My brothers dead and so is my dog and i dont want to be here anymore

My brothers dead and so is my dog and i dont want to be here anymore.

Im a loser and always was, was the weird kid in public school sophomore year my brother got hooked on heroin and died of an overdose that summer. my bestfriend Darwin (golden retriever) had to be put down a couple weeks after i graduated. He was looking right at me before the anaesthetic kicked in.

Ive been in and out of therapy, using antidepressants and smoking weed but nothing works, i just have no drive to do anything. i want to leave my town and find a passion for something or some friends that actually care about me. at the same time though im probably going to kill myself if that doesnt work so im kindof hesitant to try.

any advice would be greatly appreciated

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yeah I know man I had a golden retriever too and he was my best friend and at times my only friend for like 12 years.

think about what your doggo would want for you, it'd want you to be happy and find new places to go to and run around in and find new foods to eat. uh I guess dogs don't really think big and about abstract concepts and whatever but you get the point haha, it'd want you to be happy and to experience life. Same with your brother. Heroin and other hard drugs can make people real shitty and turn them into complete strangers, again something I know from experience, but the brother you knew as a kid was still in there somewhere. He'd want you to be happy and live life for him as well.

Do you have any hobbies? Just try things out. It took me 10 years to stop being a pissbottling shut-in NEET and then to also take meme courses online and in community college and whatever that I ended up hating most of the time but I had to try it out to figure it out. Now I'm finally happy and know what to do with my life for actually the first time in my life.

Thanks, goldens really are the best companions lol.

I know that my brother and Darwin would want me to be happy but my brother was socially outgoing and instantly likeable. how the hell do i start de-fucking my social life at 19 with no real friends you know what mean?

I want to get onto playing bass guitar and get involved in a music scene somewhere eventually but i live in lifeless suburb. college could help, at the same time though i hated highschool and barely passed i feel like college would be the same.

It's just a dog

when youre a little kid with no friends an affectionate dog means alot.

>how the hell do i start de-fucking my social life at 19 with no real friends you know what mean?

That's for you to answer, I turned my life around when I was 28.

>I want to get onto playing bass guitar and get involved in a music scene somewhere eventually but i live in lifeless suburb. college could help, at the same time though i hated highschool and barely passed i feel like college would be the same.

You should really only go to college for something you know you'll enjoy studying and as far as playing bass and being involved in the music scene it can be done even if you live on a farm or whatever. With the internet and some basic recording tools and software you can be your own band or join another band. I know a dude up in sweden who's in a band with another guy from Florida and they've got an album already.

I'm seconding this user, pursue those interests, and pursue others as well; buy some paints, put together a skateboard, write something, do whatever interests you and eventually you'll find something that you enjoy. I'm sorry for your loss, but life keeps going on, and you should try to learn to continue, as difficult as your circumstances are

College is NOT the same at all

It's 1000x better. If there are people you don't like, you're not forced together like high school. People drift into friend groups, and there's booze everywhere.

I can't imagine losing my brother, but like you said he'd want you to be happy. Go study something you love and have a shit ton of fun doing it.

many breeds of dog (or mutts) are more pleasant and loving than people

not sure why I'd have to explain this on the behalf of op. seems to me you're just being a dickhead.

>antidepressants and weed
Are you insane? No wonder you feel like killing yourself. Now you get to deal with double withdrawal symptoms in addition to the grief of double deaths.

You have to stop this OP. Your brother must've been genetically predisposed to addiction - which means you have it too. Don't throw your life away. Get professional help ASAP, from someone who won't just give you antidepressants and count the money. You can't get through this alone, and you might be the next one dying of an overdose at this rate.

not at the same time my bad for phrasing it wrongly

I am not OP but this is the most sincere post I have read on here you are a kind person I hope that more good things happen for you.

Similar situation. My brother went to prison for trying to kill his girlfriend. My dog passed away a little over a year ago, she was my best friend, always there through the worst, even the death of my dad.

I just skirt by. I have difficulty maintaining hobbies and passions. I don't know, man. My best advice is if you ever find a glimmer of hope, an instinct, just take it. Nothing to lose anymore.

>walk in the door
>dog goes ballistic with joy just because I'm home
>mom bitches with rage at me that I'm late or didn't do the dishes or some stupid inane shit that doesn't warrant a meltdown
Choice is pretty clear.

Get rid of the medication, it makes things worse.

op here, sorry i fell asleep ill respond to each individually

I never really thought of the possibility of linking up with a band online, im definetly going to try and do that once i get skilled at bass

when i was younger i was way more passionate about expressing myself but ive obviously fell off from that, its funny you say writing as ive always wanted to write a sci-fi novel. for sure im going to start writing drafts again :)

desu i hate alcohol but the bit with people being hospitable about joining theyre friend group sounds nice. either way im eventually doing community college

i agree dogs are so caring loyal and happy to be with you whereas people are can be very much the opposite

Listen, I can't help with the brother thing, but animals don't live as long as people.

