So I just ended things with my (first real) girlfriend

So I just ended things with my (first real) girlfriend.
We have known eachother since we were sixteen, and been a couple since we were twenty years old. That is a little over 8 years since now, so we basicly spent our entire adult life together.

>Finished school together
>Worked shitty low-paying jobs together
>Got increasingly good jobs at the same time
>Rented first apartment together
>Bought first apartment together
>Bought first house together
>Bought (the worlds best) dog together

Needless to say all our good and bad memories for almost a decade involve the other person, and to be honest I do not dare to think about what kind of mess my life would be like today if it were not for her. (Probably job-less Hobo or drug abuser)

We broke it off a couple of days ago and both of us agreed that we were more friends then anything else and that it would not end well if we kept this relationship going.

I initiated the break-up, but there was no argument, or hasitation from either of us.
(There have never really been any arguments at all during our relationship, things were almost always really good)

We decided to stay friends, since that's what we have been for the last couple of years if you take away sex and the joint accounts.

Now, I feel like utter shit, and for the first time in my life I am loosing control of everything.
Everything we built for the last 8 years is gone, I barely eat, I can't sleep and it's basically tearing me apart that things did not work.

We are still living together in our house, and will do this for a couple of weeks until we have new places available, and things are not so bad when we see each other, but when I drop her off at work, or have to to something alone it feels like I can't even breathe.

I'm worried that this feeling will be even worse, if that's even possible, after we move to our own separate places and that I won't be able to get myself out of this hole.

Conclusion in next post

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How the fuck do I get over this and end the pathetic self pity-party that is engulfing my life right now?

Cringy pic slightly related

>inb4 an hero

Getting too used to each other sounds like a dumb reason to breakup. I mean what did you expect 20, 30 years down the line would be like?

>(There have never really been any arguments at all during our relationship, things were almost always really good)
this just means you never had an actual emotional relationship

my friend married was with his sweetheart aswell, married after 8years and now divorced

he had a very rough 6months but then he just then started fucking young sluts (geez girls, you really have no shame or any realistic idea what makes a man want you other than your vagina)
then he got bored of that and started looking for a gf, she found one and hes about to be married again

they dont even talk with eachother now, so much for friendship, how do you get over it? you are a big boy, you will get over it, golddiggers massaging your ego helps

This was exactly the problem.

Not that we got used to each other, but we took each other for granted.

We both work a lot, and both of us were happy staying at home in the evenings instead of going out doing stuff.

I guess you can say that we got bored of each other since noone really managed to take any initiative even after we talked about it several times over the years.

20-30 years down the line, I do not know.
Maybe that was the problem.

>this just means you never had an actual emotional relationship

Yeah, and that's why I thought that this would be no problem at all.

Instantly after we broke up it was almost like when we first started dating and I'm panicking about every single aspect about moving out.

>they dont even talk with eachother now, so much for friendship

Well, we have the same friends (literally all of them are in the same group of 8-10 persons)
so going "no-contact" is unfortunately not an option.

And we are both way to attached to each other to let the other one go.

We are both going to see a new apartment for her today before going bathing in the ocean and having a movie night, and next week we are both helping each other packing down our stuff before helping each other with the moving..

We have also said that since avoiding each other is not an option we will still be friends.
(We both work within 5 minutes of each other in a really small city which neither of us want or can move away from, and will probably end up using the same grocery stores, bars and restaurants)

>you are a big boy, you will get over it

Fuck, I know I will eventually, but right now I feel like a whiny teenager again...

>golddiggers massaging your ego helps

Praying for this to happen

they dont avoid eachother lad, they dont search for eachothers company, they found new friends, they arent interested in eachother anymore, the whole thing is fresh now but as time goes by you wont even miss her, otherwise this wouldnt have happened

your relationship ended because you stopped finding eachother interesting, often refered to as grown apart, but the thing is neither of your grew anywhere, if you did, youd rekindle the flame every few years

>How the fuck do I get over this and end the pathetic self pity-party that is engulfing my life right now?
Time. Also it sounds like you let your relationship stagnate and stopped putting effort into it.

The past is the past. Look to the future. Don't dwell on what was because none of that matters anymore

Work more it distracts you from the depression

Thanks.

Obviously you are all right, neither of us put enough effort into the relationship, and we stagnated.

It would probably be a lot easier if there was some kind of scandal where one of us cheated or was really mean, but this just feels so pointless.

Still hurts like nothing I have ever experienced in my life before though, but I will put my trust in time... and probably beer

Ur in for some pain dude. You don’t realize that by having a stable gf and doing all the “adult” things society / friends / family all looked at you as normal.

You were able to live your life and not really give a fuck about most things. Focus on your job and career. Now, that normality is gone. You’ve defined yourself through her and maybe she did that as well.

It’s scary as now the market of women are going to judge you. Given that your life has been broken it’s highly likely you’ll come off insecure. Doesn’t matter that you have money or that your better than average looking.


This might be good, if your survive.

Also, your friendship is doomed to fail given how you describe your emotions. All the problems you had with her or she with will start becoming annoying. Without sex and commitment she’s just some person you used to know.

One day you’ll wake up and look back and be who IS she? Who are you?

Simply said pain is coming. Try to avoid drugs, alcohol, and try to stay working out.

Also have fun being the third wheel with all your friends. See them whispering to each other as you develop paranoia.

There is light. I can go on.

>but this just feels so pointless.
You made it pointless. Like you said, you took each other for granted and didn't appreciate what you had in each other.

Hopefully you both learn from this.

