My boyfriend looks at other women when we are out in public and it really bothers me...

how fat are you?

>I've gained a bit of pudge but it's not bad
Every fat cow thinks this. Add 20lbs to what you think your weight is, 45lbs if you're American.

>I don't want him looking at me
Who the fuck is he supposed to look at then? Men like women, we like to look at women, plain and simple.

>I'm just passively allowing others the room to move in
My girlfriend is not a tiny girl. As far as competition goes she's not considering herself a tall match-- she regularly asserts I could go out and get girls way prettier than her.
That does not stop her from donning cute underwear or lingerie to get my dick revved up. This will usually happen as an assertion that she can still rev my engine and all that. We both do it, we regularly do things to get the other going so we can distinguish that side of ourselves to the other.

Take what you want. Stop waiting for everything to fall off of the tree.

I'll play devil's advocate: men always look at other women.

This makes sense to me and I know it's right since I've been too insecure and have flat out said no to sex with him many times... part of me wants to save my pussy for someone who deserves it though as bad as that sounds. I don't know if this is even worth saving. Our differences become more apparent by the day.

Thank you user your words meant a lot to me. And good job getting out of that relationship. I hope you're doing well now.

>part of me wants to save my pussy for someone who deserves it though as bad as that sounds
If you're not a virgin, that ship sailed a long time ago.

I hope it helps :) I don't know if I'm right but that is my gut feeling and I tend to go with my instincts

Thanks :) It took a while to recover from (we were together 4 years before he cheated on my best friend and lied about it to me) but I learned so much about relationships with others and myself.

Part of getting your self esteem back is doing what you said here . If he's such a scumbag but you still give yourself to him, what is that telling your subconscious about your worthf?

Anonette I'm going to tear up

I can't tell you how much your words mean to me. It's hard to know what to do in this situation. I'm so happy to hear you have been able to get past it all. Maybe I have hope too.

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DTMFA

>and tell my bf he is missing out by not having sex with a foreign stripper.
Not looking at other women can be really had for a man, especially in the summer when so much skin is on display. But that right there is a major red flag. Banter between friends is one thing, but disrespecting you in that can imo on mean two things; that his friends don't respect him, or that they know that he does not respect you. Sounds borderline abusive.

My gf is a cubby girl, but I still love catch her naked or in underwear. Her slight shame just makes me harder.

My ex was a fatty too.
I once made her cry when I was pointing at girls wearing crop tops, kek.

>but disrespecting you in that can imo on mean two things
>but disrespecting you in front of him like that, can, in my opinion, only mean two things

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It's normal and natural for people to be attracted to others, even during a relationship. This by itself is not a cause for concern.

However, everything else turns it onto something concerning. Walking way ahead of you, not drawing the line with friends, this is all worrying. Have you talked to him about his friends or how you feel about all this?

If you haven't, you should bring it up. His reaction to that should tell everything. Dismissing you or belittling your feelings about this is a massive red flag. Apologizing but then doing absolutely nothing to try to correct things is also a red flag.

You can't expect him to be psychic and to know how you feel, so you need to talk to him. Maybe it will help save the relationship. Maybe it will reveal just how necessary it is to leave. Talking to him is what you need to do, if you haven't. If you have and it's not gotten better, then it probably isn't going to.

I did bring up the friend situation with him recently - his reaction alone was enough for concern. He denied that any of it happened, said "we were just having fun", and told me that they never said those things it was basically all in my head. I said wtf, of course, and we were in the car when this happened with him driving. He SLAMMED on the accelerator and startes freaking out screaming/borderline crying, like, his demeanor in comparison to mine was straight up scary. I tried to get out of the car and he took my phone so I couldn't leave. After he punched a hole in his wall and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I ended up apologizing and saying it was fine even though I know what I saw and heard that night.

So that's how it goes usually when I bring it up calmly. If he doesn't have a meltdown he will just deny ever looking at anyone or any of that. I don't know what I can do besides improve myself over this year long lease and leave him.

I wish he were still attracted to me but you guys have all made good, sensical points I think. I know I'm not chubby and I know I still get checked out by other men. I guess he's just bored with my looks

Yeah what the hell user that’s not a good reaction you should leave

>appreciating beauty
>abusive

Ah, the age of the victim is truly something to behold.

No man will stop looking at attractive women, it's totally against our nature. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you and find you attractive as well. Once in a relationship, people do not have blinders on.

I know it may be hard to leave but really it seems like the only choice for you.
He outwardly disrespects you and than disrespects you more by denying it. If you do not feel wanted in a relationship that is the sign you have to leave.

Yo wtf

What if your girlfriend was outwardly checking out dudes and giving them sex eyes in public.. How would you feel?
I think OP has a legit concern.

My wife tells me when she finds someone is attractive, but it's isn't fucking drooling all over the pavement. It's more like a casual "they have perfect skin" or "wow they are in good shape" about men and/or women. It's totally normal. I do the same thing.