My brother has been dead for the past 4 years. I just try my hardest to live a fulfilling life and one that he would be proud of

my brother never really valued conventional life success, my fondest memories with him are of us having LAN parties in our living room playing grim dawn (diablo type rpg) and hearthstonr

user, you want to kill yourself? I won't stop you, however I will tell you this. Set a date for your 35th birthday.

If you go halfway through life and want to check out still, by all means do as you will.

But give it a solid chance first. Having a set date makes you get off your ass a little more too.

Although some may disagree with this advice, it helped me a lot.

interesting id say ill try it but if i end up killing myself it would probably be some on the fly reaction to a new low i find myself in

Nope. You have a date. You can't do it before that date. No matter what. Remember that.

Son you gotta buck the fuck up. No one wants to hear that, but it’s the truth.

You have to decide you’re going to be OK, and then you have to try everything you can to make that a reality. I would start here:
>I want to leave town and find a passion

I would argue that your passion comes from searching within yourself and trying new things. Maybe having an adventure is the right medicine for you right now.
>Drugs and alcohol
Drugs and alcohol are fine as bandaids, but you can’t smoke away your problems friend. Chronic cannabis use comes with consequences - different for everyone - but everyone has certain consequences.... so use cannabis as a medicine or a local anesthetic, but don’t let it become a crutch.
>Source: been smoking since 14, currently work in the industry

Also, this advice is coming from someone that’s seen some shit. I’m not some snowflake quoting to you from Dr. Drew.

i dont really smoke all that much if im being honest, twice a month at most and i dont drink at all.

and i truly do believe leaving my town and exploring for a little bit is the right move for me

im not one of those guys that doesnt want to make past theyre twenties but unless something in my life changes i really cant take the lack of ambition and loneliness

Twice a month? That’s nothing. If twice a month keeps you healthy and sane, then you can smoke twice a month for the rest of your life without any real health consequences. You could even up it to four times a month without any serious side effects that I’ve seen.

Don’t drink at all? Nice work. Keep it up if you can. Sometimes it might be a good idea to have a drink or two socially, but if you can limit yourself to a few drinks socially for work or girl etc. then you are way ahead of most people as far as health.

In other words, sounds like you’re doing a great job. Don’t be so worried about your drinking and smoking - they’re both at really low levels.
>leaving my town is right
Then go! Go forth and see the world. Any ideas where you want to go?

Baltimore because its the closest city to me, Newyork city for music scene type stuff and DC.
i think you may be confused though im not worried about substance abusing, im depressed because of the aforementioned deaths in my family

Hey man. As someone who's been in your shoes I've got a few things to say. Most important: your medication is obviously not working but DO NOT stop taking it. Instead go back to your doctor and make changes. If you stop taking your meds all of a sudden you will only sink lower, out of control. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and have been on over a dozen medications before I found a doctor that new his stuff and saved my life. Every person reacts differently to medications so it takes an expert to figure you out.
Now is not the time to make big life decisions like moving or going to college. If you decide to move your depression will come along for the ride, you won't be escaping anything. Instead stay where you are. Get comfortable. One of the best changes I made in my life came from getting a dog after losing the dog of my life just like your Golden. My dog forced me to get out of bed, go for walks, feel the warm sun and smell the fresh air. The second change I made was buying a camera. Photography had the same effect as getting a dog but added the social aspect. Get on Instagram and find people in your town to go out and shoot with. I have social anxiety but for me a camera was an easy way to start conversations with people. Photography will open up a whole new world for you. You'll see things differently, beauty in the small stuff etc. You might start to love where you're at.
Bottom line, find a good doctor, get a dog, and find a hobby that gets you outside.
PS Dogs really help in meeting people too. Get a dog that people can't pass on the street without petting. Good luck man I wish you the best. Just hang in there and things will come around.

not to dismiss what worked for you at all, but im not really into photography ive tried it and with practice i think i could have a good eye for it but its not for me. Im mostly into writing and music.

ive thought about adopting a basset hound but at the same time if i where to fall into a really bad slump and neglect it i wouldnt want it to suffer.

Of course. Too each their own but my point is that you need something to get you out of the house.

When I was at my lowest my dog was the only thing keeping me from crossing the line. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him to go into a shelter or whatever. But again that's my story. The most benefit though was that I had to take him out, I had to get out of bed. It wasn't just about me anymore there was something that relied on me.

If it's music you're into I'm sure there's a ton of songwriting meetups around. Or just make a point of getting out to check out the local bands.

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One thing in life you HAVE to know is that no matter how old anybody is, it is never too late to make friends. You don't gotta chase some preconceived ideas of friendships/groups/etc, just build from the ground up dog. I'm starting to try and I'm 21, shit, I fall down constantly. I still go at it no matter how pathetic I may seem to myself. I hope you're able to find amazing people who actually care for you, and I know you will. Just don't kermitsuicide.jpg and you will.