My OT doesn't seem to be in the mood for sex most of the time. Every time we get intimate, it's me who initiates. This is a little turn off as he has rejected me several times, saying I'm always horny.
For a healthy relationship, how often do people tend to have sex? Typically?
Maybe once a year depending on how much money I spend on them.
you can't be serious, ffs
Well in my experience after 1 year you should have had sex zero times.
Oh wait, my relationship was just plain shit. My bad.
I went through this.
Tell them your needs aren't being met and if they aren't willing to make an effort then break it off.
Well, not entirely. Realistically, it's about once a month. Feels the same, though. When it comes up at that point, it's more like, "Why even bother".
There is no set amount of sex you should have or even an average.
For some it is several times a day, for others a couple times a week or month is fine.
If you want more than you are getting, then do more to make them want to have sex.
Your OT? Is that "overtime" or something?
One true.
Yeah, I hate these faggoty ass abbreviations for everything too.
ftge
We both deeply care for one another... I don't know if I could break it off solely on not having as much sex as I'd like.
Ideally I want to be wanted by the man I'm with, y'know? Asking for sex is such a turn off (cause I'm doing the asking)
What could I do? He's a conscientious, intelligent male who likes to think a lot and talk about things. I wouldn't say he's asexual but I'd say maybe a little?
*OT - Other Half? Thought it was known abbreviation
Are you sure he's not gay?
Pretty sure he's not gay
It doesn't really matter whats 'normal', the only relevant thing is that you want it more than he does.
Did you have a matching sex drive before and did something change? Or has it always been this way?
So he's not gay, but he isn't having sex with you, a woman.
ok
assuming y'all are relatively young, he ought to have a healthy sex drive
have you gained weight? stopped taking care of yourself? do you simply ask for sex or do you try and be sexy @ him?
We did have matching sex drive, he used to initiate a lot in the early years of our relationship.
The only thing that has changed is my birth control methods (I follow natural methods now) but I don't think that's the reason. I have a window of 2 & a half weeks of infertile window where we can have sex like all the time, I remind him of this time ALL the time.
We can go without sex if I don't ask for it for a month or so, or have it like once a month
I know it happens but I simply cannot imagine a relationship where the fem is the one with the higher sex drive.
Normally it's the other way around and I imagine this must be quite frustrating for you.
With my ex, I stopped initiating because the sex was just really boring. She never made the effort to initiate on me so we just stopped doing it.
I understand that you're making the effort though and that must really suck. I'm sorry.
Sounds like he doesn't like the way you fuck anymore, so he's watching porn by himself instead. I did this with two of my exes because they wouldn't do certain things for me in bed.
I bet that you aren't fucking him right.
I'd say talk to him about what's changed. Be aware that this might be a touchy subject and try your best not to make it sound like you're complaining about his sex drive.
Yeah it sucks to be the one who's constantly initiating...
The only thing he doesn't enjoy is 'woman on top' and I don't really force it, unless he's wants me to be on top. I do everything he likes, I'm aware of all of his likes/dislikes.
That's okay. I want to talk to him but really scared of how he might react, since it's very touchy subject.
How djd sex usually start when you first began seeing each other?
Will asking if he watches porn on his own be a shit idea to bring up? It'd upset me if I knew that's how he was getting off and avoiding sex w me.
I do everything he likes in bed, we talk about our likes/dislikes and very open about things. I'd say I'm not bad in bed
there are a lot of factors to a lack of sex drive in a male. Depression, anxiety, and any kind of distraction may be leading to this.
You may also want to change up the way you are in bed. If he has to do all the work it's obviously not too exciting for him.
When trying to figure out what he wants sexually, don't be vague and say "Do whatever you want." It's a cheap way of saying "I'm not inventive about how to satisfy you"
Also when you come onto them, don't do it when they are busy. My ex left me for a lack of sex drive(among other things) in a time where my anxiety and depression was peak. Often she would try to initiate when she knew I was busy, which led to a lack of results(I know that's projection but it could hold up for you).
Otherwise, you may need to check yourself. Make sure you're in shape and still keep his attention. Think of what turned him on in the first place. Just because dressing sexy once didn't work doesn't mean it won't work the next time.
A shitty but necessary thing. If he's watching porn to replace having sex with you, chances are you aren't as good in bed as you think. Just doing what he likes isn't enough, clearly you need to let down some boundaries about your dislikes if you want to spark an interest.