I think ya'll are both retarded and incapable of understanding exactly how fucking nice and comfy and easy you idiots had it. but hey, maybe that's cause I keep ending up getting cheated on, used. perhaps thats coming from knowing what a relationship with a drug user that has a penchant for getting drunk and punching people (me) in the face and lying about what she's doing while acting like she's working on things and like she's back to being the sweet caring woman I fell in love with;while actually planning on going back to her retard friends, hard drugs, and her ex while on a vacation road trip so I end up stranded 1500 miles from home is like. maybe its coming from a point of experiencing exactly the worst a relationship has to offer that gives me the ability to see that you're both fucking retarded and maybe should've tried working on your shit and going to counseling before just breaking it off.

goddamn you're stupid to throw that away. like the stupidest motherfucker I've ever seen anywhere. you really have no idea what awaits you? you really have that little of a grasp on the hell of a war that is dating that has been raging around your little verdant oasis of a relationship (from the sounds of it).

HOLY SHIT NIGGER WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU'VE GOT IT MADE.

>Ur in for some pain dude. You don’t realize that by having a stable gf and doing all the “adult” things society / friends / family all looked at you as normal.

Yeah, I know..

>Try to avoid drugs, alcohol, and try to stay working out.

This I also know, and really hope that I am smart enough to follow.

>Also have fun being the third wheel with all your friends. See them whispering to each other as you develop paranoia.

Yeah, this will be fun..
I have been in that group since I was about 13 years old, and my girlfriend since she was 16..

>Hopefully you both learn from this.

Hopefully.

Sorry to hear about how life is treating you, I hope things turn out fine in the end.

>HOLY SHIT NIGGER WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU'VE GOT IT MADE.

That is basicly excactly what I'm constantly thinking right now...

Read: esquire.com/lifestyle/a4310/the-crack-up/

Money quote:
" A man does not recover from such jolts—he becomes a different person, and, eventually, the new person finds new things to care about."

This quote got me through something similar.

Good luck.

>>(There have never really been any arguments at all during our relationship, things were almost always really good)
>this just means you never had an actual emotional relationship
bullshit. He threw away a really good match. Who wouldn't want a relationship without arguments?

>We both work a lot, and both of us were happy staying at home in the evenings instead of going out doing stuff.
Are you retarded? Not a problem, but a blessing. Why go out if you have what you need sitting next to you? Stupid kid

>It would probably be a lot easier if there was some kind of scandal where one of us cheated or was really mean, but this just feels so pointless.
Obviously retarded

>incel rage
if you would have a brain, ever had a friend or a gf or anyone close to you, that 2 ppl never agree on everything all time, thus theres gona be an arguement, one side forfeiting doesnt mean its perfect, it means they fake it

Thank you, I will read that!

>Why go out if you have what you need sitting next to you?

For fear that we would find ourselves another 8 years from now in the same dead beat relationship only in the ripe age of 34 and probably with at least one "divorce kid" and a much worse break-up.
This was a mutual fear from both of us

Sounds stupid, but it is what it is

Why would you even break up in the first place? Bored? Action is your job as a man..
Funny! Either it's fake or they just have enough in common?

its not funny, you have no idea whats it like being in a relationship, you dont know whats it like to be with ppl and you make this disney picture that 2 ppl have in common if they agree on everything like robots, your emotional maturiy is of a 6years old trying to find buddies to play with

>Why would you even break up in the first place?

Because apparantly both of us have the same flaw.
We could not appreciate what we actually had, and instead focused way too much on our separate interests, thinking about children and so on.

Maybe we both got spooked about the possibility on children since we turned in to "comrades" with extremely stable lives, but little passion for each other.

Both of us had a good time, and both of us are really hitting a low-point right now since we are now realizing what we have done.

We have told some friends and our families so that we cannot chicken out and back-track on the decision if we suddenly would regret it.

Unfortunately I can honestly say that I really do, and it seems like she does as well, but it is to late to change that now.

No, I never said something about always having the same opinion, although it can easily happen 80% of the time.
You talked about arguments, temper tantrums if you want. Mature people discuss their points of you and find compromises.

Could you elaborate? Having 2 lives that run separate that entangle on a lot of points sounds like a pretty mature relationship

Example:

>We both enjoy movies and other low-paced activities
>We both enjoy having animals
>We both enjoy spending time together

But

>I enjoy camping trips in the forest
>I enjoy competition shooting/gun collecting
>I enjoy computer gaming

>She enjoys reading
>She enjoys decorating
>She enjoys garden work
>She enjoys staying to herself even though she does not want to be alone
>No hobbies outside of this

Now, She likes nature, but not sleeping outside, does not like guns at all, and have never wanted to play anything except an old playstation.

I also enjoy reading, but rarely find the time/any good books, Decorating and garden work makes me vomit.

She have joined me on the shooting range a couple of times and even tried shooting, and I have tried helping out in the garden as much as possible, but every time one of us joins in on the activites the other one does we both see that only one of us have a good time.

Of course we help each other with basic stuff, she sometimes voluntered to help cleaning guns when I got back from the Shooting range and Chores in/outside the house have always been devided 50/50

This means that we basicly are stuck talking about the dog, watching TV or gaming/reading by ourselves when we have evenings to ourselves. (Unless we actually go to the movie theatre or something else that is not excactly adrenaline filled)

This might sound extremely comfortable like someone here said, but it becomes extremely dull because after a certain amount of years you do want to get out of the house doing something else than walking your pet or see some random block-buster on a big screen.

When both of us have so few interests, and they vary so vastly you will start to feel like you are trapped.

Add in the possibility of having children on top of this and that feeling is suddenly multiplied.

It might sound weird, but it actually help writing down this stuff, I guess I just needed to vent a little bit. Thanks again!

Just because you're a neurotic diva doesn't mean the whole world is.

Why don't you compromise and do things for the other?
The other option is being miserable in the thought that you threw away the person that meant the world for you.