Why do Ex's turn cold and cruel?

What is the reason for this? Is it insecurity?

Right after a breakup or on the way out my ex girlfriends became uncharacteristically cold, distant and flat out disrespectful. Like the were suddenly to busy for me to discourage even conversation. It was obviously a front and not what they're genuinely like. These were 5 year long relationships, no kids involved, no cheating, and it was mutual or their idea.

One explanation for their behavior was to avoid inadvertently appearing open to reconciling. I don’t think that way, I suppose it was possibly a passive aggressive way to hurt me for disappointing them despite me always wanting to work things out.

No abuse, controlling behavior, narcissism, or cheating from me - the obvious choices. But i wasnt some push over beta guy either. I gave my girls shit, recieved plenty attention from other women, fucked them like an animal and took em' on well thought out dates and put in the effort to manage a successful relationship. Maybe they needed to exaggerate their decision to ensure they weren’t pulled back in.

I really don't know, does anyone have an explanation?

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females are cold

Just ask why theyre acting like that. Maybe they need some closure snd want you to take initiative.

It´s simple, look to (ancient) history and biological logic for this one.
>tribe is good, woman is happy with designated husbando
>tribe gets fucked by enemy tribe
>woman must not only act but actually feel happy with new husbando and forget completely about / hate the old one, as he is now an enemy of "her family and her new tribe" or risk being beaten / killed
>loyal women would get killed or beaten until they were no longer loyal or uppity, their genes are gone now unless you find a woman from an area that has been at peace for 10k years

Was a bit wordier than I set out to make it, but this is the reason.

I mean,
a) if it was their idea, they obviously just don't like you anymore, were cheating, etc.
b) if it was "mutual", maybe they still wanted to date you or they were upset you didn't want to date them anymore
c) after a fight they were put in a very bad mood

Or alternatively, the sooner they start being cold to you the sooner they can get over you. Breaking up after relationships that long rarely leave good feelings towards that person anyway. There's always a grudge there for a little while, but it goes away.

>People pulling dumb stone age scenarios out of their ass to explain why certain relationship problems of their contemporaries are supposedly hardwired

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1/2 I wish I knew user, I really do.

I found the love of my life in undergrad during her last year. Cute, trad, shy. I had another year to go. It was an amazing year and we were incredibly compatible.

We continued dating afterwards and had to go long-distance, but we made it work.

I graduated, started working full-time, and continued long distance.

Eventually, I started law school and she started grad school. We fully loved each other, my family loved her, her father loved me, her mother liked me, her sister was kinda meh.

An end was in sight to ldr -- she would be moving out to me during the spring of our second semester (she could finish degree remotely as it was clinical). Fantastic. Planned to propose to her over the winter break of our first years.

I reached a personal breaking point with long distance due to the stress of law school and long distance. Broke up with her. I talked with her for 5 hours so she'd fully understand everything, including how much I still cared for her. She'd wanted to marry me and bear my kids since we started dating, and we'd always talked about the possibility of a break during our grad schools and then making amends.

Wished each other happy holidays over Winter. We skyped once and I admitted how much I missed her, and she cried as we signed off.

Wished her a happy bday in April, she thanked me. Reached out in June for help with personal issues regarding law school that were stressing me out. Super happy to help, wanted to know all about my semester. Beet red during out chat, kept getting shy and flustered. It basically reignited my feelings for her.

Reached out the next day to see if she wanted to keep talking. The next day she deleted her fb and set her insta private. Finally received a respond the day after that. Very formal, sounded like her best friend and mother rather than her, and amounted to no.

2/2 Texted a couple more times. Her responses all took 12 hours to 2-3 days, all formal and resistive.

She's pretty trad and loves hand written notes. My folks suggested writing her a letter. Ok. Wrote her the most heartfelt thing I've ever written.

Dropped it in the mail the Monday before my bday, she should have gotten it 1-2 days beforehand.

Around comes my bday, "happy xxth!" No mention of the letter. Decide to continue giving her time and space.

Thursday I asked her if she received my letter and said I'd love to chat sometime.

This morning I finally got a response. Didn't mention the contents of the letter or how they made her feel. Same formality, I'm not interested in beginning things with you again, etc. Then ripped my heart out with something akin to I've realized you breaking up with me was for the best. Asked me again to stay in touch with the major events in my life.

I asked her if she'd skype with me to explain, as the formality and time delay were leaving me confused. 90 minutes later I got another formal text restating in short what she said before.

This is from the girl who wanted to marry me and bear my kids since we started dating through me breaking up with her; who always talked about a break during grad schools being preferable to not being with me; who was beet red when we skyped a few weeks ago.

I just don't understand it. My friends don't. My family doesn't.

You should have just tolerated LDR a little longer dumbass.

It was another 14 months of it. We would have only seen each other each Winter for 1-2 weeks, perhaps Spring Breaks (if ours aligned), and briefly over the Summer.

