Age gap

>It doesn't sound like you really like her but just want a young girlfriend, any girlfriend really. If you had feelings you would want the best for her, and not be bothered that at her age she is iffy about being with a 35 year old so pushy to get together.
>What do you even want?

I appreciate your attempt to psychoanalyze me and insinuate that I have no feelings for her, but I'm looking for advice on what I asked advice for

Oh wow... you've got problems
Your girl is immature and isn't dealing with the stress of a real relationship well
There's not much you can do to fix it
The only thing I got left in my bag of social skills for you is that next time she brings it up is give her a firm but gentle hug for 30 seconds or so
This will be a non verbal way of telling her you're there for her and that you love her

I will also let you know there's a better than even chance that she will eventually leave you
Prepare yourself for this, practically and emotionally
If she does, express your sorrow and hurt but don't try to keep her

Sorry man, I hate giving people bad news

The only advice anyone can give you is to fuck off and get some therapy. You have a horrible personality and the way you write really rubs me the wrong way.

For her sake leave her alone because you are really weird and unstable. Creepy.

Treat her like a little girl. When you have an argument pick her up and place her on you lap. Ask her if she would feel better after you took her out to the playground.

>>I genuinely don't want to date someone that wishes I was younger.
>Has she actually said that?
No, but she definitely talks about it like it's a negative thing

It's like if a girl was saying how weird it is that you're so skinny, or hairy, or chubby, or anything else. It's not a compliment, it's talked in a negative light.

>>What are you talking about?
>You didn't see the example? When she brings up how weird it is, like where you said she said to think about what she was up to when you were 20, give her a repartee, a witty saying. Like telling her she was learning multiplication when you were 20 and inquiring if she remembers because you do, as you're older. Man why'd you make me explain that.
We joke around a lot, it's not about her joking that I'm old or me joking that she's young. She genuinely admits and talks about how weird it is that I am older

>Forgot to respond to this:
>>continuously bringing up how weird it is is something else
>Have fun with it.
>>God, user, it's so weird that you're 14 years older than me!
>>So would you say I'm the weirdest thing you've ever "done?"
>>tee hee user!
>Fuck, man.
It's not about us joking around together, or not being able to joke about the age difference.

>The only advice anyone can give you is to fuck off and get some therapy. You have a horrible personality and the way you write really rubs me the wrong way.
>For her sake leave her alone because you are really weird and unstable. Creepy.

You're an idiot

I appreciate your advice

We don't argue. That's the thing - her thinking our age difference is weird is the only thing that's weird in our relationship.

If she isn't comfortable with the age difference and it bothers you then stop trying to push her to change and give it up. If you don't want someone bothered by age difference find someone your own age. If the problem is that you can't then I can see why, you are creepy.

Maybe shes afraid of missing out dating men her age. As someone who likes older men. I can say that it is nice dating someone whos older, but theres still things what can become an issue. Like children. Youre getting older, the health of child also depends how old the guy is. By time she wants children, youre in your 50s and that might become deal breaker. Also aging. She will age, be beautiful, maybe she havent reached her prime, while yours is already fading. She will eventually be in relationship with a man she doesnt feel attarcted due to age. Also death is a bit if a subject. Her life will be in middle, when your life will be at the end. She might feel she wasted her time and effort, her best years on you. Thats just me but maybe shes been thinking of these things.

Lol dude reread your replies. You just keep whining "why won't this younger girl stop mentioning how old I am? I'm not ashamed of my age. Why does she keep mentioning it"

lol

Just confirming that those guys are idiots.

>but she definitely talks about it like it's a negative thing
>It's like if a girl was saying how weird it is that you're so skinny, or hairy, or chubby, or anything else. It's not a compliment, it's talked in a negative light.
I'm not you, but I'm just not seeing it. This all sounds like it can be solved with charisma.
>user you're so old.
Then you could easily say
>Yeah but you love it
And then kiss her. Or
>user you're so old
>I love you, too, baby. Want something to eat?
If she avoids your kiss in the first scenario, sit her down and go
>Baby, I love you. Let's talk about this now and get it out of the way. Do you feel ashamed? Are you embarrassed?
In the second scenario, if she avoids your question for something to eat and instead presses the issue, sit her down and talk it out like above.

Yeah I don't see the appeal of dating someone so much older and the fact that you keep pushing it and being bothered by her concerns instead of talking to her about it and understanding her pov, really says a lot about your character. And I would be willing to bet she can sense the same thing.

If it bothers you why do you keep trying to make it work?

