Boyfriend has very little interest in sex nowadays. If I'm lucky, it happens once a week...

You think he is lying to you and you feel insecure about his perception of you. These are the main issues that you have to resolve. Either you are paranoid that he is having an affair or you're scared he is not committed to you.

What's his lifestyle like?
>Does he drink a lot?
A lot. Almost every other day - not a lot, but he does drink. This was the case when sex was fine though.
>Does he masterbate a lot?
No idea. Please see above.
>Is he depressed?/going through a lot of stress?
No stress at all. Secure job, we have money, I pretty much take care of everything bill wise.
>Is there someone you suspect he might be into?
Not that I'm remotely aware of. He doesn't talk to anybody online, he works in a mostly male building
>How often does he excercise?
He cycles around 10 miles a day, used to lift but doesn't at the moment
>Is he insecure of his body?
No, not in the slightest (he has no reason to be)

I'm definitely not worried about an affair. I am potentially concerned about his commitment to me.

My last girlfriend also had a pretty low libido and would always ignore the issue when I confronted her about it. Ultimately I started to resent her for it. Yes I was mad I wasn't having as much sex as I wanted, but I was more upset with how it was impossible for her to confront the issue and make any healthy changes to rectify things. In the end we split up, I couldn't be with someone that can't communicate properly and that doesn't take my happiness into account.

This is an issue that guys have more than girls, but I always ask this to people. If this is how the sex life is now, what happens when you are married? Are you okay with sex once or twice a year? Are you okay with somebody that is dismissing a major problem you have in the relationship? What other unforeseen issues in the future will he also shut down with if you try to talk about it?

Me: Then your options are pretty limited. Everything else sounds great, it's just this one area that he doesn't care about you, if it was a few things then we could discuss moving onto the next step. This may be something you just have to deal with then, yeah it sucks but unless this one thing is grounds for dismissal then you just have to put up with it. I think you said or implied that you've tried every approach, so there's nothing wrong that you've done on your end. I'm out of ideas, you might just go for what other anons are suggesting to try and get him in the mood.

Thank you for your response.

There's no getting him in the mood anymore and to be honest, I don't even know where to start. The more I put myself out there, the more rejection I experience and the worse I feel about myself.

Did you gain weight?

Understandable question. But no, none at all. I go to the gym every day before work and I lift. My body hasn't changed at all in a negative way.

Have you tried talking to him about it? About how sex is important to you and why he is being avoidant. Also stop deriving self-worth from sex. Sexual intensity always declines in a long term relationship. So in part it is natural.

>In the end we split up, I couldn't be with someone that can't communicate properly and that doesn't take my happiness into account.

I just wanted to point this out because that is SUCH and healthy and great lesson to mature into. Good for you user.

Yes, all the time. Example of this is I've told him how worthless it makes me feel that there's literally no point in me dressing up or buying nice lingerie anymore, as the disappointment of being rejected just makes me feel worse. He just completely ignored me.

We're going away for a city break this weekend (arranged by me) and I'm almost reluctant to go because I know I'm probably going to face an awkward evening in the hotel when he turns over and goes straight to sleep.

It's probably the alcohol. Even though I was drinking practically every day and my gf and I were having great sex, after months of heavy drinking It was really starting to effect my sex drive. Unfortunately it's really hard to get him to change this habit if he doesn't want to. Try talking to him about it, ask if he could please just try light-drinking for like 2 weeks or so to see if your sex life gets better. Tell him it's really starting to bother you and you miss being intimate with him

>He just completely ignored me.
Give him an ultimatum. He clearly doesn't value what you have to say.

Oh wait a minute, now we're onto something we can work with.

I overlooked this before. Rejection from a partner, repeated rejection takes a huge toll mentally (I remember myself this hurt me a lot when my now ex gf would say she wasn't in the mood), I know you've talked to him about the sex and intimacy but have you told him how terrible it's making you feel? If he respects you then he'd get down to business with you and your needs, but if he keeps rejecting you, and continues to do so after you've told him how horrible and depressing its making you with all these repeated rejections then he is full aware of disregarding your well-being and unemphatic to your feelings. Then we have bigger issues at hand.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience, I appreciate it.

