My husband has a drug problem. He got it under control for many months...

Well he has the option of coming home and getting his stuff. Why the hell do i have to put up with this? If his health is so important, why is he out doing coke in the first place
Instead of taking his shot like He needs to? I have to be his parent at all
Times, and I'm sick of it.

>Why the hell do i have to put up with this
you dont. leave him. why the hell do you have to throw out his meds?
> If his health is so important, why is he out doing coke in the first place
because cocaine is addictive and what he needs is counseling, or possibly a different wife
> I have to be his parent at all Times, and I'm sick of it.
no you dont. its very clear you and your husband are in a co-dependant relationship and you are enabling his drug habits.
leave him. dont throw out his meds, leave him.
if you have a job move somewhere else and take your stuff with you and leave his.
if he is the working one then move in with family and take your stuff.
your being as childish as he is.

No he has exzema.
He wouldn't even remember to shoot his medicine if I didn't keep track for him. He pulled the stupid "I have to go to walgreens" game he always does, texts me asking if I want anything while he's gone. Remind him he needs to get back and take
His shot.
He disappears and stops answering phone/responding for 3 hours Bc he's off doing coke with some ghetto trash.

I told him to fucking pull his head together and call me or I'm going to just trash the meds. He is too high, can't. It's a fucking weeknight, we have kids, I have to monitor him like a fucking teenager. I can't keep doing this shit.
He needs to feel some pain for his shitty life choices before it's real pain like losing his job or gettting arrested.

It's MY HOUSE in MY NAME. So no, I am not packing up my shit and leaving. I will file for divorce and evict him, but that's a long process. If he doesn't start feeling small repercussions, he's going to feel BIG repurcussions that go behind his skin getting all itchy and irritated for a month. You think they are going to bring him his fucking eczema shots when he's lost his health insurance and is in jail?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
>He needs to feel some pain for his shitty life choices before it's real pain like losing his job or gettting arrested.
your not helping anything like you think you are, you are causing added stress and making more of a reason for him to not want to be at home and go out and get high. you are not helping him at all like this.
>It's MY HOUSE in MY NAME.
perfect. tell him he's not welcome back anymore and he can come get his shit.
give him 30 days or whatever your state requires to remove someone from a property

Call the police and report that he will be arriving home under the influence. That gives you a documented legal basis for divorce.

this is good idea to: be the better person in this situation.
by allowing him to stick around, and doing vindictive things to 'get back at him' or 'make him think twice' you are only making the situation worse.
you are literally enabling him and his habbits by keeping him around.
the longer you keep him around and play these stupid games with him the more it will affect the kids.

Listen, you are not going to turn your husband around through these vindictive punishments. It sounds like deep down you are trying to help but he's making the wrong choices that will destroy a family. He's too selfish and addicted to be responsible. Leaving him will teach him all the lessons he needs but will probably make him gun for the drugs harder. This isn't your problem though. You have your children to take care of.

Does it really?
He will probably assault me soon. Whenever he is coming down from drugs he gets aggressive. I'm pretty sure being married though it takes more than 30 days to evict. He's got a right to live in my house until the divorce is finalized, I would imagine. Unless I got a TPO for him assaulting me or being a danger.

Look, he cleaned up.
He ran into a friend. I told him he should delete that persons number and cut contact. I told him he wasn't strong enough yet to make the right decisions. He fucked up. It took 2 weeks for him to go back to drugs.

We have been working very hard the past few months to restore a relationship completely destroyed by drugs. To rebuild trust and intimacy. I can't keep going through this. Just becsue I am a woman, everything is my fault and I am
A bad wife by default. I've been through a lot. It's more than "he's an addict." He has made a choice to betray me and betray his children by driving over to some ghetto, giving some ghetto ass dude his money, and then sitting in a car and getting High. He will be lucky to make it to work and not get fired tomorrow. What kind of example is he to our kids? What kind of husband is he? Our continuing to stay together was premised on the fact that he was clean and was going To stay clean.

I just can't stand the fact that he will fuck his entire life up and never amount to anything if we seperate. He is way too weak. He will lose his job within a month, probably move back in with his parents. Sleep on the couch.

