Girlfriend went on a work & travel program to the USA this summer (New York). Should I expect her to cheat on me...

She is a very genuine girl. Doesn't dress slutty, hard working and smart. But as I stated here she suddenly got the attention of the local guys. And she even jokingly hinted on flirting, etc. Which is really not cool.

> She comes from a good family and has an excellent relationship with her father.

This is good.

>But this past few weeks she send me a text of one of the guys texting and calling her pretty (She also sent me his FB and he is an attractive muscular rich guy, which is just eh...)

This could go in a couple different ways. She might be trying to make you jealous, etc. She might be wanting to see how you react. But I doubt it means she intends to cheat. If she did, she just wouldn't send you any of that and she'd just fuck him.

>And she even went out with some of the local people from the pool (Including the guy).

Not really something to worry about. Group outings just work like that.

>And she even jokingly hinted on flirting, etc. Which is really not cool.

Yeah user, now that you tell us that (couldn't you have spit that out earlier?), I'm thinking she just wants to make you jealous. You need to tell her exactly how you feel, that joking about stuff like that isn't cool and you don't appreciate it.

>Yeah user, now that you tell us that (couldn't you have spit that out earlier?), I'm thinking she just wants to make you jealous. You need to tell her exactly how you feel, that joking about stuff like that isn't cool and you don't appreciate it.

Will do. But wtf, why would she want that? She cried a river when we were saying our goodbyes to each other. Why would she want to make jealous?

To see how you'd react. This is a classic shit test, user. Most women do them in some form.

Just keep your frame and your head, and explain that this worries you, you don't want her flirting with other guys, and you don't appreciate her joking about it.

I live in NY, and I'm not gonna lie to you, a pretty young woman from out-of-town will get a LOT of attention and temptation. It's gonna be a test of your relationship. It's a very good sign that she's being honest and sharing this stuff with you, even though it makes you uncomfortable.

Keep in contact and try to talk to her on the phone every day, be supportive of what she's got going on with work, but you should absolutely express that you don't like those guys flirting with her and you're a bit jealous about it. Don't play it too cool. The worst thing you can do is get angry at HER when she hasn't really done anything wrong yet. A lot of women get this reverse-psychology thing if they get scolded and told not to do something. Just tell her that you love her, you're looking forward to seeing her again when she gets home, and that the rich muscular guy seems like a total douchebag to you

Ok, thanks guys. I will express my dislike of her flirting with the guys and try to trust her.

Well she apparently went out only with the guy.

Is this OP? If so, tell us more. That's not a good sign at all.

They went for a glass of wine and something to eat, :/

Yes it's me.

You need to lay out what is happening, dude. I can't follow this twitter update style thing you're doing. Are you literally talking to her right now?

I texted her how her evening was yesterday. I thought that she went with more people out. Turns out that she only went with the guy for wine and snacks.

And yes, I'm talking to her right now on messenger.

Ok. So let me make sure the timeline is right here.

>She leaves
>sends you messages describing how she is getting hit on by chad
>says she went out with him (in a group)
>NOW says it was just him and her

IF, IF that is the correct timeline, you need to put the kibosh on this right now. You need to straight up ask her what she is doing. A girl should not be going out, alone, with a dude who is hitting on her if she has a boyfriend.

Sounds like they went out on a date. You are fucked OP. How many more months?? You need to do what others have suggested and tell her you are not cool with this.

She works at a pool. A chad is hitting on her there. 2 days pass and she apparently was going out with a group. She says that it happened that she went out alone with him for a wine. She was even driving back home. :/

3 more months.

I still can't really follow the exact timeline but it doesn't really matter. You need to put your foot down on this now. Going out alone with a guy who has been hitting on you is a date. She's either shit-testing the fuck out of you or trying to prep you for a breakup.

The guys goes there for a swim. It's some sort of club.

and a whole lot more which she isnt telling you, i imagine.
change the lock(s) on your door(s).

She swears that nothing happened. Apparently I don't need to worry because he is nice and all.

It doesn't matter what he goes there for. They went out, alone, to drink wine and eat snacks.

I don't care, and neither should you. She either cheated, intended to cheat, or you should seriously question her judgment. Getting wine alone with a dude that's been hitting on you is not innocent.

