Girlfriend on a work and travel program

Hi, girlfriend on a work and travel program guy here.

Recap from last thread:
So we are together shy of a year. She went to a work and travel program to be a lifeguard in NY specifically LI. Works at a rich resort. Gets hit on by multiple guys there and one guy in particular. One day (Let's call this first date) they were supposed to go with a group of people from the resort out but she went only with him for a wine and snacks. She told me about it and I responded that I didn't like it. She said to me that she doesn't want to hurt me and won't see him again.
Fast forward 2 days (Let's call this second date) she goes out with her roommate and this rich buff douche to a bar and then for a late night swim in a pool. Only tells me about the bar and only mentions her roommate. (I saw videos from her roommates instagram story that is how I know this.)
Yesterday (Let's call the a third date) they again went out with her roommate and this rich buff and another guy drinking and then to a nice restaurant for sushi.

I should just end it right guys? I didn't tell her about the videos just yet and she is there for another 3 months.

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>I should probably break up with her shouldn't I?
Well you clearly don't trust her so yes

You don't find this behaviour suspicious?

Minus all the sketchy shit, it all boils down to trust.

What she has done has permanently affected trust, to where it’s unfixable. The fact you are here, sharing your story, shows how much it is eating you up. That is the type of personality that is not designed to look past this.

Since you are not of the 5% that can look past this, your only option is to move the fuck on. Let go. Forget her and the possibility of getting laid. She’s lying and telling stories that are incomplete.

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The sad thing is that when she first arrived there and met with her roommates she condemned this behaviour because her roommates were using Tinder and looking for a guys to pay for their food. And now look at her. Doing exactly that.

And is it super sketchy or am I overreacting? How would you handle this situation?

Men discover the other side of their Significant other 5 years into a marriage. You discovered it now. My man, be happy! Rejoice! Work out, and focus on you! It only gets better as you age, assuming you make progress. Get educated and improve you! So much better women out there.

I guess so. But I would never even imagined she would do this. She is just so sweet and never weared slutty clothes and never acted like a whore.

Look man, disregard the possibility of her cheating. She lied. She told a story with missing info and forced you to be a detective on instagram. Dude, that is sad. You can’t be focusing energy keeping track of your bitches. That fact that you’re playing a detective hunting down your broad like that is sad man. Take a step out and realize some of it is you, but be happy you’re being emotionally tested like that. You will advance along and become more well rounded.

I personally don’t think she has cheated. Each day the chances go up, because you’re not there to protect your stock. Women forget stuff easily and you need to be there to remind her. I don’t care if you’re James dean, or Brad Pitt. If you are not there, she’s being hit on and each day that passes that verbal commitment weakens. It’s not to say that as you get married and babies come that things don’t chance. Things do change, but she’s not tied down man. She’s free, in another country, with men inflating her ego. She’s bound to cheat by the end of the trip. Just focus one you man. Write her off.

You are probably right. It really hurts though because she is (well was) the first girl that I really felt a strong connection with.

I won't break with her just yet so she doesn't do too much of a stupid shit with the douche as a revenge. Maybe when she is on her way home I will tell me that it's over.

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Thank you all for your opinions. Will probably update you in the future threads. And I will always use the same picture.

Told you this then will tell you this now.
Go for "wine and snacks" with a female acquaintance you know.

Yep I remember that. Was not feeling it then because I still wanted to salvage the relationship but maybe now is the time to do it and have a good time.

Update: They also went dancing to a club. Which means close contact with douche.

You just got cucked.
Go no contact and if you can call her tell her what you did not like and let her know that you can't be in that kind of relationship

If she hasn't cheated on you yet she is without a doubt and undeniably being buttered up towards getting in her pants. something to consider.

Do the exact same shit she does. Have fun, if she gets upset her problem. She doesn't seem to care about you getting hurt so you shouldn't either.

It's not really normal to take random girls on a double date for sushi and then dancing if you don't want to do more intimate stuff with them I think.

End it, it sounds like she is cheating on you. Remember how you said you don't like how she went on that date with the guy, well she keeps doing it. I would end my relationship with her if I were you

I will definitely end it some time in the future. Not right now if I have a source of information on her I want to know just how far she will go and what she will do. And then show it to her and end it.

tell her you need to talk, then ask her if there's anything she wants to tell you.

if she doesn't say anything, tell her you saw the videos.
if she admits to going out to dinner with him twice after she said she wouldn't, tell her you can't trust her after she lied. it's not just that she got caught now, you don't know when she's lied to you before.
or she'll admit she's fucked him already.

you need to make it clear that she's at fault. if you just dump her, she's going to tell all your mutual friends that nothing was going on with the guy, that you were being controlling and wouldn't even let her hang out with friends. you'll be painted as the bad guy, get ahead of it.

You are right, that is good advice. Thanks.

And do you think I should talk to her about the videos as soon as possible or wait a bit and gather more information when she goes out next time?

>I want to know...

Ah, the great downfall. You will be no better off for exposing yourself to more pain. Admit that there is still a part of you clinging to hope and confront it, it's over. It's not your fault, by the way, it's the situation you're in.

It's hard to end it... really hard.

