I'm emotionally retarded and callous due to "generic bad and harsh childhood" , so I don't know how to comfort my bf with emotional episodes due to me rarely feeling emaphty, which I feel guilty over.
He is normal, has a good job and helps me whenever I run into issues, however on some occation he breaks down and cries after having had been bottling up a lot for a long period of time.
He sometimes tries punching himself in the head, verbally self shames, sometimes even claims "I'm only doing this crying thing for your attention", tries to push me away when I try to hug hin yet if I don't do anything during his episodes, he then asks, in a soft and confused tone, "why aren't you doing anything? Why are you just sitting there?"
If I take the route of hugging and kissing, it still takes a whole hour or two for him to calm down, and then we fall asleep at 1am or 3am, and it's begun to make me wonder if there are more efficient/quicker ways to help him. I generally don't like him crying hysterically because I get paranoid he will become physically sick from too much stress.
Anyone know of any things I could say to him during episodes? Is it true that some people just need to be left alone to cry it out instead?
Get a taste of Chad dick and you will never have to deal with the same problems
Justin King
Lol, why are you dealing with this beta bitch? Sounds like you're the man in this relationship.
David Gonzalez
Go back to Jow Forums
>share interests/hobbies/views >both had bad past >IT guy i like learning IT from >has helped me economically and generally shows a lot of care
I'm sure dealing with them crying once every few months isn't that much of a big price to pay.
Jeremiah Young
Relax lass, I was just teasing and testing you. There are plenty of threads here where girl leaves a guy when a guy shows even the slightest of weakness. So, you know, I'm just testing
Jacob Roberts
He's soemtimes annoying but I'm not perfect either but he seems to not mind my flaws besides telling me kindly to work on them. Whoever doesn't want to deal with small flaws and just change partners like socks are retarded. Tell me user, any theories why some people do that? I always wondered what thinking drives them to that behaviour.
Jason Thomas
A lot of women are like that. They think they're all special perfect snowflakes. I'm glad you're not like one of them
Cooper Sanders
Translation from roastie speak:
>my bf pays for my shit and is too much of a pussy to get an actually nice looking gf so I put up with his beta ass
Lmao, who are you kidding you skank.
Jace Ward
This isn't Jow Forums or /b/, you 12 year old incel. I also have a job, I just meant he helped me back when I had an economical issue.
>skank. A word that compeltely lost its meaning. Sex should only be after marriage, and I'm sticking to that moral. Kys.
Jayden Johnson
>my bf pays for my shit and he doesn't even get to fuck me
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA Nice "man" you have there.
Zachary Campbell
>how dare there exist people who don't want to be whores >how dare some people sometimes run into money issues and ask for a little bit of help >I'm a shallow incel that only views people of the opposite sex to be pleasure toy objects
Lmao, your bf is a shit-tier beta bitch who you're taking advantage of and you know it. Neck yourself you fat manky cunt.
Blake Anderson
Does your mother know you're wasting her electricity bill downstairs in the basement again?
Grayson Thomas
>dates a literal manchild cuck for his money >thinks she has a right to talk down to anyone else
Lmao at the roastie.
Carson Cruz
>complain about girls only dating alphas. >complain about girls being whores for not being virgins. >get mad when a girl dates a beta and waits until marriage. Seriously I don't even understand you guys.
Isaac Gonzalez
Op here, all the major Jow Forums boards are like this. It's either flooded with reddltors or Jow Forums users, shitting up everything. Sometimes I've gotten good advice on this board, but usually it's generic shitposting and b8 where they're not even trying.
Jaxon Thompson
>all of Jow Forums is the same person
Back to plebbit you go. And wash your dirty cunt whore.
Hudson Brooks
>pretending that there's not a clear set of ideas among Jow Forums type posters. >anyone who disagrees with me is a woman.
Nolan Sanchez
Oh look, another illiterate, dyslexic retard that can't even read one sentence properly. I literally said the major Jow Forums boards are flooded with idiots, not all of Jow Forums. Since gamergate, there's been rising numbers of reddlt and shitposter types ruining this site for the past few years. Jow Forums is turning to shit, /vr/ is getting flood with summerfags, etc. We all know you got on here since 2014 at best.
