Are relationships worth it for men?

vocaroo.com/i/s0PoFID0o2Pz

>muh career muh sex
Is that all you live for?

Love is the most important thing for me, so yes.

I want to believe it's worth it. I want to believe it's worth the experience of having someone you love and trust be by your side.

But experience has told me otherwise. It's painful...

You too, huh? What happened to you, user?

I was cheated on by my ex and I still think dating him was worth it. You people just want to complain.

If you have a good relationship then yes, it's worth it. The trick is to find that unicorn. GL

If you're a good person and bring a lot to the table, and you can attract people who do the same, I don't see why not.

If these threads have taught me anything its that we're all products of our experiences. I had a pretty rough time in high school; typical oneitis situation where I spent most of my years pining after a girl who didn't want me. Depression blah blah attention seeking blah blah. I was a teenage emotional mess until somewhere around senior year when I started noticing other girls and dated a few. The rest of my life has been pretty decent. I had a pretty bad 4 year relationship then a good 3 year relationship and a few decent 6-monthers in between and while breaking up with them wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world I was able to see the situations for what they were and appreciate that in the end we just weren't compatible. I went through a lot of pain but learned a lot and came out the other side a better person.

I think there is something to be said for recovery. It seems to me that a lot of the guys here who have been absolutely crushed by relationships and sworn them off just never recovered; they weren't raised with the tools necessary to internalize disappointment and turn it into something positive. They typically have pretty bad home lives, social phobias or other kinds of psychiatric conditions as well. I've noticed that a lot of the guys here are attracted to incredibly toxic women because thats what they grew up with. Its a kind of cycle of dysfunction. I'm not terrified of being hurt because it has happened before and I survived just fine. While I don't condone any of the raw, misogynist rage around here I can definitely understand how someone who is already on the cusp of depression would be ill equipped to handle even smallest amounts of heart break or disappointment.

No one seriously says YOLO anymore fag. This isn't 2013

Sorry I'm not on the razors edge with all the hot new Gen Z lingo. You got the idea though

Fucking incels dont get what having a friend is like, much less having a friend without a dick.

It's not that simple. If you don't have your own life and goals set in stone it's much more difficult finding someone who is willing to go along with you on that journey, to have both of you stay together without compromising in some way for the other. In case you haven't noticed, a lot of posts on asking for help on relationships consist of people asking how they can make a LDR work, career vs girl advice, if they should compromise, etc. at the end of the day you have to do what's right for yourself and career first. If you put the relationship before he career, the relationship WILL SUFFER since you will be miserable and unfulfilled in your professional life, and that will seep over into your relationship

my father always said it's very difficult to really have a family/relationship and have it last if you don't have your own career and life path set in stone first. And I think he's right, I can certainly say so from personal experience. I've had really great women and things just not work out because we were in different points of our career/life path. It's a shame and I wish it had, but I sacrificed that career persuit for them for a while, but you know what? I was miserable, and a shell of my true self. Everything in life is a compromise.

> if you have some sort of big goal that's actually meaningful to you, then yeah, relationships come second to that, but most people don't really have that

Nearly everyone has that lol. Are you serious? I agree relationships give a lot of happiness but it isn't really about happiness. That happiness dies soon in relationships once you really face the reality of it all. Feelings come and go. This idea people have that relationships are just at one emotional level the entire time and it never changes is really insanity to me. You'll have moments of happiness yes, but also serious moments, moments where you argue, fight, somber moments, calm moments, it's not always happiness.

Cnt'd

What a true relationship should bring you is peace. Peace of mind and heart, that together you and this other person are one, and someone understands you and you can talk to and tell them anything. Peace does not always equal happiness, but it is a much better feeling

To reach this peace you will disagree, sometimes argue, especially when raising kids which is the apex of every relationship (or should be). Without this end goal in mind, what's the point?

The problem is the market is oversaturated with herbivore men who expect women to drop into their laps. It's vastly skewed everything. No matter how much you look, you're almost always looking for someone who's not actively looking, in a case like yours. That's because they've been battered down by guys who think friendship = relationship and that men and women interact for the exclusive purpose of being together or having sex.

It's just not pretty out there for anyone. The good are vastly outnumbered for both genders and it's turned the search into a numbing, unrewarding effort.

Why put forth the effort to find the right person for an LTR when you can just stay single and screw anyone within a 100 mile radius with Tinder?

