Grill caught in a mess here

Wanted to add: the problem both of us have is that we're hard to pick up on social cues. I'm worried what is obvious will be *too* obvious and scare him away.

Being "too" obvious is exactly what you need by the sounds of it. You're not going to scare him away by asking him to meet up for coffee or something... He'll either be interested enough, take a hint, and be happy to go, or he won't.

Well if it's scaring him away, then he's not interested and it's moot point anyway.

But I know what you mean, you don't want it to be so obvious it's embarrassing. Fortunately you can go pretty hard on flirting and not have it be weird (some people do this kind of stuff to EVERYONE they know). Initiate conversations with him, causally touch him, compliment him, ask him about himself, that sort of stuff. Just try it out and if he responds positively, keep doing that stuff until you can be brave and actually make an obvious move.

Unfortunately since you describe him as not socially aware he might not pick up on these. At some point you may have to just make the decision to be blunt. I know it's scary, but if you're spending months trying to subtly flirt with a guy who is too shy to realize what's happening, you're just wasting your life.

I see.

That's the thing: the psychology of guys is something that's very far off to me. I'm thinking I just might get obvious when the two of us are alone (probably online because he has a pretty tight work schedule).

That's good, sounds like a plan! It sounds like what you're most afraid of is doing something that's too forward and embarrassing. You can check out a wikihow article or something on how to flirt if you're worried about what's socially acceptable, but just accept that what you're going to be doing might make you a little bit embarrassed. Just because you feel uncomfortable doing it doesn't mean you're messing it up.
Even if he ends up not being interested, you can still be proud of yourself for taking the initiative with him.

The thing is, how do I get his friend off my back for the time being? He is VERY clingy.

Tell him he's clingy and you need time together with your crush.
Maybe not that directly but you need to get him off your leesh.

Yeah that's the problem: how do I be discrete about it? He's a pretty sensitive guy as well.

Speak to your crush on and off every day in a private forum, like Skype.

Feeling blue and having a life crisis. I don't know what I want anymore.

>Male, 25 yr old
>Have a gf since 2 year, living together in our own apartment
>No degree
>Have a job, earn $40k/yr
>Friends, caring family etc
>Just a regular joey in a fucked up country

But feeling that I miss something out in life, feeling trapped and think a lot of what I haven't done in my past. When I was younger I had so many plans and dreams but never really achived any of them. Also feeling old as shit when in fact I should be feeling young and have the world on my feet. Don't know what I really want and feeling like floating in space without control.

Sometimes I just wish that I could break-up from everything and just move far away but then I realize I'm trapped and can't do that. I know I'm not special with this kinda of thoughts but sorry I needed to vent.

pic is related

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forgot this my bad wrong fucking thread

Lol

Wanted to add: I can't just come out and tell this guy that I think he's moralistic and clingy, not to mention a bit whiny. I need to drop hints his way too.

Maybe talk one on one with your crush more often, and don't engage in that group stuff as much. When he tries to contact you directly just give slow replies or something idk

In group talks I've stopped laughing at the friend's jokes and am less attentative to him.

That's good. I'm assuming you don't want to cut him out entirely? If so, just keep it up and you should be fine

Will going "soft cold" be enough? I don't want to get into a situation where I have to tell him to fuck off.

Your crush is convinced and so is the friend you are into the friend. You did this. Anything less than spending time with your crush alone won't fix this.

Again, you have acted as if you are interested in the friend and even now you don't want to do anything to upset the friend and have been fine with your crush being crushed and if you and your crush get together you will insist the friend be in the mix.

Yea, should be good. More time with crush and less time with friend. Worst case scenario the friend asks why you're doing that, and you can just straight up tell you want to spend more time with the other guy.
As for the rest, just let it happen, but don't forget to keep making some effort. Just don't push too hard for no reason unless you're sure he likes you to begin with

>Will going "soft cold" be enough?
So far you have giggled and played and encouraged the friend right in front of your crush and he stayed out of the way of two apparent lovebirds.

Soft cold is a game you are playing and it will be seen as such but interpreted by both as you being coy suddenly because you have started to like the friend. The total opposite of what you say is your intent. My guess is it pleases you to have the attention of the friend and you don't want that to end entirely and want to keep him around. Just don't be surprised that your crush wants nothing to do with you since you are unwilling to cut another guy out.

