I'm in a 10 year relationship and I'm not sure what to do...

I'm in a 10 year relationship and I'm not sure what to do. When I think of marriage with her I like: sure I'm OK with it.

But I don't feel the spark I get when chatting with other girls. Also, this girl at work is begging me for my dick and she's easily a 7.

Our relationship has been in a downward spiral for a few years even though we're getting along OK the past couple of months. I'm just not sure if I love her anymore. What is love 10 years into a relationship? Just being partners? If that is the case we're fine together, I just thought I was supposed to feel something more than a apathy.

What's your take on this Jow Forums?

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My philosophy in relationships after being burned by my last one is it's either a fuck yes or it's no. I read a good article about it

It sounds like you're not really into it, so you should hold off. If there's no clear reason why the spark went away, do the right thing and break up so both of you and find someone better

That's the thing. My gf is an angel really. I don't think I can get someone better if I tried.

I just feel so apathic towards her. Is this not normal after 10 years?

bump.

cmon guys what's your take on this?

I suppose it is normal to a point. You become familiar and comfortable with one another, and this can sometimes result in boredom. This familiarity is unavoidable in any relationship you're in though, with varying effects, so unless you're happy to spend the rest of your life fucking random women, you might want to consider this.

Have you tried shaking things up in your current relationship? Maybe book an exciting trip away, try more things in the bedroom or just do something she would never expect.

Most people who have been together a decade have discussed or considered marriage or starting a family. Is this on the cards for you both? If not, I would probably think about why this is the case.

It's totally normally to think about being with somebody new when you've been in a relationship for a long time, as infatuation is powerful and extremely enjoyable. However, the grass is always greener and if you leave your girlfriend to chase other women, you have to accept that you may regret it and lose what you have worked so hard over the last ten years to build.

My take is to dump her before she realizes that you guys are already married

If she takes you to court you're fucked. 10 years?

I like your take on it. It's so hard to say no to my colleague when she's asking for my D non stop though.

Nah, that won't happen. I'm sure that if we break up it's going to be quite peaceful. She is going to be devastated though. That part kinda worries me a bit.

Anything else someone would like to add?

Maybe you should try a break to be your own person for a while. Whether you guys choose to see other people during that break needs to be something discussed together.

I think part of the question you have to ask yourself is; were ever madly in love with her? Did you ever feel the spark? If not, you really may need to consider breaking up.

I was basically in your situation not too long ago. I was with my gf of 5 years. She was pushing marriage and kids, and would tell me things like she had zero I doubt she wanted to marry me.

But I always had doubt, and I never was truly madly in love with her.

Like you're situation, she was an angel. I took her virginity and she was very loyal. Also like you, my mind would still wonder to other women. There's always a voice telling me not to get married, and the thought of marriage gave me anxiety.

>She is going to be devastated though. That part kinda worries me a bit.

I worried about this too, and it kept me holding on longer than I should have. The bottom line is if you can't 100% see yourself with her forever, get out now. It will only hurt her more the more you drag this on.

For what it's worth, I have been completely at peace since breaking it off. I know it was the right call. And now I'm looking for the woman I was meant to be with.

This. At some point your lover just becomes your very close friend that you deeply care for an occasional enjoy fucking. Especially when you get older. That companionship is what holds a relationship together.

Chances are you are becoming complacent or the relationship bores you.
First think of at least 2 things that you would like for your relationship. What would 2 things be that you absolutely want in your relationship? Sex? Games? Cuddling? etc.
Afterwards, start courting your mate again. Go out more often to new places and do new stuff together. Go mini-golfing, hiking, travelling, etc.
Finally, if you find things you want your partner to do, talk to her about it and ask her "What can I do to make it easier for you to XYZ".

Finally, put a ring on it. Trust me, if you lasted 10 years, you are set for life. At least marriage solidifies your commitment.

If youre thinking of cheating, leave. You probably arent meant for monogamy, and youre only hurting the people that are monogamous. Just stick with flings and one night stands, itll keep everyone happier and you wont ruin some poor girls life when she finds out you cheated on her.

lel just like with chads but reversed

Seen it 1000 times.

You are in "like" not "love".

Move on. The longer you stay with this person the worse it gets. I've seen 30 year marriages finally fall apart, the 2 people were in "like" not love.

When you love someone, the majority of it is good, and you really like them inside and outside.

When you "like" someone it just gets stale and old over time. You find yourself hating them more and more, and hating yourself for staying.

Have the guts to move on.

I was in a 2.5 year relationship. Lived together and everything. I knew she was not the one. One day I got the guts and left. She cried and cried, but that truly was one of the best decisions of my life.

Just being "nice" is not enough. You need to connect with someone mentally to love them.

>I think part of the question you have to ask yourself is; were ever madly in love with her?
The answer is yes, I was madly in love with her once. But then life happened. We've been distancing ourselves more and more throughout the years and I just feel unfulfilled really. Sex used to happen once every 3 or 6 months, I stopped counting really (she was either studying, working or too stressed because of those two to want to do anything). I studied engineering at college so that was around 6 years of stressful classes with absolutely no contact with girls. I admit I might not have left her there because of the lack of contact with any other girl. I'm quite attractive though and there's no lack of girls to choose from atm. I want that honeymoon phase passion again. I want to meet, flirt and fuck other women and I feel I can do it.
>The bottom line is if you can't 100% see yourself with her forever, get out now.
I can see myself with her for the rest of my life. She's just perfect wife material. She madly loves me, is faithful, really responsible and takes care of me and the special needs I my chronic disease requires. I know I won't find someone better. I just have urges that make me wonder if this is what I want for my life.
Exactly what I mean. If this is normal and will happen with any relationship I'll just stick with her. No reason not to.
Sex and commitment I'd say. As I've stated, the commitment part is covered.
Her sexual needs are very different from mine though. When we moved in together I used to beg for sex every night and I was lucky to get it once every 4 or 5 months. It was just ridiculous. It got to a point where I didn't even ask her. I'd just wait for her to be asleep and masturbate a little bit.
Unless you consider flirting with the other girl cheating, I'm not going to cheat. This has to be resolved before I jump into someone else's panties.

Thank you all for the time you took to write these replies.

Have you actually done anything to rekindle your relationship? Because if not, this is how all your relationships will end until you learn to put effort into them to maintain them.

Maybe not... So you have any suggestions?

I know nothing about your relationship

Good point. I'm probably going to take 's advice. I'll try to rekindle the spark for a few months and if I'm still not feeling it I'm just going to leave her.

Thank you for all the answers. If someone here is in a 8+ year relationship have you ever felt this at all? Am I just a sociopath or something? I feel like such a douche towards her.

Whenever me and my boyfriend seem to become complacent in the relationship or too comfortable an alarm goes out in my mind. I start talking with him about it in a calm and collected manner and we discuss things that could be fun or exciting for us.

But the most important part of it is that we BOTH want to make it work. It's not just me or him trying to shout at a closed door. We're both striving to bring this relationship forward and we'll make sacrifices to keep it going. If one side isn't willing, the relationship will fall.

I've been 7 years in my relationship but I hope it helps.