I still love him and want to stay with him, but I want to stop having to hide part of my identity from him. He had quite a strict conservative upbringing so I'm afraid he'll take it badly though. I've tried dropping hints, asking him about this stuff etc. and he has either missed it or said something insensitive in response.
It's already cost me my relationship with my parents: I came out to them a few years ago when I was back home visiting, and my mom started crying and my dad told me to get out of his house and threatened to disinherit me. He was so angry, it terrified me. I ended up riding in a bus for hours and hours to get home (I didn't have enough time to book a flight), bawling my eyes out. I made a big mistake in surprising them in my fursuit one morning (the 'this is who I am, deal with it!' strategy) and I don't want to make the same mistake again with my husband. I'm just so tired of hiding it from him. It's also going to slip out at some point if I don't tell him, and it'll be so much worse if he thinks I've been hiding it from him all along with no intention of ever telling him.
He's the light of my life and has helped me through some really tough times. I don't want to lose him, but I can't keep hiding part of myself from him, it feels like I'm being torn in half. How can I tell him, Jow Forums?
what exactly do you want to come out as? bi? or a furry?
either way, if he truly loves you something like this shouldn't be an issue. say to him that this is who you are and you're still you, you're still his spouse. if he has difficulty understanding that then maybe he isn't the one, and that's okay.
you should have been upfront about it before getting this far into the relationship
John Lopez
Except being so reckless tends to break relationships and burn bridges. As the user above asked, what are you trying to come out as? If it's some furry stuff you enjoy, ask him what does he think about furries, just dropping the question, or you could as an alternative tell him something along the lines of "Okay, so, the thing is I have this hobby of mine that is a bit weird, it is something I really enjoy and I'd like to show you, but you need to reassure me you'll be okay with it" or something similar. What have you tried so far.
If you're referring to coming out to your husband as a furry, well...there really is no 'ideal' way to approach the situation is there? If he is truly conservative, he likely won't understand it much at all. You're going to provoke feelings of confusion and possibly of disgust. It isn't surefire, but you should expect it to a degree.
That being said, please, do not take a dramatic approach as you did with your parents. Sit him down, preferably at some evening hour after a relatively calm day. Simply tell him that there was something you wanted to talk about, and reiterate that you've given it lots of thought; agonized over telling him, even. But make sure that he understands that you're in a vulnerable state, and that you love him very much.
Then, just tell him. Maybe leave out the more extreme parts of your hobby for a later time, as I'm sure being confronted with a fact about his partner, one that he might find unsavory, is more than enough to process and come to terms with at any given time.
But you have to tell him. That is, if you're unwilling to let this aspect of yourself, die.
>what exactly do you want to come out as? bi? or a furry? The latter.
>you should have been upfront about it before getting this far into the relationship I know, and I would have if I had known. I thought it was just a phase I was going through when I was younger and tried to repress it.
>either way, if he truly loves you something like this shouldn't be an issue. say to him that this is who you are and you're still you, you're still his spouse. Thanks user. That's good to remember, both for me and for him. I'm still the same person he tied the knot with. I still love him, and hopefully he still loves me. I'll do my best and try not trip over myself saying it.
>if he has difficulty understanding that then maybe he isn't the one, and that's okay. Honestly, the prospect of being alone again really scares me. I also don't want to hurt him, he's been so good to me and we've been happy together. I know I owe him the truth, but I don't want to ruin what we have.
I've tried showing him online articles about furries, asking what he thinks it must be like to be one of the mascots when we go to games together, and we watched the CSI episode about furries together (I looked for it beforehand in the schedule but didn't tell him I chose it deliberately), all trying to gauge his feelings. His usual reaction is of mild disgust ("those people are losers" kind of thing) and/or looking at me weirdly. I don't know if he'd react any differently if I introduced it as a hobby (and it might give him the wrong impression that it's just a bit of fun).
Dominic Kelly
>coming out as a furry I weep for your husband. What the fuck is wrong with modern people...
