My friend is giving me serious trouble

My friend is giving me serious trouble.

He is controlling and demanding, insisting that he is my last option as a friend, that I don't reply to texts fast enough or the way he wants, that I need to change my life drastically to suit what he thinks is right (get rid of my pet, esp, because he hates animals), criticizes me in a derogatory manner, and blames me for everything.

I understand that attraction factors in. But we both know a relationship is out of the question; I don't want it. We are not intimate, romantic, or sexual.

He called me a stupid bitch the other night because I had plans that he didn't know about. We did not have established plans. He's my best friend. I was just going to chill with him when I finished my errands and went to a movie which I had planned way ahead of time. He is angry that I didn't tell him I was seeing a movie.

He has substance abuse issues, specifically adderall. He was up all night that night anyway. We could have hung out. But he was furious.

Now, after a Trump-esque apology, he is barraging m, again, furious because I did him some unspeakable wrong by not letting him know I had movie plans. Now, we are best friends and he was at another person's house chilling. I figured I would just hit him up after, because he would be free and stays up all night on adderall. He says he feels like the last option. He isn't! I spend more time with him as a friend than anyone-- except the time I spend at work. So, I perceive the behavior as controlling and demanding. I mentioned that it seems like he is trying to treat me as if I were a girlfriend, as well as pointing out that I am not his girlfriend.

I am at my wit's end arguing with someone who wants to win, won't give up the victim stance, can't self-reflect, and blames me for his emotional reactions. I am 21. He is 43. Men do not act like this. Teenage girls do. I know, because I was one over 3 years ago.

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His friendship is otherwise excellent, and we are very close. I have suggested that it is the drug of choice that causes irritation, aggravation, paranoia, overthinking, etc. I have suggested that he needs to prioritize himself instead of expecting others to confer value on him. I have tried to be a true friend despite all of this.He even said, just a moment ago, that he didn't even want to come over that night but was going to do it out of duty. So I wrote "So, you are angry at me for not getting to do something you didn't want to do in the first place?" We could have hung out that night, even after the movie. He was up doing nothing. Instead, I smoked with my friend and went to bed.

Am I really the bitch? Am I really just not committing to the level of friendship he expects? Am I a lower quality friend because I don't reply instantly and obsessively to him and let him know what I'm doing all the time?

another example: he used to tell me, when we were out at the bar, that he was going outside to smoke (usually while I hit on some chick// side note: I am also female) and I should come out when I'm done talking and we could go to my place to blaze before going back out. He would smoke half his cigarette, leave, and then say I ditched him to talk to some bitch. In a matter of less than 10 minutes. Another time, same thing happened, he wanted to go to one bar and I wanted to go to another. We parted ways in agreement. Then, next day, he says I ditched him and chose something else over him. The reality is that he perceived me to be having more fun than him and without him. The former is true, though the latter is not. But I did what I wanted, so did he. I didn't ditch him. He chose.

Yes u are a bitch
An hero

Cut ties... i dropped all my friends that were druggies when i stopped using. Best decision of my life. You think they are friends but they are usually just hedonistic. Reestablish family connections if possible.

Op is a slut

yo hanging out with 21yo lesbian

Don't wan't to be rude, but something's not right here.
Also, ever heard of midlife crisis ?
Does he works ? have awife/children ? other friends ?

im sorry lol why are you, a 21 year old female, hanging out with a 40 year old dude whos on speed? What the fuck

sounds like he's high maintenance. don't stress yourself over being aloof when he's being demanding. independence ain't no sin

I'm not a lesbian. I just like chicks too.

Yeah, it is feasible that he is at his midlife crisis. But he has always lived this way. Was a dj at prominent clubs, had tumultuous but passionate relationships, his family lives in Huntington, WV and are shitty and generally detached from him (because they don't care about him the way he wants... dunno if this is because he has unreasonable expectations or because they are genuinely shitty. I'm sure a mixture of both). He has a job as a supervisor of a college catering company, but they are on summer break, and he just takes unemployment until he returns. No wife. He tries to initiate relationships with fucked up crazy girls my age because it is hot to him, then fucks it all up by being controlling. He has lots of friends, tons of them. He is always socializing with someone or some group somewhere doing something, which is why I don't think it is a big deal if we don't tightly schedule us hanging out. Like, fuck, who wants to do that anyway?

