19

I don’t think user inquired whether you wanted to be happy. It’s not your feelings user cares about, it’s your interests. What makes you happy? What kind of job or interest do you like? What do you want to be in life?

Sometimes yeah. and I have considered it but not only I am very self conscious (again, ironically) but also kind of have this fear of getting tracked down and fucked over or something, whether it's now or in the distant future.
And part of me still feels shame, you know? Very conflicted. Like, "this ain't right for me, is it?"

That's really hard to answer and I need a lot more detailed scenario but yeah honestly I'd probably cuck myself and run out of there like a dog with tail between my legs.

Well, I'm glad to hear. Thanks for sharing your insight user. makes me think a bit.
If people in RL find out what you do online, aren't you labeled a slut too, though?

I don't know and I don't know. Honestly, I'm pretty miserable and lost. NEET for 2 years in a row now, not the first time either.
Only thing I can come up first thought as answer is anime and vidya.
That's why I said I just want to be happy. i just want a comfy minimally happy life. but I'm not very hopeful on it though. I try not to think about it.

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How old are you?

Are you open to trying things, no matter how weird they may sound, if there's a chance they could help?

Being on the internet for so long from a young age has made an impression on your social skills.

Yes, but I personally found it easier to control.
Online I never posted my face and I don't have any other distinguishing features. Also I posted only in my bathtub which looks like every other bathtub in the world.
All I have to do now is not tell anyone.
I did regret it because I worried about my boyfriend stumbling upon a photo of my body and benign able to recognize it so I came clean to him since I knew I could trust him.

When you're something with someone you know, the chances of them not telling anyone are unlikely. You have less control.

On the other hand, you have less control online if your identity is associated with the acts you do. So if your friends and stuff know and have access to those images, then you've lost a lot of control.

Texas?

London?

op i dont know if this is a good advice for you. but it kind of worked for me. Dont worry about your camming at all. Sometimes we just make mistakes you just have to accept that it already happened. I too sent dick pics to someone and erped on phone. I got catfished by a homosexual and thought she was a girl. it threw me out of my life and i was miserable. i dropped out college 3x too and now NEET(kind of) i was heavily fucked up too when in hs i got stripped of my shorts and everybody in the class saw my dick, They were my classmates for 4 years. Im just telling you this OP Someone in the world will kill for the life you have. You can still fix it. Right now im 19 years old same as you and a kissless virgin too but i already accepted that it already happened. You just have to be better. Right now im making weeb vidya from latest animes. Its fun and i learned a lot of programming and 3d modelling. i suggest you find something productive to do op. it will help a lot. I hope youre still here reading the thread. As much as i want to tell more things i fucking hate phoneposting and my fingers hurt now.

I am youtube com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o

Being happy isn’t something that is a constant for most people. It’s something to strive towards. No one can really tell you how to get there: but what works for me is setting attainable goals and working towards them.

Don’t mind any social bullshit or about what it makes you. If you want to have sex, do it. If not, don’t.

19

That's a vague question. I'll give a vague answer. ... maybe. Although, I'm usually more inclined to be fearful and wary.

is that even possible?

that makes sense. thank you.

... thanks for sharing. I just don't know how to make things right. I don't think I can make them right.
I'm cursed.

Thank you. I know people aren't happy all the time, but I'm constantly low and unstable and scared of being happy. I'd like a little more stability at the very least.
but that's a very distant dream I don't think I'll realistically obtain.

as for sex, I agree with that, but... the problem with that is, I myself can't tell what I want or don't want. it's hard.

Sometimes I get fired up and I want to, then mid act (cybering of course, no experience in real thing) or afterwards I feel absolute regret, shame, and whatnot. I've had few times where I completely have to breakdown and vomit.
I try to forget it as much as possible.
I wonder if it's because of the things I did with the much older guy when I was 12. I basically enabled a pedophile and all. maybe it's really left a mark on me.

It makes you a whore, that's all. A slut. You should tell about it the person if you want to date them but well I'm sure you would. Alao, God and I thought I was too slutty because I have my boyfriend a blowjob when I was 15 and did with him anal at 16

How can op brag about all this sex stuff and still not post tits? Hurry it up, op. Let's see the goods.