Honestly you should tell him just so he can divorce you Its not even about being a furry -which is disgusting enough- but also about not being upfront about being a furry beforehand
Adrian Robinson
my boyfriend thinks D&D is stupid because he doesn't understand it, and he doesn't understand why people like it. But he knows I like it and he knows it's my hobby even if it seems stupid to him. It's important that your spouse knows that this is just a harmless hobby and doesn't change anything between you
John Cook
>>what exactly do you want to come out as? bi? or a furry?The latter.
So.… is it just fur suiting for conventions and social stuff or do you want this to be a lifestyle kind of thing, where you wear it at home and go to puppy cons to hump other guys legs?
Oliver Hall
Why don't you start by telling us all more clearly what it is that you do in this hobby? Be specific. What do you enjoy about it? How far have you gone with it? Just how important is it to you?
>It isn't just for fun? Not entirely. My 'sona is an important part of me, part of who I am at this point. To some of my friends, I am my 'sona and the rest of my identity is a vestigial thing.
Like I said I thought it was a phase I'd gone through when I was younger. Turns out I had only repressed it. If I'd known it would come back I would have told him before.
Could I live with him thinking it's just a hobby, if it means we're still happy together? (Asking myself. I don't know the answer, at least not at the moment.) I mean, I don't understand some of his interests (bikes and craft beer, for example) so I just leave him to enjoy them, but they don't disgust me like furries seem to disgust him.
Don't worry, I'm definitely not going to do anything dramatic with him. I learned my lesson from what happened with my parents. (We're talking again, so there's progress on that front, but I think it'll be a while before they invite me to visit them.)
Telling him only the basics (when I work up the courage to tell him) sounds sensible. Hopefully it will be easier too. Thanks, user. And I'm not interested in hooking up with other furries or anything like that, if that's the extreme parts you're thinking of. I love him and don't want to be with anyone else.
I'm not sure how to put it: I think ideally it would be kind of both. Not a complete lifestyle thing though. And definitely not: >where you wear it at home and go to puppy cons to hump other guys legs
I would like to stop hiding this part of my life from him. I want him to know about my 'sona, ideally to accept it as part of me. I want to show him my fursuit and to know why it's important to me, maybe sometimes I could wear it or parts of it around our apartment. I would like to go to cons again and let loose as my 'sona IRL again, I haven't been to one since we got married because I don't want to lie to him about where I'm going.
Brayden Flores
A few things. Firstly, is that the extent of your hobby? Going to conventions in a costume and being able to walk around your home comfortably wearing it...?
What exactly do you expect him to accept about it? If you don't intend to hook up with other furries or be with anyone else either, I see no *large* issue with the thing.
I can understand how it might feel for a significant other to find something you care about disgusting. Been there, done that. But... It doesn't sound to me as though it's nearly as important to you as he is.
In terms of living as this fursona thing, is that mostly online...?
I'm glad to hear that your parents are slowly coming to terms with, well, you.
As for your husband. continue to work up to it. This fursona thing your assert is large part of your identity; as such it isn't something you're willing to separate from. Hold fast to that, user. Commit to it, if that's your desire.
May I ask how long you and your husband have been together?
i have to admit, i think fursuits are weird and id be pretty weirded out if my partner was wearing one in the apartment. you should be prepared for him to not be comfortable with wearing it in front of him
Carter Jones
Jesus, lady, hearing an adult woman talk about her fursona and making it sound like a profound spiritual thing is making me nauseous. I would definitely advise being honest about it, but if your husband is a standard bloke like me, I wouldn't expect much. If my gf told me what you're telling us, I would terminate the relationship. There are spicy kinks, and then there are kinks crossing mental illnesses territory, and I'm afraid your kink is just too disturbing for me to swallow. But regardless, be honest with your man and let him decide what he wants to do with this newfound knowledge.
