I am a relatively experienced psychonaut who always takes utmost care in planning his trips. But this time was different.
I hadn't tripped on LSD for over 8 months and wanted to experience it with my 1 year girlfriend. She had never taken any drugs and was not curious to do them, but was ok with joining me on this one. My plan was simple: Go for a walk with her and then later, spend the evening with my tripsitter/friend and let it fizzle out.
I took 300ug, my highest dose ever and was on my way. From that time onward, everything is a blur, according to her the first hours were fine, but got progressively more confused and continued go toward what u think was Ego Dissolution (my first time). I reportedly forgot who she was, discussed suicide, almost called ES, watched porn infront of her, was very commanding during sex (something I never am) and clearly scared her to the core... I am sure I said things she may never should have heard. >She was simply not equipped to handle me in such a state.
Mistakes were made during this trip, I'm the first to admit that (relying on never having had a bad trip, underestimating the dosage, not having a Benzo in hand...)
After a good night of sleep we met again, to discuss what happened. She clearly was shaken by the experience. But told me that right after the trip she considered breaking up with me, especially because I broke her trust. But she reassured me she knows that I am still the person I was before and that we will try to normalize everything with time. We still write, but I feel for now things simply do not feel the same. I won't be meeting her for a week due to an outing with her family. >I profoundly regret what I did to her, at the same time i don't know how to address it as I have major gaps in memory as to what I said and did. >I don't want to loose her. But don't know what I can do. >Will we ever be able to overcome this? (I'll try to answer any addition questions upon request).
300ug is way too large a dose if you want to keep your faculties and do shit. At least for me. I don't understand how you could consider this given the various circumstances. Perhaps I'm just a pussy.
You should be glad you have those gaps in memory, I doubt you would even want to re-experience whatever that was.
I suppose you have to give her some space to figure things out, she'll talk to you eventually and at that point try to get her to work through whatever fears and worries she has. Understand that you had a psychotic episode that doesn't necissarily reflect who you truly are and what you feel.
Jackson Hughes
I went off my previous experiences, with 100ug and 200ug being very manageable for me in terms of self-control. I might have overstepped a boundary with 300ug though.
In some way I am...although I still feel somewhat tired, even 2 days later after not having slept for 48h straight (the trip lasted 20h, also a first). But my memories from before the trip are pretty much intact.
Even the day after, she was already joking about the ridiculous things I said to her. It must be a way for her to cope with it. But I am genuinely afraid we will never be able to restore the sense of trust and intimacy we had prior to this.
Ryder Morris
It will never be the same again. You should have a clear cut and painfully honest conversation about everything you said and did and how those things made her feel. You need to know so you can repair the damage and she needs to "let it out," so to speak, since you weren't really present. Come to her with this and let her know that it is because you want to help restore intimacy and trust.
Evan Jenkins
Yes, something happens at dose point that can completely change the experience. That point is around 170-200 for me, above that I would not want to be out of my comfort zone.
Yes she is finding ways to cope which is understandable. While you do have reason to feel a bit worried right now I guarantee you most of it is redundant.
The outcome might still be a 'up in the air' so to speak but you will surely get some closure to this mess, as you are dealing with a person that cares about you.
Tyler Ward
Stop doing drugs you fucking burnout loser. Get some help.
Mason Carter
Do some drugs you fucking burnout loser. Get some mdma.
Landon Wright
Advice on doing those things as a couple?
My gf was a recreational drug user, even shortly before we met. I never had any experience and brought up being curious. She said she was afraid to become the "girl that introduced you to drugs" and even if she did, she would heavily regulate everything.
We haven't talked since about it, but I'm still curious.
Charles Thompson
Don't do large amounts of 'typical' psychadelics for your first time. LSD, Shrooms etc.
MDMA is a bit less demanding in the mental sense in my experience and can be wonderful to do with someone you care about and trust I imagine.