I've asked him if he can just cut down on drinking for this week - I don't think his drinking is a coping mechanism for anything, he just enjoys drinking. I appreciate it isn't healthy though, as does he, so hopefully a few days alcohol free will help him feel better.

In his defense, he has been quite unwell for the past week due to a cold, and I think the lack of sex has just triggered an underlying concern I've had for a while. He isn't a terrible person, I just think sex is very important in a relationship and it isn't happening as much as I would like it to.

I just want to thank each of you for posting responses as well. It has really helped.

Going to be brutally honest with you here because you people tend to need it. The two things you have going for you as a girl because most of you have no interest in personal development and instead choose to snort attention, positive or negative, like cocaine is your ability to get fucked and your loyalty/compliance with the male's desires. Your "power move" will fail because OP's boyfriend isn't currently interested in her pussy and when she tries to gambit him by saying "fine I'll get it somewhere else!" the only logical reaction if this guy is alpha at all will be laughter and a "woah, thanks for making it this easy to break up with you and replace you. See ya, good luck with your casual sex with a random dude."

As for OP and her boyfriend, there could be a ton of factors causing it. Is she letting herself go either weight-wise, hygiene wise, fashion-wise, personality-wise, etc.? Maybe the sex is just getting old and unstimulating? Maybe it's not even remotely related to that and the guy is stressed, depressed, sleep-deprived, etc. Maybe the two of you see each other too much? TONS of potential reasons and some quite possibly so personal that I wouldn't know specifically what they would be. The bottom line is, if he's not up to code for you, you need to resolve it by having a conversation with him, no games, no bullshit. If he isn't willing to discuss it and that's not satisfactory to you or if nothing improves, break up with him and try you luck with someone else. That's the unfortunate way it works.

Find out why he doesn't want sex.
Having other people in the home is a valid reason for not wanting sex, avoid that if you can.
Tell him that you feel hurt and rejected and that you are willing to work on the relationship if he is.

He might not even realize this is hurting you.
Things can dial down after a while and once a week is frequent enough for a lot of people.
3-4 times a month is more than enough for me personally.

If it is not a mental thing (he is attracted to you and he doesn't masturbate or cheat), maybe see a doctor, get him some vitamin-D or something.

Thank you. A very good post, but I could already see how terrible a suggestion that was (see my earlier response). I'm not one to play games and making empty threats is pointless.

Maybe he wants to unload into you?
Just a wild guess. In modern times it's quite expensive, tho.

This is the stupidest piece of advice on this thread.

The drinking might be catching up. He needs to cut down.

y

Thank you. We have discussed this and he's going to stop for a few days. The only reason I'm not suggesting longer is because we're away next weekend. After we get back, I think I'll suggest that we stop for a month or so (we have done this successfully before).

he will probably dump you soon

Maybe. I hope not, considering we're due to buy a house in the near future. I'll obviously keep an eye on the relationship and be aware of any red flags, but he seems ridiculously happy in the relationship (just not as up for sex as I am).

Threaten to cheat? Yeah, ok. Great advice.

Don't let him get away with not responding to the question. Tell him to answer you. "Don't ignore me. Open your mouth and say WORDS. I just want to know why you don't want me. Now open your mouth and say something."

was he always so indifferent to sex?

Also, btw, once a week sex isn't the end of the world. What's it like when you DO have sex? Dead fish? Or is he into it? One position and then done? Or does it get wild? I mean, there could be clues there too. Also, what's his job? Is he working 6 days a week? Nights? Physical labor? What's going on there?

If he won't answer you then there is no longer communication from his end. You need to get him to respond to this.

No, for the first year it was very regular, probably around 3/4 times a week.

We're both very into it when sex does happen. He makes a lot of eye contact, looks at my body a lot and has absolutely no issue getting hard and cumming. His job is just 35 hours a week, nothing too stressful or physical.

It's not "just" 35 hours. That's full time. It's not uncommon for someone working a FT job to be using energy there to the point where it's sex once a week. Again, once a week isn't super uncommon. It's not a "he refuses me" kind of thing. It's more of a "I'd like it a little more often and he's not responsive" kind of thing.