Even if she was just a moron and did it for shits and giggles, it's still dumb as fuck and disrespectful to you.

>I don't need to worry because he is nice and all

user....

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Yeah... it's fucked up dude. I don't really trust her much anymore.

Here's what you do, m8: Tell her that you consider that a date, you're not okay with it, and she needs to make a decision. If she wants to go on another date with the "nice" rich douchebag from the pool, she can't come home to you and act like your girlfriend again, it's one or the other. Tell her that you ARE worried about this and you're not okay with her encouraging the flirting any longer. If she still wants to be your girlfriend, she needs to act like it.

Keep your cool. Don't scold her, don't judge her, don't try to make demands of what she can or can't do. Just make it crystal-clear where the boundaries of the relationship are. She's an adult and she's gonna make her own choices, all you can do is tell her exactly what the results of those choices will be, and refuse to budge on it.

This is trouble, but you're not dead in the water yet.

Maintain your dignity and dump her now. It's either a very strong shit test, which she shouldn't be doing, or she cheated and is trying to work up to telling you.

Your trust in her and the relationship is gone, probably will never come back, and a woman should not be acting like this. You don't have much more to lose at this point.

It's hilarious how easy it is to bait this board.
>Guy claims his gf is in another country for months
>Going on dates with a rich, handsome buff guy
>Giving updates about it to her bf
>Hurr should I break up?

You cucks need to realize when you're being trolled. It's like every 3rd thread on this dump board and has been that way since day 1.

Dude I'm not a troll I swear.

you're either a troll or a cuck

post messenger screenshots

not him but post some pics of messages as proof, otherwise sage

Will not dump her just yet but will tell her that I'm not ok with it.

Be clear & firm. Don't give her any leeway. If she keeps flirting and texting and going out with another guy, then you're not her boyfriend anymore. I think it's gonna be ok m8, she sounds like a good one, and stuff like this happens even with the good ones. You just gotta man up and tell her where you stand

Should have told her that at the beginning. Emphasize all of this that is disrespectful to you

>telling you about guys flirting with her, looks like shes trying to make you jealous
>the date itself, wtf was that

You need to make it very clear that behaviour like this is all of these

>hurtful to you
>disrespectful to your relationship
>unacceptable

She said that I either believe her or not. But she "doesn't appreciate the fact that I told her that she is alone in the USA, bored, etc. She wants to be direct with me and If she wasn't she would not told me about it." her words

>he doesn't just breakup with her when he learns she went on a date
The second I learn my girlfriend went on a date for "wine and snacks" is the second I just block her number. Any girl that thinks that's okay to do with a stranger while having a boyfriend really shows her mindset.

Also, the "believe her or don't" and "doesn't appreciate the fact" parts really shows what kind of mental gymnastics she's jumping through. Run far away OP, this girl is a ticking time bomb. Just send her one last text telling her she's free to do whatever she wants, and block her.

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I told her that I really don't like it and ask her if she knows why it bothers me. She said that she is aware of the reasons why I don't like it and is sorry.

She's right. Don't tell her what you think she's thinking, just tell her how you feel about this situation, and what's gonna happen if it goes any further. It IS good that she's being direct and honest with you about this, if she was a ho then you wouldn't hear a damn thing about the rich guy at the pool. Seriously man just say word for word.

And at some point in the same conversation, tell her you love her and you hope everything else is going well in NY, but you really want her to hit the brakes on this new "friendship." Balance it out with some positivity, don't let the conversation end on a bad note.

this. Girlie is just playing games.

also

>i dont appreciate blah blah blah

bitch you went on a date with some dude. You don't get to lecture your bf about his tone or whatever.

This is defeatist loser talk. The rich pool douche is playing to win, and you're telling OP he should just accept defeat and take himself out of the game. You don't understand women and you don't understand love. If you wanna be with someone worth being with, you'd better expect competition, and you'd better be willing to keep fighting and remind her why she chooses to stay with you every day.

There are lines that can't be crossed, but it doesn't sound like she's crossed that line yet. You can bet this other fucking guy is still playing it all sweet and innocent, just being "friendly" and showing her around the city, yada yada. OP needs to shut that shit down but he shouldn't just quit at the first sign of danger.

