My ex boyfriend and I ended up two years ago. The breakup was only because of the fact that he was very keen on having kids and I have it very clear that I don't want kids, so he dumped me.
He began dating another woman (who already had kids), I started dating shit men who only wanted me for sex.
During this time, I tried to keep in touch with him (we always got along really well) but his then girlfriend would get in the middle, to the point of menacing me. After that, I stopped trying to stay in touch with him.
From what I know, he's single again and so am I. We see each other in events but we do as if we didn't know each other. I find it uncomfortable, so today I wrote to him about talking to try to make things normal. To my surprise, he wrote back and it turns out he feels the same.
Now the problem is that I got a little too excited over this chance to start talking again.
What do anons think?
The ex
Just let him impregnate you.
Don't bother wasting his time if you don't plan on having his kids you parasite
some women choose to not have kids, relax
>Not creating parasites makes you a parasite
Why do people think this way?
I honestly wouldn't invest in a relationship with someone that is not interested in having kids, nothing bad but that's just how some of us are.
Maybe you're putting him in a pedestal, just move on.
And this man wants a woman who does want kids. Leave him alone.
Because OP is a selfish fuck who needed to be scared off to stop interfering with her ex's new relationship and acknowledges there's a fundamental flaw in their own relationship bit will try to force it for her own selfish gain anyway.
Then don't be in a relationship with a man that does want kids
I feel sorry for anyone that genuinely thinks a child is anywhere comparable to a parasite.
Leave him alone. You disagree on the most fundamental thing, this will not work out unless he is a total beta bitch ready to give up his dreams of becoming a father. He likely thinks you've changed your mind. It's futile, look for someone more compatible and let the man do the same.
How can they not be seen as parasites? They take all your time, money, free will. During pregnancy they literally feed on your blood and cause you horrible pain and illness. While giving birth without medical intervention they will burst out of your body in one of the most painful ways possible and even rip your asshole in half.
Face it, the only thing preventing them from being medically classified as parasites is their genes.
>they take from you
No you fucking give it to them because you care about something more than just yourself. People have kids so that their offspring will reap the rewards of the world that they created and pass on their genes to future generations. The fact that you're so self absorbed and think these children take everything from you just shows how sad and pathetic you really are. Procreating and passing on your genes is the true purpose of life and if you don't feel that urge then you're fucked in the head
>People have kids so that their offspring will reap the rewards of the world that they created and pass on their genes to future generations.
Oh you mean like our constant fear of nuclear annihilation, war, pain, death, corrupt government, shitty economy, disease, and environmental destruction. Oh how fucking selfless of you to bring people into this world without their consent. Never mind the fact that society is more miserable as a whole than ever before. Might as well just rip you from the void of nonexistence so that you have to claw your way up this corporate rat race.
Fuck off.
Having kids is just an excuse to not do anything meaningful for society. It's the biological equivalent of "Eh. You do it." That's why boomers are such self entitled shits.
>Oh how fucking selfless of you to bring people into this world without their consent
user, are you retarded? If every single human being would follow this train of through... there would be no people. This kind of thinking is against the very nature of living things.
pic related
this is spot on. not having kids makes you the parasite because you contribute nothing to the future of society. you gain knowledge and wealth and then it all vanishes into dust, along with your family line.
>There would be no people
No people, no sapient beings suffering. I see no moral issue here.
Either way, get off your high horse. Thinking antinatalists are just defective, and not a natural symptom of our progression as a species. We don't all have to make children to survive. In fact, doing so is detrimental to us as a whole.
When given a perfect utopia, even the breeding machines that mice are, their reproduction declines rapidly at a certain point.
>Oh you mean like our constant fear of nuclear annihilation, war, pain, death, corrupt government, shitty economy, disease, and environmental destruction
If you're that worried, off yourself. Or commit acts of terror and destroy hospitals for harboring babies.
>Never mind the fact that society is more miserable as a whole than ever before
Oh, goodness. Tell me how miserable you aren't now that you don't have to journey west for 10 years while you catch dysentery and are hounded by native Americans.
>Oh how fucking selfless of you to bring people into this world without their consent
Oh wow. Yeah lemme ask the millions of sperm cells in my dick if they'd like to be alive. If you're not willing to fight to make the world a better place you don't deserve to live in it. Difference between you and me is I'm not a nihilist cynic that's given up on children just because our world sucks. Fight to make it better so you can raise kids that will fight as hard or even harder than you will
>When given a perfect utopia, even the breeding machines that mice are, their reproduction declines rapidly at a certain point.
