>shopping for groceries moments ago >suddenly ex appears in there >glance at her for 2 seconds max >head to the cashier >my heart is pounding like i just ran a marathon >my hands are shaking >as i leave, i try to reassure myself of my emotional growth and maturing ever since i left her, one year ago (5 year relationship, full of problems, break-ups and get-togethers) >i keep telling myself that >it's been 4 hours and i still am trying to tell myself that >from experience, i know it'll be night and i'll still try to tell myself that >there's a nagging feeling in my chest that won't go away for a few days at least
I'm so tired of feeling like this. How can i prevent this? I hate how just seeing her kills and eats me from the inside. She didn't even look at me and probably has had boyfriends already.
I know dat feel. I saw an ex from not long ago trying to visit my grandmother in a hospital. I don't think it gets any better until you're over them because I've seen other ones before and it just reminded me I dodged a bullet. Didn't feel bad.
Connor Martin
Well, it's been an year, and I still get those horrible sensations when I see her. When does it get better?
Nicholas Ward
It's different every time for me. Some were easier than others. It usually takes a lot longer if I hold any reservations about it working out or feel insecure about them being happy with someone else. I just try to remind myself of the reasons it didn't work and that it's was never going to magically get better. There is a reason we aren't together anymore.
Xavier Long
What if you can't remember anymore why it didn't work out, because you buried it in the good memories? It's been a year and I feel no improvement, at all, in my moving on process.
Logan Gonzalez
Same for me. Ex left me almost 2 years ago and there isn't a single night I don't dream about her. And although I know we had our issues and she was far from perfect all I can remember most days is the fucking good times, how on a friendship level we were fucking best friends, just incompatible on relationship level. I miss her family so much too. I feel like my life got torn in half and I've been incomplete ever since. I still see her from time to time at mutual friends birthdays and such and every time it fucking kills me. My adrenaline goes haywire and I'm all fucked up for a least a day or so. People always say time heals all wounds, but like when man? When?
Nicholas Miller
They're there. We do something called euphoric recall much like an addict. Try playing out the whole scenario in your head instead of just the good parts and you'll stumble upon reminders of why it didn't work. Every time you start thinking about it pull those memories up as soon as it happens. Over time your brain will adapt. That's what has worked best for me anyway.
Juan Jenkins
I see my ex at the gym regularly, horrible breakup. Don’t even talk to each other, at first i was like fuck that bitch.
Now that I’m over her I only feel a bit sad, once we used to taste each other’s lips, smile into each other’s eyes, sleep together and now we pretend the other one doesn’t exist.
Sometimes I feel like saying I’m sorry but then I realise we’re better off never speaking to each other. So I let her be.
Jace Wood
>I'm so tired of feeling like this. How can i prevent this? well you gotta realize that these feelings are automated by the brain to torment you. The brain does this to humans to make sure they mate. So do a little meditation, and tell yourself its only a dream, and move on to more important things.
Nolan Ortiz
Bumping for advices.
My feelings exactly. She still stars in my best dreams. Even had a nightmare where she was in the lap of an old friend, which haunted me for days.
Breaking up with her, and the following days, were like i torn my fucking arm apart from my body. Seeing her whenever just fucking kills me. It's like there's still an open, pulsating wound. And worst, I know how pathetic i am, since i'm sure she has long moved on with her life and I'm just a memory she ignores.
Aiden Gutierrez
Does it take long, user? My bad memories of her are literally (in the literal sense) faint thoughts now, and thinking about them is less than thinking about clouds in the sky. Comparing them both feels like throwing a grain of sugar in a bucket of water. I don't even remember actual situations where i suffered, even if i remember suffering constantly.
Sometimes my mind even throw that ''It was your fault, you weren't patient enough, she was a good catch. Maybe if you were together today it would work out. MAYBE. But i wouldn't bet on it''. Even if her friends themselves admit she is fucking crazy.
Anthony Hall
I'm trying to meditate. I just think i won't be able to do it today with those thoughts tormenting me. I get that sometimes. Sometimes it feels like there's an apology iI should have said. But i know she'll just ignore it or treat me like shit, like she always did when she had the emotional high ground.