But he will still be the father of our kids. And that hurts. To have my kids grow up seeing their father be such a fucking loser.

It also hurts becaue in recent weeks, I actually felt like I trusted him again. After 7 years of sadness, I felt like I trusted him and things would work.

>He will probably assault me soon. Whenever he is coming down from drugs he gets aggressive
that definately does. leave your phone recording audio and dont tell him.
as soon as hes done go outside and call police with your audio recording.
>I can't keep going through this
then dont. its really that simple.
>I've been through a lot. It's more than "he's an addict." He has made a choice to betray me and betray his children by driving over to some ghetto, giving some ghetto ass dude his money, and then sitting in a car and getting High. He will be lucky to make it to work and not get fired tomorrow. What kind of example is he to our kids? What kind of husband is he? Our continuing to stay together was premised on the fact that he was clean and was going To stay clean.
literally everything youve said right now means you should leave him.
man the fuck up and leave him.
do whatever you need to get him out of your life.
your playing the 'victim' in all of this when you should be taking control of the situation and getting him out of your life

>I just can't stand the fact that he will fuck his entire life up and never amount to anything if we seperate
sounds like hes doing that now, only hes bringing you and the family down with him, doesnt it?
>He is way too weak
leave him
>He will lose his job within a month, probably move back in with his parents
leave him
>To have my kids grow up seeing their father be such a fucking loser.
leave him
>t also hurts becaue in recent weeks, I actually felt like I trusted him again
leave him

the answer is staring you in the fucking face, grow a pair and do it.

I've been in touch with a boyfriend from college for a long time who is doing well. We both miss each other and have a deep connection, but I haven't pursued anything because I'm married and don't cheat. I guess it's time to stop being the good girl when my husband is acting like such a piece of trash.

>I've been in touch with a boyfriend from college for a long time who is doing well. We both miss each other and have a deep connection
this is good
>but I haven't pursued anything because I'm married and don't cheat
this is also very good
>I guess it's time to stop being the good girl when my husband is acting like such a piece of trash.
holy shit, no you fucking vindictive bitch! LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND. dont have the kids deal with a drug addict dad and a mommy whos a whore.
LEAVE YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND AND THEN GET WITH THE GUY FROM COLLEGE.

Do it in that fucking order. Stop being vindictive. this is borderline insanity what you are suggesting, it wont fix anything it will only make everything worse on everyone involved

If you're going to divorce, just do it, but it sounds like you really did try to help him. Some people just don't change.
Until the divorce is finalized, don't do anything that will make you look bad, like tossing his meds or seeing another guy. Yes, it will seem unfair that your ex is doing what he wants, but make sure the kids are ok and don't drag another guy into it.

>I've been in touch with a boyfriend from college for a long time who is doing well. We both miss each other and have a deep connection, but I haven't pursued anything because I'm married and don't cheat. I guess it's time to stop being the good girl when my husband is acting like such a piece of trash.
from reading this right here, you and your husband are perfect for each other. for every dumb thing one of you does, the other one cant wait to make an even dumber move

Well he probably won't leave unless I fuck someone else. He tells me that all the time.

Isn't it funny though how ghetto black people will always try to fuck a white person up? This "old friend" knows my husband has drug problems and has been staying clean. Yet he almost immediately reintroduces him to drugs.

They like to spread their degenerate broken Home lifestyle.

are you, like, retarded?
once again and slowly:
you two are married
marriage is sort of agreement that you will both behave in a certain way toward each other
he has clearly broken his part of agreement, which enables you to break your part. You're thus free to break the marriage, your house or not I truly give less than zero fucks about it.
However you're still obliged to keep to normal human decency. Breaking his thing, throwing his things away, threatening his health, making him lose money/social status/friends is breaking this obligation.
Can you see the difference?
you are not entitled to become a shitty person because he gave up to his addiction. If you're not willing to help him in an obviously problematic situation he got into it's all right. If you really gave him the ultimatum earlier, it's understandable. If this is your excuse to do equally shitty things, fucking reconsider your life.

cheating on your husband is not going to make him stop doing cocaine.
you are literally only wanting to do this because you want to make him feel as bad as you feel.
stop playing this stupid tit-for-tat game and get him out of your life.
if you are *actually* interested in your ex and not just pursuing him to get even with your husband then just wait until the hubby is out of the house.
tell him he is no longer welcome, change the locks, and allow him to pick up his things.

your first priority is to get him out of your life.
at that point pursue other relations.

but of course if you want to see this ex just to get even with him, then your making the worst decision possible.