Kevin Hill
>A few things. Firstly, is that the extent of your hobby? Going to conventions in a costume and being able to walk around your home comfortably wearing it...? It's...quite humbling, to have it condensed into so little, once intent is taken out and only the actions remain. I suppose that is the bulk of it though. Keeping in touch with others online, and I also draw (nothing dirty) every now and then.
>What exactly do you expect him to accept about it? If you don't intend to hook up with other furries or be with anyone else either, I see no *large* issue with the thing. Maybe I'm just being overly cautious about it, but given his reactions about it I'm worried about it.
>I can understand how it might feel for a significant other to find something you care about disgusting. Been there, done that. But... It doesn't sound to me as though it's nearly as important to you as he is. I think I wound find it easier if he finds being a furry disgusting than if he were to find me disgusting for being a furry, if you see what I mean?
>In terms of living as this fursona thing, is that mostly online...? Right now, yes. I do most of it on the train to and from work, reading/writing messages from other people in the community because anything IRL is on hold.
>I'm glad to hear that your parents are slowly coming to terms with, well, you. Thank you, user. We don't talk about the fursuit incident but it's good to be able to just talk with them again.
>As for your husband. continue to work up to it. This fursona thing your assert is large part of your identity; as such it isn't something you're willing to separate from. Hold fast to that, user. Commit to it, if that's your desire. Thank you again, user. It really helps knowing that someone is supportive of me in this.
>May I ask how long you and your husband have been together? We've been married for two and a half years, and we knew each other for about a year before that.
Justin Reyes
>coming out as a furry >posts pride flag I think the problem is your personality, but that aside You tell him directly. Tell him you'd like to chat over dinner, cook a meal and chat over dinner about how you're a furry and you do take it seriously
What else do you expect to do? How do you people get married? How do you believe you're smart or capable enough?
Elijah Russell
>It's...quite humbling, to have it condensed into so little, once intent is taken out and only the actions remain. I suppose that is the bulk of it though. Keeping in touch with others online, and I also draw (nothing dirty) every now and then. I don't personally think it's important whether your drawings are dirty or not but... Regardless, I don't mean to offend. I just... don't know anything about the lifestyle. But I'm at least aware that it varies.
>Maybe I'm just being overly cautious about it, but given his reactions about it I'm worried about it. I merely meant that these things would pose the largest hurdles to get over. It's lucky for you that those issues don't exist in this case.
>I think I wound find it easier if he finds being a furry disgusting than if he were to find me disgusting for being a furry, if you see what I mean? I do understand it, yes. It makes sense. I would feel the same.
>Right now, yes. I do most of it on the train to and from work, reading/writing messages from other people in the community because anything IRL is on hold The... train? I apologize but I think I'll need to ask about this. Do you... wear your fursuit in public, then?
That's a young marriage. This could present itself as a problem, but only if both sides are unwilling to compromise. This is something that could very well be worked out. I wouldn't expect him to be perfectly content in it, or even willing to participate in it at all; at best, he might just be neutral to it. I think that should be considered a desirable outcome.
And forget what some of the other anons are telling you. You're a furry. You enjoy it. What the hell do they know about the intricacies of human sexuality when even sex psychologists themselves are trying to figure it all out. You're not hurting anyone or impeding on the rights of others, so you're good.
I am going to give my honest perspective. You should burn your fursuit because if your husband ever sees it, he will never be able to look at you the same way again. And don't confuse this for him seeing "the real you" because that suit is not the real you. It is synthetic fabrics and creepy googly eyes. It doesn't even look like a goddamn animal.
I don't know what sort of animal you imagine yourself as, but if you are seriously dedicated to it, start incorporating elements of it into your appearance, behavior, and whatever strange sex stuff you get up to. I mean like one of those sexy cat Halloween costumes or whatever. It might feel silly to you, but it is leagues and miles better than how your husband would feel about a fursuit.
The incident with my parents was about four and a half years ago. I think that in large part drove me to try to stop being a furry. It all resurfaced earlier this year.
