I'm looking at some serious jail time soon... Currently under house arrest... What should I expect?

I'm looking at some serious jail time soon... Currently under house arrest... What should I expect?

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Expect your boipussy to accommodate some seriois BBC.

I'm pretty sure that's an urban myth.

Assuming you'rre not a well connected badass with cash to burn or a devout Muslim you can expect to a very unpleasant time indeed.

Canada eh? What did you do, complain while a mudslime raped your wife?

This thread has been posted literally dozens of times

>canuck flag
Well, that depends - are you native? if so, you'll continue to get your welfare check and be shacked into a 'healing lodge'. After all, natives are so prone to crime that we can't hold them accountable for their actions.
If you're a nigger, I'd try to go the native route.
If you're white, well, it's a canadian prison. Keep your head down, and you'll be out in 1/3rd of your sentence.

Obviously haven't been a prisonfag before.

Rape, lots of rape

I have some people at my church who are in the Serbian mafia who could maybe help me.

It's a long story but here's the Coles notes:

>be me
>run semi successful restaurant with a shisha bar component
>find out one of the Vietnamese dish washers is committing time theft and also taking money from the register every night
>stay around until closing
>tell him to stay back while everyone leaves
>go to back room, get baseball bat, hit him in the head and break his legs
>cut off his finger
>tell him I'll kill him if he tells the cops
>he doesn't listen, tells cops, I get arrested, put on house arrest while awaiting trial

Did you misgender someone leaf?

I'm of Serbian descent

go hang out and befriend all the blacks
and talk shit about all the white guys in there.
you'll be fine.
start waxing now or you'll be pulling it out later.

Kidnapping, torture, grievous bodily harm, extortion, assault and battery....

yep, you are going to go to prison.

>beat up a minority in Canada

You can guarantee that this is on Trudeaus desk and your time will be miserable

I think you’ll do fine in prison.

Just bring that can-do attitude that got you there.

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I got a really good lawyer who is going to plea that it was a crime of passion and that I'm not mentally sound, I think I might get off

That means you're white enough for the courts not to care that you're some oppressed minority.
First offense you'll get somewhere around the minimum recommended sentence, and spend about 1/3rd of that behind bards, assuming you don't act like an assbag.
After that, it's to a halfway house, then full parole.
Keep your head down, keep your mouth shut, and don't call or be called a goof.

>I have some people at my church who are in the Serbian mafia who could maybe help me.
If they have influence and serious influence within the Canadian penal system feel free to ask, but realize there's always a price for that kind of protection. It won't be long beofre they're asking you to get visitors to smuggle shit in etc, and of course they'll know your family and friends which they will leverage.

From my limited experience the best thing to do is wait till meal time, then when the baddest muthafucka on the block enters the canteen attack him with everything you have, I mean try to kill the fuck, eye gouge, bite, headbutt, stomp, stab if they have metal knives.

You may end up getting the shit kicked out of you, even killed, but if you do survive nobody will want to fuck with you, and the badass you attacked will at least have respect for you and might even ask you to join his 'firm'. That's what I would do user.

Long stretches of soul crushing boredom spiked by an hour here and there of sheer terror. Go stand inside your closet for a few days. That's jail.
Don't act more alpha than you are or your shit's fucked.

I have 2 DUIs and an uttering threats charge from 2013 involving my ex

You could at least make some good contacts in the Aryan brotherhood. They’ll protect you if you’re white.

Basically no rape

While I applaud your actions you are definitely going to prison, probably for most of your life.

I can't tell if this is bait

well if you are a shitskin maybe a week in jail and a $250 fine (which is a lot for your people)

I don't know if it would be most of my life. My lawyer said worst case scenario like 6 years

kinda thinking we should just leave you in there at this point.