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>Well he probably won't leave unless I fuck someone else. He tells me that all the time.
now your trying to use him as your excuse. stop it.
your name is on the house.
not his.
evict him. give him formal written notice he must clear the premises within 30 days.
then fuck whoever you want.
dont let daddy be a drug addict and mommy be a whore.
your just making your family even more fucked up if you cheat on your husband.

>cheating on your husband is not going to make him stop doing cocaine.
this for a new Jow Forums banner

>he has clearly broken his part of agreement, which enables you to break your part. You're thus free to break the marriage
this
>However you're still obliged to keep to normal human decency.
this.
> Breaking his thing, throwing his things away, threatening his health, making him lose money/social status/friends is breaking this obligation.
>you are not entitled to become a shitty person because he gave up to his addiction
this
>If this is your excuse to do equally shitty things, fucking reconsider your life.
this

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checked and wrecked

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Fine.
I agree. Yes. I am angry right now. I've stuck with this man through hell. Finally, life seemed to be going well. His personality was coming back. We have been happy. This blind sighted me and now is keeping me up all night in stress.

No, I haven't been talking to the ex though just to get revenge or something. I genuinely care about him. He shares my interests, my intellect, has a career that is going well. We have a lot to share, and I long for him a lot. Especially in times like this, I long for the normalcy of a decent white man who went to college and isn't addicted to drugs and can advance in life and career and be reliable and predictable.

My husband and I have great sex, or at least we did. That was part of why I deluded myself to stay around through all his billshit. The longer the drug problem went on, the worse the sex got. The past few years have been mostly awful with a smattering of good days. I just can't really get wet for him. He went to rehab last year, and the past few months we have been working actively on our relationship. The past few weeks, we were back to that mindblowing, amazing sex. But it's gone now. I need to trust and respect my partner, and he broke that trust. He also knows that I plan to leave if he does this one more time, but that didn't even slow him down. The worst part is, this all happened in THE EXACT SAME WAY. He didn't change up a damn thing. "I need to refill a prescription." Leaves house. I text an hour later, everything ok? "oh yeah, just looking for soap. You need anything on my way back?" Then nothing for hours. Now his phone is off. He'll be lucky to get to work tomorrow. He's sitting somewhere literally so geeked up he can't even communicate or get himself
Home and into bed.

I honestly wish he would fuxking kill himself.

Just face the truth of the matter head on:
he has breached trust, and is no longer worthy of you.
make him leave and move back in with his parents.
this will go MUCH MUCH further to help him clear his head than will cheating on him, damaging his things, or just having him come home to a stressful environment.

there is only one clearly good choice here, and it is tough but you need to do it.

im glad Dr Pepe, MD could talk some sense into you.
as soon as you get your husband out of your life, you will be able to think clearer about things and make more rational decisions.
maybe you will want to stay single for a while, maybe you will just want to get laid once or twice, or maybe you will be ready to move on altogether.
you just need to put your foot down and let him know that a drug addict cant live in the house.
you dont even need to bring up the word 'divorce' or anything like that. just 'no drug addicts in the house'... maybe some time at his parents will clear his mind, and it will definately give you time to think about things.

so now that thats out of the way...
>mindblowing, amazing sex
what are you into?

It just fucking sucks.

Anyway, unfortunately the medicine is already in the trash can so I guess he'll just have to get it whenever he manages to get home and hope it's still good.

I won't do anything else vindictive though.

I prefer tantric sex, but again, that requires either total anonymity or else deep trust.

I used to be a super sub, but nowadays I just like great sex and don't need all the power play.

