My gf met a guy at a party in another state and they exchanged numbers

ugh right in the heart

Last chance at this... She says that I'm truly imagining a situation that isn't so, and that if she didn't care about me then she wouldn't bother spending the hours arguing with me about it, but would just date another guy. I believe her when she says she wouldn't waste our time and would just end it. While she last spoke to this guy yesterday night (1-4am), all week we've been planning a road trip together to a different, unrelated state.

It's over OP, she's going to spend more and more time with him, texting and learning about him. You have two options.
Either A: Let her text him, talk to him and appreciate him more and more as she learns and gets excited about him and leaves you
or
B: Tell her to stop and that it's you or him, you'll lose her this way OP she's already shown she's out the door.

>wouldn't bother spending the hours arguing
It's the hours arguing instead of trying to figure out a compromise that bothers this pair's perspective, OP
Indecision is a hell of a drug.

Ultimately we're missing a lot of the story but from what you've given us it does not look good-- but I mean guy. Level with me.
For what reason would you spend three hours talking to a girl on the phone, much less at 1 AM until 4 AM?

>just graduated high school
>gf is going to college in another state
>has only visited the college once
>already in touch with 2 girls, 1 guy who she talks to often
>think about how many people she's going to meet in the next 4 years

This is going to be difficult. Whatever happens OP; good luck.

hi OP my now ex of 5 years said the same thing "I love you not him" and "He's just a friend don't worry" and I didn't. After which she came over one night crying saying "he confessed his feelings, I feel the same way" and then stated "He's still just a friend"

they are together now, don't be dim, OP don't fall down the same rabbit hole I did, believing that your relationship is not at stake.

In similar boats. Dated 3 girls, all taken away from me by a guy who's "just a friend"

Life sucks. Fuck women.

He is going away on a retreat for six months and won't be near any phone. It was the last time she is able to talk to him for the next six months.

The least painful thing for you to do OP is to follow your girl's advice. Spend more time with other girls.

>Dated 3 girls,

you still found it within yourself to not be cynical the 1st and 2nd time. don't give up lad.

I'm not sure if that explanation helps or if it makes it worse that spending time with him was crucially important to her
Like I said we're missing the bulk of the story, arguably important parts, but I think you can see the consensus hit by the boards.

Consider saying you talked to some friends and got a lot of really scary replies that made you wonder what was going on.

Didn't read what everyone else says. Fuck the two years. Be glad you're not married. Ditch her

It doesn't matter if you are insecure. It makes you feel bad, and she's being completely dismissive of your feelings. That's not how you treat the person you want to marry. You can't make her do anything, but if she weren't being selfish, she would want to fix this herself.

Ask her why this random guy is more important than you and your relationship.

I know this type of girl. Is she a serial monogamist? Then she likes Harems of men not one.

Thanks man.

i second that.
give her so much space she feels like Neil Fucking Armstrong.

Literally sounds like justified cheating OP. Like, she is willing to cheat on you, so long as she discloses it

Dude, go out and meet other girls but don't make a big deal of it. Just make sure you look as nice as possible and head out with her knowing, don't bring her along. Just act casual about it and she will freak out.

>ur just insecure
why do people say this like it invalidates the feeling? everyone knows when a guy takes interest in a girl, it's almost NEVER with platonic intentions. it's perfectly justified. when someone says this, i think it's really just a masked way of saying "You are a weak bitch. I don't respect you and I do what I want."

Thats funny, thats almost the exact situation that led to me divorcing my wife.

If you aren’t comfortable with her actions, you have every right to call it quits regardless of what anyone thinks.

My assumption is that shes planning a way to be with this new guy, its bad news friend.

It's not even a question of you being insecure about her male friend, it's that she's leading this guy on for attention. Assuming she doesn't want to cheat, it's still pretty scummy of her to be talking to this guy all the time while knowing he likes her.

There is a high chance she probably already fucked the guy. Were you at this party by any chance?

Also she's 100% set on him. Either as a side cock or a switch. Trying to manipulate you to see how much she can cuck you and how far she can get.

Good luck.

This. Many red flags

Op, the only good that will come from this is learning an important lesson out of this. Women dont think or function like you or me, they wont ever admit it in the current era but men who interact with them see it.

They are cold, emotionally calculating, and selfish. They hide behind a facade of empathy and caring so long as you keep them feeling warm and fuzzy through attraction.