>I don't want to get into a situation where I have to tell him to fuck off.
Why? I don't understand if you aren't interested in him.

Have you spent alone time with the friend? You mentioned you have, though rarely, with your crush.

You say you are introverted but it doesn't sound like you are around the friend so maybe that is the kind of guy you need, someone that opens you up instead.

>VLC

I've read the thread three times and you barely even talk about the guy you say you like. Seems everything revolves around the friend. You mention all these shortcomings and yet you don't want to upset him or cut him out completely.

I hope you appreciate how confusing it is for guys. Instead of talking to the quiet one you engage with the friend and ignore the guy you say you like. No wonder the guy you like doesn't say anything because he can't get a word in because the banter between you and the friend.

Here's what I hope happens. While you flirt with the friend and wring your hands over how not to upset his feelings, your crush, seeing he has no chance with you, has moved on without you knowing with a girl that really likes him and doesn't have her head up another guys ass.

>his friend is going to be there in the background doing whatever he can to get with me
Huh? Why do you even care? Do you need his permission to like someone else or are you afraid he won't like you anymore?

>Here's what I hope happens. While you flirt with the friend and wring your hands over how not to upset his feelings, your crush, seeing he has no chance with you, has moved on without you knowing with a girl that really likes him and doesn't have her head up another guys ass.

This times a hundred.
You're not a bad person for doing this even, because you're a woman.
I just hope it happens because maybe you will learn something about respect this way and make you a better person.
But I doubt it.

>Compliment him, eye contact, be playful, etc
but these are the things she is already doing with the friend

I have seen this experience before once. Let me explain my story:

I know a girl who has a crush with a "guy". The "friend" of the "guy" likes the girl. I don't know what the feelings of the "guy" with the girl. Then one day the girl decided to confess to her crush and takes him to a private place that no one will know much and also brought a chocolate. The "friend" of the guy knows this but decided not to interfere. He knows that it hurts but he respects her wishes. He wishes her good luck and left. After that is up to you to found out. She has been holding it in for almost 2 years.

You need to take him to a place where no people much and bring out your honest feelings. A relationship must be honest and not a lying one.

Hope for success. Good luck

Most replies on guys on confessions these generation is that they use "I need to finish school first. I'm sorry."

I don't believe OP would even have to profess love for her crush to get something started, just stay away from the friend. She has spent most of her time responding to the friend in front of her crush so the friend and the crush must believe she's into the friend. Really, if I were observing it would appear she digs the friend, she already admitted she was "attentive to him" despite saying she is shy. Huh?

Bump

>told him that he's a great friend to me
That literally means nothing

You are a bitch if you go for that asshole because he KNOWS you like his friend and is going to USE you to cockblock him. In a nutshell this is why women are dispicable.

It actually tells him he's nothing more than a friend and compared to all the attention she gives the friend, a stark contrast in how she treats the two. One she flirts with, enjoys his company and overly concerned about how sensitive he is and the other she ignores, rarely speaks to and when she does talk tells him are just friends.

This whole thing is upside down. It still appears it is the friend she is crushing on.

She already is way more concerned about the friend and his feelings and not once seemed concerned how it looks to the guys she says is her crush. If anything it seems her reluctance to shut the friend down is because she knows he likes her, he entertains her and it makes her feel good. She cannot say she is shy and that is why she ignores her crush when she fawns over the friend when he's around.

You need time to spend with just the two of you.

Just freaking tell your crush that in whatever way that makes sense. You 100% absolutely need time alone and away from everyone else - that is 99% of how feelings, connections, bonds, and relationships get made.

Won't happen. She's too worried about what the friend will think and probably tell him so he can show up.

You can bet she already spends time alone with the friend.

So, how do I win my crush back?

Just ask your crush to hang out alone sometime it's that easy

The attention of the friend is the last thing I want. It's more like, all of us laugh at his shit together, not me by myself. Sometimes he singles me out of the group and asks me something only I'd know, egging me to answer, etc.

So you think I should cut the friend out if I want my crush to stay with me?

I'm not sure you really like the guy you say is your crush and the real one you are attracted to is the friend so based on that just ask the friend to go somewhere together alone. He'll jump at the chance and you get the guy you have been flirting with and the guy you call your crush will go away and if he doesn't just reaffirm what you told him before. You are just friends.