In hindsight, I should have. However, I was incredibly stressed out over law school at the time and when I need her she basically shut down to focus on her midterms without telling me she was in midterms.

So have you just never gone through a break up before? Because this is exactly how they work. What part is confusing?

I've been through several, and apparently you can't read

>who always talked about a break during grad schools being preferable to not being with me

Yeah, she loved you a lot amd you cut her out. She's done with you now.

She realized that she deserved someone who wanted to stick it out/ work it out. She probably hoped you would be that person but it happens this way often

As Julian Casablancas put it “Oh men don’t notice what they got, yeah women think of that a lot

Why’s it that as soon as guys get stressed out, their gf is the first thing to go?

Women dont love men, they just feel emotions because of them. They are basically drug addicts and as soon as your no longer supplying you mean nothing to them. All you are is a source of chemicals and resources, nothing more nothing less.

They will never admit it, but its how it is. No girl is ever yours by choice, they only stick around long term because they cant find anyone better. But even if they stay with you because of this they will slowly grow to resent that and you. They always want to be improving, and if they cant move up the dating ranks they hate it.

Wew

They view you being stressed as weakness. Women wont stay long with weak guys, rhey wont someone to support them and not the other way around.

The guy broke up with the girl in the situation being replied to.

I get that, but that's also an incredibly selfish point of view if she does hold it.

That's not reconcilable with the fact that we frequently talked about this situation and she always said she would rather us take a break if needed.

She wasn't close to the first to go. I gave up much before her, and her actions pushed me over the edge.

No, you're the selfish one for expecting her to be warm and friendly after dumping her.

It wasn't a "break" user, you broke up with her. If there's a break there's a mutual agreement you'll get back together

>My ex girlfriend is selfish for not wanting to talk to me after we broke up

There is one selfish cunt in this situation, and it's not your ex.

I'd consider these valid but for we discussed a break several times before we began our respective grad programs, and it was briefly discussed as a possibility during the break up.

So when you broke up, did you specifically state that it was a temporary situation?

In fact, we've texted many times since and skyped twice. The last time we did she was beet red for most of it, kept getting shy, and wanted to know about every little thing I've done since we skyped over winter break.

That and her subsequent actions are why I made my initial posts. Mainly because I have difficulty reconciling 'she's really happy to see me and wants to know everything going on in my life, oh and she keeps blushing and getting shy' with 'i have no interest in you'

I told her I thought it would be shitty to explicitly say 'this is only temporary,' but I made it abundantly clear my feelings for her were unchanged and that I would very much like to pick things back up at a later date.

She had said many times during the summer prior that if things ever reached this point, she would prefer we treat it as a break.

Maybe I mistakenly assumed that would be the case, or she took it a different way.

She most certainly took it a different way.

Stay triggered you smelly roastie whore.
Wash that fucking cunt bitch.

>6 hours later

>Why does someone turn cold after i've broken their heart?
Holy shit you millenials are fucking retards. Your parents have fucking failed your entire generation.

Yes. They are the one who is triggered.

This. I'm as far from being sjw as I could, but that scenario was literally the dumbest theory I have read in a while.

Because they're probably shitty breakups. I've had breakups and we were just fine because we didn't hate each other for stupid shit

Why do you care? If you break up with someone, move on with your life

>I get that, but that's also an incredibly selfish point of view if she does hold it.

How is it selfish if YOU broke up with her because YOU were stressed?

Once someone lets you go it's hard to bounce back. You have shown her that you did not need her and who wants to be with someone that at one point told them to go?

Sorry but I hope you both find happiness.

Women are more emotionally mature than men and they recognize the best way to prevent some heartbroken faggot from stalking/murder-suiciding them is the treat the breakup like ripping off a bandaid: you do it quick and then you throw it away.

Did you read my follow on posts?

Several criticisms were made which I considered selfish.

>she loved you a lot and you cut her out

I also deeply loved her and always supported her during tough times. She decided not to tell me she was in midterms and dropped off the radar during them, at a time I badly needed her support. I hadn’t really noticed how intense she became during exams in undergrad because we studied around each and still had dinner, slept together, etc.

I basically felt as if I and our relationship were a second thought to her, that I was being taken for granted.

>she wants to be with someone that would stick it out/making things work

We were inseparable in undergrad. We made things work doing long distance for 2 years. We always communicated relationship issues with each other and worked them out, until the last 1-2 weeks we dated. I gave up much trying to make law school and our relationship work.

I don’t think anybody, her included, can tell me I didn’t try my hardest to make things work. I did so for years and simply reached my breaking point when I needed her and she wasn’t there.

As to the issue of being selfish. I was always there for her and comforted her when she was going through emotional issues, regardless of what I had going on. I think it’s extremely selfish to just say I was being selfish with 0 consideration of her actions when she wouldn’t reciprocate that same support — for the 2d time in 3 years I really needed her support, she just wasn’t there.

That said, I think that poster is right to an extent. She used to tell me one of the things she always told people she loved about me was we always worked our issues out.

