I have bpd and i want to die

If you want to die just an hero.
there really is nothing to say as this is not your go to suicide hotline.
if you are looking for ways to end your existence thats a different question where anons can provide actual advice.
bit just saying i have bpd and i want to die...
just kys

thanks

>the only reason i haven't killed myself yet is because i want to make sure i succeed.
We live in a world with cars, busses, trains, easy access to knives, and a junction box in every basement.

You're full of shit.

>i have three failed suicide attempts
Wrong, you have three gestures

>and I can't live with another
And yet, here you are gearing up again.

>most options don't have good enough odds
Bullshit.

>and too many complications if you fail
Lazy bullshit.

>I'm thinking helium is my best bet
Ahh, you're worried about complications and odds so you're going to Rube Goldberg yourself to death. Totes serious.

>not true.
Wrong.

>I was just young and stupid at the time
Nothing has changed.

>and made the mistake of letting people I lived with know my intentions beforehand

Attention seeking behavior.

>I know better now
No, you're hoping retards on the internet will give you the same drama so you're not quiet so empty for a couple of minutes.

see above

Stop giving her ammo for more posts, this thread shouldn't be bumped at all. Why feed some edgy attention whore?

wow sexist.

>what's wrong with attention seeking? should i just shun human interaction?

Poor deflection. You know exactly what I mean and you've been called on it before. You've researched borderline enough to call yourself a poster child, too late to back out now.

>y'all think that feeling so superior to other humans is enlightment but it's actually called antisocial personality disorder.

Well, that'd be Narcissistic Personality Disorder, generally, but Cluster B are kissing cousins. Still, an interesting projection. I never said I thought I was better than you, I just called you on your bullshit.

>you're not different from me.
Well, if your diagnosis was correct I'd lack the capacity for empathy but I wouldn't have the fundamental feelings of emptiness, emotional lability, splitting, or propensity for psychosis during fragmentation so, you know, its a pretty good trade.

It's not hopeless but it's some pretty hard fucking stuff to change your personality. I've been anxious and avoidant since kindergarden and that's led me to have a pretty shitty personality. I never pushed myself, never made goals, rarely socialized, was pretty unorganized, the list goes on and on.

I realized though that your personality can change over time if you change your behavior. This includes your thinking and your actions.
When you say
>anyway i am willing to try again i'm just pretty hopeless at this point.
you are 100% going to fail. You have to want to change yourself more than anything in order to succeed at this. I like to envision my ideal future to give me motivation to keep pushing myself.

Nah.

Dou want to die but dont want to kys user?
What was the point of this thread?
therr is nothing wrong with killing yourself if you hate life user. Peolle do it all the time. Do you want anons to cheer you up and ask you what the matter is?
In that vase be less vague next time in want you want out of anons here.
>i have bpd and i want to die
This is not something people can work with

hating other people and avoiding them bcs you think you are better is not npd but antisocial. so no. and yeah, i agree. bpd is worse to live with. but people on this site think they aren't just as crazy but in reality they are just as fucked up. just manifests differently. you still didn't explain what is inherently negative about wanting attention. getting attention is crucial for healthy development so.

thanks for this.

i don't want to be cheered up necessarily. i just want any sort of acknowledgement. i was expecting a more overtly negative response here about how i'm human garbage and should suicide, not anyone being nice. it helps fuel the self-hatred.

Antisocials don't generally have the capacity for hate the way you're thinking about it. You're also projecting that hate.

I'm not displaying hatred, just as I'm not stating superiority. I'm displaying indifference, good boundaries, and a lack of tact. I can see how it provokes your anger, though.

If you're wondering about how textbook you're being at the moment, what you're doing in this sentence is projective identification.

> you still didn't explain what is inherently negative about wanting attention. getting attention is crucial for healthy development so.

So are you saying you're lying about how well you understand Borderline Personality Disorder and have never encountered the concept of attention seeking behavior?

i never said this isn't attention seeking behavior or that pwbpd don't do that. i'm simply asking why is it inherently negative to want attention? why does it inspire so much vitriol?

>i'm simply asking why is it inherently negative to want attention?
Well, that and trying to dictate the terms of the conversation so you can avoid the content and seek conflict on ground where you're more comfortable.