Watching something, he'd want sex. On holidays, he'd initiate sex like ALL the time, no matter where we were. He'd want to fool around in empty public nature spaces and it was real fun. He'd want sex first thing in the morning on some days, etc.
I'd say I have what is considered 'sexy' body by most men. I am around 55kg and I take care of myself in terms of looks and dressing well.
I don't think it's depression.
He does all of the work only because he won't have it any other way. He dislikes cow girl position or any other position where I'm on top for the most part. It's a weird thing in my opinion, as I thought men liked the physique and position of women riding them?
He's never busy when I initiate sex, I'm very aware of that and don't do it when his attention is elsewhere.
That is very odd, most men do enjoy having a woman ride them. I suppose he likes having power and the feeling of doing the work but this also makes room for an excuse not to have sex. If he's not busy when you initiate then maybe try something he's always wanted but you've been ify about to initiate a spark. I went through a rough patch a while ago when I wanted to do anal (gf was very against it) and after she allowed it, it did open up our sex life again.
I have said many times I'd like to try cow girl or some other position where I did some of the work. It's a power thing with him, he doesn't feel comfortable being inactive partner, likes being the penetrator, so to speak.
We've explored that and we're both very open about it. It's just the lack of initiating and sex overall.
Well then the best thing I can say is don't get discouraged, maybe adapt a better gym schedule (if you don't have one maybe it's best to pick one up). He may have grown bored of your style as well, perhaps a small change in that (get a haircut, make him want to fall for you).
And I hate to blame the monster that /b/ calls porn but in this case it may be best to look into if he's been watching a lot of it.
Though I do find it a little odd that he isn't making any effort to try what you'd like sexually in terms of riding on top. Seems a little disrespectful that he won't let you.
The term "The Penetrator" gave me a laugh
This really is up to you to decide for your own relationship.
And you really should be making for him the points you're making in this thread, not for us.
Wow great post, it's not like she came to advice for advice or something.
>arbitrary meta bitching
Oh, boy, my favourite kind of contribution. You're such a passionate fellow.
Here's the advice, you need to decide the standards for your relationship yourself. If you can't, then it's very possible the other side is manipulating you to provide what they want without compromise toward what you want. This is why the communication is important: it establishes the equality and understanding that should be present and would avoid this kind of situation.
Instead of bringing up good points to us you should be bringing them up to him because you don't want to lose sight of what's valuable here (forest for the trees and all that). You need to make him understand that this is indeed not your ideal nor even your compromise situation. Sexual compatibility is very much a part of relationships and if you're constantly engaging, it could really be as simple as you possessing the sexual initiative in your relationship, him lacking confidence in the sack, or any number of things-- but until you get an answer, for us to provide "well do this and then this" is jumping the gun. Obviously, if he starts to dodge the idea of compromise super-hard then we have a different ball-game on our hands, compared to if he confesses that he's shy and has performance anxiety.
Not that I'd expect you, user, to understand the value of any advice. After all, you're the kind of person who sees it and then complains because it's 'not good enough.'d
Always need someone to blame or throw under the bus, don't you? Your types disgust me.
>Always need someone to blame or throw under the bus, don't you? Your types disgust me.
Lol no but if you had lead with this answer I probably wouldn't have commented considering this is advice.
Same shit, different pile, bud. All I did was fill in spaces because you can't read between the lines and your first response-- instead of saying 'can you elaborate?'-- was to try and devalue it.
Out of curiosity, what contributions are yours, besides these two posts' worth of bitching? Or are you in fact OP, and just slighting people who take time out of their days to respond to you?
I’m OP.
Thanks for your points btw, I didn’t come on here to solely bitch about lack of sex in relationship. I thought I was overthinking it but obviously it’s different for everyone. Don’t be so bitter about it tho, give advice if you want but no one is forcing you to.
Why are you so angry? And no I'm not OP my posts agree a lot with what you are saying.
Those are all me (which will make this response look like a mess).
Yeah it’s the anger I don’t get
We usually do it about 3-5 times a day depending on how busy we are. Seems common enough.
Guessing you don’t work full time, eh?
Being in LDR when my bf is here we would have it everyday if not 2 times a day
Nah, we do. Usually once in the morning, once during our lunch breaks, after work in the shower, and usually when we settle in and watch our movies at the end of the night.