That however requires passing infinite shit testing as she attempts to calculate out what your thinking and where she stands relative to you socially. If you ever project your worth less than her or another option your fucked. You can have one moment of emotional weakness and they will turn on you when you need them the most. Women see nice behavior and caring as weakness, and they are disgusted by it in a primal lizard brain manner.

She found someone else who she percieves as having more value, now she is going to try to escape and do it by pushing you to end it or fuck up. If that fails, she will become a massive cunt and push you away.

All women primarily are like this, its possible and likely a absurdly small amount are not, but this behavior is how women and mankind survived for thousands of years.

OP im sorry, I wish you didnt have to experience this.

hello me in 4 years
how do i avoid being alone for the rest of my life if i fail to build a network of friends in college?

Hey that's me but I'm 28. Honestly as long as you keep improving yourself it will be alright.

Honestly, what I'm learning is that I have a social anxiety stemmed from rejection. I think people will ultimately abandon me and so I stay away. I also don't like maintaining relationships. Right now it feels like my heart is pruning.

So in response to

>how do i avoid being alone for the rest of my life if i fail to build a network of friends in college?

Go out and approach people. Other people want to meet people too. Take these interactions as feedback for your personality. 1 on 1 conversations are different from group. When there is a group you are always performing, when it's 1 on 1 it is more about your indivisual dispositions.

Read up on Aristotelian (or maybe plato?) relationships. You find friends. Like true quality friends who you identify with and possess qualities you admire. If the person whose qualities you admire offers sell-destructive advice, examine your own values.

Honestly, I understand your point, and it's true to a certain extent, but life is just so banal at this point. I literally know exactly how I'm going to screw things up because I know myself so well. Everything has been going predictably, and before you say it, it is not a part of some self-fulfilling prophecy.

Women cannot grasp abstract concepts like love and fidelity. It used to be men who couldn't now the script has turned and it's women. We have abandoned all decency and live as animals

That’s really frightening. Makes me want to be single.

Just get your degree and a job and move out. You'll already feel better once you have done that. I'm a new person since I started working.

Your relationships going to end very soon. If not because of your insecurity and distrust towards her, it's that either side of them will make another another step.

>she tells me I am insecure
Of course you are and you have a right to be. The man has clear motives and even stated having feelings, if you wouldn't feel slightly insecure at that point you are a god damn fool. She disregards your perspective of the situation and blames you, that's not the way how to deal with a relationship as a grown up.

You can talk to her and tell her about her ignorance of facts, her ignorance towards you and you can state an ultimatum. It will not make you look confident but it will most definitely result in her taking a choice. And if she's unwilling to break off contact to a man who will take every chance he gets, you know she's lying in the first place.

I'm sorry bro, life sometimes is just really stupid

>>My gf met a guy at a party in another state and they exchanged numbers.
Your gf shouldn't be swapping numbers with guys from parties
>>He admits that he has feelings for her, and she told him that she is committed to me and that he has to get over her.
Of course he does, he met a girl who exchanged numbers and kept in contact with him
>>She lives across the country with me, says I am her only, and that she wants to marry me.
She wants to marry you and exchange numbers with guys she meets at parties while you're not there
>>However, she texts him a lot, how he is doing, etc. He is one of the first people she texts in the morning along with me and other friends, and one of the last.
How do you not see the red flags here?
>>She also talks on the phone with him, sometimes late at night, like from 1-4am, but tells me every time so I don't think she's hiding anything. She likes learning about stuff from him.
RED FLAG
>>She says she has nothing to hide, and loves me.
While texting and calling a guy she met and exchanged numbers with at a party
>>I'm still jealous and unhappy at this situation.
Justified
>>she tells me I am insecure
RED FLAAAAAAAAG

How long have they been chatting for exactly?

Don't go the "him or me" route, it won't work out in your favour even if she picks you.
Try to do things together when she would be on the phone, take up a hobby together, if she is using the phone while you are together, be cold towards her.
Worst case scenario is she leaves you for the guy she is trying to leave you for.
Best case scenario is you put your foot down and she stops seeking out better options.

Dude you're fucked. When you hear "nothing to worry about" it means you need to really fucking worry.