I would understand and not wear it when he's at home if it would make him uncomfortable.
You're right about the flag. I was sure posting a furry image would get me a warning (or worse) so something associated with 'coming out' seemed appropriate, but upon reflection it's probably a shitty comparison to make. I'm sorry. I would delete the image if I could.
Doing what you describe sounds like a good idea, to make him comfortable and relaxed. Thanks user.
>What else do you expect to do? In what sense? I don't think I understand.
I mean I use my laptop while commuting on the train, and that's the majority of the furry part of my life at the moment. I'm not wearing my fursuit when I do it, but it's a convenient chunk of time for me to catch up with my friends online. (On the internet, nobody knows you're wearing your skinsuit!)
Wyatt Powell
Skinsuit. Heh... I think that sounds much creepier than "fursuit" ever could.
Ahem. I think this is something you can overcome, user. My advice is strategic in nature, but hopefully, you won't find it manipulative.
Show him quite a good time. Go see a movie, have dinner, take a midnight stroll around the lake with him, something like that. And then, once things are comfortable, perhaps at their peak even, begin to approach telling him.
Tell him that there's something about you he still doesn't know yet. Something you've been wanting to tell him first, but that you wanted
Eli Nguyen
to tell him for some time. Apologies for the posting error.
>That's a young marriage. Rationally I know, especially when I think of couples who have been together for several decades, but emotionally I can't imagine being alone again.
>at best, he might just be neutral to it. I think that should be considered a desirable outcome. I think I agree. That would be better than the current situation. I wouldn't have to hide it from him any longer.
>You're not hurting anyone or impeding on the rights of others, so you're good. That's a good thing for me to remember. There are far worse things I could be doing with my life.
Kayden Watson
There's no way she can tell him she's a furry without ruining the mood and warranting his mental breakdown. OP just see a psychologist and sort yourself out.
Robert Stewart
You should see a therapist.
Robert Bennett
>Skinsuit. Heh... I think that sounds much creepier than "fursuit" ever could. Reading it back, it definitely has a Silence of the Lambs vibe!
>Show him quite a good time. Go see a movie, have dinner, take a midnight stroll around the lake with him, something like that. And then, once things are comfortable, perhaps at their peak even, begin to approach telling him. Phew, when you mentioned being manipulative I feared you were going to suggest something like using sex to try to coerce him into accepting it! I couldn't do that.
Those ideas all sound nice. We haven't had a chance to do anything romantic together for a while because of work.
Robert Nguyen
Assuming this isn't a joke question, why the fuck would you want your parents to know you're a furry? It makes sense to tell your husband you're a furry because you have sex with him, but the world doesn't need to know you get hot and bothered about anthropomorphic animals.
Ryder Edwards
I have a bud who's furry. I'm talking gigs of the porn, I could probably ask him right now for an exact count down to the fucking megabyte He only doesn't have a fursuit because he's poorfag and cares about bills and shit more than fursuit Y'know how he breaks that topic, bub? "I'm a furry." He was once asked "with the weird suits and everything?" "Yeah, if I could afford it." "That's too weird for me, man." "Oh well. I like it."
There's no questions. His girlfriend knows full well (and about the fleshlight he has I'm p'sure)-- the trick is you don't want to be afraid if it. If it's yours and you're afraid of it others will be afraid-- imagine it like this. (pardon the context it was what popped into my head; no offense intended, genuinely) You have a dog. Doggo does not bite. But when doggo jumps (just to play or give licks) you flinch and recoil from him as if he was going to bite. If you tell people doggo doesn't bite and then recoil when he moves at you, what will people think, would you say? What do you believe those people would think of your reaction to the dog? Same concept here. You can be nervous about his reaction but if your reaction to IT itself is fear, you'll sabotage yourself. Present it calmly, confidently, and without any 'stunts' like showing up in your fursuit; you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to use big boy/girl words to discuss it.
