I have very powerful feelings and toughts that are controlling my life that i need to discuss with someone but...

i have very powerful feelings and toughts that are controlling my life that i need to discuss with someone but whenenver i open up about them everyone runs away

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Tell them annon, i'm all hear

i was abused as a kid by my alcoholic parents because my dad was unhappy and had unresolved issues and wanted someone to blame and my mom didnt want to deal with him at all so she used me as a target so she could get away safe
Every kid is born with potential, thats everything kids are, i never amounted to anything and its because i was robbed of my potential by them, we where well off and otherwise i would have gotten a completely average childhood at worst
I still have some potential and i still have time and i still can do things but why should i settle for that? i could have been much more, but now i cant
people keep telling me i should change my ways and work hard while i can because otherwise i will have nothing but maybe i will rather have nothing than get left with what little i can obtain now, i already attempted suicide once, i was 20 and depressed and i did it because i thought i ruined my life, i know better now but my life is still ruined so what has really changed? im still stuck in the same shitty situation and nobody has a better answer to give me

Get a therapist. They can't run away.

i had therapysts run away from me

Dont dwell on the past like that, most people walk behind in life.

Just squeeze the lemons you have, haha or something like that.

Make sure you need to resolve your issues tho, cause it do sound like that

>Dont dwell on the past like that
im not dwelling on the past, im mourning the death of what could have been
if i cant find a better answer than work hard so you can have anything at all im going to choose nothing, i have been chosing nothing over and over again, going back and forth never seriously committing to anything and im tired of that and its about time i make a choice

This is just not a smart way to think, atleast not this obsessively.

Ask yourself, what does it brings you?

>This is just not a smart way to think
elaborate
people think im lazy but im not, i often choose to work hard and do so for a couple months before taking it all back because i decided against it
i know i have it in me to work all day and even sleep only 5 hours at night to keep working because i have done so in the past
im not lazy, i dont have a reason to do anything, i wasnt strong enough to take my potential by force as a kid and i cant go back and do it now
>what does it brings you?
i need an answer, i need a reason to do things, if you never got suck like this and you never felt the need to stop and question yourself then that probably means that you have a very good reason to do what you do

Hmmm, so you need a really good reason to still do something with your potential?

i dont have enough potential to do anything great and i dont want to work very hard for very little
It would be a different thing if it was my fault like if i committed a crime and went to jail, then at least i would deserve this shitty situation but i dont
If i have to settle for a lesser life than the life i could have obtained myself because otherwise i wont have anything then i choose to not have anything, even if i do so out of resentment or spite, life as it is right now is not worth it for me

i need a better reason

Well your potential is unlimited.

I see potential mainly as skills, you can build up skills to build up your potential

This is exactly the sort of thing shrinks are really good at helping people with. A therapist/counselor will help you sort out your jumble of thoughts and feelings, and move forward.

>Well your potential is unlimited.
i can write you a list of 100 things that are impossible for me to do out of the top of my head

>This is exactly the sort of thing shrinks are really good at helping people with

Well it still isn't limited, or can be depleted. that's simply not true, unless youre getting really old

>Well it still isn't limited
>there are things you cant do
>those arent limits
thats exactly what a limit is

I still dont believe but okay.

Anyways I also suggest a therapist. Because I suck with help you :D
I've ADD, and had some sucky therapists aswell. It's actually quiet normal.
One of therapist seems to get pissed of if I would've told my entire situation.

You don't care about your life?

Then do whatever the fuck you want!
You got nothing to lose, but everything to win.

The world is your oyster!
Go hard hard into dept,
Snort some bad cocain of a hookers ass.
Just be like fucking charlie sheen.

Or try to do something meaningful, who the fuck cares?

If everything goes to shit you can still call is a day and kys

i dont care about my life because i dont have the potential to do anything like that

You don't have the potential to get money from a loanshark snort cocain and fuck a hooker? Are you stephen hawking?