Stability is a broad goal. If you feel like it’s unattainable, let’s break it down some. What would you like to become more stable? Do you think something that you do every week, stability in your schedule, would help you?

im this guy yeah been there too ive had those situations that i think i was forsaken by the world but you know i was really lucky that i have my family. I just had to look really near they were there for me. Are you by chance asian OP? not generalizing that much but i think they would understand if *assuming that you still live with them* mostly your mom.
What this guy said is true. Being too much in the internet fucks your social skills up irl
Stop shitposting you know its a femanon based on someone typing.

Believe it or not, a while ago I talked to another girl on Jow Forums who had a bit of similar problems (anxiety to sex type things). I made some hypnosis files for her to listen to because she was curious about it and I've done it before. Apparently it did help her gain confidence.

It is a blue board you stupid cunt

i'm the same user except i'm a guy
i was molested when i was 7 for a short while and then throughout my teens i was groomed online by a bunch of older people who regularly asked me for crossdressing, nudes, videos, and cams because i had a feminine frame, my mind is warped and i was always treated like a slut to others too, except in real life i'm a isolated depressed sperg idiot virgin who can't even socialise with others anymore and all i want is someone who cares about me

i don't know if it makes you feel better or worse OP but i just want to let you know you're not alone and i wish we can both find our own answers how to fix what the fuck is wrong with ourselves

Stability kicks so much ass m8, you don't even know.
t. Pumped stability using charisma as the dump stay

Sure would be nice if it came with more perks but at least I don't have bullshit flying at me from left field anymore and I can handle what does come at me pretty easily.

Post feet

NOW

*dump stat

OP here, another thing I didn't mention is impulse.
I did and do all these things on peak impulses. As I've gotten older my libido has been down in the slumps next to nonexistent but every now and then it spikes (incomparable to my teen years though).
It's usually not gradual, most of the time it's 0 to 100 very quick, and I go with the high (and usually regret it in the middle of it or later/immediately after).
Maybe this is another reason I'm scared of real sex? Because I fear I'll regret it no matter what, especially the real thing which will make me feel the regret even harder?

I don't really take offense, just an observation, but why are girls the quickest to express their negativity and tear down other girls sometimes to the point where they're more sexist than men themselves? I mean, judging by your "tone" or something. and assuming you're a girl.

blue board and the reality is I'm very conscious about them, actually. very small and boring. honestly would rather just be a flat A cup than what I have. Bigger wouldn't make me happier either. It simply doesn't fit with my body, I think.

you know maslow's pyramid or whatever? I'd like to start by ensuring I have the bases of it but even that is just a distant goal.
and I mean emotional too, as in rather than being, imagine a graphic, low-super low-low-low-low-SUDDENLY HIGH PEAK-low-low-super low-low, I'd like to be more... normalised, like ok-ok-ok-low-low-ok-happy-ok like an average person or something, don't know.

huh, surprised me. But at the same time it makes sense. It IS manipulating and conditioning someone's mind, is it not?

i'm sorry to hear user. thank you for your input.
I was never really forced I suppose, the guy showed just as much guilt as I did. I don't know.

I don't really want to make this into a /soc/ thread. kek. soc. sock. feet. get it

sry 4 le reddit longpost

You seem like you're one or two good influences away from being a pretty decent person, to be frank. Sounds like you're almost where you need to be, you just need to iron out impulse control and socialize yourself a bit more.

It's not manipulating or conditioning, nothing magical about it. Hypnosis gives you what you want out of it. It's just reinforcing things in your mind. So because she had this idea that being hypnotized would force her to do things, like becoming more comfortable with her sexuality, it's kinda how it went.

i'm i wasn't forced when i was groomed online, i was caught up in it so i understand your situation, reading about the libido thing is also scarily similar, sometimes i would automatically refuse, sometimes i would talk to people all day and sometimes i'd go overboard when people asked for stuff

one time this 15 year old fat kid sent me a video of him jacking off to me when i was 14, it almost made me throw up but it didn't stop me from doing it to other people

cause of all of this i'm scared of casual relationships and so the only type i want now is a long lasting and stable one, but i'm scared to talk to people because of all of this now

all of this seems completely understandable but i hope you can try and overcome the fear of real interaction with people that the regret of superficial interaction has created

believe me, i really have tried all these years but it seems I'm simply cursed.
I have a wonderful curse where everyone I get close to gets sick/bored/tired of me, can't handle me, finds someone better than me, cucks me, uses me then dumps me (or only talks to me as a rebound/last option in general), and overall leave me, most times on bad terms.
I think I've only had one close connection with someone in my life where we simply faded away from each others gradually and naturally.