Aiden Torres
I know how pathetic i am, since i'm sure she has long moved on with her life and I'm just a memory she ignores.
This, this, this.
It fucking eats at me. I know she doesn't think of me or care at all anymore and I remember all the times she told me how much she cared, how she wanted to marry me, how she couldn't imagine life without me. And I'm like "and yet a year after we broke up you ceased to care." where as even when I'm angry with what happened I know that the memories we had helped me form and develop as a person and are so important to me and always will be. She'll always have a place in my heart. But she's already forgotten everything.
Jordan Powell
It takes time to condition your brain but it works. I would always think of the beginning of a relationship when everything was great but that isn't what reality came to be. It's just what my brain tries to trick me into believing. That's why I say I play those thoughts all the way out because I get to the point where things were shitty. That's reality. People addicted to something do the same thing. They remember how great they felt using the substance but don't play that thought out all the way to remember how much it destroyed them and made them miserable. None of those thoughts are based in reality. They're about as real as a scenario a kid makes up playing with action figures.
Cameron Thomas
Likewise. She always said how great I was, how unforgettable I was during our break-ups. She used to cry at the mere thought of me going away.
And yet.
Do you happen to say anything to yourself when those memories surfaced? Like >Stop thinking about her or >You know she wasn't that great, stop doing it ? Because i feel like just ''thinking'' about the bad parts won't do me enough.
Isaac Sanders
>meet girl >my heart hurts a little because of how beautiful she is >get into a relationship, it has ups and downs and stalls in the end after 4years >but every time we meet from the start to the end my heart literally jumps a little, she's just beautiful >she cheats after 4years >she said she did nothing wrong and acted like it was all my fault, but from that day on she couldn't look any of my friends or family in the eye anymore when passing them >soul is crushed >anxious of seeing her, but thinking about her less and less >have nightmares of arguing with her, screaming at her, choking her every month or so for two years now. >recently saw her in a bar >she turned her head away when we noticed each other, I can tell she's uncomfortable as fuck and all I feel is this stab in my heart, she's still so stunningly beautiful, so much more then all the other women >why the fuck did she do this to me >recently just think of the romance, the hugs, the kisses, how I made her laugh like a little girl, how effortless it was
Kayden Hernandez
Same. It's also an active, eternal effort to not involve her in my fappings. I worshipped her body and face, pretty much every aspect of my sexuality has been infected by her.
David Gray
Yeah so your brain has developed a whole bunch of actual real physical mechanisms in your head that are dependent on her. A combination of that, seeing her and the anxiety you felt from seeing her is making you fucked up. Try to take it easy, if you were sure you don't have the feels for her still it's more likely what i explained than you actually having the feels for her still.
Jonathan Scott
Then how can i ''take it easy'', man? It's clear I have residual feelings I'd rather not admit, even here. How can I break the conditioning?
Sebastian Robinson
>mfw reading this thread
I have to see my ex at wedding were both in in 4 weeks. I'm a grooms men, she's the maid of honor. We were high school sweet hearts, together 11 yrs, married 6 weeks. She vanished over night to try poly with her old supervisor who she tried to invite to the wedding but I said no cuz something felt off.
Its been 7 months , I've been dating younger hotter women but I still dream of that hoe.
She suggested we meet before the wedding because everyone thinks ill freak out. I won't drink at this wedding woo
It's not pathetic. You're having a completely normal response. How could you not remember all this intense pleasure and pain you felt? I know it sucks to deal with that, but you don't have to criticize yourself for it afterwards.
Asher Hughes
Bumping.
But it's pathetic, my dude. I'm obsessing about a girl that fucked me over more than anyone else in my life did, when she pretends I don't exist when she sees me. It's been 5 years where I the max I went without thinking about her were 2 consecutive days, in 2014. She's in my mind everyday, sometimes every 20 minutes. And I've met other girls during this time, although I didn't enter in a relationship with them. She was my high school sweetheart as well, and I discovered what it means to love with her.