What I would do is: cheat on her while she is away.

>defeatist loser talk
>douche is playing to win
>take himself out of the game
>doesn't understand woman and love
Some games just aren't worth winning. Haven't you heard of the phrase "the only winning move is not to play"? The dangerous part isn't the other guy, it is OP's girlfriend. Why play Russian roulette if all the chambers are loaded? OP has idolized a version of this girl in his head, and is currently having problems because it isn't matching up with reality. If you want to talk about the relationship in an abstract way, referring to it as a game, then he's already lost. He just needs to cut his losses and accept that fact.

>but it doesn't sound like she's crossed that line yet.

She went on a date with the guy. How is that not crossing THE line? What is the line then? Actually fucking him? Having his kids?

I won't do that dude.

I argued to her that If I would go for a wine with some random chick she would also take it as a date and be mad. And she said that she trusts me.

If you want to remove yourself from the gene pool out of pure fear of failure, that's your choice. But don't go around poisoning other peoples' minds with your toxic pessimism. OP still has hope and he doesn't need to hear this shit from you
If she went back to the guy's apartment or invited him to hers, that's the line for me. Even if she swore nothing happened, you could never really believe it. A kiss after the wine-date would be crossing the line, unless she smacked him in the face and deleted his number. But I'll bet anything that pool-douche is telling her "it's no big deal, I just want to show you this cool restaurant, it's not like a date, if you're not doing anything tonight why not come out," yada yada. Guys are creeping out there, and girls really do want to believe that everyone just wants to be their friend.

At this point it's still safe to assume she's telling OP everything, she's got her toes on the line but nothing's broken yet. It's absolutely the time to be firm and serious and set clear boundaries, though. I completely agree that it's a problem, but not a "break up now" problem.

>the line is when she breaks up with him, because op doesn't have enough self respect to do it himself.

>she said that she trusts me
They always say that, when the shoe is on the other foot they would flip out and cry and whine, throwing a temper tantrum. Consider the stupidity and line of thinking this user is spouting. Would you really want to be with her after she tries to make excuses for her actions? Not only has she not really taken accountability, but she's tried to spin it around on you, making YOU the person at fault.

Take my advice as what you will, you can't help those who don't help themselves. Breaking up isn't the end of the world, you can pick up the pieces of yourself and move on. But what you can't move on from is a toxic relationship that very clearly has the signs that this will end horribly for you. You made this thread because you already had an understanding and answer in mind.

I don't want to do it now because I had great times with her the past year. I would really not want to end it now. But If she goes on another date with him I'm ending it.

how would you know if she does? She's not going to tell you again after this.

I am naive and I think that I can somehow make it out from her face when she returns? If she has a face of guilt?

Do you always quit at the first sign of difficulty? Love is always a risk. If you don't feel it's worth taking, that's your choice. But don't sit around whining that the world doesn't work the way you wish it did. Your mom loves you unconditionally because she made you. Your girlfriend/wife CHOOSES to be with you, and that choice can be taken back anytime, so you'd better keep fighting for it if you want a good relationship to last. We all wish it was easier and less stressful, but if you want something, you gotta do what it takes to get it and keep it.

Assuming she's telling the truth about everything, which I still think is a fair assumption, she sat in a restaurant and had wine and snacks. It's not good, but it doesn't need to be the end. The long-distance thing is ALWAYS difficult. If OP wants to let it go and break up, he has that option. I'm just trying to tell him what his other options are.

And she has to prove her worth to him as well. It's not one sided. Shes doing a very, very shitty job of proving she is relationship material right now.

She argues that I have one female friend. Mind you we hang out together with our gay friend only and I don't find her attractive.

I completely agree. I've been saying the whole time that she either needs to cut off the flirtation right where it is, and he needs to break up with her if there's a second date. But as it stands right now, this is a test, not a real betrayal.

If she'd kept this secret, I'd tell him to dump her, but she didn't. What happened so far is still within the boundaries of "making a new friend," but that is OBVIOUSLY not pool-douche's intention, and it needs to stop now and go no further.

