How do I deal with the fact that my girlfriend has fucked guys before me?
I wouldn't be so bothered if it werent for the fact that she expects 100% commitment and devotion from me, when she gave her pussy freely to guys that didn't even care about her. Why do I have to be loyal to someone who doesnt care about how I feel? Why does she get to suffer no consequences from what shes done in her past, but I have to simply suck it up and accept it?
>How do I deal with the fact that my girlfriend has fucked guys before me?
You don't. You wouldn't believe the number of people who ask this very question on here everyday, OP.
It's a natural instinct in men that makes you disgusted at the thought of being involved with a promiscuous woman. Just leave her and find a nice inexperienced girl.
Don't listen to this autist. If your differing morals really place a divide in your relationship, then that's one thing, but if it just slightly bothers you, that's natural. Try to block the thought from your mind and remember that they aren't with her anymore.
>inexperienced girl
>modern age
Because the past isn’t the present OP you silly duck. She didn’t know who you were when she fucked those guys, how could she care about how you felt? You’re being illogical, and if you really want an inexperienced girl, better shape up your attitude.
They exist you fucking clueless incel. If you're actively looking for them you'll realize.
If you keep the fedora-tipping atheist mentality you're gonna have to stick to thots, brother.
Nah, I agree with him. there are none.
t. 32 and far more experienced than you.
You virgin...
Your age doesn't mean shit you cuck.
I have gotten in touch with like 5-10 virgin girls in the past 6 months alone.
What? I'm not an atheist and have nothing against christianity. I'm a pretty spiritual person but I just don't want that kind of super church girl which I know is what people here would suggest for me if I didn't specify
The implication is that you fucked them? Doesn't that just prove his point that there are no inexperienced girls if they're apparently so desperate to lose virginity they'll fling with a 4channer?
>I have gotten in touch with like 5-10 virgin girls
They're lying, son.
>how could she care about how her future husband would feel?
gee idk!
>How do I deal with the fact that my girlfriend has fucked guys before me?
>she expects 100% commitment and devotion from me
Sounds like out of all the guys she's been with, she decided to stay with you. You'll lose a good woman with your current mentality, OP. A loyal woman is rare.
>when she gave her pussy freely to guys that didn't even care about her
How sure are you about this statement?
>Why do I have to be loyal to someone who doesn't care about how I feel?
lol you sound like a baby. What makes you think she doesn't care? Cause she was with someone else before you? Sorry, she wasn't waiting in her room for you to show up.
Why does she get to suffer no consequences from what shes done in her past, but I have to simply suck it up and accept it?
What consequences should she suffer from her past?
they had degenerate mentalities, seeing as how easily they gave up their virginity
this isn't looking good for OP
>modern age people
>morals and backbone
Haha
This is cross gender lines too. I see it on Jow Forums and in real life. It's insane how easy it is to just bend everyone around you to your will because they don't grow up with any solid beliefs
Who said I fucked them? I didn't. But they most likely weren't lying because they had no reason to.
I don't see how you get to thinking alcohol is immoral without being a religious drone
The skank-defending numales in these threads, always.
>Sounds like out of all the guys she's been with, she decided to stay with you.
She didn't decide anything. Her past two "boyfriends" dumped her. if they didnt dump her she would still be with them for all intents and purposes
>How sure are you about this statement?
literally her words
General relationship advice thread
>everyone says break up first thing
lonely guy thread
>you need to improve you're a waste you deserve nobody
lonely girl thread
>there's someone out there for you try going to clubs or online dating, either way there's muting wrong with being single
Guy questions gf
>grow up this is so minor you moron
Girl questions bf
>yeah he sounds like a birch break up
But why
Then be a better guy than any of her exs and more than anyone else. It's not all about sex, my friend.
>sleep with the person you are dating as expected in 2018
>boyfriend (who expects for you to sleep with him while dating, mind you) gets upset you slept with your boyfriends prior to him
>try and show him that they don't matter in attempt to comfort him
>he takes it as a sign you don't value the people you sleep with which includes him
>then he goes and cries on Jow Forums about it
Gee user, you are definitely a mature adult and a man secure in your own self-worth. I'm sure she'll stay with you for the rest of your lives because she feels secure in the meaning and stability of your relationship, as defined by you.
