Breaking no contact early

Ex is suggesting we meet up before a wedding were both in. The bride suggested the same thing the day before my ex sent this.

The theory I'm being told is that seeing her before will soften the blow of seeing her at the wedding.

If I never saw her again it would be too soon but I don't think ill make a scene or something. I'm sure ill find her beautiful and old feelings will come up but I don't think it'll fuck me up to a point of lamentation.

We were together 11 yrs and married 6 weeks before she left to date around and fuck a guy friend of hers - this was 6 months ago. So I know ill be feeling a lot of juxtaposition about being at a wedding with my ex.

Should I meet her? What good would it do? No contact has helped me get through this and I don't want to lose the stability I feel now.

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I'm not sure why. In the wedding reception, you have the option of smiling and nodding briefly and then focusing on other people, but meeting one-on-one is a lot more intense. Instead of meeting her, I'd do some mental exercises, imagine seeing her at the wedding, she looks nice, I'll feel like shit, but then I'll go do other stuff and focus on that and the feeling will subside, that sort of thing.

Your ex wants to feel better and the bride doesnt want it to be awkward at her wedding, I would just cut contact. Whose wedding is this for?

Just this, you don't need to hang around and salt an open wound

How long have you been no-contact?

Don't go to that fucking wedding.

I say be honest with her:
>Listen, [girl], I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to avoid you at the wedding, and I hope you'll do me the courtesy of avoiding me. This period of no contact has been really beneficial to me, and I frankly don't want to break it. I'm not going to ask you no to go to the wedding, and I'm not going to do the childish thing and no-show.
>Like, I don't mean to be super rude by saying this, but I want nothing to do with you. I plan on going to the wedding, drinking the minimum that's socially acceptable, keeping to my friends, and leaving at an appropriate time.

And of course this is presuming you can't get out of the wedding, or just show for an hour and leave (i.e., skip the reception). I fucking dipped out early on a wedding where I was a groomsman because I'd had a falling-out with the groom (mostly on my end) about six months before the wedding. I think I've seen him twice in the ten years since then: Once at an event I accidentally invited him to, and again at an old friend's wedding reception.

So wait, you were together for 11 years and after only 6 weeks of marriage she ran out on you to jump on another dude?

Any friend who would keep you both in the same wedding party is no friend of yours. don't contact her, and don't go to that wedding.

>Any friend who would keep you both in the same wedding party is no friend of yours. don't contact her, and don't go to that wedding.
Eh. Ideally they should just rearrange the seating for the reception if at all possible. If either OP or his ex (or both!) are in the wedding, that does complicate things a little.

But you can't expect them to disinvite one or the other just because they broke up. It's up to them to decide whether they want to cancel or ask for special accommodations, and they've each had six months to do so.

Seriously, people planning a wedding have bigger shit to worry about than guests who had a breakup but don't cancel. That's on the guests.

>in the wedding
Implies that they are not just both invited to the wedding, but that they are part of the wedding party. The bride and groom want them to walk down the isle together as part of the groomsman and bridesmaids.

>That's on the guests
If someone cheats on you 6 weeks into a marriage, and someone else says "Hey, would you mind walking side by side with them down the isle again for our wedding" you have every right to tell them to fuck off. They dont sound like guests, they sound like part of the actual wedding party.

>If someone cheats on you 6 weeks into a marriage, and someone else says "Hey, would you mind walking side by side with them down the isle again for our wedding" you have every right to tell them to fuck off. They dont sound like guests, they sound like part of the actual wedding party.
Why the fuck do you think they asked them to be part of the wedding AFTER they broke up?

Most weddings are set at least a year in advance.

>Most weddings are set at least a year in advance

They are, but it doesnt take 6 months to figure out that this might be awkward. "Janet is a real bitch for what she did to brad" or "Brad is such a scumbag and im glad that Janet came around" isnt hard to do. That fact that they haven't resolved this in 6 months means that they know what she did was fucked up, but still would rather have her around and feel guilty cutting him out from he wedding. Hence no friends of his.