Austin Wood
I tripped for the first time with my wife of 15 years not that long ago. Mostly to try address an underlying mental problem. We were weird around one another at first. She's not experienced but I am. Still, it didn't work out the way I had planned. It was successful but we didn't do much talking until the later stages and after the peak. What I'm saying is, it may just be an issue of still understanding one another fully. A year isn't near enough time for that. You already got some good advice so I won't burden you with more, but next time (if there even is so) wait much longer and maybe explain to her what happens to you when your under. How it changes you and even after all the seeming nonsense in the end it changed you for better or worse. See if she'll stick around long enough to see those changes and then if she doesn't like what she sees, you'll be open to letting her go. As long as you're confident that those are positive changes, you should be fine. Right? It just occurred to me that's what I did when I did deem around the wife for the first time. Which I was mostly incoherent so maybe bad example. But I did explain that's exactly what might happen. It scared her as well, but I made sure she knew it was coming.
Luis Hughes
This totally
Jackson Watson
Your dare program conditioning is wasted here ikeman. Go suck a trump.
Ryder Wood
Only time will tell but I strongly doubt it's going to be like it used to be, you cannot wipe this experience from her memory.
And honestly yeah you should've realized that letting someone inexperienced with drugs trip sit you while you are high off your mind on acid is not a great idea. All the more if she's alone with you and sex will happen. I don't blame her for being way out of her comfort zone there. Did you even try to make it very clear to her that you were going to act insane for all intens and purposes?
I mean do what you can, communicate, try to see her a lot so this experience moves to the background a little bit. But you can't unring the bell.
Hunter Peterson
Could you imagine if the cure for depression was sitting right in front of you and you said "no thats a substance, I'd rather be sick" ?
Jaxson Green
This is really simplified. Psychedelics can both better and worsen someone's mental health. It's not exactly candy, speaking as someone with one friend who went into a drug induced psychosis and one who has issues with concentrating and seeing patterns five+ years later.
I love some quality acid but this idea that it will make your life grand and has no (serious) risks is part of why many people are so wary of considering it as something they could enjoy.
Connor Butler
It is simplified and I'd echo that sentiment but I had an experience with a candy-flip some time ago (as in, the afterglow period is long gone) that completely chucked me out of a depression. I haven't done anything since and I was very cautious with attirbuting this to the drugs but at this point I'm not sure what to think.
Aaron Martin
>MDMA is a bit less demanding in the mental sense in my experience and can be wonderful to do with someone you care about and trust I imagine. When reading about it it sounded like my sort of thing. I'll be spending some time off work during summer and that might be an opportunity.
Grayson Garcia
Although I told her extensively about the possible risks, the fact that I never experienced them myself, even at fairly high doses led me to downplay them somewhat.
We both believe that her unpreparedness was one of the contributing factors making this such a bad experience for her. She said she tried to call me down and felt helpless and unable to help me.
Yes, read about the dos and dont's and you WILL feel something entirely new that might change your perspective on things.
James White
OK the comment CAN be simplified, but you're the one who simplified it. I was referring mostly, but not entirely, to microdosing. There's very little risk unless your someone who already suffers from a serious mental problem. Even then you should be aware that you shouldn't do psychedelics. AND even then if it wasn't illegal and more research was able to be put into it, then the dangers could be absolutely eradicated. So yea, you could take it that way, but the truth is, we have the building blocks to cure many mental disorders but because of the people, like the one I was referring to, it gets set back ten fold. All because they were taught to be afraid of "drugs" and label them with addictive and harmful drugs.
Nicholas Martinez
>I was referring mostly, but not entirely, to microdosing. That's good to include because you're posting in a thread where the OP took a good old fashioned trip...
>There's very little risk unless your someone who already suffers from a serious mental problem. Psychedelics can definitely make schizophrenia/schizophrenic tics surface. There's still debate on whether it simply triggers already present hereditary inclination to that or that it actually "makes" people schizophrenic (probably not), but still, stories of young adults who were fine until they tripped are not rare.