He never used to be like this though. I used to have to tell him to cut the PDA because it was annoying (in a good way obvioisly). He used to hug me and nuzzle his head into me in front of his friends when they talked about women and now he just gets nervous. He always felt me up and stuff and now he walks about 12 feet in front of me at all times.

It seems like her BF is doing more than just that.
From what OP says it seems he is fantasizing about other women.

Maybe it is just age (i'm 24 now, him 25) and I need to find an older man who thinks I'm young. I suppose this is simply the way of the world. Harsh reality

The lust in every relationship dies down with time. It's impossible to stay that way forever. This is why relationships are hard. You need to constantly prove that you are the best option out there. Making him feel bad about having less spice in the relationship won't help. It will (and maybe already has) started to push him away.

Welcome to being human.

Maybe i am a robot.
I have been with my gif for 4 years now and have not once thought about being with someone else.
I do not check other girls out at all even though i do find others attractive.
Honestly i did not think something like this was normal.

What the actual fuck
The sooner you leave, the better for you
Even fucking move in to your parents house for this year and still pay the lease
Just cut the contact with him, because it's not going to end up well anyway

Yeah, leave. ASAP. That is emotional abuse, controlling behavior, and gaslighting. Get out.

Don't stay with him. Screw the lease. Quietly notify your friends and family and leave.

If he's this bad already, imagine how much worse he might get when he knows that you're trapped in a lease with him and can't easily leave. You need to get out now.

>make it an open relationship
Yes the best possible option is to let him fuck other girls. Just ditch him or do something really exciting to get him interested in you

I'm not going to tell you how to be and what is/isnt "good". If it works for you, then good.

But, yes, most men still look at attractive women even when married with children.

"Look but dont touch" mentality is totally harmless.

Is there a line when it becomes disrespectful though?

If they are putting you down directly (i.e. insulting your looks, beliefs, skills) then that is abuse. Try not to stretch the definition of "abuse" to be something that isn't being done to YOU. That toxic thinking and will make you have a victim complex (which ultimately hurts you the most, ironically).

If he's making lewd comments about these women that could be considered disrespectful.

There's probably other things too but I can't think of them. Try to join in on it with him, maybe he will see you more as a partner in this observation than an adversary. Have fun with it.

The line is comfort and consent.

My husband and I have a very "playing rough" relationship. We casually insult and tease each other and threaten divorce. but all of it is playful and joking. We know that we're both crazy about each other and there is nobody we'd rather be with. We're both comfortable and secure in our relationship. If our joking goes too far, we talk about it and take it seriously and are careful not to do that again. We can play rough because we both trust the other to not go too far.

Playing rough is completely different if anybody isn't feeling happy or comfortable or safe with it. And if one person knows that the other was hurt and doesn't care, that's just being mean-spirited and cruel. That's when it goes too far.

My husband was more insecure earlier on in the relationship. He's been cheated on before, and certain things made him uncomfortable. We figured out a compromise that made everybody comfortable and happy, which led to trust later. if I had told him he was oversensitive or crazy, I would've been being a jerk. You can consider someone's feelings and help them manage anxiety and insecurity without being a doormat or a douche.

OP again, just chiming in to say that I never used the word "abuse" or claimed that.

Disrespect does not equal abuse nor do I think it does.
Disrespect is disrespect. You cited instances of abuse, no denying that. I am asking when it becomes disrespectful, as in oggling a woman and then ignoring me for the rest of the evening or walking 12 feet ahead of me.

Fuck your "adversary" idea though. I want to be a girlfriend, not one of his bros. Its not like that will make him check me out anyways or become magically attracted to me.

I'm concluding I need to find an older man.

Thank you for understanding what I'm not verbalizing very well. I can take jokes and stuff too but you're right there is a real lack of honesty here and he thinks I don't know which is hurtful. Thank you for your advice, any more is appreciated too, you seem wise

>Not looking at other women can be really had for a man, especially in the summer when so much skin is on display.
Will men ever take responsibility for being shitty partners?

OP this needs to be your straw that breaks your back. The story doesnt get better from here, why dont you stop reading it, close it and find something better? I said I thought it was abusive before but now I know for it for a fact. Babe, you need to protect yourself and your future children from him.

When I was in my abusive relationship it was hard to think in terms of benefits to myself because I had no self esteem left. Before leaving I tried to make it around making myself the best person for my future children and husband, and that was by leaving and not being sucked down into the drain with him

He is gaslighting you by making it think you are the one overreacting (when hes the one punching holes in walls and giving you the silent treatment for bringing up HIS infidelities). It's all about deflecting blame onto you rather than taking any responsibility; its being abusive to you

Dont wait for the lease to finish up. He thinks he has you trapped while it is still there and while it is still signed he is King over you. Tell your friends, family, nearby women's shelters and anyone who will hear you what is happening. He will next try to isolate you, if he hasn't already, to make it harder to leave.

Leaving is the hardest and most scary part of it all but you can do this. Don't let one scummy man rob you from living your fullest life

Good luck girl, I have your back

Your boyfriend is am emotionally manipulative, immature dickhead and the longer you stay with him the more he feels like he can get away with it.