Sounds like you can't over the fact that someone bet you to the pussy. Who the fuck cares?
Should she be mad at you for having sex with other girls before her?
He left out the 12 yo part.
I've been nothing but good to her, we've done crazy things together, gone on adventures, ate teh finest foods, traveled to the coolest places. shes having the time of her life. so am I, however theres NOTHING thats gotten rid of the sick feeling in my stomach knowing the woman I love has been defiled by some other guy. its not a logical thought but pure raw emotional/instincts that makes me want to rage and murder those men and go on a sex binge with hundreds of women to get back at her... this cant be healthy. mind you I havent said anything to her about this
What if you didn't conform to societal pressures and didn't sleep with people just because you are dinner with them a few times.
Am I an alien here? Like it's not hard for me to just not do it.
The problem isn't with her past, it's with your view.
Is she your first girlfriend?
Are you OP?
I was like that when I was 15, you have to find your way to get over that. You're not clean slate either.
No
>Should she be mad at you for having sex with other girls before her?
I was a virgin when we met
This. Sex is an extremely intimate thing... you have to go out of your way to do it ie prepping, foreplay, condoms, finding a place, getting naked.. its a whole experience
not first gf but first sex partner yea
>you're not clean slate either
What's that mean
Also I'm 21
hes saying youre not perfect... but its not really comparable.
>oh shes a roastie that fucks any guy that gives her attention
>oh he bites his nails, haha guess that means were even now haha
>She didn't decide anything
>Why does she get to suffer no consequences
this is where and why i usually lose sympathy for you and others with your mindset.
>Why do I have to be loyal to someone
you managed to give the game away in the very first post though. bravo. what's the point of this thread?
>Virgin
>First partner
I think he found the root of the problem guys.
>I was a virgin when we met
That's your problem, then. What you're experiencing is, at its core, jealousy. She fucked men and you didn't get to fuck women. Almost every virgin-to-nonvirgin, male or female, goes through this, especially if they obsessed about sex beforehand and put it up on a pedestal, like you. People who don't do this don't really have this problem as bad because they view sex as simply "a thing you do," either for fun or with someone they're in a relationship with, so it rolls off easier.
In other words, you played yourself and now you have to live with the consequences for how you interpret sex in your head. Either change the way you think about sex (aka adapt) and move on, or ruin this relationship because you're stubborn. Up to you.
>haha just get laid bro, eventually youll be so jaded you wont care
spotted the degenerate
I believe sex should only be something you do with someone you love. not something you do just to keep your chad boyfriend around for a little while longer, or whatever the fuck
why do I have to change my standards?
Can you stop being hostile ? I hate these kinds of threads. They always treat the virgin as the one in the wrong. What even is this society anymore
watch clerks and see what happens to the guy obsessed with this stuff
he was a loser to begin with anyway
Dilute it. After having sex with her for a while you'll start viewing it more differently. It's just like having dinner or watching a movie together. It's another bonding experience, not the ultimate sign of love.
There are hundreds of things you can do with someone that you love. Plenty of which she possibly hasn't done yet. Look forward to that.
Jow Forums has a problem with self-blame or taking responsibility. Sorry, these aren't the answers you want. is being honest. All he did was calls the OP stubborn, which he is.
What advice do you want? Or are you just baiting?
>Why do I have to be loyal to someone who doesnt care about how I feel?
She's being loyal to you, it's pretty reasonable to ask the same from you.
>Why does she get to suffer no consequences from what shes done in her past, but I have to simply suck it up and accept it?
What do you want her to do? Unfuck those guys?
It really is all just propaganda to get people to drop their morals and lose backbone in order to become more susceptible to manipulation an ideas down the road. The stuff I used to think was light-hearted fun is actually horrifying
>its not a logical thought but pure raw emotional/instincts that makes me want to [...] go on a sex binge with hundreds of women to get back at her... this cant be healthy.
maybe i spoke too soon. at least you recognise it as working to your own detriment. still you're directing your anger at her for being dumped rather than at the dudes who threw her away. you want her to suffer consequences for decisions somebody else made that she's already suffered for. then on top of that you're resenting her for valuing a principle that you don't value. you see that or you think i'm just talking shit here?
