How to Actually Build Confidence

Again, you're just over thinking it. It shows in the replies. I do the same shit, but as time goes and you take chances it gets easier.

It's tough man, and this is just more excuses I know, and no amount of research or reading or asking for help is gonna help fix something I need to figure out and do myself. It's just hard, I feel like I never know what to say or do or even think, or 'how to be myself' .

Like recently I've pushed away almost all my friends because I don't want them to see what I've become, I wasn't like this even just a few months ago, it just happened. I don't even know what to focus on when I do push my comfort zone, or what to take away from it or improve on it. I know these are all excuses, but I just don't know how to be human as stupid as that fucking sounds. And I know this is enforcing your view of me as a weak person, but I thought I would at least explain myself. Insults aside I do appreciate the brutal honesty of this post.

Damn is it that obvious LOL. How do I even stop overthinking, this is fucked LMAO. Just like maybe mediation and other grounding exercises to get me out of my head? Or maybe drugs :^)

Meditation could help balance things out. I do it sometimes in bed. Granted the girl trying to cuddle makes it tough. The best thing to do is just take chances. If you spend your life keeping your head down, all you're going to know is dirt.

Passive smoking kills..perhaps that's what he meant
Well there you go, that's why.
People have their identity-that's why they can be confident.
You're afraid to say the wrong things.
While this is good for being cautious, it's also hindering in nature. Try loosen up more.
Neet and vidya are skills directed toward self. Do you have hobby that can connect you to others?

Well you're having identity crisis it seems. My advice would try to channel your focus on new things or things you enjoy that can give positive result.
This confidence you want is something that'll come gradually-it won't happen in one night.
Why you don't want your friends to see you?

success

success builds confidence.

Being successful make you believe in your own abilities

Now here's the twist: try being successful without confidence, have fun

You need to learn skills. You need supportive figures like teachers or caseworkers. You need peers you can relate to. These things will edify you. I, myself, have gone through tough shit. I found, for a short time, a group of men I could relate to. All older than me. But they had gone through tough shit, due to their age and other factors. I was youngest. Skills & Support. Things you won't find on this shitty website of teenagers and well-to-do adults.

I feel like I'm just a husk of what I used to be, I don't even remember how it happened. When I do interact with them it just doesn't feel genuine and doesn't flow. So me being the clever self-destructive person I am decided to push them away before they could reject me, so after I grind out my issues, I could possibly return the old me. I just kinda lost my personality at the start of my second semester of college, nothing major even changed or happened, it just slipped away for some reason.

You can become good at everything if you approach it like a skill.

When you're training a skill, you deconstruct it into a series of different processes, you try to work at and become better at each of those different processes, and you practice their coordination (the skill itself), with frequency and greater and greater challenges.

So you need to know what makes a confident person and what's stopping you from being that. Obviously I can't guess for you, that requires self-knowledge, but there are several potential reasons. It can be mere anxiety or shyness around people, it can be the fact you're not good at communication, it can be some insecurity regarding your look, it can be an insecurity about the way you speak, it can be you not sharing enough interests in common with people around you, maybe you're unsure about your conversational skills, etc. This is up for you to decide, but you break it down and then you work on those isolated steps.

I started volunteering recently, I've heard of the whole join clubs to make friends and build confidence, but when I do those events I usually get so wrapped up in not coming off like a loser and just focus on what others think of me instead of the event, so I just get more self conscious then ever trying to make a good impression and not come off as a loser and weird.

On the whole aspect of of self image, I feel like that defeat being genuine doesn't it? Then I'm just playing a character if that makes sense. Should I just fake it and eventually maybe I won't be? I just fear coming off as disingenuous and not actually being able to connect with others.

I like that way of thinking a lot actually. I read an interesting piece recently about how it's not the why you feel certain way that matters for the most part since it usually ends in circular reason, but the what aspect of how you approach it and will solve it. I think breaking down goals and action plans could help with this even though it's a bit of a meta concept. You ever read the book, "The Art of Learning" by Josh Watzkin? Has a lot of similar concepts

Anything you would recommend skill wise to learn an keep myself busy that isn't games? I feel like when I approach learning or honing a skill I just get self-conscious and have trouble on learning due to the fact I question all my thoughts and just have trouble getting absorbed into what I am doing. The same idea with the group thing, but I have been thinking of that more. It'd be kinda tough to find a support group for Social Anxiety, or whatever this is haha. I might just have to look though, I think it could help.

Gonna head off to bed, just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their thoughts, most threads I start here are just ignored since I tend to be very wordy lmao. I'll be on in the morning to reply to any responses I get if the thread is still up.

Depression often breaks down speech flow.
There must be a start though, when it's started going downhill.
Did you think of something or did something?
Did you realized something or thinking about something that disturbed you?
That's going backward I should say. Volunteering is to enjoy helping others.
You can fake it out, but at this state I won't. It's tiring to live in a mask, and it can break you down.
You can help others after you help yourself out, don't do it the other way around.

It could be anything. Plumbing, carpentry, hospitality, coding, whatever. Anything with a supportive teacher and structure. Something that'll make you say, "hey, I can actually do something".

not the guy you responded to
>have trouble on learning due to the fact I question all my thoughts and just have trouble getting absorbed into what I am doing
you'd be a pretty exceptional if you wouldn't go through that. the thing is, after some time you ease into it and that's the point where you'll start to get confidence in your skill

>Anything you would recommend skill wise to learn an keep myself busy that isn't games?
-a sport of some sort (boxing, rugby, climbing, powerlifting) = some confidence in your physical ability
-reading stuff written by smart people =>some confidence in your abstract thinking
-something handy like fixing shit around your house, your car, doing some woodwork => some confidence in being a useful and crafty
-singing, dancing, music => confidence in your ability to express yourself and being fun to be around