I do yearn for someone to guide me and save me that I can devote my heart (what's left of it) to, I'm a disgusting fucking sap and love is my most extreme problematic fetish, and for me to be able to make them happy and show my gratitude back but that's simply never going to happen. That's all fantasy. Too much fucking romance manga and anime I guess.

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user thats not fantasy at all. You're a really great person thinking like that. I can relate since im really grateful to my family members that i want to get back to them mostly my grandparents. We all yearn for a someone who will love us back like you love them. user keep it going ok? you're going to be fixed someday. Do you have a discord by any chance? Since you like anime and things maybe we could talk about it or your problem on the matter.

I can’t give you love, but if you’re looking for a stable and consistent friend that can be a good influence, I can help you there.

meant for thissame as this

Wait, so I'm sexist now because I called you a slut/whore after you whores yourself out for years since you were 9 and yourself admited you are a slut

We tear you down because of people like you whole gender is judged negatively

Don't put yourself down so much about it, it just sounds like you have problems implementing and internalizing what help you do get. I'm going through a similar thing with my roommate, someone I've known since we were five. He's hardworking as fuck and goodlooking but he has no discipline or optimism, and I'm pretty sure I'm close to a breakthrough on both counts. I've just got to get him to a point where he's not living out of pocket anymore and the rest should click, which shouldn't be long. He makes more than I do but compared to him im a money wizard, he just needs guidelines to live within.
I'm the guy from Texas that maximized stability, on the off chance it matters. I also have the same fetishized, idealized sappy romantic vision of love and I agree it kind of sucks. It forces me to look at stuff through a lens that probably isnt realistic but I wonder what happens when two people like that get together.

Guy here.
I did the same, I started to have cam sex with different girls / woman on online sites starting from 13 (even had woman in their 30s when I was 15 and they knew my age).
I also was known as being the experienced guy even though I was a virgin up until 21 (I tried having sex several times before but I immediately stopped after penetration (I dont know why)).

For me the peaks in sex drive is the same; in my mind, I am sex addicted but only on occasions if that does make sense.
After I lost my virginity I had a phase where I went to hookers often, like up to 3 times a night and sometimes during the day as well. I easily fucked 30 Hookers in 1 1/2 years.

Having one night stands was however hard for me, since I have a high social anxiety and cant really talk to people and opening myself emotionally is next to impossible.

Out of pure luck I found my GF and this works really well, even though I was known as the male slut in our group, so everyone was really surprised for me staying in a relationship for over a year (currently 24).

I didnt really offer any advice, but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone, and that your situation can and will change.

I don't know. maybe not the case for others, but it is next to impossible and irrealistic. Stories are glorified and sugarcoated, and they're just that, stories.
and sorry, but surprisingly or not, I mostly keep to the chan at the moment. no more social stuff for a while.

honestly, I do appreciate that truly, but you have no idea how many times I've heard something like that only for it to end the way it does. still, thank you.

Uh, I guess not. It simply reminded me in general, sorry.

Alright, well, hopefully you manage to sort yourself. Like I said before, try to set manageable goals and get some stability in your life one step at a time. Even something as simple as a specific day you work out, clean, or any other activity is a good start.

Think of a big goal and break it into steps that you’d need to take to make it a reality.

I’m hopping out, goodluck.

Think quality, not quantity.

Instead of making a list of every kink you can think of, start thinking in terms of satisfying human relationships that might find natural expression in sexuality

>female (supposedly)
>Supposedly
What?
>And most importantly, what does this make me? A slut? A virgin? A virgin slut?
>cybered (cam, mutual masturbation, ERP)
It makes you a virgin slut. You've never had sex but acted like a cam whore the majority of your life. You get bonus points for being a virgin and are redeemable. Just clean your act up and get your shit together and you can find a man.
>first time with a much older guy when i was 12
Sounds like you were groomed or taken advantage of young, No one can hold you accountable for that. But if you continue acting like that now you'll always be know as the slut friend.

