin-drug-test/

This plus copious amounts of vitamin c. When I was a lad I smoked 2 grams 2 days before a drug test and passed.

Lots and lots and lots of vitamin c.

>don’t wast your money, just buy creatine, test creatine levels, ect.

Stupid. Just drink lots of water and don’t test with your first piss of the day. The only way they’ll know it’s diluted is if it’s totally clear. Take a b vitamin supliment to make it really yellow. Those Mio energy things are like 3 dollars, and you can get a bunch of b vitamins and bright yellow piss w just that.

Milk. Gallons of it

>criminal piece of literal shit
>drug addict
>reddit posting
in all seriousness do the earth a favor and neck yourself you worthless degenerate

Get to the grocery store STAT and buy 6-10 gallons of pure cranberry juice and start guzzling that stuff as fast as you can, it worked for me on a alcohol test

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>vidya
>vidya
>Jow Forums
>YouTube
>vidya

Going through real life being as based as you can be > fake Jow Forums identity shilled by (((you)))

The way all detox systems work is by flushing your system. Drink several gallons of water. Piss a few times before your test. Pee narc may come back with "inconclusive" at the worst because all of the water you've drank but it's better than a fail

>saturated with degenerates like me
Wrong.

Tell your PO to wait about 9-14 days. You should be good.

Hi OP I can help. Had a similar situation. Fortunately I learned the secret. You need a couple things- beet juice about 1 1/2 litres(they sell it at the store, not bad tasting actually) and about half a gallon of olive oil. I'd also recommend a bit of onion or cabbage to help absorb what the oil and beet juice will pull from your system. Drink both bottles in a night and it will draw the chemical components out of your blood within a few hours. You need the oil and the juice- one opens things up in your body so to speak, and the other absorbs and flushes your system. Hope that helps bro

Fucking loser. Go back to prison and rot so the world can be a better place.

It sucks but can clean your system in 12hrs.

>buy b12 and potassium supplements 1000mg work best
>get a gallon of water throw in a tablespoon of bleach, mix allow to sit for an hour in fridge.

TIME TO FRONT LOAD THAT DETOX

>take 5 b12 and 10 potassium tablets
>only drink the treated water, you have to drink it all but you can take your time

>you need to help metabolis the thc/Tha out of your fat, so do cardio and push ups

>after initial front load just keep chugging the water to break down the thc as you flush it.

>every hour after you start take 3, b12 and potassium tablets

>if you have any pills left before bed take them all and finish that water.

>piss first thing in the morning, chug a litre of water. Piss again.

Chug another litre, go ace that test bud