>pointing out retardation because it's fun is whiteknighting. Come back when you have an argument. Oh come on, gamergate was an important response to the shit "games journalists" were doing and it started here, it had nothing to do with reddit.
Robert King
I'm not even the same user, retard. Also you're really dumb. Just because you have no counter argument, doesn't mean you sperging out "white knight! Ad hominems!!!" will somehow save you.
He self destructs so you will give him attention, it's learned behaviour. That means it worked for him before, or he does it to condition you into a response.
You haven't stated that you offer an alternative. If he starts playing up, offer him a hug, if he pushes you away then try to engage in conversation, if that fails put him in time out, if he comes to you that means YOU are calling the shots, he needs you to further his episode. Once you have hugged him or got him to engage you will need to start introducing constraints, be it to his outbursts or the duration of them, if he tries escalating (by hurting himself) then you put him in time out. If you have to repeatedly put him in time out, leave. You aren't going to fix his learned behaviour in one go, don't expect results the first time or dramatic changes, he will need to learn to cope with the constraints.
tl;dr if he associates love, kisses and cuddles with him having a melt down, he will do that whenever he wants to achieve that. If he gets worse you will need to refer him to a professional, love, hugs and kisses won't save him, regardless of what you or he think.
Source: I work with suicidal people, people who self harm and my job role also includes preventing self inflicted deaths.
Anthony Ramirez
>learned behaviour I suspect that sometimes.
>engage in conversation if he refuses hugs I will try that, I feel like that's good. He just seems conflicted. He says he doesn't want me to hug him because "he's a bad person" but then after he calms down, he says hugging makes him happier.
I suppose I should of added that he's stressed primarily due to being an adult, not my lack of showing him I care for him. I'm honestly very attached to him and always want to spend time whenever he asks for it. But when he's busy or wants to play games then I just do my own hobby stuff.
Thank you greatly by the way, user. It's very useful info. Funny enough my bf also used to work for those suicidal hotlines as well, yet he can't figure himself out sometimes.
Jaxson Adams
>Funny enough my bf also used to work for those suicidal hotlines as well I don't work for a hotline, I work in rehabilitation.
Justin Jones
Mind if I ask what were some of the most scarring reasons they were suicidal? Maybe share some general story about your experience being a volunteer? Just always felt curious about those
Andrew Evans
I'm not a volunteer, I get paid to do it. None of it really scars me, finding someone hanging isn't pleasant by any means, but you learn to cope with it pretty well after the first couple you find, not many people last in the job. 18 months in I'm classes as experienced staff, most don't make it past the first year.
But to (sort of) answer your question: Where I work it can be because of drugs (people self harm to get to hospital and acquire opiates if they are coming off heroin). Some people think attempting suicide or self harming will cause us to give in and give them what they want so we get an easy life, people will do this for things like butter packs (like you get in hotels), because they want a new plastic bowl or because they broke their kettle and want you to get them a brand new one 5 minutes ago. A loved one dying (unnatural, unexpected or brutally) or committing suicide can be a reason to kill themselves, especially on the anniversary of it happening. Boredom can cause people to be play up, they like the attention of you talking them down or engaging with them, they will apologise and tell you they were bored afterwards, especially when they realise they might under constant supervision. Someone recently jumped from a great height (caused 3 members of staff to leave due to stress), he woke up from a coma 4 weeks later (paralysed), don't know why he did it. I've seen someone stand on a box with a noose around his neck, threatening to pour hot water from the kettle over his head, because he was bored.
It's not a job you can really explain, I could tell you about cutting people down who hung themselves, grown men bursting into tears after watching TV or even how some people slash up then wrap their razor in tissue, apply a towel to their arms and inform you so you can grab a nurse (conscientious self harmers). But you wouldn't understand, it's not something you can talk to people about because it sounds mad.