Souls speak to each other. We get along well, and I am an excellent wingman. We started hanging out in a group when he was living with my younger male friend. We clicked in the group where no one clicked with us. Maintained hanging out. I don't have many friends, at all, so the ones I do, I cherish.

Thank you! This is how I feel! People can't get over others not bending their lives and whims towards their wants, needs, and desires.

Once, he was up for 9 days on adderall and made dating profiles on every website/app known to man and was convinced this 20 year old chick he was fucking was secretly behind every account, taunting him, and got kicked off of POF and a few others. He worked with her as her supervisor, fucked her at work, she got a tattoo that looked like his after they broke it off, her religious family (thought she was a virgin/she said she was raped/ had fucked the friend I met this guy through so we know she was lying) came after him in public several times, he still posts tweets about her with a hashtagged inside joke. He would text her from one of those random phone number generators after she blocked him and sent a text from a new number for every word and said "If. I. Want. To. Contact. You. I. Will." Each word a different fucking text from a different number! He went absolute apeshit. I mean, this is the type of person I am dealing with. When he isn't fucked up on adderall, he is great. He refuses to admit it has any effect on his perception of reality.

sidenote: when I do shit that irritates him, he says I'm being like the previously described girl.

Otherwise, we can chill and play video games for hours, I mean HOURS, go to happy hour every day, shoot the shit with people, go smoke at different people's houses all around downtown, they are all his friends so it isn't like I'm being chased after for the lifestyle he covets. We could talk for hours, he asks me if outfits look good and vice versa, we can talk about serious feelz, I feel close to him in a way I only felt close to another after years and years and years. I don't get close to people at all, so the thought of losing one of the friends I can count on one hand sucks, even though it is totally doable and not extremely painful.

Holy shit, THIS is what adderall does to neurotypicals? Jesus fucking Christ.
t. Former ADHD kid

By "hot to him" you mean he's a immature, abusive, controlling prick who prays on naive and weak people?

Quite frankly, yes. And, while I know no one can change a person, I thought I could be a positive influence on him. And he allows me to feel comfortable being a more or less unconventional woman, which I do not experience-- really-- anywhere.

Yes. It makes them insane. Especially when they binge for days without sleep.

I feel like I have to add that he is the first person to offer to buy a pizza in a group, buys drinks/food for me without my asking, is always willing to share, has let me crash on his couch when I am out too late and don't want to walk home drunk, has saved me from situations when I was uber drunk at the bar that would have had me put in jail (we live in a small, boring town. public intox is like a cardinal sin, despite their being 10 bars in 4 blocks of each other), compliments my appearance (of course he does...), and is always down to chill. He isn't completely fucked, but what parts of him are are so fucked I can't deal with it.

Right, so what do you want advice with exactly? You want to be a better wingman so you can enable more abuse for women?

If you had a single moral bone in your entire body you'd be warning every women in a ten mile radius of this guy.

His twitter : @BootyWhisperer

'He abuses women constantly, will act controlling and aggresive to his friends, won't properly apologize, won't take responsibility for his actions, wont address is drug problem but he buys pizza so it's not all bad'

I wingman so he can get laid, not so they can get played. Wingmen aren't supposed to find you a partner. I didn't say I was Hitch.

Is for

Quit being a submissive bitch and find new friends. Learn to be happy on your own or just straight up fucking tell him what you are not happy with. Fucking idiot

Oh well. You just get a guy you know who is abusive and controlling to women laid, not in a relationship, that's ok then. My mistake.

I like how you ignored the moral part as well. Also, why are you getting a 43 year old man laid with twenty year olds? Were you dropped as a child?

He had a weird relationship with the girl I described. A lot of women really like him. He is charming and kind and loving with the women he knows and isn't involved with. It was when he perceived that one girl to be fooling around on him and lying to him, trying to make him look stupid, that he went apeshit. In short, I guess, he isn't all around shitty with everyone, only people he has gotten very very close to.