>It just fucking sucks.
i totally agree, it really does suck and its horrible he put you in this position.
>nyway, unfortunately the medicine is already in the trash can so I guess he'll just have to get it whenever he manages to get home and hope it's still good.
you could try to get it out for him... but i guess whats done is done.
>I won't do anything else vindictive though.
this is 100% the best choice you can make in this situation.
look out for what is most important in your life, you, your children and your house.
making your husband angry is not a priority whatsoever.

>I prefer tantric sex, but again, that requires either total anonymity or else deep trust.
>I used to be a super sub, but nowadays I just like great sex and don't need all the power play.
thats pretty hot...
i could see why sex would be bad with someone on cocaine for someone like you, i would assume they are a lot more rough in bed and just want the end result rather than the experience.

dont let your sub personality come out too strong in life, because sometimes it will end up in passive aggressive/vindictive behavior in life, when instead you should be the one taking control of the situation and handling business.

im glad you know what you need to do now, the next step is to actually make it happen which will be even tougher than just talking about it on an inuit basket weaving form

OP, as a person with addicts in their family.. cut them off before they drain your life. Don't trap yourself with a manipulative douchebag

Actually, although it may sound counterintuitive, with a cocaine addict --- he actually does so much coke he can't have sex. He usually geeks out and flees.

This isn't normal, snort a line or two and get wild coke use. This is drive over to the ghetto, snort a bag, sit in your car all night paralyzed feeling like shit coke use.

I just feel sad.
I thought he was coming home to watch television and bringing some snacks. The kids had just gone to bed. I thought we were going to snuggle and have sex and be asleep by now.
I wake up early. I'm going to be tired and upset all day tomorrow. I'm crying now. I feel bad about putting the stuff in the trash can, but it's really dark out now and there are all sorts of bugs and spiders and it's deep so I have to tip the whole trash can over to get it out.

I just want to be able to fall asleep but I feel too sad and nervous.

I usually end up getting sick after these episodes. My immune system goes down and I get a cold for a few days. It suxks.

>he actually does so much coke he can't have sex
no it makes perfect sense.
generally when one is under the influence of a stimulant its hard to maintain an erection. >This is drive over to the ghetto, snort a bag, sit in your car all night paralyzed feeling like shit coke use.
what is happening is he doesnt want to come home. he has nowhere to 'go wild' and he knows he cant go home

Then why the fuck do it in the first place?

I mean, I don't like coke at all, but there are several options:
1) come home and show me you can do a line or two while I drink a beer and chill (he can't though, he once tried and he still flipped his shit, left the house, and walked the streets for hours)
2) buy it, come home, wait til I fall asleep, then geek out downstairs.

I mean, why the hell do you spend money to do a drug alone in your car on a Wednesday night? I don't get it.

And now I am up and can't sleep because I'm so worried about him and what is going on and if he is okay. I mean, I always wonder what if a police officer happens to swing by and sees him geeking out and he gets arrested? A lot of time he drives around for hours, wasting gas. There is the potential for arrest or for a car accident. So I'll end up getting no sleep tonight. It's not fair.

>Then why the fuck do it in the first place?
addictive personality, and that is his drug of choice apparantly.
>I mean, why the hell do you spend money to do a drug alone in your car on a Wednesday night? I don't get it.
he likely does not want to be around you or the kids when hes high because he probably feels guilty on the inside.
hes not doing it out of rational thought, hes doing it because of drug-seeking impulses.
but in all reality, would you really want your husband doing coke at home with the kids there and having them see him crashing when they wake up in the morning?

its tough, but if you follow thru with what has been suggested things will start to get better.
your hubby may even straighten out his life.
but im glad i was at least able to talk some sense into you. i normally spend my days shilling on /news/ and berating people for not using Linux on Jow Forums, and generally lower the overall standard of public discourse.
i think this is the first time i tried to help someone on an anonymous chinese book reading forum

>So I'll end up getting no sleep tonight. It's not fair.
you are MAKING YOURSELF lose sleep and then you're blaming him for it. It's not fair.

>you are MAKING YOURSELF lose sleep and then you're blaming him for it.
in all fairness, without putting the blame on anyone, she probably cant control her sleep habits when shes genuinely worried about someone like this.