That's probably what blew it with your family. If your hubbo goes over well may I suggest you have your senpai-jam out for dinner, and say you'd like to take a second stab at it and actually discuss it this time? It might smooth over some gaps; leaving them to assume might be to assume the worst.
The worst I gotta confess is that I love ERP but my girlfriend took it pretty well. Still, I own it-- you gotta. If it's you, it's you. No sense painting over it to try and make it something it isn't. Remember, honesty in communication is important.
Jackson Hughes
>these replies to the shittiest bait of all time
Hang yourselves.
Chase Rivera
I was younger and more stupid back then. Also, being furry isn't a sexual thing for me.
>cares about bills and shit more than fursuit Heh. A fursuit would probably allow him to save on heating costs. Unfortunately the chicken and the egg are the wrong way around in this problem.
Your post makes sense to me. Being afraid and trying to minimize when talking about something that I enjoy because of fear of embarrassment is what sabotages me every time. Not just with furry, but with every non-normie part of my life. Know any tips on how to steel myself when talking about it?
If I ever bring it up with my parents again, I'll do it while in my skinsuit, as with when I talk to my husband about it. I'll try to show them that it's not causing problems in my life or getting me into trouble.
Ethan Phillips
>steel yourself Drop the mentality entirely. Just talk about it. Don't gush, but answer questions and keep in the conversation. Keep things up and up, don't act like you do anything shady. You don't strike me as the type who does anyway. When associated with 'those' types (or with something negative) blow it off, say you don't hang around those types. You know? The trick is to realize you're not doing anything wrong. >skinsuit Please don't call it that though, that's not going to be great. Remember they're 'uninitiated' if you will and so you need to talk to them with familiar, common-ground terminology.
Zachary Green
You're missing the real winner. There is some hot and spicy bait there. OP is just a furry.
Ryder Miller
I didn't even know there were female furries. Seems like it's 99% closeted male homos desu.
Jordan Butler
>When associated with 'those' types (or with something negative) blow it off, say you don't hang around those types. You know? >The trick is to realize you're not doing anything wrong. I'll do my best. Thanks, user.
>>skinsuit >Please don't call it that though, that's not going to be great. Remember they're 'uninitiated' if you will and so you need to talk to them with familiar, common-ground terminology. Don't worry, I'll hold off on calling it that. I'll try to make it all easy to follow for them.
Juan Anderson
What the fuck are you talking about? Is this the deal where you dress up like those animals on Times Square and get money? What the hell do your parents care if you dress up like animals? Why would your husband care? What's with the gay flag? What the fuck is going on with this thread?
Ethan King
If you have friends that only know you by your fursona, that means you've been having some kind of social life you keep completely hidden from your husband, which doesn't sound especially healthy
Noah Howard
If my wife came out to me as a furry I'd leave her. I don't want to raise children with someone mentally deficient.
Noah Rivera
He probably finds furries disgusting because he associates it with sexuality. If it's really not a sex thing for you it's probably okay.
Ethan Morgan
This is bait, right? Am I falling for bait? This has got to be bait.
Brody Davis
The best case scenario, in my mind, would be to reveal it as a hobby, something casual and childish. Like acting, instead of a lifestyle. All couple will have secrets, big or small. And you may have to keep some of it a secret.
Logan Murphy
I have a hard time believing this is a real thread or a real problem. I think you're making entirely too much drama out of a harmless fetish/hobby. I'm not sure I understand at all why you felt the need to share this with your parents. That'd be like sitting my mom down and telling her I have a foot fetish, it's information she doesn't need or want, and she'd probably be more confused by my decision to have a non-sequitur conversation about it than the fetish itself.
As for your husband - just bring it up much, much more casually than you did with your parents. This REALLY is not anything at all like "coming out" as gay or trans, and it's frankly ridiculous that you're framing it that way. This is more like telling somebody about a TV show that you like. Your husband might not be into it, but I can't imagine it'll be a big deal unless you're determined to make drama out of it.