She stopped telling you because you told her you don't like it when she hangs out with this guy. You've unwittingly introduced an element of secrecy and danger to her spending time with him, and made it more attractive by doing so. If you were worried about the possibility of her cheating, you've gone about it the exact wrong way.

Discuss these feelings with her immediately. Do not accuse her of anything, but tell her what you know that she did and how it made you feel to know that she chose to not mention those things. At this point, I suggest breaking up with her because she doesn't trust you to not be jealous and you don't trust her to not get dicked down by every guy she wants to spend time with.

She's probably going to fuck this guy either way. The only question now is do you want to be in a relationship with her when she does it?

Already lied.

Best to break up.

But he has a point now doesn't he? She is maybe afraid of my reaction after how I reacted in the first place?

She isn't afraid of your reaction, just having the same conversation, "I hung out with this guy." "I've told you that makes me uncomfortable." "Oops, I won't do it again (until I do again)." is boring. The way you feel about this is not relevant to her making the decision, she just stopped telling you because dealing with your feelings is inconvenient.

But that is disrespectful to me. I would stop doing stuff that she didn't like and not lie about it.

Pretty sure she doesn't give a shit about how you feel about her getting dicked by a wealthy Chad, you are just making up excuses to deny the obvious at this point.

If you want to be deluded, feel free, but it won't stop her from slurping down rich buff dick with her whore of a roommate.

You're not uncomfortable with her spending time with guys, you're insecure that she'll cheat on you. If you'd cut off a budding friendship because your girlfriend of less than a year was "uncomfortable" with it, then you're a pussy. It's disrespectful to lie about it, but it's fucking asinine to think that you get to control her behavior and vice versa. Also, when you talk about this with her, don't tell her what you would do. No one cares. Outline what SHE did, how it makes you feel, and (possibly) what you're going to do. I still think you should break up, because you're not currently cut out for a long-distance relationship with this person.

I naively thought that she cares about me.

That isn't naivete, she probably did and likely does. People who care about you may still hurt you, that's something you should learn.

I should. The thing is I am was and still am a loner. I never really opened up to people. She is my first real crush that I care deeply for.

This isn't a real problem. If you crave human interaction, then interact with humans. Your ex isn't special.

So i think you should tell her you noticed her hanging out with the guy on the videos and you feel a bit betrayed after her saying she wouldnt do it again. I would consider breaking up with her over this

In truth you dont trust her so the relationship should have ended already. Next time you should act unphased if a girl tells you that. Ideally you wouldnt act unphased, you would just be unphased bc you should have enough self confidence where either scenario (she leaves you for him or not) has no impact on your wellbeing

Its hard to come back from this though since youve already displayed your insecurity, so best of luck and remember, constant worrying in a relationship is no way to live

At least I know now and hopefully won't make the same mistake in the future. All in all thank you guys for your input.

I mentioned this in the previous thread before noticing you'd started a new one. The only acceptable option for keeping her is if she IMMEDIATELY returns home and agrees that from now on you only go out together.

Others who have said trust is violated so it's essentially over are 99% correct, but if she hasn't actually fucked this chad and is willing to full service mea culpa, you may have something. She has to agree that she's not worthy of your trust and the only thing to do with someone who can't be trusted is to carefully police them.

She has to understand that you can't earn trust back. But she's always going to be that person, a heavily policed lifestyle won't harm her - in fact it will protect her - and she's going to wind up with someone. It might as well be you and a police state life ruled by you, rather than some sucker who won't catch on until they've got kids and she destroys a much more delicate set of lives including her own.

I agree though that she already fucked the guy and is going to give you the finger. At least you'll know you didn't act on a hunch.

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Woah dude.

Personally I'd ditch man, she's displaying a clear disregard for your feelings in the matter and inequal dealings are not worth your time no matter the skew.

We already had this thread

Unless you're okay with being a doormat and getting cucked break up with her. The longer you wait the more you delay the inevitable

Right now you are nothing more than a nuisance to her, out of sight and out of mind.

Yes, she is seeing someone else and the part you know about, bad enough, is not all that is going on between them.

Lets be fair to her a minute however. She is young, with other young people, in another country and in NY city. This is a once in a lifetime experience and she would be insane to sit at home while the world passed by. What she should do is break up with you now and probably will shortly.

Bottom line. You don't get a vote in any of this other than to cut her loose yourself so you can move on. She's gone and holding on will make you sick and crazy and her hate you.

Holy shit fuck off with this shitty thread
MODS

No, please, don’t. We’re all sick of your shit you pussy

This is exactly what I was going to say, except it's better phrased.

Ok, thank you for your opinion.

> rich buff douche
I don't mean to judge but you sound jealous.
If the other guy is goodlooking,rich and she has fun with him ...you can pretty much wave goodbye.
I'm really sorry for you and I know that distance killing relationships sucks.

What's the once in a life time experience? Going to clubs and bars with peers in a foreign city?

This reminds me of some VR porn I've seen.

How long have you been together?

Shy of a year.

>ending your relationship because you're paranoid and a bunch of bitter anons encourage you to

fucking pathetic m8

I will see how she acts when she returns.

t. rich buff douche