This. people who say you shouldnt care about anything are paving the road for social destruction, where no one cares about anyone, no one bonds with anyone, everyone cares only about their own instant gratification from one partner to the next, until families cease to exist and we wither away into irrelevency while the colored peoples of the world continue their growth and propogation
Because the rest of our society thinks you're pants-on-head retarded, and unless you join the sections of society that don't think that (religious groups, prominently), you're going to be pitied at best and loathed at worst. In addition, you're the one causing the problem in your relationship, so it is your responsibility to deal with it and fix it. You've got to decide if you want to believe the rest of society is wrong and stay fixed in your ways, or accept you're being an ass. You can do either one, but you can't have your cake and eat it.
If she is committed to a monogamous relationship with you, then whatever she did prior to the relationship is none of your concern.
If you had dated someone, or if you dated someone after this relationship didn't pan out, would you consider it fair to be held up against you? Shit happens in life, no one is free of baggage.
Notice the wording here . You can see, you can SEE where the programming comes true . echoed sentiments from a corrupt world
Fuck, now you made an argument so stupid, I need to side with the insecure incels.
The food analogy doesn't work.
Food is a necessity, if you don't eat, you die.
We don't feel attached to the food we eat, the intimacy connected to eating is related to the people we eat with, not the food.
If you manage to be intimate with 48 people, it makes sense to judge how real any of that is.
At this point, we are just negotiating how many is too many, but I think it is more about what kind is too many.
If we divide it into categories, ie:
Long term relationships they still feel for, short term relationships they misjudged and flings.
Maybe the forth category of "years being single" is worth considering in women too.
If you don't want to be a fling yourself, a girl who have a (lot of) flings is a bad sign and can disqualify them as a potential partner.
Long term relationships are easier to forgive in my book as finding someone who never had any relationships means I have to live alone for the rest of my life.
If they're in a relationship or have voluntarily turned down sex aren't they no longer incels
*swat* *swat*
go back to your containment board, Jow Forums
*swat*
>you can either be group A or an ASSHOLE PIECE OF SHIT DINOSAUR
Hmm....I'm not sure conspiracy theorist but stuff like this really jogs the noggin'
Alright OP, big question. Flip the chessboard around.
Let's say you end up breaking up with this girl after having sex. You've come to the conclusion that she never gave a shit about you, yet you already fucked her. You can't take that back. You find someone new, she's a virgin. WOO HOO. Right?
Well, she's in the same boat as you now. She doesn't like the fact that you've been with someone else already. Should she leave you and find someone who's a virgin too?
We do have sex. It doesn't help. nothing stops the traumatic images of her being fucked by some random dude from popping into my head every so often. I think its degrading, and embarassing. To think of her as potentially being my wife and mother of my children? Horrifying in all honesty, id rather die alone unironically. Like I said its an emotional thing, its not about my views or beliefs. its a matter of whats actually happened in reality, where past present and future are intertwined
I'm angry that she freely gave her body to be used to the pleasure of some guy, when she did not expect more before doing so. she literally banged a guy a week after meeting him on tinder. Of course she has the right to do this, and she says I make her feel special, but because of her past, it makes me feel like ill never be special to her
You guys keep saying this but it's still not the same situation. It would only be the same if op actually did go on to have a bunch of flings in between meeting this virgin girl. I really don't think op is complaining about a girl who had sex with one other person while in a long term relationship
The word doesn't mean anything anymore.
Everyone who isn't currently getting laid, but want to one day is an incel now.
Basically all men.
your argument is null because women dont care about men's past. this is objectively true
It does sound like an emotional problem, OP, and I honestly think you need some counseling. Just to talk about it openly with a neutral person and sort out your own feeling and come out with a positive course of action. It sounds like you have a good relationship going on, and it'd be a shame to let it die due to this.
You wanna know why it's different ? Because despite the feel good shit we were all raised on there ARE gender differences.
But more importantly
This.
>What you're experiencing is, at its core, jealousy
I'm not op, but I'm in a similar situation. I didn't I put sex on pedestal, or at least I don't think I did. It wasn't ever something that was important to me, it was just another thing I've never done. But now I'm realizing I'm jealous. I'm not going to be my partner's first anything and it kind of hurts. How do I get over these feelings?