If that works for you go for it, but nigga these depressed sons of bitches can barely greet their moms without a margin of error.
I met my girl in person and we're seven years strong, online dating is where people go when they're too afraid to bring their personality to dating-- or else they actually lack the time, but that case seems very rare

I was just suggesting that people who want LTRs should stay the fuck away from 'dating apps' and find people with whom they share genuine compatibility, not just people some shill-ass Jew app says they're a """good match""" for

That attitude is going to kill any chance you have of being even remotely successful with women

That's the point
If they can pity themselves and create a self-fulfilling prophecy, they don't ever need to improve themselves
Don't ask me how it works, I just see the same-ass "I'm a miserable pantywaist who wants to cry and get toys from mommy and daddy instead of working for them myself"
They'll blame anything they can to evade the responsibility of improving their own lots in life, you know the sort
And of course all women are whores. Never mind our parents or those of us who are in long lasting relationships, it's because we're all Chad Thundercocks. Not because we invested time and effort into improvement, getting to know somebody, and trying to better understand the world around us

It's definitely because we're all muscular Gods with nine inch dicks
(I'm under 6', under 140 lbs so pls read sarcastically)

Of course it's not that simple. But I think the problems you laid down aren't universal, but a result of your priorities. For instance
>If you put the relationship before he career, the relationship WILL SUFFER since you will be miserable and unfulfilled in your professional life, and that will seep over into your relationship
You can reverse these things and come to the same point. If you put your career before your relationships the career will suffer since you will be miserable and unfulfilled in your romantic life and that will seep over in your career. At the end of the day it's about what matters most to you.

I doubt anyone can convince me that careers are more inherently meaningful to us than relationships. Nowadays most of us are disconnected from our jobs. Thousands of years ago our "jobs" were directly related to our survival, we used to work in order to live. Now we work to get money. We used to derive meaning from things that are directly related to our survival and procreation. Our brains didn't keep up with technological and social evolution to the point where we can perceive the average job as critical to our survival and well-being (even though it is). But relationships stayed the same, it's still the same primal need to bound and reproduce and we experience it directly through our romantic relationships.

And we don't have goals that are that meaningful. Not most of us. We have things that we'd like to achieve. Almost petty, really. We don't have goals that we would be willing to sacrifice anything in our lives for. Just desires. People who have that type of goals dedicate their entire lives to them. They put most of their waking hours in them and they get satisfaction and meaning and happiness from their efforts. If you have that, congratulations, you have something more meaningful and important than a relationship can give you. But most people don't have that.

(cont)

Basically my point is that you need something in your life that's meaningful, something that truly matters, otherwise you'll find no reason, motivation or strength to move forward in any aspect in your life. Some people have religion, some have overarching goals, some have strong moral principles. But most people have none of these things. Just vague ideals they barely believe in, fancy ideas they were thought are important, but never really got attached to. This society has become very nihilistic and most people who have been raised with this kind of principles ( or rather, lack of principles) will never break out of them. But relationships can offer that kind of meaning to almost anyone, it's wired in your brain, as much as hunger and thirst.

I'm not saying that relationship are at one emotional level all the time. I'm saying that no matter what emotional level you're at they're going to matter to most people more than careers or anything else. Seriously, how much meaning you think the average person derives from their "career"? You ever been in a corporation office? People don't even want to be there most of the time. And most of the time they want to be with their partner. Yeah, as with everything there's highs and lows. But the highs are much more frequent and intense in relationships than in a career. Or anything else the average person experiences nowadays.

it's funny how outside niche misogynistic websites like Jow Forums responsibility for these issues seems to fall back on to men. Relationships today aren't worthwhile? Well apparently it's because men aren't willing to make the changes necessary for modern relationships to work. I'd just like to see more of society acknowledge that it's not all men's fault for once, maybe I'd be less bitter and avoidant.

I think I should define some terms. By career I mean something that is inherent to who you are as a person and what you were meant to be, and being the best at it that you can. I think the word I meant to use was "passion". I don't mean being some pencil pusher or at a desk job at some random company. I mean something much more than that. Being a violinist, and artist, being a teacher, being a doctor, being something, anything that something deep inside you is yearning to be and achieve. To acheive that takes a lot of time and patience to do at a very high level. I believe everyone deep inside themselves, and especially when you ask someone "so what do you want to be", they will give you an answer and if they are true to themselves this answer never changes. If you don't have someone there along the way who understands this and wants to help and be with you in spite of those things you are overcoming to achieve it, they don't really love you. That's the angle I'm approaching it from. I agree that a run of the mill "career" is not more important than love. Both are important. And I do think relationships are worth it. But I also don't believe they are the thing you should place first in your life. It should be the pursuit of passions and then along that road of pursuit you will find that passion. Of course most people in an office job hate it, and the source of your confusion was me not being specific as to what I meant. it was early in the morning and I was tired.

>It should be the pursuit of passions and then along that road of pursuit you will find that passion

I meant to say "you will find that person". And more specifically, you need to get the career you are passionate about established so you can provide for yourself and an eventual family before you can even think about a relationship. If you don't do this you WILL end up being some pencil pusher at a giant corporation and when you're 40 you'll look back and say "I wonder what would have happened if I hunkered down for a couple years and really focused on that thing I loved most instead of getting too deep in this relationship". I believe we can have everything, but not immediately.

Those few good posts are the reason why I even come here

I hope your lesson is supposed to be "now I can identify shitty men" or that you found your currently better bf through dating this previous guy, because if you're actually saying "im thankful to have gotten the chance to date this guy because we were happy before" then you have 0 self respect.

What a crock of shit. Yes it is worth it if one wants to live a productive full life. If one wants to live a life dedicated to material possessions and selfishness then, no, relationships are counter-productive.... this means all relationships except those with a material benefit, so this excludes friendships too.