Carson Miller
>mfw she is even more anxious and upset than I am when we see each other some place she's been trying to get back with me and kept guilt tripping me through her family. I blocked her everywhere. she plays possum every time she sees me and even fled her circle of friends when I sat down with my mates near them. it feels good to be this petty after all the shit she's pulled on me.
Such are women, I guess. They're submissive until they're in control. Then you get fucked harder than you ever fucked her.
Aiden Clark
I would not say she is in control now. She has told our mutual friend that she cries almost every time she sees me. sure, I feel like shit, but I can handle it. she keeps writing emails and I keep ignoring them. seeing her suffer fills me with smugness
Cameron Phillips
Lucky you. I totally lost it today by just seeing mine. And it's been a year since we sent anything to each other.
Evan Clark
One more bump.
Anthony Lopez
I had a similar experience recently. I dated a girl for 4 years, she had really bad BPD, self harm/body dysmorphia/anger problems/trust issues. it was a great relationship the first couple years, but ad we got older her mental health got worse and worse, to a point that she became physically and emotionally abusive.
I already have pretty bad anxiety, so having an abusive gf was really hard on me. i broke up with her about 6 months ago because i was losing my mind spending every day with her, she was tearing me apart.
last month my friends threw me a surprise graduation party at my favorite pub, but i show up, and she was there totally by coincidence.
she was drunk, making out with her new boyfriend. she made eye contact with me and gigled, waved at me, then went back to making out.
its fucked me up for a few days, i would say im still pretty emotionally messed up by it. I currently have a girlfriend, shes amazing, shes kind, and really honest with me, but i feel like shit that seeing my ex ruined a whole week for me, i was powerless, i cried and had to leave my own party because of how horrible i felt.
a week later, im starting to feel a little better, i opened up to my gf about my ex's abuse and how it fucked me up, and she understood and was cool about it.
my phone rings, its my exes mom.
my ex had her mom call me to ask if i was okay, apparently after i left the pub my ex freaked out too and felt like shit. she knows we can never be together again and that we cant even be friends after the fucked up stuff that happened, but she didnt even have the decency to apologize or tell me herself, she had her mom tell me that shes still upset about the breakup.
however, my ex from high school, shes married now, she seems happy, its all water under the bridge and im happy for her. but my recent ex, i go into a full panic attack, i even throw up if i let it get too bad. its okay OP, ive been there too, literally like a month ago.
so, Anons and OP, TLDR: women are really affected by seeing their exes also, everyone gets that horrible feeling when they see their ex, my breakup was 6 months ago and I am NOT ready to see her.
Nolan Gray
I'm sorry to hear that. She seems like an utter bitch, to be honest. I'm glad you moved away from hers. I never thoughts about it, but mine had all the symptoms of BPD, if it includes extreme paranoia as well.
Thomas Robinson
Here is what you have to do. It will hurt for a bit, but this is how men grow:
You have to associate her with negative feelings, not positive ones. They don't even need to be real. The only reality you need is that she is no longer your girl and this is not going to change.
When you think of her, think of her getting fucked by another dick. This will trigger a horrible feeling, it can even make you nauseous. Then, shift gears and think of something else: your work, your next vacation, some other plan on your life. This will be a detour to get you out of this loop. If you don't have anything nice happening in your life, make sure you get something. That means you have more important problems than an ex.
This is it. You will eventually think of her less and less. And when you do, remember the drill: think of her, think of her fucking another guy, feel bad, exit the loop by thinking of some personal project. Don't linger on these stages. Get to your project fast.
Move on. She will fade away, I guarantee. As Don Draper said, you will be surprised how this never happened.
Angel Ramirez
Thanks for the advice, user. I'll try. Will the physical effects of seeing her vanish as well?
John Brooks
There's gonna be a huge public even that my friends and sister plan to go to and want me to come along but I also know my ex is gonna be there. Been with her for a year, broke up a month ago, only stopped talking a week ago. She didn't do anything wrong, but I'm very unsure how I might feel seeing her (especially with someone else). I want to just politely greet her and leave as soon as possible but I'm afraid of this fucking my emotions up. Idk man, I kinda really wanna go though.
