How do you escape shame and embarrassment? Does it go away with time?

Why do you care what others think of you? ESPECIALLY those who you don't associate with anymore? Why?

Yeah.
Helps if you do stuff you're happy with, and realise everyone has awkward moments shame and embarrassed except like sociopaths and psychopaths.

What in the fuck are you talking about

I don't know why. This happened last year and it still haunts me every fucking day.

Why can't I just let things go

Surely you can realize that people are imperfect and find themselves making mistakes from time to time. We all try so hard to strive for some ideal we conceptualize for ourselves in our mind, be that a creature of great sexual prowess, or a perfectly upstanding, model citizen. But realize that it's just that: an ideal. Entirely divorced from reality.

And you're you, fallible, imperfect you. It's part of the human experience, user. Try to see the small sliver of humor in it, at the very least. Here you are, young, dumb, and committing all sorts of mistakes. You're living the life you're supposed to be living.

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I do realize that humans are imperfect. But I'm harsher on myself than I am on other people. I don't know how to be a "friend" to myself.

I appreciate the perspective you're giving user. It's what I need right now.

this user nailed it You probably can't let something as stupid as this go because you're obsessing over your own life so much that you're mentally constructing it into something much bigger than it actually is. Is this affect you at all other than the mental skyscraper you yourself have built for it? No? Then this is a non-issue and irrelevant.

If you STILL can't get past this mental block of irrelevance, the only other option for you is therapy.

That is exactly what happened. At first I didn't really care. Then it got bigger and bigger in my mind. As I said, this happened last year.

Mental skyscraper. Thats exactly what it is. I constructed this in my mind, and now I don't know how to undo it or make it go away.

The last part of my post stated:
>If you STILL can't get past this mental block of irrelevance, the only other option for you is therapy.

Therapy might actually be an avenue worth exploring, given how long it's been. For what it's worth, I recommend you look into this as well.

Out of curiosity, what are these negative thoughts that you're having like? Do you think that your old friends are still talking about this incident behind your back, to this very day? Something like that?

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Bruh, you're posting in basically all the threads I am and offering equally good advice, imma let you take over from here, I've been procrastinating applying for jobs with my time on here, you got things covered?

I do go to therapy for my anxiety and depression problems. Just have a hard time bringing up this particular incident up to her, even though it's dragged me down so much. It's extremely embarrassing to me.

And yeah, that's exactly it. I create stories in my head where they're relentlessly talking shit about me and mocking me. And I dwell on those fantasies and I think about them so much that they become true.

>I create stories in my head where they're relentlessly talking shit about me and mocking me. And I dwell on those fantasies and I think about them so much that they become true.

WHY HAVE YOU NOT BROUGHT THIS UP IN THERAPY? YOU ARE LITERALLY ROBBING AND HURTING YOURSELF THE MORE YOU AVOID THIS ISSUE. Therapists handle shit like rape victims of their own family members, and you think YOUR story is too embarrassing to share and work through? We literally CANNOT help you if you are NOT willing to help yourself. Grow up.

Good luck on those applications, user. I've got you.

I see. But it's exactly these types of stories, the ones that are the most painful and humiliating, that you should share with your therapist. Help them earn their salary; they're there to help you tackle the greatest psychological burdens that you cannot handle on your own otherwise.

Besides, it's likely that your therapist has heard far worse stories in their career lifetime.

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Shame and embarassment reside in time. They are abstract constructs that have no basis in real world. They can maybe be diluted with time, but main problem is stille there: a belief that they hold palpable value.
When one sees that they cannot be found, there is no need to escape them, for it is seen that there is nothing to escape from.
Usually when we dont not look for them, we take them as granted, and subsequently validify them by reacting to them. But when we look for them, there is no single tangible evidence to be found to prove their existence.

Look into meditation, yoga, immersive hobbies, whatever that grounds you into present moment. Present moment after all, is all that there is to it, and all that there is to present moment, is the knowing of it.

Well there are various anti social personality disorders but you're mostly right.

Correct.

However, people care to different extents. The guy who cares about every single part of his relationship is most likely going to fail in comparison to someone who only cares about the fundamentals and is more laid back.

What did you do?

It goes away as soon as you let it go. Stop holding onto the past.
>BE HERE, NOW.

Figuring out how to let it go is the obstacle

I am someone another, but letting go is not doing something. More you try, more you cling to the stuff you are trying to drop. Notice how, for example a great movie will take away all your worries. When the movie finishes, worries are back. This i think is very common and relatable. The movie somehow made the work of letting go for you.

It is also not about figuring out about anything. Figuring out is another trap of the ego. There is no need for anyone to let go. Letting go is non-doing: All ”doing” is not letting go. So how does one drop something? Mindfulness practice. It brings one back to the ground, to this moment, in this moment, in here-now there is no room for worrying. Being here and now is all there is to it. When one is here and now, the here and now has done the work of letting go for us. It takes repetitive and dilligent practice to this begin to be a natural habit if it has been never practiced. The internet is full of different mindfulness meditation practices for every mileages. It is so simple that it is amazing how hidden it is at plain sight.

Mindfulness practices are not dissociation either, like a movie can be a getaway from reality. It is a weird and terrifying realm, if not visited for a long time. It also is the only direction where the truth lies. Atleast it helped me, and i had tried loads of methods. Mindfulnesss meditation was the stuff.

>humor
It's not even remotely funny.

I've been doing mindful meditation but it's hard to put myself into that "zone"

Maybe the bigger issue here is my obsessive thinking.

I doubt that my former friends have thought about this situation nearly as much as I have.

nice guitar. Always wanted a 12 string.

When you are doing mindfulness meditation, that is enough to cut the goal line and rest in the podium. Experience needs only to be observed. The nature or flavour of the experience does not matter. If you are thinking that ”fuck, it’s hard to get in the zone”, just notice it, and the goal is just that. There is no time for celebrating and creating hero stories, because the next now-moment is born seamlessly from experience that follows.

The thing is to observe thoughts and sensations so we can get into touch with that knowing that rests behind those thoughts and sensations. There is a quick test for this: just ask yourself: Am i aware? And instead of answering, just rest in this knowing that you would have recognized as a basis for the yes-answer.

You might want to check some videos and talks from guys named Eckhart Tolle and Rupert Spira. They have excellent teachings from points of view which helped my mind to grasp stuff in my quest of dropping my anxieties and getting out my head.
I also recommend checking out a dutch short film named all about nothing,

It's a Vox Cheetah

Thank you for your help.

My mental health is declining rapidly over this situation. I wish so much to just feel normal again. The thing is is that I will likely never see these people again. I now live an hour and a half away from them.

Yet I can't let go of the shame and the rumination, or convince myself that it isn't a big deal. It's always there. Always. Every waking hour.

Have you tried getting revenge? Maybe beat her within an inch of her life and then kill yourself? It could work.

Try to remember a single time when you observed someone else being embarrassed.

The fact that it's so difficult to remember even a single instance of it happening to someone else should tell you something.

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