>Maybe shes afraid of missing out dating men her age. As someone who likes older men. I can say that it is nice dating someone whos older, but theres still things what can become an issue. Like children. Youre getting older, the health of child also depends how old the guy is. By time she wants children, youre in your 50s and that might become deal breaker. Also aging. She will age, be beautiful, maybe she havent reached her prime, while yours is already fading. She will eventually be in relationship with a man she doesnt feel attarcted due to age. Also death is a bit if a subject. Her life will be in middle, when your life will be at the end. She might feel she wasted her time and effort, her best years on you. Thats just me but maybe shes been thinking of these things.

I appreciate your input, especially since you date older men

I don't think it's how I look or any of that long term stuff - I look closer to 25 and stay in shape. Regarding looks, her words that got me to give her my number "when I first met you I thought you were too intimidating to talk to because of how pretty you are". It really isn't a problem with how I look - I take really, really good care of myself.

She's brought up the 'what would I do if she got pregnant' question. I'm not opposed to children and marriage or anything like that.

Thank you

I'm just asking for advice on how to approach the situation or another perspective.

I don't need your low-key jealousy and backhanded remarks

You got so much advice and you keep making it about you.

In addition you accuse me of psychoanalyzing you and do the same in your own post.

I am not jealous of you, I am a young woman and my perspective is that you care more about yourself than her and all your questions are ways to make yourself feel better.

If you didn't care for my comments you would ignore them but you keep replying because you know it hits too close to home.

>I'm not you, but I'm just not seeing it.
I appreciate your attempt regardless

It's not about the jokes on our age that bothers me, more that the source of the jokes is based on her real insecurities (or worries or whatever) on my age

>You got so much advice and you keep making it about you.
Well, it is my thread

>I am not jealous of you, I am a young woman and my perspective is that you care more about yourself
I dunno then, maybe you're bitter? Ugly? I don't know. Your comments from the start have been pretty shitty. I mean, you started things off with telling me I don't care about my girlfriend

>If you didn't care for my comments you would ignore them but you keep replying because you know it hits too close to home.
There ya go, trying to psychoanalyze me again.

OP you sound like a dickhead

I'm willing to bet her dad's an asshole and actively pursuing you was her way of finding a daddy bf

It also can be possible shes immature and doesnt know how to handle the idea youre much older than her.
Does she often not tell ppl how old u are? Or look at theyr reaction when u do? Does she feel the need to say that you could be her dad or uncle? Does she make fun if u not knowing things ppl her age do? Asks if u would date her if u where older or if she was younger? If alot of her rambles include how old u are then i can only think shes immature. Shes unable to accept or process idea of dating someone older. Shea also very intimidated or feela not good enough. I felt so too for a while. But it passed as i spent more time with the guy and majority of the time i even forgot there was such a big age difference. It took me few months. Im not sure how she will go but you can wait and see.

>It's not about the jokes
Nah, man. It's not the jokes themselves. It's showing her that it doesn't bother you at all and that you're taking the lead AND you're showing her affection. That's the purpose of me suggesting you be witty about it whenever it's brought up.

There's a movie called (500) Days Of Summer. It's not about an age gap whatsoever, but it involves the film's protagonist fretting about his relationship with his co-worker to the point where at two key points in the film, he asks her to confirm what they're doing instead of just having fun and doing what he wants. The way you make this situation better is by showing your girlfriend that it doesn't bother you at all, that you're thinking about your next meal TOGETHER, your next date. Give her the reassurance that you've chosen her, and you can do so by being tongue-in-cheek about her bringing up the age gap.

And, again, if she deliberately ignores your confident remarks, you sit her down and hash it out while reassuring her that you love her. It's NOT about the jokes themselves.

>OP you sound like a dickhead
I am an asshole with shitty people that I don't like, but I am really good to her and treat people really well over all.

Her dad is semi an asshole.

Not a single reply indicates that you care about how she feels. You have dated a month or so and all you keep mentioning is how she is uncomfortable with yoir age and you told her that you will break up of she is uncomfortable but then you stay together and nothing has changed.

If you post a thread you have to be open to what people say because we can only know the situation from your pov and what you are writing. But you ignore any actual advice except anything that could make her change her mind.

The best advice would be to break up.
Neither party are comfortable in the current relationship and you both suck at communicating and understanding each other and it's been the issue from the start, and it's only been a month. Sometimes you have a crush but don't want to date that person. She doesn't see it working with you. You are annoyed by this but you have chosen to just try to change her mind, even though a guy that truly cared would respect her feelings and her future over his own. That's it.