Comparing mice to humans is fucking retarded. Their reproduction declines because their "perfect utopia" runs out of space for their thousands of offspring and the breeding males get tired of the same old poon everyday.
I'm not saying every single person has to become a parent, but your reasoning is flawed.
>No people, no sapient beings suffering. I see no moral issue here.
It's not a moral issue, dumbass, it's a biological and evolutionary one. Human species, just like any other species on Earth, has been programmed to last. Our whole existence is dictated by the fact that the species has inner natural drive to progress. It's absolutely ok if you don't want to have kids because the world is evil and you don't want to deal with post-pregnancy stretch marks or whatever, but claiming that in general natural progression of life and having offspring is bad due to xyz is just stupid.
if you're the OP chick, do that guy a favor and stay away desu senpai desu
>knowledge and wealth and then it all vanishes into dust, along with your family line.
That's not how society works. Wealth and knowledge continues the exist after your death. Even as you live large sums of your wealth goes into funding the schools your children will learn from.
Knowledge is rarely passed on from generation to generation anymore. I have none of the skills my parents acquired, and they don't have those of their parents.
Parents teach you the basics of living but everything else is up to you.
Do you know Einstein's kids names? Whether they lived or died? What about his parents? If you do, you probably found out through a quick browser search.
Once you're dead you're dead, and unless you make something of yourself then that can not be changed in the slightest.
>That's not how society works.
>society
>>not having kids
>>still having society
you must be one of them geniuses I keep hearing about
>No people, no sapient beings suffering
Again, off yourself or kill other people for having children.
I'm not OP. I have a boyfriend who also doesn't want to reproduce. We're focussing on our careers. He's in the tech industry and I'm studying genetic engineering. When your child needs a heart grown in a lab I'll be one of the people contributing to its production.
Do you believe that life is worth living?
Already tried offing myself ages ago jackass. It's not going to make a difference if I kill babies the rabbits will just make more.
>failing at sudoku
Nothing sadder than that. I can certainly see why you are so bitter.
Not really. I can't stop others from having kids though so I might as well do something to make their lives a bit better.
no you won't. your work will never be as influential or interesting as that. you just over-estimate your value in life via your career like a normie. you'd do the world more good by squeezing out three kids and raising them well.
Seems like you don't give a fuck about him anyway and only think about your happiness. Just go on the pill and say you want kids too. Problem solved, or until he finds a fertile woman to give his seed too.
It's pretty hard to kill yourself when you're under constant watch. I was only 7 when I made my first attempt.
That's why you have kids. So instead of raising more rabbits you can raise wolves to thin out the ever rising number of rabbits
Right. And then those kids will do the same.
Bombing a country does more good for the world's net suffering than squeezing out people.
>Not really
>Already tried offing myself ages ago jackass
>Already tried offing myself
>Already tried
>tried
That's the problem. If you truly, undoubtedly believed that the suffering in the world is enough of a reason not to have children; if you truly believed life wasn't worth living, you'd kill yourself or you would kill other people. That's the indisputable truth. You live because there are things worth living for, as you say here:
> I might as well do something to make their lives a bit better.
I suggest you sort out your thoughts, because again, that is the absolute truth: A large measure of you believes life is worth living, else you'd be dead or actively killing other humans. So quit talking shit.
Obviously you still have feelings for him...but he wants to grow up and become adult. Get married...have kids etc. You arent ready to grow up yet. You want no responsibilities. Thats fine. But you cant have it both ways. You need to be more selective with men.
There are guys out there that are interested in relationships without the prospect of having kids...they are very hard to come by though...most guys view long term relationships as a ticket to the adult life if it isnt leading there why bother? Most guys would rather just fuck around with multiple women and enjoy bro time.
Tl;dr good luck finding a guy thats going to want to be loyal to you and not have kids. Guys typically dont operate that way especially once they hit their late 20s.
I probably will end up shooting a few people once I've finished my duty. I've formed too many close bonds with people that I don't want to suffer so once they're out of the picture the opportunity will arise.
As long as you're living life true to yourself and not talking shit, do what you have to.
If you didn't want them to suffer you'd shoot them now.
you're wrong. you can have a long term relationship without having kids or getting married. it's 2018.
My bf in his late 20s wants a serious relationship and no kids.
