Second choice

Would you be comfortable being someones silver medal?

I met a girl some time ago and we connected extremely well, things were going great. I think both of us were ready to commit but she found another guy and we didn't talk for a while, partly because I didn't want to for obvious reasons and also because she knew she had hurt me and felt ashamed, not because she didn't want to talk to me.

Anyway it didn't work out for them mostly because he started to lose interest in her but she still liked him. So she started dating again and reached out to me. She wanted to apolgize and meet up which was fine by me. She explained how she made a mistake and didn't expect me to want to be with her etc. but she wanted to give it a shot.

My mind is pretty made up at this point and I will not enter a romantic relationship with this girl but I feel like it's my ego and pride interfering here.

Let's say, for the sake of argument that I truly am her second choice and not some rebound. Would you be comfortable being in a relationship with this person, knowing that you'd always be her second best?

Some would say go for it and MAKE myself her first choice.

Others would say fuck her, out of spite. But this ruins a potentially great relationship for us.

What's your advice?

Attached: 2nd.jpg (754x1158, 112K)

B do you want a relationship or not?

Sounds like you already were her first choice but then you didn't connect as well as you think you did, she connected better with him. So you have to decide what you want, really. Doesn't matter what anyone here thinks.

You're both second choice and a rebound in situation. The situation is made more difficult as she's no longer persuing this guy because he has lost interest in her. How do you know she won't go running back to him if he changes his mind and starts showing interest again?

She had a choice and she chose another guy. That's not to say you couldn't have a positive experience if you did start dating, but I wouldn't want to start something knowing I was the back up. It's insulting and will undoubtedly cause issues of trust in the future.

In my opinion, you would be better off cutting all contact, because attempting a friendship with somebody you have a crush on will just tempt you into giving her a chance, which is likely to result in the above.

No. Too many women in the world to not be with someone who is interested in you over others. Most likely will end with them finding what they're really looking for.

>second best?
Don't flatter yourself, man.

>Too many women in the world to not be with someone who is interested in you over others.

See I don't think this is true it's just not as obvious that people are second, third or fourth choices in most situations.

Fuck her and then ghost her. She already doesn't respect you. Show her how little you respect her back.

>How do you know she won't go running back to him if he changes his mind and starts showing interest again?

That's where I suppose I have to put my trust in her. Which is part of a healthy relationship.. Right?

You arguments are all appeals to pride. They all resonate with me but I don't know if that's necissarily the right thing.

To be honest, you can't really decide how much you like someone until you've gotten to know them. That's what dating and then maybe breaking up is for.

So while her initial choice based on limited information was to go for this other guy, she has now reached the conclusion that he's not it.
It might be that once she gets to know you, she likes you more than she liked him (or she might not).

In any case, if you are looking for head over heels obsessive in love, this is not going to be it. But if you're actually kind of interested, give it a shot.

I suppose it's more self worth than pride. I'm not saying it won't work out, I just know this would play on my mind in the long run. I'd always be worried that he might come back in the picture.

I've been in the situation where I was the first choice so I know it's true.
Times where they didn't move on until I told them I'm not interested and times they dropped other potential relationships for me. I've also had the opposite happen when I wasn't the first choice. Maybe your self-esteem is too low to imagine that even being a possibility.

No, I do respect her and respect myself enough to not act like that.

I'm not angry with her, just dissapointed that I wasn't right for her the first time. It felt obvious to me based on how well we connected.

She doesn't respect you. You don't respect yourself enough if you're willing to let her into your life again.

>first time
? You'll be cucked again when she find another better guy.

Attached: 1479704619412.gif (300x186, 446K)

I don't think I'd be worred about this dude coming back into the picture, if that was the case I wouldn't even consider this.

Could you elaborate on what you mean when you're mentioning self worth?

Just to make it clear, she didn't cheat on me. We hadn't commited and established any 'rules' so to speak.

Everything is abundantly clear. I didn't even come close to thinking she cheated on you. But she absolutely did disrespect you.

She did, I think so, she thinks so even though that wasn't her intention.

Look, like I said, I'm probably just going to cut my ties with her but I'm looking for advice from people with similar experiences.

I've been the other guy in your situation. The first choice. You know what happened 2 months after I dumped her and she went back to the second choice? She told me she wasn't over me and wanted me more than she could ever have imagined and then dumped her boyfriend for a second time just for a chance with me.

My point is, if everyone required their first choice 90% of the world would be single. Most people just settle at some point.

I think you've helped solidify my stance in the matter.

I'll tell her what we had was fun but things wouldn't work.

My dick weeps. Unfortunately he does so into a paper towel tonight.

Well yea. You're not going to find 100% match and I would marry Kate Mara just to stare at her face but that probably isn't going to happen. Let's keep it in perspective here.

Yes but even then I think we underestimate how easily people settle.

Anyway I've made my mind up, the texts have been sent, the call has been made, the dick has been tugged.

never be second choice. that's not fair to yourself. respect yourself first, otherwise no-one else will

This is genuinely sad.
Not in an ironic or "ur so lame" kinda way, but a legit and genuine sorrow of a man who stands alone after enduring the disappointment of life.

Damn.

I thought it was a breath of fresh air to finally find an op that has some form of respect for himself.

Not the same person, but nobody wants to be the thing you buy when the thing you wanted to get was sold out. It's like being a bargain-brand person.