I'll say this, your tactic of attracting a man works and you also prove you are not shy. Just remember next time to be more careful towards whom you direct your attention.

Furthermore leave the guy you say is your crush alone, you've already confused him enough and on the outside chance he does like you it will allow him to move on quicker.

Enjoy your win with the most sensitive of guys at least he brings out the social butterfly in you.

Then just roll with the crush.
Something as simple as, "Hey, I've been slinging himts, but I'm really into you. Hold me or reject me, but you gotta pick one"
It may hurt and sting for a bit, but you'll live.

You are not being truthful. Your behavior with the friend proves otherwise and you are aware he likes you and why you are so worried and want to be gentle with him. As I've said previous you don't seem at all concerned how all this looks to the guy you say is your crush.

If you want any chance with your crush you will have to prove it is he, instead of the friend, you want to spend time with but you keep coming back to the same thing, wanting to keep the friend up close. If you really wanted the crush this wouldn't even be close. You would have ditched the friend long ago.

user this may have worked had OP not spent most of the time around the crush as a groupie of the friend hanging on his every word.

If I were the crush and she came and gave me this bullshit I would not believe her. Her actions have told who she really wants and she's just playing with the crush.

>So you think I should cut the friend out
Why are you so resistant to this? It makes no sense. Is he an ex or a guy you hooked up with already?

It's more like, I'm afraid if I tell the friend to fuck off, my crush will get offended or see me as a cold person overall. I need a technique to whisk away the friend while keeping my crush interested in me.

I've never spent any time alone with the friend. My crush being there is the only reason I go into their circle to begin with.

>I hope you appreciate how confusing it is for guys. Instead of talking to the quiet one you engage with the friend and ignore the guy you say you like.
I try to engage with my crush more. One problem I have is, I'm always waiting for my crush to make some kind of "move" (or just bring up something for me to react to), instead of bringing something up for him.

>While you flirt with the friend and wring your hands over how not to upset his feelings, your crush, seeing he has no chance with you, has moved on without you knowing with a girl that really likes him and doesn't have her head up another guys ass.
What should I do to solve the situation?

Will do.

>as a groupie of the friend hanging on his every word.
I never did this. I only said he kept nagging me to answer him on certain things and would draw me into conversations between us. He is VERY insecure and wants my attention, no doubt for ego.

>My crush being there is the only reason I go into their circle to begin with
You tell your crush this and it will solve everything. You don't have to declare you are in love but let him know if he wasn't there you wouldn't be and that you would prefer if just the two of you could go somewhere alone together. The rest will take care of itself

and yet you respond to him primarily so stop it because it looks like its him you like

He sounds cancerous. I distrust your crush’s taste in friends if this is who he hangs out with.

Based.
Just remember that whatever the outcome is, you can take it

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Will do once I have the confidence.

Next time he asks me something I'll respond very cavalier so he gets the note.

We have the same academic interests, that's why.

>Next time he asks me something
Next time he asks you something you ignore it and immediately ask your crush something to engage him. You giving the soft brush off won't work and you'll be right back deep in conversation with the friend and your crush standing there watching.

Invite your crush to a talk with only you. Tell him how you feel. Flirt with him.

>Next time he asks you something you ignore it and immediately ask your crush something to engage him
This is actually good advice.

but do not pull the friend into the conversation between you and your crush. you can be one on one with your crush even in the group, in fact if you had your crush already engaged it is much harder for the friend to attempt to pull you away.

If you are only there for your crush then be there for the crush

>That literally means nothing
ACtually most guys would take it as the total opposite to romantic attraction. That's something a woman says when she has zero sexual interest in you.

omg really loooooool

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totally agree user. everything OP has done points to the crush is already in the friendzone and confirmed it by telling him and the guy she really likes and spends most of her time with is the other guy. Its like she hangs out with the group ostensibly to be near the crush but like a moth to a flame ends the evening huddled together with the friend to the exclusion of everybody there. Her excuse for this is she's shy and the friend is really insecure and sensitive and needs to have his ego fed, which she gladly does.

Tell the guy that you want to speak to him alone.if you cant muster this, then you deserve nothing.