Hi adv

Not him, but how is it so impossible for someone to be feeling lonley and unfulfilled at 36?

Thanks. Im not lying about my age. Appreciate your help. Thanks for pushing me closer to killing myself.

Don’t kill yourself. Go see a therapists, they can help you.

You know, Anthony Bourdain killed himself just a few weeks ago. He was lonley too. He felt worthless and miserable. But he really touched a lot of peoples lives that he didn’t even know. People all around the world moarned his death. Most didn’t even know him personally. I felt sad too. It just goes to show, even you user can impact another person’s life. Just by being a good human you’re leaving impressions on people everyday. Be the best human you can be.

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Op here just wanted to thank you guys for the advice. Just being heard at this point means a lot.

To the trolls: i guess i cant expect Jow Forums and adv to be the most sympathetic bunch. But the edgy comment you make for the lulz can really hurt people who are going through a lot. Just keep that in mind when you comment.

im older than 36...
>>everybody hates their job: nothing new there...
>>why do you give shit that your family shunned you? are you amish?

your thoughts are becomming real because you dwell on it you REALLY NEED a vacation. its not always to tropical island. just anything that takes your mind away. even if its a book/magazine or a project like pic related.

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also not him but just strikes me as an edgelord teen with muh depression isn't real shit and when you're grown up all your problems go away, lmao. imagine being that naive.

>Men die by suicide 3.53x more often than women.
>On average, there are 123 suicides per day.
>White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2016.
>Firearms account for 51% of all suicides in 2016.
>The rate of suicide is highest in middle age — white men in particular.

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gots a story for you:
>>guy decides he wants to kill himself
>>got the gun, rope, pills, high ass bridge.
>>fired the gun, swallowed the pills, and took a big jump.
>>gun shot through the rope
>>when he hit freezing water vomitted up the pills...

and the fuckers still alive.

He wasn't lonely, he was in the middle of filming a project. It goes into conspiracy here, but he knew and wanted to say something about Harvey Weinstein, because his wife was a victim. Along with the Kate Spade suicide, I've heard it was connected. I didn't think much about it until Bourdain "suicided" and Adam Spade had a mouse mask on, symbolizing what happens when you rat. The fashion industry is just as heavy, if not heavier with perverts as the film business. Something is really going on behind the scenes, but I digress.

What field do you work? Do you think you can easily change pace/industry/location easily?

Op here again. To the user that asked. No ive never been to a psychiatrist. Never been on any kind of medication. I was having heart palpitations and my doctor said i should probably be on antidepressants. I lost my dad and both my dogs in a really short period.

Losing my dad fucked me up good. He had a heart attack and i ended up being the one giving him cpr waiting for the ambulance while he was fucking frothing at the mouth. I feel like it was my fault for not calling the ambulance sooner. I take huge reaponsibility for him dying. It basically destroyed my whole fucking reality. All my dreams effectively died when he did

Since you haven't made any mention of this, I would start with a therapist. It sounds like you have a lot to unpack and you don't have anyone to talk to right now. Aside from that, you have to leave you job.

At this point I wouldn't say anti-depressants would be a bad idea, but therapy is a must at the very least. You can't fight the whole battle in your own head and keep spinning your wheels.

Op here, heheh your story made me chuckle thanks you old cunt

I guess we wrote at the same time.

See

Yeah that is some severe trauma that you are going to need some professional help and/or support groups. Guilt is normal to feel even when you're not truly at fault for anything when an unexpected death like this occurs.

I would start here:
griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html
>"Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin."

Did you vote Trump?

anytime. cunts like me have baggage too.
had a real good buddy who died of bowel cancer.

went downhill real fast worst bit was when he was going in remission was when he died. that was a year ago now...
unexpected death hits some harder than others.
its how you deal with it that makes you a bigger person. as one of my other buddies said:
>>you can cry, scream etc do what you need to do then go back to work because no matter what you do or say you cant bring them back.
it pissed me off at the time he said it. but he is right.

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If you're boss truly is sociopathic, kill him first. At least you'll be doing the world some kind of service on the way out.

im 35 and have it worse than you faggot. There is always someone that has it worse than you.

Did they tell you which vessel was obstructed and/or how much it was obstructed? How long was it between the time you found him and your call, and how long did it take the ambulance to arrive? Was he already frothing at the mouth when you found him?