>why does it inspire so much vitriol?
Care to be specific about what vitriol you believe you're perceiving from me?

not from you specifically, but your initial comment is immediately dismissive on the grounds that i am attention seeking, which implies an inherently negative connotation. everyone on this website currently is seeking attention in one form or another, so why is it not okay for me to? you are reinforcing the stigma that people actively seeking attention don't deserve it but why?

Why do you think they deserve it? Why do you think you deserve the attention? This is a board for people who seek advice, but you disregard the rules and use it as you blog/hugbox. Why?

because people need attention to be healthy and happy. it's normal and human. and i think everyone deserves to have their basic needs fulfilled.

Sounds like a plan.

Why do you think you deserve attention of some strangers? And why did you make a thread specifically tailored to get attention on advice board?

cool thanks.

>not from you specifically,
Pivot.

>but your initial comment is immediately dismissive on the grounds that i am attention seeking

So you equate feeling dismissed with hatred and vitriol?

>which implies an inherently negative connotation
Its denotatively negative. I do not want to be unclear. I am saying that your Attention Seeking Behavior is a symptom and is inherently unhealthy. If you would like to know why, I would direct you to your second comment in this response >why is it not okay for me to?
Everyone gets shit here for bait. Its the culture. They make little pictures with text about it. You come rolling in with a diagnosis you know people shit on and chum with suicidal ideation. You know damn well what you're doing. Its manipulative.

>you are reinforcing the stigma that people actively seeking attention don't deserve it but why?

Do you ask the guy at the drive through to take a look at your teeth? Have stoner at GameStop interpret your blood test? Would you walk into a gas station and announce that you need to get laid and take a shit?

This kind of challenge is what you need. I hope your psychologist is up to the task, theres a reason I charge a premium.

i didn't. i want advice on whether or not to kms. if you don't think i'm worthy of attention don't come to my thread.

no but this is Jow Forums so it's pretty much whatever topic goes.

You're right, but receiving attention in the way you're doing it only creates divide and hostility. Of course since you're on the internet theres plenty of people willing to temporarily entertain you, but if you do these things to friends and family, you are pushing them away. I'm sure you have figured this out though

>i want advice on whether or not to kms.
I thought you wanted acknowledgement, fuel for self hatred, and developmentally necessary attention?

>family
abusive so no
>friends
v funny user

Starting to feel cornered, are we?

yes.

Hah! This comment was responding to

I dont think killing yourself today or tomorrow is necessary.
wait a bit and if you still feel like shit on sunday then kys.
my goto advice is always headphones with nice music and hard liquor on the traintracks. But you can always wait till winter and do the same by falling asleep outdoors being shitfaced on vodka. It is the best way to go as you black out before you are dead.
drinking then a bit drunk then blackness.
god speed op.

And here we are, at the borderline between neurotic and psychotic, where things begin to fragment and the reasons and justifications become fluid and impressionistic.

thanks.

gracias.

You're welcome. Call your psychologist.

>i want advice on whether or not to kms
Aw, come on, don't play coy with us, user. This is the first time you mention this. Your first post does not even hint at what you've just posted now.

>if you don't think i'm worthy of attention don't come to my thread
But user, you consciously constricted your thread in a way that will bait anons and therefore grant you (mainly negative) attention. But it seems like you don't like the kind of attention you are getting right now.

my first appointment is week after next. do you think i will make it, doc?

i love all attention. negative attention is more believable and validating, tho, since i'm a garbage person.

It's sad stuff isn't it? I think a lot of people with mental illnesses simply do not want to get better. They refuse to reflect on their own behavior, what outcomes it creates and what it means for them in the future.

how would you know?

It was me for five years. I actually want to change myself now, I want to have a future and be happy when I'm 60. I'm

sorry. i disagree. i think most people probably just feel hopeless. i spent my formative years enduring every kind of abuse imaginable, and i feel too fucked up to ever be normal. i've been to multiple therapists, tried meds, tried hobbies. i just feel irreparably damaged, like starting over from scratch is better because it's too late to fix me now. it's not that i don't want to be better, it just feels impossible.

But see thats what I mean about not wanting to get better. There have been worse cases than you who have overcome their mental illnesses and personality disorders. What it took though was the motivation and perseverance to keep at it for years (again changing your personality takes a very long time). They got that motivation from wanting to change. There's no other option for someone like you (as you realize since you're contemplating suicide), it's either change or die.