Seconding this. Intrusive thoughts that make you feel intense emotions and ruin your day are signs of mental illness. You really need some help.
t. bipolar with a lot of experience
I love how whenever we have these threads it's always yelling at op for feeling a certain way and having wrong think and turns into "incels and r9k" vs. "Roasties and white Knights "
So absurd on both sides. What if instead of immediately turning into a pissing contest we heard OP out and worked through it and help him make the call by using personal anecdotes and making this a pleasant conversation . Did this really have to turn into a philosophical debate ?
Because the only actual legitimate advice for any problem in a relationship posted here is to talk to your S/O in an open, honest, and productive manner. That's it.
Because wanting someone to "suffer consequences" for having sex with someone else besides you before they even knew you existed IS psychotic wrong think.
You dont, they will always be there. the only solution is to bang other girls. its literally THE only solution that I can possibly thing of
In an argument opinions strengthen and become more judgemental to become effective weapons .
The people who violently reacted to OP'S sentiment put sex on as high as pedestal as people who take being virgins so personally
I dont want her to suffer anything, but were clearly not on the same level
>girl gets to fuck around her youth and ride the cock carousel
>still gets to have a loyal BF who treats her like a princess even though shes sucked random dicks and has been degraded in numerous ways
meanwhile
>guy who never had sex before because hes a guy who has to actively try and be attractive, whereas women just have to stand there
>finally gets gf but shes already had her fun with other guys
>guy is still expected to be loyal perfect bf
is there not a disparity here? I know its not a contest but when two people are clearly have difference in experience it leads to problems
picture very related
piss off faggot
>banged tinder guy a week after meeting him
ew. alright then, starting to see your side on this much more clearly. why'd you start dating her in the first place??
What are you asking her to do? What is it you want to do that this controlling shrew is stopping you from doing?
>is there not a disparity here?
Only if you have a victim complex.
>ew. alright then, starting to see your side on this much more clearly. why'd you start dating her in the first place??
I like her and she liked me. The stuff about her past didn't come up untill a few weeks in. At the time, I basically ignored it. As I grew to be more and more in love with her and more attached to her, the things she did in her past hurt more and more. If we were just FwB i wouldnt care, but we're close, and I feel like this is causing an tension between us (and she has no idea)
You're logic is bullshit and sexist. Should you be judged by the amount of women you slept with before her? If she had your issue over that, would you think it was a reasonable one?
I dont know what im asking. basically is it healthy for me to even be in this relationship
>You're logic is bullshit and sexist. Should you be judged by the amount of women you slept with before her?
women see it as a positive thing if youve slept with other girls. it means you are Normie and wanted by other girls. girls are extremely competitive
He was a virgin. There's no sexism
This x100
You're not going to find a solution, OP. You value sex too much to look past it. You can't even see a future with her. That's trouble, my friend.
If you love her, you'll accept both her positives and the negatives. If you can't do that, leave her. That's it.
I'd suggest counseling if the latter isn't an option. So far there's been plenty of nice anons who try to put it into perspective for you so you can live a happy life with her. Those who think that her past does matter or agree with you have yet to provide a solution that keeps you with your girlfriend.
If counseling isn't an option, try talking to her. Reassure yourself that she loves you and only you.
I'm female and my first boyfriend has had previous girlfriends. Sorry I should have been more clear.
There really is no way I can get over my feelings?
Stop prowling around Elementary Schools
like hell we don't
gotcha. you know you need to broach this subject with her, right? and sooner rather than later. non-communication is how people with no ill intentions destroy each other regardless
Did you lose your virginity to him?
If its any consolation, sex is less emotionally engaging for men than it is for women. Its a lot easier for a guy to stick his dick in something and feel no emotional attachment whatsoever
you twats always get this wrong
You do, but you need to sort out your feelings in a healthy way, and here is not the place nor the people to help you. I'm , please consider counseling as a way to solve this.
You may have lost the opportunity to take his virginity. You'll just have to learn to accept this. Don't lose hope, there's still plenty of things you can do with him that he has yet to do. This goes beyond sex. Ask him if there's anything he hasn't done, this could involve sex but it doesn't have to. Sex isn't everything.
