How should I feel after ending a 4 year relationship? (Age 19 to 23)

How should I feel after ending a 4 year relationship? (Age 19 to 23)
I feel mad and sad. I loved her and she was either the sweetest person in the world or the most toxic person to deal with.

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I just don't know how to feel. I feel numb. One stupid fight and its over.

idk but I'd want my next relationship to be with a not toxic person.

What happened?

Sounds like it's time to kill yourself OP. What methods are you considering?

i have a rope and anti anxiety meds. only 6 pills tho so i wont OD
I wanted to talk to her but she was listening to music so i tapped her leg and she screamed at me, "WHAT?"
Told her i was just wanted to speak and she didnt need to scream so she was getting angry and i was upset and she started laughing at me. She kept laughing so i called her a bitch and i kicked her out of my place. Told her to leave. Im packing all her shit and probably gonna find a new place to move soon so she wont know where i live

I also dont really feel like killing myelf. Too much of a coward to die. id rather die of natural causes

Not to be mean, but if you were together for 4 years and never learned to communicate in healthy ways and a single fight ended the entire relationship, then it might be for the best

I tried my best but she would get so angry that the only way i could ever talk to her was to wait until she cooled down and not even mention the fight too much or it would be right back at square one. I guess you're right its probably for the best

Oh yeah I'm not saying it's your fault y'all never learned communication skills. It takes both people wanting things to be better for it to work

Yeah sorry if i sound defensive. Just feeling a wide range of emotions right now

No it's all good, I didn't assume you were getting defensive, I just wanted to make sure you didn't misinterpret what I was saying. That sucks that things ended, especially the way they did. I'd say don't worry about how you "should" or "shouldn't" feel, just give yourself room to feel however you're feeling. A big change just happened, everyone reacts to this stuff differently, everyone processes it differently, and everyone gets through it differently. The important thing is, everyone gets through it. The shittiness will pass

Thanks for the great words of encouragement and advice. Ill take it and just focus on moving on from this

Just got out of a 10+ relationship myself. The person I was with was toxic most of the time and could only ever remember all the bad shit that ever happened between us. I am doing a lot better since I separated from them. If their toxicity was bringing you down OP it isn't worth it. I know I missed them at first maybe a maximum of 2 days but that just showed that it was time for it to end.

Sorry to hear user but its good you're feeling better now that you're not with her.

It was shitty OP. I even tried being friends with them afterwards but it just didn't work. You see the type of person they really are after you separate. Makes you happy to avoid the pains of it all. Currently talking to someone else. Just wish the relationship ended a long time ago. My only regret man.

Yeah i feel like i wasted some of my prime years on her. i didnt notice the red flags early in the relationship until now. I always just brushed it aside thinking that it was just a rough patch in this relationship. At least i will know what to look out for in the future whenever i start dating

Prime years? 20s fucking blow.

I have a health condition that many dont live past their 20s

I'm sorry man. don't waste what life you have with that user.

I'm sorry to know about that, dude.
I recently got out of a very similar situation. She was the sweetest but sometimes the fights/arguing... unbearable, at the end of it I'm afraid I just wasn't myself when I was with her. Out of the blue we tackled the issue and well, the solution was to just let go of each other. It's the best way for both, as simple as that. We are separate individuals and we just learn and grow with each significant other... until there is one who is the last, or there is no one, and both are good situations. You should be at peace with yourself, happiness isn't the optimal feeling in my opinion, to me it's your own peace what's most important.
Sorry for the long post

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Jerking off to anime preteens feels alot better than actual vagina