>Just becsue I am a woman

I'm actually another woman who experienced abuse from a drug addicted boyfriend when I was being a stupid piece of shit but i just wanted to stop in and say dayyyyumn how stupid can one bitch be? Because you're fucking going for the gold you twat.

you don't need this stress, cut him out until hes clean and keep his balls on a leash.

That's the codependency I guess. But yes, it is in fact tremendously challenging for me to fall asleep when I have no idea when my spouse is going to come home, if he will come home, what state he will be in, if he will go to work tomorrow or end up staying home being sick and aggressive putting his job in jeopardy. It just makes my mind feel too racy to sleep. And I blame him because if he didn't go out and do this, I would be asleep already for sure.

I'm not claiming otherwise. Still, she cant blame him for her own actions

>Still, she cant blame him for her own actions
checked
oh i totally agree

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Going for the gold with what?

doesnt matter. just pick something in life and go hard... job, money, kids, revenge, cocaine... find something you love and go for it hard as a mufucka

and if he didn't give you a massage, would you blame him for your back pain?
get in touch with reality ffs

That doesn't even make sense.......
I'm talking about an action committed not omitted. If someone ate all the food in the fridge and you said "dang, I'm hungry and it's not fair you at all the food," it still makes sense even though the person obviously isn't directly responsible for making you hungry. They still committed an action the inconvenienced you.

>You're normalfag ranting is ruining my waifu's birthday
wait.. your dating Maya too!??
that BITCH!
and to think i left asuka for her!

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no.
you are committing the action that is incovincing yourself, but you blame another person

>husband
>hill billy normalfag shitposting

Kill yourself, newfag. No one gives a shit about your normalfag marital spats. Go post on the Dr. Phil forums. Your normalfag ranting is ruining my waifu's birthday.

Saged for normalfaggotry. Shame on you.

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i owe maya an apology

its not christmas... you bought the wrong cake

Thank you. Maya sends you her moemoe love.

See OP. Look how easily that issue was solved. 3DPD. Take your disgusting meat man relationship and fuck off of Jow Forums. No one wants to hear you rant about how, "Sarah is such a bitch and I can't believe what my manager did," or how you're so mad at your husband for whatever normalfag bullshit you're ranting on about. Go back on Facebook and complain in your normalfag circlejerk. Newfag normalfags must go....Look what you did....you maid mai waifu cry. Disgusting normalfags...SAGE SAGE SAGE

I know. I realized after, but please don't say anything. I'm hoping mai waifu won't notice. I don't want to damper her birthday.

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love you too, i just figured i should reply this one time

OP you need to get your husband to an NA meeting. I went there thanks to my wife and I’ve been clean for 40 days now. They can help him for real.

Why didn't you threaten to divorce him, that's obviously the bigger picture. Taking away his medication is only going to worsen his mood and further descend him into his problems. From what it sounds like this should of been the final straw, you know for a fact you can't have a family with a drug addict, and he's successfully proven he can't break his habit. I don't think I've ever met an addict that wasn't broken out of a relationship because their SO didn't want to put up with their expensive and destructive problems. And whenever they're with someone, it's another druggie, then they agree to share things, steal things,.and end up collapsing together. You are obviously aren't going down the same path, and he'll only pull you in further.

As someone said, drug addicts are like children, they just shit on everything and everyone around them. It's quite a dilemma because you share a history, believe you can make this work, and want to rest in the comfort of not having to start over. He's not going to change for you, dump his miserable ass, he can only change for himself.

What a cunty thing to do.
And you post here hoping to hear it is justified
Not once have you considered, nor would you pay for your cunty act
I hope he beats you in a coke induced rage

He's wrong, but you're also wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right.

He won't go. He went to rehab last year, then he got in trouble at this work earlier this year and went to mandated drug counseling. The longest he has been sober is probably 5 weeks. But he goes to an NA meeting and says "the beautiful are sooooooo worse off than me, I can't even go, it's like a joke."

I already went and retrieved his medication from the trash before
I went to bed so it wouldn't go bad. I couldn't sleep doing that

Get divorce lawyer.

This is his response to the whole thing.

To call me a quitter

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>If only you were too
There's a sickburn just waiting to happen OP.