I know how long and how much work goes into a wedding, had one of my own and helped a fair few others. If i were in that wedding i would have dropped one of them immediately, and if i was in this dudes place, i would have politely excused myself from the wedding if neither of us had been asked to step down from the wedding party after about a month.

>had one of my own and helped a fair few others.
So you know better. Guess what: First timers don't.

Grow the fuck up, not everybody acts rationally or even knows the full extent of what happened. Doesn't make them "no friend" of anybody.

This. After a few drinks you may end up saying something or hitting the guy she brings—especially if it’s the guy that broke you up...

Honestly if he goes he shouldn't drink.

>Grow the fuck up
That's the point, I'm already grown... giving advice to people who need it. Its what we are supposed to be doing here.

>not everybody acts rationally or even knows the full extent of what happened
If the bride is still in contact with the both of them, and wanted them both in the wedding party they probably know what happend.

>Doesn't make them "no friend" of anybody
Real grown person advice... You don't need people like this in your life. If no one else here is going to say it, i will.

>Seriously, people planning a wedding have bigger shit to worry about than guests who had a breakup but don't cancel. That's on the guests.

Yeah, after spending $40k on a wedding I will let it up to the guests to defuse a possible brawl at the reception... because after all it’s just OUR wedding.

Then why go at all...

Maybe he's friends with people there? The fuck kind of person are you?

Because only OP truly knows if he can handle seeing his ex wife with another man just six months after splitting up. That’s what kind of person I am, realistic.

No one has actually mentioned this yet. No reason to think that Chad Thundercock isn't going to be smiling at him the whole time.

Don't fucking go

Actually I did...

See it’s not OP’s day, it’s the bride and groom’s day. Somethings in life require one to realize that in order for everyone else to have a great time, one should just stay away. You can drop off your gift to them days before their wedding.

But what if his exwife gets drunk and starts drama? (Sure it’s not his fault, but not being there is better than being there for drama).

Too soon.

One of my best friends.
Ex is the maid of honor ( the bride was her maid of honor)
The bride kinda apologized and said she had barley any female friends
We both were told by the bride to not bring dates. Unless we want to see each other with someone.
How can I not drink ? That sounds impossible

Im a grooms-men

Also I'm basically friends with everyone and she's only friends with the bride.

Basically everyone on "my side"

All the more reason to not go
You'll look considerate and people will feel bad that you missed out, blaming her for it

I feel bad for the groom; wouldn't really set my mind at ease knowing my soon to be wife fraternizes with cheaters.

Well when you’re crying in the Men’s room at least you’ll have your friends.

That's rood to my friend. Im going

Don't FUCKING GO whatever you do OP. 6 months is an eye blink in the time it takes to get over an 11 year relationship. If it were a mutual decision to break up, sure maybe I would say follow your heart and do what you think is right but she blindsided you and betrayed you for her own selfish reasons, she doesn't deserve you back, I guarantee this is a test to see if she can still keep you on the back burner in case her little liberating adventure comes crashing down and blows up in her face. I'm almost wanting to beg you not to do this while I'm typing this because I've been in your position and it never ends up well, she'll drag you through the mud, put you trough emotional hell and in the process it will open up all the old wounds from your initial breakup. You don't even need to offer her an explanation but I'd caution you against even staying in touch with her.

Fuck it, I'm voting no go.

Sign a prenup so you get one of your balls back when you divorce.

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wow what a bitch.

No I wouldn't acknowledge her existance. Either by text or in person. She should be dead to you.

Read the whole thread, OP has decided to go to the wedding to be a good friend (you're a bro OP, props) so here's my advice
You don't need one on one time. You just need to be polite at the wedding and avoid her. Focus on doing what good groomsmen do and pretend she doesn't exist. Maybe assign a bro on "ex duty", where he runs interference and keeps you away from her if you start drinking.