Same here, used to play korean MMOs and WOW and be the biggest slut in guilds, but in real life I was shy and friendless. I guess the internet does that to some people. Mind you I'm a bit older than you and when I had internet I was already in highschool, unpopular and everyone hated me so maybe I just turned my back on real life, idk
Nowadays I'm considered a slut because of how I dress and talk dirty as fuck but I'm pretty chill and virgin. Guys don't wanna give me the time of the day because they always assume I'm a druggie emo bitch even though I'm 26. But I mean, if you're virgin at 26 there's gotta be something wrong with you, right?

>have extensive shameful kink list
Hawt, pls share
Srsly though, as long as you're not fat you'll find a half-decent guy eventually. Try hooking up with some guy who's studying some STEM stuff that you like, release your inner whore on him alone, and he might just be set for life

Oh Ore, you're such a peach.
But no you're talking about repression. Chances are your fetishes even that deep or dark but repression is a unique beast. In all honesty you might want therapy; but you could try prodding the dating scene. You're young and things are at an all time high for acceptance so you're not so weird nowadays.

Don't try tinder. It's a scum-infested cesspool of STDs and regret
Where do you live? Is there a respectable college anywhere around within a few dozen miles? Get a job as a barista nearby, try to hook up with a student

stop caring so much what other people think and do what you enjoy that helps others

These things happen best when organic. Just put yourself in the situations where the type of people you want congregate. Maybe take some cheap classes? Tech schools are very diverse and your selection will be wide.

But as the other guy said, these questions arent really going to kill you. Unless for some reason you die young you'll have lots of life to explore sex and romance. Do whats easiest for now, like school or career, and let everything else happen in its time.
And don't worry if you're an uggo (though I'm sure you aren't as you didn't feel the need to mention it) everyone is a fetish for someone out there.

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I guess you're right... man, I don't know.

well, you seem to be comfortable, though, so that's good

it really all depends but honestly? just about anything, except stuff like scat, snot, sneezing, tickling, prolapse, pedo shit, beastiality, vore... full-on rape is kinda eh too... yeah.

It's so hard for me to make acquaintances/friends alone, let alone something so wrecking as dating...

see, I half agree with you, but... I keep getting conflicted and confused. Can't help it.

I'm looking next semester a trade school, will try not to drop out again.
well, thank you.
somehow, in the end, i guess nobody really propositioned either IRL, and I guess I'm waiting for someone to make the first move... maybe. I don't know.
I do find myself pretty fucking uggo though, ironically. Photos and cam it's different because you can manipulate and control lighting and angle and edit it all, and choose what gets shown and what doesn't, but even then it's still hard.

When I'm taking pictures of my body and such, it doesn't even feel like me, I feel like I'm photographing a model... except I'm lonely and broke so I don't have any models so I use my own body as one.
I know a lot of whores/e-girls go with the "NOT A WHORE, IT'S ART!!!" get-up (nothing wrong with that I suppose, I'm not the one to talk and judge), but the aesthetic and feel of it really is what I enjoy more than sexual pleasure itself a lot of times.
I feel disconnected from my body I guess.

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>full-on rape
please share

she said except "... full on rape"

>I do find myself pretty fucking uggo though
only one way to find out. post pic (at least neck down)

Anything truly can be art, even whoring. Tasteful nudity or even camwhoring is something that many women find gives them a confidence boost. Basically if it makes your shit better, fiddly fuck cultural and social programming.

Sounds like you're a normal looking chick. Literally all american girls that fall short of narcissism think they're some level of ugly. I'd bet you're plenty hot - you just hate a few extra curves you have or an awkward nose or something.

It really sounds like you need to explore who you are and what you like independently of relationships. You may discover new fedishes and delete old ones from your list. Not saying go out and get Eiffel towered, but I'm not saying dont either.

Just figure out what you like, who you are, what you want, and then do the old trick of imagining what a strong, healthy, perfect person would do and then do that.
It really wouldn't hurt to put yourself around others in your mental age group too. Don't drop out again. Even the negative experiences can lead somewhere. I met my forever person doing the worst job I ever had.
Remember: you decide the person you are every day, if you dislike it then be someone else. Fake it till you make it. We are all just telling ourselves a story, and that makes up our experience of consciousness. Just throw in a big old twist in your story, or at least start a new chapter.