Go for what you want man, it is really difficult to feel like you are worth anything, if you aren't doing anything that feels worthy. even if you are doing something worth while, it might not feel like it. save some money then join some heroic profession. best of luck

There are so many fucked men on the other end of the spectrum.
Fucked marriages, child support, crazy baby mamas that would give anything to be in your shoes.
You can fill your void with dream vacations, escorts, drugs, hobbies, skydiving, and the list is endless. Meanwhile they are stuck with a ball and chain of a mortgage, family, and car payment. Your not the only miserable one trust me but your attitude needs some help to deal with that misery. Pretend you fucking killed yourself and build a new life for yourself; it wont be a one day thing but aim for something you want and if you want nothing aim for something completely opposite so you can get out of the shell imprisoned in. Your attitude and life lead you to this point where your considering life isnt worth living; stepping out of that mind set might change your attitude. Look at what you have not what you dont.

Its all in the death certificate but i dont look at it too often. We were in a hotel room and he started complaining about feeling warm. I was like r u ok, he was like yeah im ok, but he wasnt getting better. At a certain point he said yes call the ambulance, but at that point it was too late. When he got to the ground floor of the hotel he basically shut down. Eyes were rolling to the back of his head and shit. Froth coming out his mouth blood coming out his nose. Ambulance came, put him on the stretcher, started doing cpr. Followed the ambulance to the hospital. When they open the ambulance door i saw the big nurse guy still doing cpr.

At that point i thought, im really going to lose my dad tonight. And thats exactly what happened. Black preacher ended up singing amazing grace in the er room. I slipped his watch off and me and my mom went back to the hotel room crying the whole way there.

just remember this
>>the light at the end of the tunnel isnt always a train.
the darkness comes before the light: so if your gonna steal the neighbours milk n paper thats the time to do it.
>>no matter your age, your never too old to make a new friend.

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If you're gonna kill yourself you need to go out with a bang and gun down as many people as you can. Then you can kill yourself.

Your brain is fried with shitty thoughts. Very hard to get back to positive and normal mode.

The shitty advice I give you are.
1- Try out a few new hobbies after work.
2- Write better C.V and look for better job.
3- Move to a new better apartment, closer to friends and family.
4- meditate and exercise regularly to keep your brain chemical functioning.
5- plan a 2 day vacation every month for 6 month, and take photos.
6- get back on social media, take interest in other people's life, and make your life interesting with some new photos every week.
7- write some crap about how your life sucks on paper. Read them a week later or a month later WHEN you are feeling happy. See how different you feel.
8- Reward yourself for new habits in your lifestyle.
9- Goto bed early and wake up early for a week, and write down some goals, see if that helps.
10- Watch motivational youtube everyday for 30 days and quit it after you gained self-motivation.
11- Get in better body shape, buy better cloth to take photos in. If you still feel depressed at least look like a million bucks. People react better to well groomed and dressed depressed guy.

Take a shit in your boss' ventilation

Op here. Another big thing. I dont sleep. Its 350 am and im looking at my thread on adv. I feel beyond tired. Im completely exhausted, drained beyond belief. I havent felt well rested in what feels like years.

Even just advice on how the fuck to get a good nights sleep would be amazing.

Between the bullshit that ive gone through, the shitty job, the shitty boss, the shitty colleagues, the loneliness, the isolation, and the exhaustion, my body and mind are just shutting down.

Then there's really no reason that the blame should be put on you at all. Feeling warm could've meant so many things. You had no reason to believe it was a heart attack at that point.
Even a trained professional might not have seen it coming right then.
You called the ambulance as soon as the heart attack became apparent and gave CPR.
Watching someone who you care about die gives an incredibly helpless feeling. I know from experience as well.
Like yourself, I thought there should have been something I could have thought of to save him. It was like all of the time that I spent studying (bio/pre-med) meant nothing when it came down to it.
Some things are completely out of our control, and our best won't be good enough. You can't blame yourself for something out of your control.

All of this wouldn't have happened if you had bought bitcoins when they were still cheap. Now you would be a millionaire rather than working for some asshole.

Just get into investing and look for the next big opportunity. You have to either escape the rat race or die in the attempt. Killing yourself is not the answer; struggle until the very end. But you can't be a passive defeatist, you've got to struggle.

Either go buy a gun and get on with it, or dedicate your life to transforming your life into something that you want it to be.

Stop being mediocre. Make a fucking decision.