At the same time though, she always said if our grad programs got in the way of our relationship, she’d rather we take a break and pick things up later.

Tl;dr I guess I should be sorry for having emotions and really needing my partners’ support once every couple of years.

Wow nice dubs you literally just described my last relationship

Man that sounds brutal. I'm sorry bro.

Time heals all wounds. Keep a distance for now and maybe see how things are in the future.

I can only offer a random guess, but people aren't used to the mental state they get into after breaking off a long relationship. It only happens a few times in anyone's life. Sometimes one or both parties just don't know what to do with themselves.

Breakups hurt emotionally and you don't want the source of the pain hanging around being annoying.

I appreciate it, it’s been an absolute fucking train wreck. Literally everyone I know is confused.

I’m hoping she’s still just in that fuck you phase and will eventually start longing for me again.

Male exes are equally cold. Depends on person.

This same thing works for guys

Once your too committed they flee

you're

Most women aren't going to break it off the second they realize it is over. They might put up with a guy for months. Some will even go as far as starting arguments and making things bad in an effort to get the guy to break it off because they have no idea how to do it them self.

While that is all happening, they grow increasingly tired of the guy. They start to blame him for not breaking it off (retarded I know).

By the time the thing really ends, they have probably been over that shit for 6 months and are ready for the guy to be over it too.

> I have difficulty reconciling 'she's really happy to see me and wants to know everything going on in my life, oh and she keeps blushing and getting shy' with 'i have no interest in you'

Just because she isn't interested in dating you doesn't mean that she isn't interested in you. She may realize that being with you isn't good for her, but she can't just erase the feelings she has for you. It would make sense for her to enforce distance if she's still acting like a schoolgirl around her. She probably doesn't trust her feelings/hormones and is worried that she'll agree to something that she'll regret.

>is worried that she'll agree to something that she'll regret.

This is personally how I feel about the situation. She’s evidently still attracted to me, interested in me, and cares for me. I expect she’s still pissed at me to an extent, and that the main obstacle is she’s scared that I would or could end things with her again.

Same thing happened to me, women are not built to have sympathy for men. When they deem you weak they leave you in the dust.

Women are bitchs when they break up with you. My ex girlfriend who
>Loved me so much
>Was lucky to have me
Was a total bitch when she broke up with me, it's what life is

women.txt

Well, she gets it. It's over. You split apart and the life goes on. Why give a shit about what your ex does or thinks of you?

she's not interested in you anymore get over it

reasonswhyillneverdate for $200

Defense mechanism. Better to be cold than expose yourself to old wounds and constantly be in emotional agony over them.

It doesn't even matter what they did. My first ex I only broke up with because I was leaving for a different college. She absolutely adored me and probably would have married me. Still cut her out. My last ex cheated on me. Cut her out too.

It's just better that way. Time heals all wounds so long as your mind doesn't constantly pull the stitches.

To add to this point: I'm currently studying for the bar exam, and being by myself is fucking great for said study. Be thankful you don't have to deal with a gf while studying for the bar.

who cares? why are you not disregarding them upon termination of the relationship?

It’s interesting how many lawyers and law students are on this board, but it’s not surprising in the least

> I gave my girls shit
> No abuse, controlling behavior, narcissism, or cheating from me
Pick one.

Yeah, law students tend to find comfort in numbers and advice, I've noticed.

I think it’s more how depressed we are as a group because of the work and lifestyle. Hence it’s not surprising to see lawyers overrepresented on boards and elsewhere looking for help.

True. I couldn't stand my peers during law school, so while everyone was doing their thing, studying, drinking, and socializing, I fucked off to a local MMA gym and learned that getting punched in the head is slightly more sane than going to law school. Less neurotic, too.

Good we finally got a beta’s perspective

are you a sociopath? Are you actually wondering why people become angry and upset when someone they are emotionally invested in and care about leaves them?

implying emotions are real

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

*breathes*

ahahahahahahahahaha

How many times have a told people on this board that "breaks" in relationships aren't a real thing? You're as dumb as the open relationship retards.

>It's just better that way. Time heals all wounds so long as your mind doesn't constantly pull the stitches.
Time to form new synapses to delude yourself into thinking you're not damaged, psychological protection. The complexity that makes this happen is just amazing.

>I really don't know, does anyone have an explanation?
You keep attracting and dating the same kind of girls.

Yeah, pretty much. I'd gladly take that damage over the "obsessing over ex" damage, any day.

What a cute girl. Who is she?

You sound like a condescending prick that has no idea how unaware he is of his actions and words and how they impact others

disregard this dumb virgin. He doesn't know what he's on about.

Hush little incel, this is above your paygrade.

Loyalty is in the genes.
#4chanscientists

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Not the user who posted but that logic is the scientific consensus and if you denied it you would have to deny the reality of evolution.

Or you would have to deny that humans are in any significant way unlike their animal or even organic counterparts on which case you might as well deny evolution because that theory is interchangeable with a personal, loving, intervening Christian God.

>the reality of evolution

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