Other friends do not report the same difficulties with him that I do, but they are not that close with him.

I mean, I'm coming to the thread because I have a specific issue. Not because he is a menace to society and I don't understand why I shouldn't hang out with him. I'm not doing an amazing job of detailing his better qualities.

But I hear you, nonetheless, and feel the same.

tfw: you are a woman and so want to nurture everything into healthy happy contentment even though you know you have no direct influence over anyone's behavior but your own

Not submissive, that's the problem. Whenever I don't do what he wants, he gets upset. I point that out. It makes him angrier. But that isn't just him. A lot of people in my life try to control me and get angry with me. Men assume women are and should be submissive.

I cut off contact last week. He just sent a barrage of texts this morning. Why I brought it up.

I assume that women have the agency and intelligence to decide whether or not they want to have sex with someone, especially after interacting with them.

That chick was sleeping with dudes and lying about being raped and being a virgin, lying to her family and friends, and once came directly to his house and had him eat her pussy after she just got nutted in and told him that in an argument later. They were both psycho. There's a kink for that, you know?

Who the fuck gets to lord morality on Jow Forums anyway?

sjw alert

Well you just answered your own question. You are the one who lives your life not your friends or parents. So it's up to you to make yourself happy. Meaning you're the only person who is responsible for your happiness or just general satisfaction with things and people around you. No one is twisting your hand and forcing you to hang out with people that are controlling. OR you are the problem and you need to reflect on your actions and what causes people to think that they can just be controlling with you. Maybe you yourself portray your personality as this "yes" person or a goof cunt that can never say no to people or someone who doesn't have a private life.

Yes because abusers are known for telegraphing their behaviour, Oh look " In short, I guess, he isn't all around shitty with everyone, only people he has gotten very very close to." Just the people he gets close to! Almost as if he hides it and the reason hes abusing you is because you're close! Pizza though! Good qualities!

You know he's abusive and still set women up, you are immoral and enabling abuse.

The reason you don't understand why you shouldn't hang out with him is because you're piece of shit just like he is. You have no standards and will put up with bullshit for "good qualities" you can't even explain. You've literally explained yourself several reasons why you shouldn't hang out with him yourself but you look past them because you don't want to stop hanging out with him, which raises the question of why you're even here. Just hang out with him, you clearly want to.

I think you are right. I do come off as a person who is eager to please and is very open. But, I am just charismatic.

You're right. I shouldn't have asked a question I already knew the answer to. Dude is garbage. I just wanted to feel validated. Like I wasn't being a bitch by cutting him out.

Thanks.

You don't read. I cut him out. We don't hang out anymore. He sent text barrage today. It has just been bothering me. I felt like I was being cruel for giving up on a person.

Abusive? You can really only be abused by people to allow to abuse you once you are an adult, or by situations you have trapped yourself in. Which is the point you are trying to make with regard to me hanging out with him to spite his flaws, which I am no longer doing. I can't be made responsible for the decisions of others. You must believe in the one true self. I don't. Self is situational and in a state of flux. That is why I am willing to forgive.

Everyone is a piece of shit on Jow Forums, moralfag.

Think deeper.

>You can really only be abused by people to allow to abuse you once you are an adult, or by situations you have trapped yourself in.
>Think deeper.

Being told to think deeper by someone who tried to justify seeking out validation from an abusive piece of shit by trying to gloss over his garbage behaviour with "he buys pizza" is a new one.

"Best friends" with someone twice your age? Get a fucking grip, girl. He wants to fuck, plain and simple. Any thought to the contrary is lying to yourself. That's the reason he's so unhinged

I know he does. It was out in the open. I have always known. I want to fuck some of my friends but don't violate the friendship that way. Don't want to fuck him. But I'm a chick...

I also resist the notion that men and women can't be friends. That's so British Modernist Literature.

You are a very angry little nigger.
If you think I'm garbage, take your own advice and cut off contact. I'll buy you pizza if you stay.

have you tried fucking him?