This.
Tell her you are going on a coffee with Stacy and disappear for 4 hours.
She will lose her fucking mind.
Assure her this is just friendly talk in a restaurant and she is just insecure

if this was me I would be that person that like checks the chat logs or all sorts of shit to try and get an idea of how things are going. maybe their convos really are lifeless, and full of romantic rejection for him. but if there was even a slight inkling of flirtation i'd fess up and reveal that i broke her trust and throw it in her face, and if that leads to us breaking up: fine.

she's definitely wrong on one thing, though... unless you're a colleague or some kind of comrade with a distinct mutual interest there's literally no reason to spend 3 hours on the phone with a guy that's admitted to having feelings for her.

the most important thing you can stress, that won't be anti-feminist or whatever form of argument she tries to take, is that that dude must 'respect the relationship' ... if he keeps mentioning his feelings that's not respecting the relationship. if he's being flirtacious, or baiting lonely lines that's not respecting it. why would your gf want to be friends with somebody who doesn't respect her relationship? that guy, hypothetically, already deserves to apologize to you! that's the line of argument you need to take, imo.

Realest stories being told
The most common way relationship thots go about slutting away is exactly this
Theres plenty of real life experience being told on here, OP u know what to do by now

Listen to everybody OP, sounds like she is just setting things up to break up with you and start a relationship with this other guy. Stand you ground and be prepared to be so single very soon.

This happened to me last year with my ex and one of my best friends. It is way more common than you think.

OP, you don't need to try and reason about this, or form some perfected, logical argument. The "what if the script was flipped?" thing never works.

It's just plainly inappropriate, improper behaviour for someone in a committed relationship. Tell her to quit it or you're moving on, and that trust is a finite commodity that can't be brazenly wasted like this.

Who gives a fuck if you're "insecure". Relationships are a personal, unique thing, a source of strength and not worry, and you should be with someone who respects and believes in the same kind of boundaries you do.

How the fuck can you just sit by while your gf is on the phone to some guy she met at a PARTY from 1-4am? wtf man.

I'm a femanon and I honestly have to agree with most of this.
In my experience though, the older the woman the less like this they become.

Have you tried spanking an dicking her yelling her that she needs to stop?

So you gotta ride some more dick before you get tired of wanting new dick once you get to menopause ... And people ask the why young men hate women ...

underrated posts
Actually she is cheating, emotionally, she has become emotionally invested with this guy and would prefer to spend time chatting with him over spending quality time with OP. A buddy of mine broke up with a girl he dated for 5-6 years over something similar to this.

Just give her more sex and tell. Her that if she continues it will get into painal

serious red flag, you told her you don't like it she should respect your wishes and not talk to him. seems inappropriate how close she is with him when shes with you. dump her bro she'll cheat on you eventually, she's walking all over you

I mean it's just time, if they ride dick in that time then that's how it do
My girlfriend used to use hints a ton when we started off but realized as she got older that results-oriented actions were better off for her intentions

The important thing about time, growing up, and maturing, is that it's a constant effort and the more you do it and grow up, the more you realize it's complicated, tough, and highly personalized.

Some things are, others are not. I mean, sure, everyone is unique, but only to a degree. Sex these days is social pressure because we live, at least in the western parts, in a society which is overly sexual and identifies itself through sex, nudity or similar primitive behavior. Having multiple sexual partners is even advertised by magazines, television and NGOs that women should go ahead and fuck around in order to get the best deal.

The only thing that time does is give you chance to learn and take off the blinders you have been wearing aka growing up. But: not everyone grows up nor wants to learn. And even if, most times you realize much later in life how much time you have wasted and how many chances you denied because of your own ignorance and unwillingness to change.

With that being said and taking your statement into account, it basically implies that women are powerless and can't change their behavior. Which sounds pretty sad, but on average it looks like it's true.

Do the same thing, it's not hard, or fake it, and you'll see

Fukkin' this OP.

>she tells me I am insecure
lol
My cheating ex was exactly like this. She's being "open" with you about it to ease her conscience and avoid suspicion, but they're merely half-truths. She is absolutely sexting this guy behind your back. The fact that instead of compromise she turns to just calling you insecure 100% confirms it.

Women are always really cold and clear-cut when it comes to this: she's weighing her options, and you literally became plan B.
Either she cuts off all contact with him or with you, that's the only real choice that will leave you not feeling paranoid all day.

She's stringing him along and she knows it. She probably means it when she says she's committed to you, but she clearly has a dark cruel side.

I'd ask if there was even a chance of her getting together with him if the two of you ever broke up.
That's what you really have to worry about.

Or just start badmouthing the person you suspect her to be.
Like "Alright, I trust you. I just think that girls who get romantically involved with guys behind their boyfriends backs are disgusting fucking whores. I know that you are a decent enough person that you wouldn't do something that."

Then maybe tell her that you'll let all her friends know that she isnt and will never be attracted to that guy.