Part 1 of 2

OP... this thread was a wild ride. I was going to say something like , then I was going to tell you to just break up, but then you started describing somethings I find disturbing and unhealthy. Ex:

>he's my only friend so it's hard to create any space.
This is unhealthy. Even if this relationship was going great it would still be unhealthy. You need to create a bigger support system, it might be hard but you need to do it. In fact, focus on this before you start dating again.

>told me that they never said those things it was basically all in my head
Sounds like he is trying to gaslight you: trying to convince you you're crazy or that this didn't happen when it very well did. That's not something that happens in healthy relationships. I'm laughing reading some of this because it is so ridiculous that he, a grown ass man, would pull this shit.

>He SLAMMED on the accelerator and startes freaking out screaming/borderline crying
He put you and himself in danger. If he knew he couldn't control his emotions like an adult he should have pulled over or asked to talk about it when you were done driving.

>I tried to get out of the car and he took my phone so I couldn't leave
You clearly were uncomfortable and wanted to leave when things were getting quite toxic. He wanted to control you and so he stole your personal property so that you could not/would not leave.

>After he punched a hole in his wall
Even after what I assume was a reasonable amount of time to calm down he damages the wall/your landlord's property like a child throwing a fit because he can't control his emotions.

>I ended up apologizing
You are apologizing to him because something he did made you uncomfortable and when you brought it up, trying to communicate like an adult, he 'sperged out. You aren't the one who needs to apologize

>that's how it goes usually when I bring it up calmly
implies it happened multiple times when it really shouldn't happen even once

Nope

OP, this is the real deal Men like physical looks. If he's not that into you anymore and looking at other chicks, then you have to honestly wonder if you look worse now than you did when the relationship started.

Part 2 of 2

From reading the post, I would say this man is abusive or will become abusive. See pic related. No way around it, this is unhealthy. Even if people for some reason disagree, they will at least admit that this is a toxic relationship and you need to leave, bye-bye, so long psycho bf, hello new and better life.

Do not be afraid to break up with him, but have a plan when you do. Do it somewhere relatively public, like a park so he can't blow up at you. Either take separate transport there or have someone waiting for you so you aren't left without a ride.

Since he takes your personal belongings from you when he is angry, consider packing up some of your stuff from your apartment before hand (this can be done over time if you feel that's the best way. Just take a couple outfits, important papers, sentimental items, ect. at a time and drop them off at mom and dad's/a storage facility/a friend's/a new apartment/a hotel room). If you can't get your stuff out first, ask a friend/family member/call the police station's non-emergency line/go there in person to see if they can come with you to get your property after you have broken up if you think it's necessary. Better to be safe than sorry.

Tell someone close to you that you are going to break up with him, explain why. Again, do not be afraid of breaking up with him, there is nothing good going to come out of this relationship, but if you think he is the type of guy who might hurt you or pull some more phone snatching bs then give someone a timeframe of when you're going to do it to be safe.

Also, in regards to the lease, try explaining the situation to the land lord. Worst thing that can happen is you still have to pay all of it, but maybe they will try to give you some wiggle room in regards to price.

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Oh, forgot to say best of luck op. I hope you find someone who treats you better and that you regain your confidence again.

Your girlfriend
>doesn't want sex, ever
>walks separate from you while in public
>her friends tell her to have sex with a male while you're in the room
>only ogles other men, doesn't care for your looks anymore
Honestly if you think this is normal you're retarded

Women look at dudes all the fucking time. Gtfo

You aren't normal. I once had a girlfriend like you (to this apparently, even though she's married someone else, she made sure to tell me I'm the only guy she ever got tingles for just before the wedding, I'm still confused about that).

I think I am normal. I see women I'd like to fuck daily. When I'm single I might try to approach (not cold but if there's an opportunity), when I'm in a relationship I don't, but my brain never stops appreciating sexy asses.

She wanted me to be like her and that's why we broke up. It's ok to be selectively sexual/asexual. Just don't try to force it on others.

I honestly don't ogle other women if I'm in a relationship.

He sounds like a dickhead. All men look at other women because it’s just how they’re wired, but only a gentlemen that honestly loves you would be attentive enough and enthused with your body in a way where you wouldn’t need to question his loyalty. And not being close to you in public is a huge red flag. My ex husband was an abusive twat that never held my hand a single time. He had like 3 different dating apps on his phone towards the end and kept trying to coerce me into threesomes. My current boyfriend whom I live with now won’t even let me eat without holding my hand and kissing my neck and telling me how beautiful he thinks I am.
And a bit of pudge in my experience isn’t enough to put off a man sexually. Something else must be wrong. I would confront him or drop him like a hot potato.

He's sick of your constantly cuntish and negative attitude, not your appearance.

What a fucking bullshit.

tfw this is me except I am a guy. And my insecurity is based on penis size.

The moment women take responsibility for their high partnercounts.

Work the treadmill, fatty.

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You don't need an older man, just a better one
And you have to find some friends, because without them you're very attractive target to potentials abusers

Ding Ding, this is the reason why I'm about to drop my bitch. Getting tired of her acting like a punk ass