Love yourself and be happy alone before getting into a relationship

>love yourself and be happy alone before getting into a relationship
Don't trust these posters

Ever thought why attractive people are also more successful?
The need for belongingness and love comes before the esteem needs and self actualisation. Both of those are facilitated by being attractive.
If you feel alone that will harm your productivity.
So for the sake of your happiness don't neglect relationships and don't postpone them. Do not think that after enough wageslaving and lifting and other self improvement activities you will wake up one day as completely happy, and then you will be ready for a relationship. Those activities are of course important. BUT, do not forget it's a human need.

Now of course it's not true for everyone. Actual autists have less need for that, and Jow Forums got some of those too. But don't think their experience will be true for you.

Personally, when I was in a relationship, my productivity and general happiness was way higher. Now a good part of the day goes in the shitter because I'm not feeling as motivated to work as I have to deal with loneliness too.

Remember, we are more alike than we are different. Chances that you are some specimen that can thrive alone are small.

Yeah it sucks, it is indeed not that easy to get a gf in 2018 as an average or below guy, but memeing yourself that >it doesn't matter won't help you much.

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Well practically speaking as a man I can tell you that women are less likely to be interested in a guy who doesnt have his shit together. Looks, money, status, confidence. Have at least two.

Nobody really wants to be with someone that isnt st least trying to better their life. I agree having someone will make you happier but in today's dating world if you're a guy, you cant get that happiness without investing in yourself first, unless you were already attractive enough to get it before.

I agree that you need to have some things going on. But too many people take it to the extreme where they wait until they have everything in check and are perfect. That's rarely achieved.

I mean sometimes you need to take a break and focus on yourself more. When I get into dating and it goes sour I usually take a look at myself to find out why. Usually I'm not entirely happy with myself, mainly as a product of being rejected. I know I'm not "supposed" to let rejection but me but when it happens too much it makes you question everything. Especially somebody like me who is a 25 y.o. virgin: being unable to even have sex with someone means something is probably wrong with me. And motivation to improve more is not a bad thing IMO.

Motivation to improve is not a bad thing, of course.
But you can improve while also asking people out. Let's be serious, if you set a date in a Sunday, how much would that interfere with work?
Just watch out that it doesn't become a defence mechanism.
>ask 2-3 girls out
>get rejected
>wew lad I'm not gonna try for some more months till I have some more meat on my biceps and more money in my bank account
It is a numbers game indeed.

I'm not sure what you mean by defense mechanism. I get what you're saying but I dont like myself and I dont think women do either. Why would they? If I'm not happy with myself, why would I burden another with my existence?

I mean that rejection is painful sometimes and people go to great lengths and rationalize not trying anymore in order not to get hurt.

Yeah absolutely. But IMO you gotta balance just brushing off rejection with being honest with yourself and why you might have been rejected.

Can confirm, when I was with ex everything in life made more sense. Was easier to focus on improving self and finding meaning in life. Now that I'm alone and seemingly unable to find a new partner I spend much time feeling lonely and sad and things that once made me happy seem dull now. And I'm in shape with a good(over 60k a year) job.

You can't talk yourself out of instinct and our instinct is to want to be loved and sexually validated. Without that(or complete confidence that you are able to get it when you want it) you will feel that something is missing no matter what.

Just think how hard it is to find the right person though. This only works if you find the right girl or guy and theres sp many "wrong" ones or bad relationships. It's super risky and I dont blame people for wanting even a temporary break. Be it months or years: theres nothing wrong with being single. And you can find what you described in friends too, not just romantic partners.

Personally I don't get why people with no close friends, no wide network of friends-of-friends, no casual social acquaintances, and 0 social skills at all think the best starting point is an intimate committed serious relationship.

I haven't noticed many people on Jow Forums recommending people should isolate themselves but if they have then cool thread op

>ask 2-3 girls out
>get rejected
>wew lad I'm not gonna try for some more months till I have some more meat on my biceps and more money in my bank account
I don't think this is a bad strategy
> chatting up to 8 to 10 new people, half of them chicks, looking to make friends and meet new people
> asking out 2-3 of those girls
> get rejected
> well, time to better myself
A few months between attempts to hook up with someone is not a bad thing and is not a long time.

I'd agree that its very hard to find the "right" girl. But even being with the "wrong" one is good for the sake of building the confidence that you can in fact be found attractive and be loved. When you feel completely confident that you are able to attract a mate and feel confident that when the "right" girl comes you will be able to win her over you will be a much happier person than the guy who waited and waited for Mrs right and then when she showed up there was so much pressure to succeed and you had no practice so you blew it and then get oneitus.

Lately I've been thinking about getting a gf and while it would be great to have one, I still have no friends and I really want friends too. What can you suggest for me user?

Not him but what turned my social life was around was:
>go clubbing
>have fun with the social butterflies chads
>meet multiple times and become friends
>suddenly get invited to a lot of parties
>after that it's easy mode

Infiltrate the social circles of cool guys

Honestly the best way to make friends is either through school, work or hobbies. I can't help you with not being an aspie or an autist but in school you can work on projects together. Keep is subtle and let them adapt to your personality slowly. Hobbies you just talk about the hobby until you get a feel for eachother well enough to maybe see if they wanna grab a beer some time or something. Work same deal. Not too sure what else to say on that. I've had the same group of friends since I was little and never thought much about how to make friends.

Just don't try too hard or come off too eager and for the love of god keep your powerlevel under wraps and let the crazy out slowly. I'm pretty good at that stuff and even I get the odd look from co-workers when I drop a joke that goes just too far.

I agree

Unless you are really hot with good social status, it's not likely that hitting on 2-3 girls will yield results. I have a few chad friends and not even them escape rejections. Women have options, unlike most men. I once had enough of rejections and lowered standards, and chased a fat tumblrina. Seeing she's not really into me I backed off and became friends instead. I had her and a common friend talk about all the guys who tried to initiate a relationship with her(plenty), but she rejected them all because she's obsessed with a friend of mine.
It was shocking to see that even fat chicks have more options than I ever had. So if you think 2 girls is big enough of a dating pool, reconsider.

This. I have seen the most Chad dude I have ever met. 6'5", handsome, beard, jacked as fuck(on roids, he told me) and really funny all around cool dude. Went out with him one night and watched him get shot down like 5 times that night. He just laughed it off, shit happens.

Guys that get laid the most are the guys that get rejected the most they say.

I respect the power to face 5 rejections in a night, I'd stop after the second.

Many people I know in relationships act fucking miserable about them. Not exactly selling modern romance in an emotionally unstable generation raised by single parents and broken homes.

this is complete nonsense because once people pair up and have kids all that shit goes out the window anyway

by the way I have all those things and am still incapable of getting a decent relationship