What is success ?

>18yo, straight A student
>Will be studying CS in a top school in Paris
>Am pretty social
>Have supportive friends
>Family thinks I'm a genius ( I know I'm not, I'm just a hard worker, there's people way smarter than me )

I still feel like I'm a total failure, but I have absolutely no metric whatsoever defining what success is, and there isn't really a goal I want to pursue once I graduate.

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Fucking kill yourself. You self loathing ungrateful fuck.

You must have some kind of metric or comparison if you could feel you're a failure. Maybe it's something abstract like an ideal that could never be achieved, or what. There must be one if you think hard enough.

If not, you're giving too many fucks to things that may or may not be concerning you. That's what youth is with all your energy and unfocused attention. Another phase of life they say.

Success is whatever you want it to be and whatever other people want it to be. you will never feel 'complete' for more than a short spell. someone can achieve their dream,and the next day its over and they gotta figure out what to do with the rest of your life. getting a new job is exciting but staying there for years and years isn't exciting at all. success is more something we talk about and not something we feel. its something to remind us to keep going, but not an attainable endgoal that means the struggle is over.

as a general rule, it escalates. you got straight As, you were a successful student. that doesn't mean you will be a successful worker or a successful adult. and again it comes down to dfifferent definitions. the guy who designed the building considers himself a success because he wanted to be an architect and hes doing it. he considers the people building the building to be his little underlings who never got successful. but they consider themselves a success cuz they got a great job that pays well and proves they are a man by working on things and building these massive amazing monstrosities of architecture. They consider the guy who designed it to be a failure cuz hes just some fruity guy in a suit who drew something and doens't know what it means to actually build, to be a man.

see what im getting at here? there is no answer. you are simply going to continue working at what you want, getting it, then moving on to the next thing you want.

Well, now that you mention it, I used to read a lot of entrepreneurs' biographies and Greek mythology, so it might be it. This being said, it doesn't really mean much to me, I don't want to build a company nor kill the Hydra

Yes, I think I get it. But then I must ask : how do you decide what the next thing you want is ? When the building is built, what do the workers or the architect do to know where the next building place is ?

i experienced this two weeks ago, and i think the emptiness of completing my goal is something i dont look forward to experiencing again. I really think suicide is a logical decision for people who reach their goal, and dont want to set another. you can die happy

My question may seem somewhat silly, they just wait for the next client. But in my case, there is no client coming, so what I mean is really : how to figure out what the next goal to be set is.

Yeah, no... Suicide is dumb. It's as if you had a robot that could do the housework, and that it destroyed itself just because the house was clean.

Please don't kill yourself either. It really isn't the thing to do, and I'm sure there are people who care for you.

OP you are the first ive found to have these feels, you are younger than me though. I haven't been quite so depressed since socializing on discord. the loneliness compounded with newfound free time and made it much worse. Id like to talk on discord if you want

Well that is why a lot of people have 'mid life crisis' or just a general depression when they get to their 30s. around that time a lot of people have settled down into their life, they have the job, but arent in line for any promotion, and thats really it for awhile. you just feel stuck in life and its in human nature to want to advance. no matter how successful you are, if you stagnate you suddenly feel like you aren't successful, or at least not happy. some people offset this by having kids. once you have kids all your spare time goes to just maintaining a household, and every single birthday, graduation, recital, etc. is now your next goal. raising successful children becomes the big focus in your life. for those without children they often get depressed.

Artchitects would experiene this a lot less I imagine. the idea of 'projects' tends to give the illusion of advancement, when in reality its doing the same thing over and over again, but there are goals. if you work at starbucks there is no sense of advancement. every day is the same, and there is nothing different about a work day years apart. but when you design a building its all about designing more and more buildings, each building is different, its a different challenge, a different goal, a different story.

those kind of semi creative type jobs make you fee like you are constantly advancing in life. as for you, you did great in highschool, and now your goal is to just be successful in college. then its to be successful in getting a job, then successful in getting promoted over the years, depending on the type of job you get.

beyond that, you make your next goal just by thinking about what you want to do. realistically ,what do you want to do next? even if you still got 4 years of college you can start up a side hobby that is goal based. do you want ot learn martial arts? learn to surf? learn to skate? learn to paint? anything?