Is he into anything that you are not? Your feet or something like that. Has he asked you to do anything?

You could see a counselor to help hash it out between y'all. Like even just a one time appointment. Would be less than $80 probably, depending on where you live.

Also, 3-4 times a week is a lot for the average guy. Me and my wife once tried to have sex five days in a row and that shit was fucking difficult. We frequently drop to about once a week, and occasionally go spells of ten days without. But then my work eases up (I'm a RN) or my Army responsibilities get postponed or the kids go on a well behaved streak, like lately, and right now we are in a 4-5 times per week stretch.

let's them know how serious she is about sex, maybe it'll make him reexamine his shitty attitude

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If you're so dense that you really think threatening to go fuck some rando when she is in a long term relationship that she wants to end up in marriage one day is good plan, then there is no getting through your skull.

He's not being a prick? Your fucking stupid

Maybe he's cheating on you? Or maybe this is what growing old with someone is? Maybe he's tired from work all day? People lose libido as they get old. How old are the two of you?

Wtf OP, we are invested now. Get back in here.

I'm 30, he's 32.

Sorry, I'm still here, just lurking while the bad-advice-giving user is getting bashed.

Exact same age as me and my wife.

Exact same number of hours worked per week.

You need to find out if he has any fetish or something.

He likes to be pegged.

Ok. And do you do that for him at all?

We've covered this a lot, even when we first got together and had sex all the time. He doesn't seem to have any fetishes that we could take advantage of, to try and improve the sex.

I do think if there was anything, he would have told me (perhaps not recently, but when we first got together). I almost wish there was something so I could really turn him on, but there's nothing.

I'm still here too, just bored of prodding at the trolls and I thought you bailed.

He could have a hormone imbalance that's causing his libido to drop, something genetic or otherwise like his thyroid or something. That's nothing too big to get checked out, and sure beats hauling him off to therapy, you do seem to have a pretty healthy appetite though, more than most girls, but it's nothing too out of control or anything.

You have to get him to actually verbally reply when you ask the basic question "Why don't you want to fuck me" or some variation of that question. But don't make a it major problem. Once a week isn't that far out of the ordinary for a guy in his early thirties who works FT.

Also, try using your feet. Some huge percentage of guys have a thing for their girl's feet. You have like a 25-30% chance of it working.

I think for the most part, it's probably just me being quite sensitive and using sex as a measure of how much he loves me. He probably doesn't even actively avoid anything, but I perceive it as that because I'm actively measuring it.

I know there are people much worse off, who have sex less often than weekly. I'll have to try not to be so critical and perhaps encourage him to talk about any issues he might have.

The hormone screening might be an idea if things get worse. He seems quite healthy in general though.

Everything you said here is totally correct. Though as a RN, I'll say the hormone thing is likely not the issue. If he had low testosterone, once a week wouldn't be happening.

Yeah especially if he hasn't lost any of his other like masculine drives, because usually it affects a couple other things along with sex drive, which is why I didn't think about it right away, but it's not unheard of either. Good luck OP

Might be you got ugly.
Might be his mental shit, which is a horrible deal of not sorting out his problems. He drinks a lot, investigate that. Maybe his dad or friend died. Maybe he's not living the life he wants.
Maybe your sex is shit, switch things up. You just said that blowjobs are all work and no reward, so you sound like a missionary basic bitch and he might be right at not wanting any since it might bore him. Maybe he's biologically bored, but this passes and nice sex returns. There is something fucky here and I think it's a low salvage chance for the relationship. Maybe he has plans in his life that don't involve being tied down.
T. Recent breakup bitter shitter

You seem like a quality girl OP

Honestly try dressing in legitimate whore outfits like a french maid.

Dont hint or ask or bother him just wear an outfit like that when he overtly asks about it say you dont know what hes talking about. Ignore his demand for why youre wearing that outfit.

Play his game. Eventually he will start to think about how nice you look.

get on top of him, force his dick hard, fuck him and if he still stops you then leave him.