Not sure what you understood but either way, what I meant is full-on rape isn't very up my alley, I think. Some roleplay rape might be ok but even then it's where there other one ends up enjoying it or suddenly the attacker goes from brute to soft and careful taken aback with their victim's helplessness and crying face, IDFK.

again, this isn't /soc/, man...

I'm not american, but well, I don't know. I don't know what's normal in the first place. I have some physical traits that are definitely masculine but that's probably due to hormonal imbalance and genetics. Let's just hope I don't turn out to be intersex or something.

and I'm self conscious just about anything, but mainly my fucked up teeth, big weird nose, forehead, tits/nipples, genitalia (fucking roastie, disgusting shit, I hate it), excessive thick body hair... alright, I'll stop.

>sounds like you need to explore who you are
That's the problem. I've been doing that for years, and it's only driven me even more insane and made my life miserable, and the fact that I've completely lost any sense of self and the past me i see in home videos and whatnot feels like I'm watching someone else...
>don't drop out
easier said than done, man
>put yourself with around others in your mental age group too
so 12 year old autists? kek
>big twist
sometimes I want to pack my shit and abruptly go somewhere else, go all alone, do wild things I'd never thought of, but that's all just dangerous irrealistic whims full of glorified fantasies. if anything, it seems the harder I try, the more life punishes me and shoots me down.

regardless. thanks for all that advice and words user. warmed my heart. well, what's left of it.

You think I give a fuck that it's a blueboard? Post the tits or get the fuck out.

This. I'm old as shit and we didn't get the internet at home until I was like 16 so I never watched real porn until I was that age, I didn't find out about 4 chan until I was about 21 or 22 - hell it didn't even exist until I was like 19. It managed to have a negative effect on me.

I can't imagine what it's like for people who were literally raised online as little kids

lol go back to /b/ in 2008

I'm not going to do that when she (or you if you're the op) could just post them and give everyone what they're in this thread for.

She can't post them here you dumb fuck

The roastie shit is just a meme. I've fucked a virgin that was full roastie vagoo, and a turboslut that basically did not have labia.
Someone will eventually want to bang you more than one night. It's not hard if you're a woman except if you have unrealistic standards

This lol. I naturally have fucked up labia as well even before I lost my virginity

slut

Sure she can, dumbfuck. I don't care if she gets banned. Post the tits or vacate.

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Fuck you cat I'm trying to get some tits on the internet.

I mean, on one hand, yes, there was and is all the negatives you're thinking about, but on the other hand, I think if I didn't roam in the Internet as I did, I wouldn't have learned a lot of things, like such fluent english (which isn't my first language), and learn more even about my own self.
There's a lot of knowledge and things I have today because of the experience I acquired by living online. Had I not, I'd probably be even more miserable today, fisting cows and washing them from dawn to dusk for one loaf of bread a month or something and being even more utterly alone than I am now.

As for negative disgusting things that comes with it, on the bright side, I became more conscious about everything in general and became a little more desensitised thus stronger. In fact, I have been able to help others because of it all.

So... well, I don't know. Even if I didn't face bad things online, sooner or later I'd face them in real life one way or another and probably in a worse way.

even if there are people who don't have that belief that roastie = slut there's plenty that still don't find it attractive and refuse it, I think... like when a guy has a micropenis or something, I guess. I don't know.
I'm simply really disgusted by it. Mine, at least.

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On one hand, I'd say "get over it, it's just sex don't worry it about so much"
On the other hand I don't want it be a condescending cunt...
So...
You can't beat yourself up for having little confidence in an area in which you have pretty much no experience.
Being behind a camera offers you a level of anonymity that makes it easy for you to exploit your desires without having to face your insecurities.
Honestly, your best bet would be to just get out and meet people. Try to push your boundaries a bit. Make mistakes, you're going to, just like with everything you do. Realize you're gonna worry about making mistakes with people. It just takes time.

Oh yeah, I am not forcing any guy to like it, it's their right not to be attracted to it. I'm just saying that it's stupid to assume that every girl like that is a slut

>And most importantly, what does this make me? A slut? A virgin? A virgin slut?
You're basically in the shoes of a male virgin.

If you're into manga, read B Gata H Kei. MC is basically you and spends 9 volumes being "all bark no bite" and trying to lose her virginity.

Don't give me (You)s without tits associated with them. That's just rude.