Does advice think love is an "at first sight" thing or that it grows? I'm with a guy right now that seems very nice...

Does advice think love is an "at first sight" thing or that it grows? I'm with a guy right now that seems very nice, sex is good, he has his shit together. But it seems like that spark is missing. Stick it out or move on?

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I'm interested in this too. I dated a girl for 3 years who I thought was my soul mate. I remember wanting to fuck her when I saw her, but I can't remember if I had "love at first sight". I think it came after awhile? Anyways, now whenever I meet anyone I no longer have a spark and can't remember if I ever even had one.

It's both. You cannot predict how love swings, which way or how fast.

I've been in long term relationships before where I never got that spark, but still cared for them, and it never happened.

I had a spark with my current partner immediately upon meeting him and it's still as strong three years later.

So for me, that spark being there was necessary and I don't think you could develop something like that over time.

I wouldn't take any proverb too seriously. I've fallen in love with someone, but it took time to grow. It ended pretty badly, but I really did fall for her hard. It took months to really happen, though.

I would just see how things progress. If you continue to feel closer and more interested in the coming months, there might be potential. But if there's no spark after giving it a shot for a while, then that's different.

Our culture has a lot of stupid expectations for romance that are rarely grounded in reality.

Love at first sight isn’t a thing. IMO it’s either “I wanna fuck you” or “You’re so cute I want to protect you and know you better”. If you call either of those love then you’re a faggot.

Both ways, my experience is in-between. Could be both at the same time, I've never felt this strongly before.
I'm not sure what you should do but I wouldn't make any hasty decisions if you guys are solid. You're already thinking about leaving but how does never seeing him again make you feel? Why are you in a relationship if you have no feelings for him, did you? Feelings change, there's ups and downs. You could have unrealistic expectations of what it should be or you don't and already know.

real deep love grows with time and familiarity, "love at first sight" is intense sexual attraction that manifests in projected self-love

With all the guys I dated, I felt intense chemistry both physically and on a personality level right away. I need that spark.

I don't think it's love at first sight but if it feels like hanging out with my cousin Larry I really don't want to.

Grows.

I have thought women were cute or hot or had ideal traits or mannerisms before, but that fades kind of quick.

My wife though, that's different. I actually thought she was kinda cute and went on a date with her because I had nothing better to do. Years later and there is no way I could possibly feel this kind of love for someone else.

Love is a slow burn that just keeps building and building and as time goes by and it survives wind and rain it blazes with an intensity that you didn't know was evendors possible.

I would rather be with my wife on her worst days than any other woman I have met on their best.

I don't know why she feels the same way, I'm nothing special, but whatever cosmic joke was played to put us together, I'm just glad it worked out in my favor and I treat her with more respect than a saint while we still act like flirtatious newly weds even after almost a decade together.

>I need that spark

Yeah, women are easily manipulated by hormones, body language, and mannerisms that are easy to learn.

Oddly enough, the strongest thing they respond to is scent. Colognes hit and miss. I recommend pumpkin pie spice, it has a better than 90% success rate, however your natural scent is the biggest factor. Women can subliminal tell if your body has the antibodies to compliment their own for healthy offspring, which is why some will cling to a boyfriend or husband's unwashed shirt like it is the best smell on earth.

Not necssarily physical things even, mostly how well the first couple of conversation go. The vibe I get off them.

For example - my boyfriend and I met online, I didn't even know how he looked like but I definitely was attracted to him.

Had a similar experience with online boyfriend as well. Felt a strong connection from a few conversations that's still present years later and in real life

"The one" or "my one true love" or "soulmate" is malarky, really.

Friend came by to take me to dinner (he owed me one and was leaving for a month), his fiance was with him -she had brought *her* friend she owed dinner to. Not a date, not planned, just 'this is user, this is anonnette, let's all eat'.
Moment I set eyes on her
>That's her
Told my roomie that night I met my wife.
She wrote in her journal
>Just met the man I'll marry
that night.
I guess it can grow, but for us it was first sight

Who hurt you?

Oh, same. We have been together two years and live together now, we have a crazy chemistry in person as well.

The way he types was sexy, I can't explain it. The words he picks, the way we chatted. It was absolutely awesome and perfect, I was so fucking thrilled and excited about us.
Does it make any sense?

Reading stuff like this hurts my heart because I had a girl like that and she just randomly lost all that love. Really sucks man. Better to have never loved than to loved and lost.