This is actually good idea. OP should go online and buy a sexy costume or something, not just sexy but fun for her and comfortable, and one day just put it on and wear it all day and go about her business at home. If he's not into right away just brush it off and do her thing in her costume for the day. Worst case, she has a little fun walking around as a French maid or sexy superhero, or sexy feline or whatever. Best case, he bangs her brains out.

/sci/fag here, might be able to give you some concrete advice,

I don't think your looking at a psychological issue here, or any issue that could arise due to yourself.

Whats more likely is that you boyfriend is experiencing a physiological decrease in libido which happens in men around their 30s. This is very normal, so much so that it is, with all due respect, questionable as to why you wouldn't come to this conclusion on your own, perhaps you're in denial or something, I don't know.

In any case you have a few methods of recourse.

Testosterone boosting supplements and medications exist and are actually quite abundant. If you would like to get something more potent then you could ask your boyfriend to see a general physician who can prescribe something (although I would be wary of side effects in the long term).

If you want to go a more natural, and perhaps a more guileful approach would be to start buying foods that raise libido in men.
Foods that are high in zinc will help tremendously in testosterone production as well as getting enough vitamins in your diet, so I would recommend you get him to start taking a multivitamin, which you can find in gummy form if you're dating a man-child. Honey is also known as an effective aphrodisiac in the ancient world. I would be wary of chocolate however, its libido raising qualities are highly contested.

You could also see a sex therapist, but that shits fucking stupid because psychology isn't actually science, so its a crap-shoot.

Also, set the damn mood. Light a candle. Give him some hot tea. Massage (right where the butt meets the back is the sweet spot).

Other than food, if your boyfriend cycles a lot and has a very low body fat percentage this will also decrease libido. I would recommend a clean bulkan like pic related from Jow Forums.

Side note: your 30, he is 32, you've been dating for two years and change. Get married already. Fuck user, you only get one go at this and you're not getting any younger.

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Good second half of your post.

/sci/fag cont.

At the very worst, if nothing works. This could also be the sign of prostate cancer, which is highly survivable. This could also be a sign of cancer of the pituitary gland, in which case you may be fucked, but the chances of that are slim.

I would highly recommend he stop drinking, alcohol directly lowers libido over time and should be reversible.

There is also some image floating around that talks about cumming buckets. I would recommend you do that even though there is no direct relationship between sperm count and libido, every guy wants to cum buckets and it would at the very least make him interested in cumming again, if not having sex again.

Something that I used to do for my ex was a chiropractic/massage practice that anyone can do that lowers stress, which in turn raises sex drive.
Place your hands on the small of his back facing away from his spine perpendicularly then just walk your hands up his back, cupping your hands over his oblique muscles.

Get him to stop cycling and get both of you into a power cage. Weight and resistance training is proven to be highly effective in raising long term libido in both men and women (it raises testosterone, which regulates both sexes libido.)

Good luck anonette. Report back in a couple of weeks pls.

ignore all the posters telling you try to try harder. a normal male would fuck a girl in a potato sack.

this is his problem not yours, if a serious talk doesn't work it's time to move on

Wear dresses, walk around nude.

Dude, he's 32 and has sex once a week and you're going into PROSTATE CANCER? GTFO of here. I'm a RN and have taken care of a lot of patients post op from prostatectomies and shit. What's your experience? Prostate cancer? OmG talk about blowing shit out of proportion. You're out of your league with this.

You degrade males. Some of us have standards. If you'll fuck a homeless bum girl in a sack, that's on you. We aren't all honey morons with no control.

How about you stop being a whore

Calm down. That's why the words "worst case" were used.

>No, for the first year it was very regular, probably around 3/4 times a week.
That's not a lot for a young relationship. We're doing it 3-4 times A DAY.

Okay then he's probably just tired from work & lost of libido. Maybe go to the doctor with him & get pills or something. Sex therapist aswell?

Dude about 1/200 prostate cancer cases are men in their 30s. A small number to be sure, but not insignificant given OP's situation.

>getting this butt-hurt

I stopped having sex with my wife since I felt I could get better were it not for being married

How much weight have you put on the last year? Perhaps there is the problem

Vagina to vagina, he's either cheating on you or he thinks you got fat and lost a boner.

Start wearing low cut shirts around him and learn to give good head, because blowjob