>AND even then if it wasn't illegal and more research was able to be put into it, then the dangers could be absolutely eradicated. LSD was not originally illegal and was actually developed as medication for psychiatric purposes. There has been A LOT of scientific testing done in the late fifties/sixties/early seventies, including some batshit insane stuff.
I mean, I don't disagree that our perception of which drugs are "medical, safe/good" drugs and which are scary drug-drugs is pretty damn arbitrary. But LSD has been around for some time and has already been hailed as the key to solving anything for a good decade or so. Didn't live up to its reputation.
Anthony Taylor
>But LSD has been around for some time and has already been hailed as the key to solving anything for a good decade or so. Didn't live up to its reputation.
Nothing is the cure to everything but psychedelics such as LSD HAS shown promising results in treatment of addictions iirc. And I mean... In what reputable circles has LSD been hailed as the key to solving anything?
David Edwards
>ok
Liam Nelson
As I said in the first post, it definitely has, but it can go both ways. For some people a trip is comforting, puts things into perspective, makes them experience more meaning in life. For others it's terrifying, makes them feel estranged from themselves, and a trigger for paranoia or even delusions. This seems for a huge part down to genetic make up and/or individual psychological disposition and is hard to predict in advance. Of course making sure you don't mix drugs, you take it in a good safe environment and so on, limits the risks. But even then it's complex and you can't be 100% sure what the outcome of a trip is, particularly because so much depends on the own person's responses to what they see and experience in the moment.
Obviously it's a hyperbole but it has been considered a breakthrough element in psychotherapy (both solo use and tripping with the guidance of your therapist), a path to spiritual enlightenment, a way to find inner creativity/your inner child and so on. In one particularly unfortunate case some mad scientist even thought it would make dolphins share the secrets of the universe with us - granted, that was a nuts scientist individual, but it's just a fun fact.
Either way, just read up on the wiki page of LSD even. It didn't start out as a controversial drug, there were high expectations initially and later in the sixties. Lots of mental health professionals had trust that it/psychedelics in general would do wonders for patients.
Charles Stewart
DUDE DRUGS LMAO
Ethan Miller
Fair enough, but I wasn't necessarily referring to lsd. And I'm certain the guy who I was referencing didn't care if it was ayahuasca or Tylenol 3 it was all the same to him. What were talking about is psychedelics.
>Psychedelics can definitely make >schizophrenia/schizophrenic tics surface. I would consider that somebody already having a serious mental problem.
>LSD was not originally illegal and was actually >developed as medication for psychiatric >purposes. Sure, but ketamine, psilocybin, dmt. Have research as well that shows ample proof of being beneficial. Especially in microdoses and even in people suffering from debilitating depression.
>That's good to include because you're posting in >a thread where the OP took a good old fashioned >trip... I'm sorry I didn't realize i needed to include every possible opinion that can be taken from it. I feel like your picking apart what I'm saying. It's pretty clear psychedelics are on the table.
Justin Lewis
You'll get there one day I'm sure. I believe in you buddy *super hippy, weed-infused e-tard-hug*
Charles Sanders
I don't agree with such a hard negative stance either, just think the truth is somewhere in the middle.
>I would consider that somebody already having a serious mental problem. Fair point, but if there's no telling that they were predisposed to schizophrenia before taking the drug and the drug triggered it, I think it's kind of a technicality to say it wasn't the drug's fault because it's hard to rule out beforehand if someone never had earlier symptoms. Besides it is rather hard if not impossible to get a clear idea of whether someone who experienced the onset of schizophrenia after some type of psychedelic would've had (exactly the same?) progression of that disorder had they not taken anything. Being predisposed doesn't mean you have to develop it, after all.
I don't believe that psychedelics have no potential for mental healthcare. Just that they have both potential and risk - that's mostly talking higher dosages though, afaik there's less known specifically on microdosing, and I definitely know less about it.
>every possible opinion that can be taken from it Well, depends on the claim I guess, claiming LSD as a cure for depression is quite something, I think that deserves specifics if you are strictly talking about microdosing.