The issue with that would be:
1. I would be unable to do my work in order to provide a small reduction to the suffering of other humans.
2. Many of them live in various countries. Making a large dispatch nearly impossible.
3. If I couldn't get to a large enough group of people, the net loss of suffering would be too small to outweigh the net gain of suffering from their families.
The true way to reduce suffering to zero would be to simply stop reproducing. Perhaps I could engineer a virus that causes reproductive failure in future generations. That would be ideal.
>it's 2018
How to spot a liberal parasite 101
It's just a meme at this point. No one has said it unironically in the last year ir two, at least not someone who posts here.
It sounds like the issues you both have that caused your relationship to break down are far from resolved. Its cool to be excited but the thing is that you haven't confronted your dysfunction yet so the chances things will be different is very very unlikely.
Im not wrong. I didnt say it is impossihle and I said 'typically' the way guys operate.
He doesnt want kids now...but when he does and trust me that day is coming soon, because we all know you better have kids before 35 and your time is probably ticking. If you dont want any he is gone byebye....and vice versa. If you want kids and he doesnt...hes gone again byebye.
Life
...again there are exceptions to the rule. But the time will come when he wants them and if hes in his late 20s already that time is probably coming soon. Definitely before 35. If you dont want any...well...he will move on to someone that does. Human nature.
Women feel the tick tock biological clock way more than men. Men can have fulfilling lives without kids unlike women, so many don't nowadays.
I always see men being the ones changing their minds. Probably because they don't have to give birth to the things.
There are other ways to benefit society and leave something behind other than passing your genes. Art, writing, music, etc. It's not like your family will remember you in 500 years anyway unless you were famous. I know if I had a kid I probably wouldn't be able to get along with him/her anyway like I couldn't with my dad. Just because nature demands I do doesn't mean I have to listen
People that give a whole laundry list of stupidity for not wanting kinds are insufferable.
>>The world sucks! I don't want to bring them into a world like that!
Then mc-fucking kill yourself, please. If the world is so horrible why are you struggling to stay alive? Oh yeah, because there are still beautiful things and moments to experience and enjoy and because life has fucking meaning.
>>Children are parasites! They take everything from you!
No, you give to them. You teach and love so that they can go out into the world and can hopefully experience what it has to offer while contributing someway to make life a better place somehow.
>>Blah Blah Blah Overpopulation!
Total and utter horseshit. Malthus was proven wrong long, long ago. We have the technology and the resources to support HUGE amounts of people even just on Earth - way more than what we have. The actual problem we have is with us and the way we think as individuals and the effect our collective action (or inaction) has on the world at large. That's why, hopefully, we can raise a generation who can work past what we can't and build something better with the ever growing sum of human knowledge and experience.
Like, I'm a Liberal. If you don't want to have kids, no one should be able to force you. It's your life, you should not be pressured and you should live it the way you want.
But at least have the decency to not lie to yourself and everyone else that you're somehow doing others or a hypothetical child a favor by not having kids. It's not for us or a non-existent baby, you're doing it FOR YOU.
dude i read this picturing a dude from the 1800s saying these exact words
The world is overpopulated. the current economy and societal state doesn’t support raising children in a half decent setting. and let’s face it, having kids basically means your life now revolves around someone else forever after.
And don’t you dare say that’s a selfish mode of thought. having a kid is (usually) a product of your own desire. so it’s selfish no matter how you slice it.
fuck having kids. giant fairy tale of an experience. everyone i know with kids is a fucking miserable, boring stiff. my own parents included. They had me pretty young in their twenties too... I pity them so hard.
>fairy tale
you’re wrong m8, mankind is a virus and earth is a host. overpopulation is a real thing and no amount of technology or industry can scale fast enough to match the exponential boom in numbers unless it slows down - voluntarily or involuntary.
Guys guys...
As you get older you reach a position in life. You are no longer chasing after your poorly thought out drives and desires. You've come to terms with your anxieties and fears. You are less susceptible to marketing and peer pressure because you don't give a fuck. You look for experiences which have a long pay off, which connect with you on a deep humanistic level. Challenges which are hard excite you because you know that you've got this. You no longer even have to firefight in your own life because you've streamlined it by removing all the negative destructive shit. To not do this is kind of irresponsible and very much what I consider growing up, becoming an adult etc.