I won't deny I am pessimistic, however I feel like your alternative line is inherently naive and your intent behind it isn't 100% genuine. Your assumptions so far on every piece of advice I've given is that it is "toxic" or that it's a "loser's way of thinking". Just because I'm advocating for removing this girl from his life(for justified reasons), doesn't mean I'm telling him to never love again. I am merely telling him that this woman isn't worth the effort.

However I'm starting to suspect you and this thread is bait, so I'll stop now. 5/10, made me reply.

Tell her that you're not going on one-on-one dates and spending time alone with your female friend while your girlfriend's away. And make sure that's true.

The line has been crossed when she decided to go away for the whole fucking summer because yolo, gotta visit USA alone and all that new age bullshit.
I would prefer to be single than having to put up with shit like this.

Don't be a faggot, don't end it now, just tell her you don't like what she is doing but don't put too much emphasis on it, do not tell her you are actually fucking enraged by her behavior: girls are like child, the more you tell them not to do something the more they will do it.
In the meanwhile fuck whores, fuck other girls and enjoy summer with your friends.
Trust me, having a relationship with someone that is ok with going away alone for 3 months without a single fucking good reason is not doable.
Next years, or 5 years from now, she will tell you that she wants to go work abroad because her friends are doing it.
Don't put up with her shit but be smart about it, breaking up with her is equal to tell her: go on, fuck the rich dude, I am ok with it.
Make it harder for her to cheat on you and in the meanwhile look around for a better replacement.

I'm sorry I called you a loser, I don't know you. but I don't think it's fair to say "she's not worth the effort" because you don't know her either, and though this situation is not good, she is being good in the way she's handling it so far. I think you're giving bad advice and bad vibes in a situation that can still be salvaged

It's really not a bait guys. She is my second relationship. But first serious. First was when I was 17 years old and we didn't even have sex. So I don't know that much about dating.

She said that she won't go out with him again.

now say something nice to her and end the talk on a good note, and you're probably in the clear. Good work OP

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I hope so. I really don't want to loose her to some pool douche.

like I said before, if she was untrustworthy, you never would've heard a thing about pool-douche. It would be the easiest thing in the world for her to just not mention it, she knew there might be an argument if she did. But she chose to tell you what was going on, and she listened to your thoughts on it. Just keep making time to talk with her on a frequent basis, and hope for the best

Thank you all for your input.
Will do.

crisis team adjourned

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I did once read a dam good reply to this situation. If she asked you if she can see this other guy then the answer is yes, then lose her number.
If you say no then you are a controlling beast and she will see him anyway.

Of course she saw him anyway without your knowledge or permission so what does that say about her loyalty to you?

As it happens she is arguing the toss with you. . So you are stuffed anyway.

He was supposed to be there but in a group. Idk why they did go alone.
And she suggested it herself that she will not see him again. She said that she doesn't want to do stuff that hurts me.

The fight's never over m8, but it sounds like you're in a good place as long as you keep communicating like you did. There's a lot of people on this site who've been burned and rejected too many times, and don't have the healthiest outlook on relationships. Don't let it get in your head too much. Trust her until she gives you a good reason not to

Since when, in the history of human civilization, have we been subjected to maintaining legitimate long distance relationships? It’s not something we are built to handle. Why? Look at all the damn anons coming to the board asking the same question, but with a twist. Not lashing out on you, just trying to make a point.
>basic women, who just need to not be fat, have tons of men fawning at them, groveling at their feet
>men prove self worth.
>women have been known time and time again in history to be easily swayed by incoming hordes of men, and flipping sides to the victors

What makes you think she won’t flip sides to the other men constantly giving her attention? Relationships are like a garden. You need constant nurture and care for the garden, and even after years you need somewhat of a constant presence. If you don’t, pests constantly come in and ruin your garden. You have to ward off pests as a man. You cannot defend you woman.
>inb4 but user, she should be able to do that herself.
No shit, but women have the mental capacity of a 14 year old as an adult. You can’t expext them to fight off men and have complete allegiance to a man of 1 year, I’ve seen women thrown decade old marriages for a chance at chad.

Don’t hate her for HER, just realize her biological imperative is not designed to hold out for one single male. She’s constantly evaluating her mates, even if you were to fuck her and she’s walking home, she’s subconsciously evaluating mates.