No one. There are lots of really good people out there. Of those hundreds of millions of men and women some are going to be compatible with you. You will meet some of them. You will be able to love them and vice versa.
The idea that there is "Only One" and if you don't find them you're doomed is silly.
True love?
Sure!
"Only one person in the WHOLE WORLD I could have true love with"?
Nope

Why do girls do that? Just quickly and randomly go from being really in love to not at all? Never heard of men doing the samem

I think men and women love differently.

How so?

I believe that men love with more depth and sacrifice. I believe that women are capable of love, but they don't let it consume them in the same way. They're perfectly okay to just monkey branch or leave when shit doesn't provide benefit for them. I don't think any woman would go into a worse status in life because of "love".

They are broken.

You fix a broken bird, it flies away.

I am a girl and I actually agree with you.
My boyfriend loves me in a way that is ridiculous, absolute, the purest thing I have ever experienced. He wants to protect me, he puts me above everything, he'd do anything to make me smile. He looks at me and treats me like I am the only person who matters in the world, like the world could go to hell but me.
I love him a lot, too, but it's different. I am more... I want to take care of him, to make sure he has everything he needs, to pamper him. My way of loving him is a lot less... extreme than his.

I don't think I love him "less", just feels different.

I don't think that's universally true but it's certainly mpre common for things to be that way

You, like most women, are just ready to run if you think it benefits you to do so.

I honestly don't know where the whole 'men are afraid of commitment' thing comes from because over 90% of the relationships I have seen end were from women just jumping ship because they think they can do better or refuse to stick through a rough patch.

B-but not all women user

That is honestly far from true.

We have been through a lot and I never left his side. I am committed to him and to us. We had one big rough patch (caused by his mental issues) and I stayed by his side without ever having one single doubt, even if he acted like a huge cunt. I supported him financially as well when he needed it.
I love this guy quite a lot, and this relationship is the last one I want to be in.

Yeah you stayed because despite the issues you saw more benefits to staying from them, probably because you could see the long term. If you really felt you would have benefited from leaving you would have

You sound wonderful. I just wonder if someone offered you a better life if you'd take it with someone who you felt like you could be happier with.

So? You didn't think you could do better so you stayed.

You didn't invalidate a damn thing I said.

Not her but I wouldn't do this either, it's entirely against my values and I'd rather be with someone I care about than be rich or whatever. I don't think it's that unusual.

We're just all so jaded.

No, I don't think I could do better. But I realise he is mentally ill to the point it is invalidating and it will mean I need to take care of him for the rest of our lives, which means I will probably never have children unless we manage to get control over his mental issues (which is complicated).

I could date other men who are as attractive as him, as rich as him, and in a better place than he is mentally but I don't feel the same way for them. They don't make me feel the same way he does, I don't desire them at all.
I am not unattractive, I am decently smart, I don't have enormous personality flaws. I don't have any huge "lack of options".

So probably from an objective point of view I can do better, but from my subjective point of view no, there's no "better".

Why can't I get a woman to want to stay with me

Are you supposed to think you could do better in a relationship? That seems more shallow to me than the reverse.

Nobody mentioned material wealth at all.

Treating you better means that while the guy you are with is considerate, this new guy is more so. The guy you are with is affectionate, the new guy is even more so. The new guy has the traits you love about your man but even more so across the board.

That's when the jealousy start, that's when women start looking for anything to get mad about their current man over. They want excuse to trade up without it being their fault.

For example, the other anonnette mentioned her man was a cunt to her in the past. She won't ever forget it, same as when she supported him financially. So, when she finds that better man, she will use them as excuses to further her distance from her current man to leave.

You aren't supposed to, but many women do.

I'm not even some incel robot, this is just personal experience and pattern recognition.

I don't know.
He is special. He is so excited about me that it makes me feel like I am precious. He is kind and genuine. He pays so much attention to so many small, stupid details. He makes me pancakes on sunday mornings and hugs me when I get nightmares.
He is also awesome, like. It's not just the way he is with me, he is objectively a really cool person. But yeah, he is something else with me. I could never leave a man like him.

I just don't think every girl is like this, I know that I'm not.

Then that leaves us with 2 options

1. You are rare. Like less than 10% of women in western societies rare. Although different cultures have different outlooks so might be from a non western society.

Or

2. You are lying to yourself.

It might be rare, I guess. I don't usually talk about my feelings on this kind of thing because most people would probably think it's too extreme. I don't like how most people treat love and relationships.

>I think men and women ... different...
Such intellectual. Wow!