In addition, if you are going to be pissy at the assumptions made avout you, try bot to be a hypocrite and do the same to the few people listening to your annoying thread.

Either I'm bitter or ugly? Really? That's it?It's not even possible for you that I have been in this same situation of age gap relationships and am telling you the other perspective that you are so desperately searching for?

Thanks again for your perspective
>It also can be possible shes immature and doesnt know how to handle the idea youre much older than her.
She has mentioned that she just needs time to get over it
>Or look at theyr reaction when u do? Does she feel the need to say that you could be her dad or uncle? I look like I'm 25 or so, I wouldn't be able to pass for her uncle or dad - but I have no idea how she talks about me to her friends

>. I felt so too for a while. But it passed as i spent more time with the guy and majority of the time i even forgot there was such a big age difference. It took me few months. Im not sure how she will go but you can wait and see.
So time was a factor in getting over something like an age difference?

Thank you again for your reply

>Give her the reassurance that you've chosen her, and you can do so by being tongue-in-cheek about her bringing up the age gap.
Do you think she needs reassurance that the age gap doesn't matter?

>you told her that you will break up of she is uncomfortable
There is literally nothing I can do about my age - if my age is something she cannot get over there is no point in us dating. It has nothing to do with how I feel about her

>If you post a thread you have to be open to what people say because we can only know the situation from your pov and what you are writing. But you ignore any actual advice except anything that could make her change her mind.

I'm not ignoring all advice, I'm ignoring your advice because....
>The best advice would be to break up.

>hi guys I'm op
>my gf is uncomfortable and immature
>I'm a super attractive and young looking 35 year old
>I'm also super mature
>how long will it take for her to stop making me annoyed by age gap?
>what is her problem?
>god I'm sooo mature

>Either I'm bitter or ugly? Really? That's it?It's not even possible for you that I have been in this same situation of age gap relationships and am telling you the other perspective that you are so desperately searching for?

Are you ugly or bitter?

haha I'm not that bad, man.

And for the most part she is pretty mature

>Do you think she needs reassurance that the age gap doesn't matter?
Yes. She's 21. You reassure her with your being confident and not breaking stride with charisma, with cooking food with her, planning dates, etc. I just gave you the damn 500 Days Of Summer example. He fucking frets about the relationship, he doesn't take the lead, and they fucking break up. That's not a spoiler, btw, the whole film is examining their breakup and it turns out he didn't have his shit together to deal with a relationship.

There is literally nothing I can do about my age - if my age is something she cannot get over there is no point in us dating. It has nothing to do with how I feel about her

I'm not ignoring all advice, I'm ignoring your advice because....
"The best advice would be to break up."

This is the best advice you even admit but you don't want to accept it so you keep hoping for a magic way to change how she feels. That's the entire thread. Your desperate attempt to keep this girl for your own ego.

Nothing else needs to be said.
But holy shit was this annoying to even read.

This is the best advice you even admit but you don't want to accept it
There's been some pretty good advice - just not from you or whoever else has been chiming in with their negative, pointless garbage

>Your desperate attempt to keep this girl for your own ego.
This is by far the dumbest assumption anyone has made in this thread.

Thanks friend, I appreciate your help and advice

Does this guy remind you if someone specific?
She said shes not yet over it. So yes i do think its matter of time. If it doesnt get better or goes worse i dont think she can handle it and is uncomfortable with the idea of dating someone older. Then i suggest breaking up.

Dump her before she dumps you.

>She said shes not yet over it. So yes i do think its matter of time. If it doesnt get better or goes worse i dont think she can handle it and is uncomfortable with the idea of dating someone older. Then i suggest breaking up.
I really appreciate that, thank you so much for your input.

I'll try to communicate with her again about it - apologize a little bit for putting her on the spot and maybe say something like I recognize she needs time

>Dump her before she dumps you
But I like her

As a 31 year old with some younger girls interested in him, I think you just have to let it slide for now until the relationship feels so normal that it's not even worth bringing up. My friend was dating a guy that was pushing 50 when she was in her mid-late 20s and the first 3-6 months were weird for her and all of us to deal with. But frankly, after some time, it felt no different than any other relationship.

>As a 31 year old with some younger girls interested in him, I think you just have to let it slide for now until the relationship feels so normal that it's not even worth bringing up. My friend was dating a guy that was pushing 50 when she was in her mid-late 20s and the first 3-6 months were weird for her and all of us to deal with. But frankly, after some time, it felt no different than any other relationship.
Thanks friend

You know I am right and its sad that you are so far in denial. See you back here after she dumps you whining about women.