You'll learn how to deal with this in time. I promise you. Keep showing him love and you'll definitely find something neither of you two has done.
In that case break up with her. If he sees virginity as being that big of a deal then this relationship was never for him in the first place. He needs to get with another virgin.
>Someone who doesn't have to suffer for their past
AKA she should suffer because she had sex with people?
>Someone who gave their pussy freely to men who didn't even care about her.
Yet men who give their dick to women suffer no such stigma. How can you say this isn't sexist? But besides the blatant sexism, it's also pathetic and whiney as fuck.
there is saying If 1 key can unlock all doors its magical if 1 door can be unlocked by many keys its broken and useless
on the side, im at this situation too OP,im just searching for a way to get rid of her that emotion will be less powerful over time just stop giving a f uck about them threat them as animals and lock your soul thats my conclusion as of now ive spent over 2 years of brainstorming
I like when people jump to this argument as if these thoughts are connected
I think guys who sleep around are just as scummy as girls who sleep around. No sexism
So if a guy slept around you would talk about him in the exact same way? Look down upon him in the exact same way? Talk about how he never suffered for "his past" in the exact same way?
I've no grounds to contradict you, it isn't like I'll ever know. I highly doubt it though.
>flip the chessboard
We /seacats/ now
Women who sleep around are gross to men. Men who sleep around tend to attract more women.
It's easier for a woman to have sex than a man in almost all circumstances.
Reality is biased.
Not yet, but he has been many of my firsts. I had very little experience before dating him. I don't want to be ugly, but when he kisses me, the back of my mind thinks about other girls he has done this with. I really like him and I know he likes me, I'm just being lame and insecure.
Men who sleep around are not more attractive to women. I don't know why so many people on here think that, and think they have it all figured out. Women think differently, the same way men do. Some will think it's gross as fuck you slept around. Others will think "he won't make a good bf because I couldn't trust him" -the same way a lot of men would think in the same situation.
Then there would be some who for whatever reason prefer men who sleep around. It's by no means an established across the board rule. In fact from what I've seen its a minority of women who think that way.
This. I've had to turn down quite a few manwhores, even if they were pretty.
Virgin male here. When I hear other men talk about how many girls they fucked I honestly think it's pathetic and gross.
You don't have to do any of that shit, you're free to be a MGTOW or incel or red pill crusader or whatever you want. You don't have to accept a girl who's had sex before.
>she gave her pussy freely
the fact that you view her as like some sort of hostage negotiation gone wrong shows how much you value meme virginity over an actual person.
>feeling a certain way
He feels like she owes him, he feels betrayed by things she did before she ever met him and knew he existed. That's autistic and selfish and textbook incel.
If she cant give u her virginity there is no point to waste time with her i mean u can just call whores whenever u want and pay for cooking and cleaning so basicly all the + of having releshionship is to get something that u cant otherwise
so fucked=whore no otherway around it
Although I respect people who have solid albeit traditional convictions, I much more respect people who can adapt to the changing times through introspection. It means the individual in question has a strong ego, and can live peacefully following their own ideals with other people following theirs. After all, we're only talking about ideas, past events, opinions etc...none of these things are tangible, so feeling threatened or offended is a bit silly no?
Either way when it comes to sexuality this site leans conservative so it will be difficult to get the point across effectively.
1) It seems like you dont want to fully commit because your girl doesnt meet your expectations. Are you saying that your commitment depends on your partner? If so, do you take no personal responsibility for how you feel about another person?
2) For some reason women are always described as giving out their pussy, or giving themselves to men, or giving it up...sex is never an action done BY them, its done TO them. Do you believe in womens autonomy? Do you think they dont have a choice in what they do? Aka they are passive or reactionary?
3) Does everyone need to suffer equally? Or simply, as bad as youve suffered? What do you do if someone has suffered worse than you? I apologize if youve suffered for your choices, but why does she have to, if it were not to make you feel better?
It is one thing to lead a quiet life and have a low count. It is entirely something else if you find non followers disgusting, inferior, stupid, undeserving of love, etc. Start with answering these questions for yourself