How do you convince someone to get help? A very good friend of mine struggles with ASD and loneliness. He talks about a few bad experiences as reasons to give up and when I say I understand that's difficult but you can't give up on life. He takes disagreement with him giving up or being worthless and ugly as not understanding. If I don't agree he's hopeless and shouldn't try then I'm lying or misunderstanding him. He is a really nice guy and he could definitely find someone if he tried harder but his list of effort is mostly just heavily implying he likes about 5 girls. I wish he would work on his self esteem because it'd be much easier for him to talk to people if he were to join some groups, read some books or talk to a good professional. I've seen tons of people come out of stuff like this and so has he but he doesn't see it as proof he can do it to, instead he takes it as proof he's a loser because even people worse off than him were able to overcome it. How do I walk the line of making him see he needs to put in more effort without making him feel a huge degree of shame?
How do you convince someone to get help? A very good friend of mine struggles with ASD and loneliness...
>How do you convince someone to get help?
Be honest, don't push to hard, and accept that you might need to give up at some point. If they don't want help, you can't force it on them. Sometimes you need to admit defeat and ssave yourself.
Aspie here
I spent months improving my looks and overall demeanor and eventually got a girlfriend but it brought me no happiness whatsoever and I got bored of her really quickly. I still struggle with "social cues" and all that jazz so it's still harder for me to socialize with anyone who isn't a close friend. I've grown content with mediocrity and have given up on life as a result. And you know what? I unironically feel good for the first time in years because I no longer torture myself to try and function better. Giving up feels good, try to accept your friend for it instead of trying to convince him to suffer more.
>I've grown content with mediocrity
That's a cry for help. You didn't learn that maybe a relatiosnhip won't make you happy or some jazz, you just gave up and you admit you are mediocre.
This actually seems pretty in line with what I've been telling him. He says all the time he wants a girlfriend and more friends than just me, which I understand because it's just natural to want more than one friend. I tell him that he's better off with self esteem than a girlfriend. I've said a girlfriend or different looks won't make the difference because he'll worry she secretly hates him or is settling or something. I talk about how it'd be easier and more fulfilling to find love if he doesn't hate himself and everyone else. Am I missing the mark?
Is it really that bad? He sounds kind of content. I wouldn't describe myself as super happy or exceptional but I'm pretty content and I think contentment is a good place for depressed people to end up.
I have genuinely come to peace with it, I have no anxiety anymore and it feels like a huge weight off my shoulders.
Tell him that as an aspie he will never find a girl who understands him or cares about his weird niche interests. Friends are much better, have you considered introducing him to any of your friends? It would be easier for him than befriending strangers.
>I have genuinely come to peace with it, I have no anxiety anymore and it feels like a huge weight off my shoulders.
You are calling it mediocrity, mate. Not us. YOU think you are slumming it. YOU think you are mediocre. I wouldn't say you are really at peace yet.
Read above, he is trying to convince himself, but he is not "content".
He's met a lot of my old friends and he didn't really stay friends with any of them. I've been transitioning so a lot of my new friends are queer and he doesn't seem to want to hang out with a bunch of queer people. It's a shame because I've been trying to get my other friend with asd to hang out with him but he won't because of his bad reputation. They have so many of the same interests and are both really nice but if he doesn't want he doesn't want to. I don't think he should give up on finding someone to be with romantically because he has an education and decent looks, do you really think he'd find a bunch of friends more fulfilling than a relationship? Even if he would I don't think I'd tell him that because I garuntee he'd take that as me calling him worthless and ugly.
It's mediocre when compared to my peers but I have a few very close friends who I can be myself around plus enough savings to NEET for a few more years.
I should be clear here, the other friend I tried to get to meet him doesn't want to. The friend I'm trying to get to meet him asks about him because he occasionally comes up when I tell certain stories
>do you really think he'd find a bunch of friends more fulfilling than a relationship?
Genuine friends, yes. I can honestly say that my best friend is has infinitely more worth than my ex even at her best. Maybe it'll be good for him to get a girlfriend so he can see for himself. Maybe it'll actually work out, who knows.
>It's mediocre when compared to my peers
And you can call that "contentment"? Dude, come on, you are admitting you are not happy.
Mind if I ask how you met your ex? I probably won't use it as an example because he will find some way it makes him worse in his current state. I'm just curious though
He sounds like the type that secretly resents everyone but talks to you because loneliness hurts.
I think you should just be as matter of fact as he is, tell him he isn't going to get what he says he wants, tell him he has to decide whether or not to live with that, and tell him you're done watching him stall over an issue he's denying himself closure for in a vain hope for a miracle.
Well I'm not bursting with joy but I feel much better now than the days when I tried.
Discord. I know, I'm an idiot.
>I feel much better now than the days when I tried.
The problem is: You don't feel good. Change will be hard, and the struggle will be utter shit, but that's part of improvement.
You are still miserable, you still look down on yourself. Why would you wish that on other people like OP's friend?
He does struggle with hating everyone but I can tell he cares about those close to him and he does a lot that most people wouldn't be willing to do, the only time he seems to be really hateful and irrational is in the middle of complaining about his life. He'd rather be convinced it's entirely his looks or that women are cruel than that there are throngs he could do differently to get a better outcome, he doesn't think it's fair people who don't try as much get better outcomes which is true but for him that is reason enough in and of itself to give up right there. It's bizarre because he seems to handle himself pretty well when the topic is anything but his own life, which he brings up quite often. What's the problem with meeting people there? Isn't it a video game chat or something? Wouldn't that garuntee some overlap in interests?
There are two types of girls on discord:
>semi-qts who have scores of orbiters
>nice girls with a dark past and mental illness
All I can say is you're not helping him by making sure his his feelings aren't hurt.
Even aspies need a reality check.
100% support this. Enabling defeatism doesn't help him, OP