She is visiting some other lifeguards together with her female lifeguard friends from my country that are also there and after that they are planning to celebrate Independence Day.

But how sad is that. That means relationships with women can never be deep. Gays have it better.

The distance thing is tricky and stressful, but you'll do more harm than good by getting paranoid and distrustful, or discouraging her from having fun. Normal social stuff is fine as long as there's no more one-on-one time with other guys

Yeah I said to her that I hope she has a great time and is being safe from fireworks.

I think we actually have it worse if you want a monogamous relationship like I do. Even the most solid gay couples often seem to do "open relationship" things. Everyone wants to act like a teenager forever. I'm over it

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I though about gay relationships like they are the best thing. Having a deep romantic relationship with your best buddy. Without the drama that girls bring to the table.

I just wrote the post on top of what you wrote.
I am an American, 4th of July involves major drinking and partying. Guys like to have a partner to enjoy the night.

user, this is biology. What’s funny is you’re more programmed to spread your seed, able to create billions of sperm over your life, and able to spread indiscriminately to many many women. Her womb is limited, and can only likely produce 1 child pet pregnancy. SHE has to keep evaluating mates. She HAS to choose the best man. If you’re not actively proving your self worth then her fickle mind will be led astray.

It can happen, but it's hard to find someone on the same page. There's just not that many gay people. A lot seem to really enjoy a hyperactive, casual sex life, and a lot have serious family baggage and don't believe they're capable or deserving of real love

Hmm. So you say that there is a high chance that she will at minimum kiss someone this night? Even after my conversation with her and she ensuring me that she will never see him again. Mind you she is not a big drinker. I just have to trust her at this moment I think.

>I just have to trust her at this moment I think.
You've got it right there. Other poster is playing the devil on your shoulder

I just can't imagine that she would do that. The way she looks in my eyes and smiles, oh man it just melts my heart. I really don't think that she would do such a thing. She didn't have sex with me right away either. Was not easy to get into her pants. Even cuddling was after several dates.

Of course there are no guarantees in life, but it sounds like you have a lot of reasons to believe in her and no good reason not to. Deal with problems as they come up, but it would not be a good idea to forbid her from going to the party

Trust her user. Just work out, and if the wrorst happens, don’t lash out and realize it’s hypergamy and nature at hand, and she’s just a victim of her biological imperative. The best thing you can do is not care. You’re a man. You can have kids and start a family when you’re 40. If she’s a cheating whore, this will add fuel to the fire to be a major business man, with yachts galore, and hoes and bimbos onboard with your pick of the litter.

She’s a depreciating asset, with her womb shriveling up each day that goes by.

If she cheats she did you a favor. She has not instinct to realize true love exists at home with her bf in her home country.
It would almost be a blessing if she weeded herself out. You don’t want to reproduce with whores.

I don't mind the party but one on one wine drinking is too much.

I have to go, I have stuff to do. But just hang in there user.
TRUST your GUT!!!! If she comes back and seems different, she cheated.
I was deployed all over the Asian seas around Japan. I was stationed on a carrier and my family was evacuated from Japan to the USA after the 9.0 earthquake in 2011. My wife was different after I came back from deployment and not seeing her for 9 months. Her pussy wasn’t tight, and she was late by 1/3 picking me up from the airport after not seeing me for 9 months. We fought on the way home to my parents house, and I realized I wanted a divorce BEFORE I found out she cheated. The funny thing is is that she claims that it was OK that she cheated because I wanted a divorce before I found out she cheated, in which I tell her that she caused the divorce because of her actions subconsciously she acted differently and I couldn’t stand the new her. Women come up with these weird things to justify their actions, and to this day she thinks that it was OK that she cheated because I initiated the divorce.

That absolutely sucks, but not every girl is your ex. "Trust your gut" is always good advice though

Thank you for your story man. So you say that women can't hide the fact that they cheated and will act different all the time? Will remember that, thanks.

I would really do everything for her. I guess every man would for his girl. It sucks that according to many of you they don't realize it.

>I guess every man would for his girl
Nah. Not every girl is like her, and not every guy is like you. You've got a good thing going on. It'll be a tough summer but I think you'll make it