Actually no. Thankfully.
The experience I had wasn't bad at all, just not compatible timelines and lifestyle due to age, dated for quite a while longer too. Plus the guy wasn't a douch canoe like op. But I have dealt with a lot of similar guys in my life and I can see right through them. I sensed it from the original post, and if there was any doubt, the way he replied to me settled it.

Lol. You don't want advice. You want people to say the things you want to hear.

>You know I am right and its sad that you are so far in denial.
No. You're just an idiot.

First it was that I don't care about her, now it's that I'm desperate to keep her

>But I have dealt with a lot of similar guys in my life and I can see right through them
>Plus the guy wasn't a douch canoe like op
I guess through all your experiences you never outgrew being bitter and ugly

>Lol. You don't want advice. You want people to say the things you want to hear.
I appreciated him sharing his personal experience and thanked him for it.

I'm so terrible.

That's how this place works, it's an echo chamber.

As the guy who gave that advice, I'm wondering which advice you're giving? Is it the "just break up now" shit? If so, it's a pretty ridiculous concept given that the girl was after him for a long time. She may be a little weirded out by the relationship difference now, but honestly, who of us doesn't find something a little awkward and uncomfortable when just beginning a relationship? I've never been in one where there isn't something about my partner that I've needed to get used to.

Part of me has an inkling that you're just one of those people who hates age difference relationships and you're one post away from calling OP a pedophile, but maybe I'm wrong.

Also, yes, this place can become an echo chamber, but this isn't really an echo chamber in terms of advice, it's just working within the problem instead of saying "blow it all up, there's no hope."

If someone came here and asked how they could get a date with a celebrity, should we just say "there's no fucking chance, give up," or at least constructively talk about how it could happen? Maybe a kinda shitty example, but still.

You still don't care, because she said the age gap is an issue, and you keep trying to make it work insyead of talking to het about it. In reality you just need someone to date you and this is all you got.

Ah, and once again I'm bitter and ugly lol. I didn't date any creepy guys, I had one good age gap relationship and explained why it didn't work out and you ignored that because you only want to hear the cases of people who worked out. All you want is to create a narrative of who I am to dismiss that what I am saying has merit. Also calling people idiots online, aren't you suppose to be the mature 35 year old?

And if you want to believe that, why do you feel the urge to keep replying to me? Come on, I'm not saying what you want to hear so stop getting upset and be a big boy and ignore it. Delete the thread. Prove me wrong with a logical argument instead of name calling at the very least. Bet you can't~~~~~~~~

Ah another post full of assumptions.
How exciting. If that's all you can take fro this then you and op are one in the same.

You menstruatibg or what? Why so bitchy?

Agree. Something about op isn't right.

Ah, and another comment from someone who has to resort to the "womyn am i rite?" argument.

Not menustrating, not bitter, not ugly. I just get irked at the reality that these people really exist and are the majority of them. People in general annoy me.

Life isn't always that easy "anyone who disagrees must be bitter and ugly, I can never be wrong!!" This is how people seem to operate, and why this board isnt6 for advice but like someone said above, an echo chamber.

I gave my perspective.
That's what op asked for.
But not what op really wanted to hear.

I was just asking which reply you were. Chill out.

For example, I think the 500 Days of Summer post was an interesting one, although I don't think the moral of that particular film is the same as it's laid out in that post.

Again, if you're the break up poster, then it's just "she's uncomfortable and you're a dick," but she's still with him. If she was so uncomfortable, she has just as much agency as him to end it. She doesn't want to seem to want to talk it through with him.

I don't know which poster you are though, so I guess I'll stop making "assumptions" until I know what I'm actually arguing against.

Gurllllll we get it. You had story, he didnt like it. He might be an ass but why youre so triggered? Shes with him becouse she wants to. As it looks like they both try to make it work. If she didnt want to shed break up. The guy just have to deal with immature antics. Dont tell me youre just as immature.

Not that guy, but let's be honest, this board is chock full of bitter and ugly people, both men and women. The bitter men will insist OP is going to get cheated on anyways because of the age difference, the bitter women will proclaim OP is just interested in the younger girl because he can't get girls his own age or is predatory.

There hasn't been a lot of what you've been writing that isn't laced with angry insults so far, which makes it hard to take this as "here's a bitter pill to swallow but it is what is best for you" instead of "this reminds me of a bad experience I had so I'm mad someone else is having something similar."

