Long story short, I have unlimited free time, my gf has very little, and she recently finished uni 2 weeks ago. She's been catching up with all her family and friends, and I've been seeing her just once a week. Well this week she said she could see me for at least 2 separate days, but today she messages me saying she can only make it to one day.
To this I say she should cancel her plans with this male friend she isn't that close to, so she can still see me. She refused. She says I'm being controlling. I say it feels humiliating to be put on the same priority level as this random male friend. Who's in the wrong?
>my gf has very little freetime >I want to control what little freetime she has >does that make me a bad person?
Yes. You're not wrong for wanting to spend more time with her, but you are wrong for trying to force her to do what you want just because you want it.
>she's been catching up with her friends and family
Let her - that will eventually end, and you can go back to seeing her all you like. By trying to control her and make a big deal out of this, you are in fact driving a wedge in the relationship all by yourself when it is a momentary separation. You've got infinite free time. Go do something with it.
Christopher Young
If she gets that mad over you suggesting spending what little free time she has with you rather than a friend, maybe it's best to just abandon the ship and move on.
John Rogers
stop overthinking, you are implying that she will cheat on you with the friend or are subconsciously saying that.
Let her catchup with her friends / family one day per week for you should be fine, if you tell yourself that she will be with you forever.
planning for her is indeed controlling her and will frustrate her like she said.
Thomas Martinez
I spent two years in my last relationship trying to get my bitch ass ex to spend more time with me, and it was completely pointless. People will make time for you if they care about you, and in my personal experience, you should leave if this shit doesn't stop pretty quick.
David Martinez
People have different levels of neediness and desire to be with other people, as well as for variety vs. comfortable sameness. Not even trying to understand it from the other person's perspective is 99% of people's problems.
Ryan Campbell
or to sum it up :
>itt context
Oliver Lewis
Can't speak for OP, but in my scenario my ex was incredibly depressed, and would always say she wanted to hang out, but would bullshit her way out of all our plans day of. All I'm saying is at some point, if someone won't stop pulling this shit you need to bail and stop wasting your time.
Jaxson Cooper
If you have so much free time, why aren't you hanging out with her and her friends/family? Not saying that in a provoking or mocking way, but did she say she needed to spend time with them alone?
I mean, you might've already buried yourself by acting mad/jealous, but I think you should tag along. If she has a problem with the way you get along with her friends and family, you might have a bigger issue on your hands.
Andrew Robinson
Okay, I know in my heart you two are right, but I honestly feel humiliated. Usually we communicate quite well but I don't know how to bring this up with her again, or if I even should? We're very much from different backgrounds,most of her friends only speak Spanish or have poor English, and she herself is very shy about showing me off, I've met her mother, which was a massive deal for her, and we've had three way calls with some of her friends with me trying to speak Spanish. But honestly its not something either of us are ready for, and not to mention I'm not going to ask her to tag along with her and her male friend, that's just not something I think a boyfriend should do.
Couple of important facts 1. Her last boyfriend broke up with her because he was jealous she was seeing a male friend too much rather than him.. 2. She has a history of not being great at saying no to people
What would you have done differently? Just played it cool?
Bentley Phillips
Your second sentence is true (damn it), but come on dude, not everything is bait
Daniel White
then you can tell here that you are sorry, that you think you have overeacted, that will at least defuse the bomb that you have made and tell her that you miss her but you understand that she need to relax after finishing uni.
you still seems to emphasis her male friend again that might imply cheating, don't be so insecure of that man, if she is cheating or will cheat better to know it sooner than later !
Nathan Hall
Sounds like you should follow previous boyfriend's example. This isn't going to work out in the first place, the language Bullitt makes it even worse.
Julian James
Haha, goddamn it I know you're right.. So why do I always get so jealous? Just because someone's from a different culture its impossible to be partners? Is that what you're saying? History shows otherwise my dude
Gavin Martin
most likely either you have some insecurities like height/wight/penis facies and you think you are out of the league of your GF and dont understand how you got there or you have some mental pathology that get you jealous of every male that approach your girlfriend.
Man up and build some confidence, she is with you and not with another one and she chose you over 3.1B people availables think about it.
Jonathan Bailey
Check.. Check.. Check, haha.. You're right, any tips? I had a spinal cord injury thats why im out of work.. Probably got a bit to do with it
Jayden White
>Who's in the wrong? You are. You're being controlling and clingy. It's not her fault you're free all the time. She has friends and family too (as you said) she hasn't seen in a while and that's what she wants to do. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you (usually) It just means she is a person different than you. You CAN feel a bit left out, it's understandable but be a man and suck it up.
Blake Morgan
How would you go about apologising, if at all?
Christian Cruz
I'm gonna go to sleep now guys, thanks for the replies, its clear I need to work on my insecurities
James Moore
Tip: Be a man. If you cannot, go to therapy. This not only will save or improve your relationship, it will help you be more mature.
Jacob Scott
Here's what I would say: >Love, I'm sorry for making you feel I'm trying to control you, in reality I just got too excited to spend summer vacations with you. While it does make me feel a bit blue the fact we haven't spent as much time as I'd like, I understand you'd also want to see your friends and family. We'll have a great time regardless!
This tells her you know you're wrong and you are sorry for it and at the same time lets her know how you feel about it but you're her MAN and you're cool and mature.
Fuck man how am I still alone being so awesome? Good night lad