At this point you want children. Otherwise life can get pretty boring. Sure you can buy flashy things, but they break and are a poor long term source of motivation. You can travel, but you eventually have seen quite a lot and realise that pleasure it found in your local community amongst friends and family surrounded by the things you've done for those you love. You can have lots of friends, but they become distant, start families of their own. You can make a lot of money, but to what end?
The planet isn't overpopulated. We have an equality problem. As in the whole world can't live like us sustainably, but it isn't overpopulated. Most people have this idea that the ideal fair life is pretty much what they are doing and if everybody can't have that then we must be overpopulated.
Like .. you might be terrified of having children because you are terrified you'll get it wrong and you don't want to admit you are getting older and are supposed to be wiser. You don't want to label yourself an adult. Eventually you'll get sick of feeling that way.
Nobody is going to overpopulate the world by having one kid. Replacement rate alone is 2.33. Once people learn to read and have jobs which don't require child labour they tend to settle out around that anyway.
Anyway all this edgy grim dark shit about the current state of humanity. I used to feel like that because when I was a teenager life was unfair. I felt that I had existence thrust upon me by parents who created me for selfish reasons, to see reflected in me their own selfish delusion. This is because I had no agency in my life. My sense of self was poorly defined.
When I was a young adult I knew that the time wasn't right. I was dealing with the fallout of my own existence and trying to define myself within my sphere of existence. To have had a child at that point would have been a poorly thought out choice, likely motivated by negative feelings such as not knowing what to do, wanting to gib dat money, wanting to have something to blame my failures upon.
The older I got the more I accepted that I was given a choice in how I viewed the world. I could focus upon the horrific parts upon which I had no control and feel awful or I could focus upon the parts where I did have control and in my own way contribute to creating a world more like the one I want to live in.
My desire to have a family and raise them in my own way is what it is. Just because I cannot fix the world doesn't mean my ethos is invalid. I can give them the same choice I had. I can expect them to find being a teenager difficult and a young adult stressful and challenging.
Raising a child is a self inflicted misery. But within this challenge is some of the most wonderful moments you'll experience as a human. You can deny yourself them for whatever reasons you choose, but you can't replace them. You can say they take everything from you, your life is now over, subservient to another and you can also laugh and say yeah, so what, I've found greater meaning, my challenges and struggles define and motivate me.
Yeah, this post is being reported to relevant authorities
>Raising a child is a self inflicted misery
I haven't found it to be miserable at all. I actually quite enjoy the process of raising my kids. I mean it's hard but nothing approaching misery. Their mom's a cunt, but my kids actually make me not regret having met her.
no one is knocking the not having kids, its the fact the ex bf wants kids and OP doesn't yet OP wants to rekindle
OP here.
Could we go back to the post and stop arguing children?
I'm 33 and I've never wanted to be a mom. I don't like kids. End of story.
Lady, leave your ex alone. You two are incompatible, he wants kids and you don't. I understand that at 33 you are starting to get desperate about finding a decent life partner, but what is the point of clinging to him if down the road, if he really wants kids, he will leave you for a woman who wants to have his babies? Just look for someone who shares your views on the matter.
For one, I'm not desperate. But I will tell you one thing, relationships are more than having kids.
>I'm not desperate
Good, then don't chase your ex who is incompatible with you on pretty much the most basic level.
>relationships are more than having kids
Sure, but kids are deal-breaker in most cases, your own relationship included. For many people having kids with the one they love is one of the main purposes of a relationship.
>women choose to not have kids
I hope you can tell me the same thing when you are in your 30's or 40's roastie
>i want to get back with my ex who wants kids but *I* don't want kids
>help me Jow Forums
just fucking kill yourself you stupid bitch
I'm sterile and enjoying life to the fullest. You can't miss what you've never had.
just let that little pig burn in his stupid hell. don’t even address him in the first person.
I'd rather dedicate my life to creating things and honing my skills than having kids.
You're seriously fucked in the head.
Obviously every relationship and situation is different; how can I truly know the depth of you twos life and experiences together over two years from a couple sentence's? So take what I say with a grain of salt. But in general I think it's always a good idea to keep your distance from ex's, never text them and only speak if you absolutely have to (if you run into eachother in person and there's no way around it). Naturally there will be a lot of old feelings there but you have to try to move on. It's never good to live in the past or let your imagination run wild . Not to mention he may not even be interested and could just be trying to be nice, remember you didn't want kids and that was important to him, if you still feel that way then what really has changed?