Why are you even dating a girl 15 years younger? It's scientifically proven that girls in their early 20s are dumbfucks
Judging by her comments she enjoys your position in life and whatever perks come from dating a 35 yo guy, but dislikes the big age gap and doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating a guy so much older. Can't blame her, from my experience most girls who aren't sugar babies or into ddlg don't want to date much older guys. She will either learn not to mind it or break up with you, at this point there is no telling what she will do as she sounds torn between liking you and being uncomfortable with your age. Just be patient and see which way it goes, its all you can do anyway.

If anythinf the film can be helpful be cause it is through the guys perspective and later it is through hers and other people. Teaches people someone they have to learn which is how to think from someone else's perspective taking yourself out and looking from objective pov. I remember hearing all the time growing up to put oneself in someone elses shoes. It's a great lesson.

Op completely fails at it though.

Umm.. she is much younger and less experienced and crushed on him for a while without knowing him. It's now been a month and she keeps mentioning it in jest, but that is a way to bring up a concern without coming on strongly. In addition, all op has done is threaten her with breakup, not breakup, and is looking for ways to change her feeling which is a gut instinct that someone is wrong. She is allowed to feel u comfortable now that they are together, and to also not feel into him anymore or for a long time. And nowhere did op acknowledge that. Ironically he is the older one.

Your post just screamed "I'm a woman and in a bitchy mood right now".

>Why are you even dating a girl 15 years younger? It's scientifically proven that girls in their early 20s are dumbfucks
She's pretty amazing - plays violin, piano, puts up with my sappy romantic stuff.

We have similar taste in humor - always find myself laughing with her

She's a bad ass and does a lot of martial arts - she doesn't judge me for my past. She's an all around good person. We can talk for hours.

The way I think about her is why wouldn't I like her?

Thanks for your replies guys. I am an asshole but she's just kind of a cunt and deserves it

Fed up with certain people desu.
Nice to let it out time to time.
You know they weren't exactly nice to me either but guess they get a pass lol

I didn't even think he was after younger girls until he began replying. At first I was concerned he wasn't taking her feelings seriously, because he doesn't know how it feels to be in her position, and that he was looking for advice on that.

But then he just kept looking for ways to make her stop bringing it up so he could be comfortable. Anyone with any sense would notice that.

You don't think a young woman would have some concern about another? People out words into my mouth because not once did I even mention that the age gap bothered me personally, as I really don't care, but the fundamental relationship is already unstable which is alarming. If she was comfortable she wouldn't keep bringing it up.

More than anything, the impression that I get from your long-winded, bitter, presumptuous, and nasty replies is that you're ultimately unsatisfied with your own romantic life

Here you are, still writing these long passive aggressive paragraphs

You inspired me to turn on the movie right now, so there's that. I always took the message as "stop being infatuated with someone and learn to love yourself when they won't put in the same effort you do." Summer is a self-absorbed human being the whole movie, disregarding that people have feelings despite how much she wants to have fun, and somehow he's a bad guy for caring.

Anyways, to the topic at hand, I don't view what he said as a "threat to break up," but an honest solution to the problem. If she can't handle it, she can let him know and they can end it. That's a pretty clear option. There's nothing he can do to talk out his age - he can't change his age. He's hoping to solve the constant reminder that she's uncomfortable, or that there is something wrong with their relationship.

Doesn't make any of what I said lose merit, but people use that to be dismissive, if you answer nicely they just ignore it. If you hit a soft spot, it puts pressure on the person to defend themselves. If they do it well I generally retract my approach. If they respond as they did here, it means the assumption actually was right.

In the end, something is really off with op. And it was easy to drag it out of him.

>, I don't view what he said as a "threat to break up," but an honest solution to the problem. If she can't handle it, she can let him know and they can end it. That's a pretty clear option. There's nothing he can do to talk out his age - he can't change his age. He's hoping to solve the constant reminder that she's uncomfortable, or that there is something wrong with their relationship.

Thank you for getting it.

If that makes you feel better.
Keep telling yourself whatever you can to dismiss what I said lol

Actually in a really good relationship, hence I have been coming here hoping to give advice to others while I'm feeling good, and finding this train wreck of a post.

I would like to watch some videos so if you could stop replying without putting some thought into your post first, that'd be great.

Well, again, you learn to be comfortable with things. Or you move away from them. I was really offput by how much my ex used to snack. I could have mentioned it every single day and made her self conscious about it, or learned to get over it as long as she didn't get fat. Her comments are making OP self conscious and uncomfortable, despite her seemingly not wanting to end the relationship on this account.

>give advice
He asks for advice and from the beginning you nag and berate him. Everything you wrote is under the assumption what kind of guy he is, he's an asshole, he doesn't love her etc. I've seen no actual advice from you, just you letting your emotions out