Good evening Jow Forums. I'm here to warn you that the doomsday clock is up tonight, and that we will run out of time. The great war against extraterrestrials will start early tomorrow morning. I know this because I work as an Intel analyst in a deep underground missile base in outback Australia and we've intercepted several UFO sightings from several countries, one being our "greatest ally."
The base has started to make all the necessary preparations for what we like to call "the long winter." A lot of military families have been moved into the bunkers. and we are getting ready to blow up all ports of entry. because this base is so important. that we can't allow it to even be compromised by other elements of our own military. Other than that. I can't tell you what branch I'm in, or anything else, but I can tell you that the doomsday clock has run out. Here's why I'm telling you, though. The recent sightings and airport shutdowns are because extraterrestrial life are getting ready to obliterate humans. I was going to give out a lot more info. and go on a long rant, but I don't have the drive, anymore. I'm thirty-two. I've been through two divorces. I haven't seen either of my daughters in four years. I lost my dad to cancer, and my mom to dementia. my sister is a nigger lovinf deadbeat, and all my friends have moved on. The military is my life, sadly. I don't care that shit's about to end, but I hope you all can hug your loved ones before it's too late. I'm gonna hit q couple glasses of some smuggled scotch, and think about whether or not I want to stick it out.
Goodbye fellow humans, be ready to accept your new overlords.