Bentley Taylor
She and everything related to her will go away. Move on. Focus on your happiness. You will be doing the world and yourself a favor.
Gabriel James
Exes should be banned from your reality. It does not matter of she is there. Enjoy the party. This should be your mindset.
James Thomas
> first gf was stunningly beautiful > dated for 3 years > she cheated on me > kept reeling me back in after, saying it was a mistake blah blah blah > started hooking up again > i try to see other girls too > she says no > couple weeks go by she says she's leaving for another guy > at this point i'm depressed as fuck and feel utterly worthless and defeated > stop speaking to her, fast forward 1 year > haven't spoken in a year, get a call from her > vents about how new boy she left me for is a dick > tries to reminisce about our old times > i fall for it a little but mostly hold my ground > fast forward another year > i've been in a handful of short stints w girls, now finally in a longer term committed relationship with a girl i adore and who adores me equally back > significantly more fulfilling and emotionally satisfying than any past relationship > find out ex dated same dude she left me for and bitched for past 2 years and they just broke up > find out she's telling people she fucked up and should've kept me
i'm very satisfied now, but... ever since i heard she was asking about me i've had an itch to see her. or talk to her. i think about it but then i get intense anxiety from the embarrassment i felt from her the last time. i don't know what to do, im probably going to not reach out. but idk what's gonna happen if she reaches out to me.
Nicholas Long
I work with my ex for 4 out of the 5 days I work a week. I've just started going to work stoned as shit so I can just deal with it
Blake Hughes
move far away
Gavin Harris
It's best to just hold your breath and block+delete her messages the intant they arrive, without reading. Don't mess up your relationship because of your ex. I only wish I wasn't still hurt so i could find another girlfriend. Unfortunately, at the moment, those aren't options. We live in a rather small city and basically can only attend the same places.
Angel Gutierrez
One last bump for new advices.
Sebastian Martinez
Broseph, My ex and I were apart for 4 months. She left me in the dead of winter. I spiraled into a depression. Then my car broke down and I had to walk to work for a month while they figured out what was wrong with it. >5 miles walking there in the morning, 5 miles back on the bus in the evening. > Life goes from from 100 to zero real fast >no car, no girl, no hope > 40 degrees below zero
Flash forward to mid-May, she came back. I thought we were getting back together, we banged and dated again. Then early June she texts me saying she can’t commit to me and blocks me on everything. I am moving from our town now cause I know I’ll bump into her.
So my advice(which also applies to me): 1. Don’t get attached to something you can’t walk away from. Attachments create suffering
2. Move on mentally and never talk to her again.
3. This person doesn’t exist anymore. She is living in a different timeline than yours. You are moving forward while she is a distant NPC stuck in your past.
Carson Powell
Good advices. I hope you're alright, broski. Mine also came back suddenly one day just to leave me shattered back again.
Worst thing I should have mentioned since the start of the thread for the lurkers: I ignored Jow Forums's advice with her. >should i get back to my ex? >no And people raised good points, too. And I ignored them. Turns out they were right. Thing is, never go back to exes. It worked in not-so-mainstream movies I liked, my backwater-city friends also recommended it, and then I got back to her. The only thing she did was shatter me even further, and undo the years of almost-progress I made in getting over her. Stay the fuck away from exes.
Wyatt Bennett
My thoughts exactly. I failed to follow through on that and ended up falling for her again. Now I’m a month into the healing process again and this time it’s easier but it’s still a burden. It sucks when you think it’s “true love” and she tells you it is but then she breaks your heart in two. But it’s a great lesson: always keep moving forward, and always remember that you belong on a pedestal and not your gf/ho/wife at the moment.
Good luck my friend
William Garcia
Drown your emotions in lots of pussy. If you can't then find something that makes you realise that you are better than her.
Nathan Barnes
Same to you. Fuck exes and most women in general. No to be needlessy mysoginistic since there are good women out there, but they spill the biggest bullshit to keep you on their reach. Trying to do that. I got very fat since the break up, now i'm trying to improve so i can go back in the hunt.
