Please help with the result of my self analysis

That's the advice he needs, but not the advice he wants.

There has to be a way to force myself to change, so I can have what I want. I just don't know how. My therapist can't answer this as well.

>So I guess I can kill myself finally.

Sounds good to me.

>There has to be a way to force myself to change.

Bitch at other people to tell you how trick yourself to do something you don't need to do like you bitch at your therapist.

That's wise, but tough, love.

I don't bitch at you. I fucking need help. My life always goes the same route:
be severely depressed, pull me up with or without therapy, meet a girl that's okay to date, fall in love and be the happiest dude under the sun, because I can finally give someone my love, support and validation, lose myself in being a good partner (because that's what I love about life), get cheated on, get depressed, repeat

I can't do that infinitely, this will kill me

Serious suggestion on a more specific level than just needing attitude change: you can't get a hobby/hobbies that get you out of the house and give you something to do with your friends? I think you're missing a large portion of the importance of friends, they're supposed to be fun to hang out with/do things with. Also, if you have an activity that you enjoy it will give you something positive to spend money on other than supporting a gf/wife and family. Friends are way more than just support, you should be doing fun shit together that you can't do alone.

There are a) no things that can get me out of my apartment and b) I have to force myself to spend time with people. It's just less willpower needed to do something with my friends.

What have you tried so far?

He doesn't want to change; it's hard and he's not motivated enough yet to do it because he's happy enough with how he is.

He wants other people to motivate him to do it for him. He thinks he can't do it himself -- worse, he thinks other people can do it for him and gets upset or depressed when they inevitably fail to do the impossible.

Rafting, bouldering, downhill and bmx, skateboarding, rollerblading, swimming, hiking, lifting, athletics (like in school), running, fencing, golfing, geotracking, photography, painting and drawing, singing, dancing, video editing, lacrosse, tennis, ping pong, football (soccer), handball, volleyball, frisbee, basketball, sailing, dragonboat rowing

maybe I forgot something

Not quite right. I don't know, where to put my finger to start changing, as everything seems to be quite pointless anyways. So I need other perspectives and why they might appeal to me.

You want us to motivate you properly?

An effective therapist would make you suffer like Satan was barbecuing your ass in hell to make you really feel the need to change, you dependent, hardship-avoiding, ignorant-about-yourself, pestering bitch.

And you'd come out of it a better person while having wasted their unpaid time.

Just help yourself. Nothing else will work.

My last therapist said it was a good thing, that I don't run around and force myself to be the best in everything, that having no hobbies was okay and that friends are extended family. She was super excited for my motivation to work being something so warmhearted.

I think it's making my life feel like a cage.

I feel the need. I wouldn't ask otherwise. But I feel like I'm trying to change who I actually am and this will be going to become enacting what other people want me to be.

I hope you get my point.

And did you get into doing any of them together with friends? Or join clubs etc by yourself?

It seems a bit like your whole idea of how to get a happy life is to get in a relationship and feed off each other's support. In that sense, you should force yourself to get out of the house and do things even if you don't want to. At least that gives you a higher chance of getting in a relationship than playing vidya.

If you don't want to "act out what other people want you to be" then why are you asking people how you should change? What are you expecting asking for advice if you only want to change in the way that, well, you want to change? And if you know how you want to change then just go and do it...

Most of these things were group activities and therefore hardly bearable. Doing sports with people feels way worse than shit chatting.

I don't know what to change and if it is even probable to work. You can't change WHO you are, just WHAT you do, or am I wrong?

What is it about interacting with other people that's so bad? Why is it so much fun to interact with a gf but hardly bearable to interact with others?

>You can't change WHO you are, just WHAT you do, or am I wrong?
Getting into the whole "nature vs nurture" argument a bit here, but I would say that at least to some extent who you are is a product of what you have done over a long period of time. Obviously it's unreasonable to expect to change who you are in an instant, but I think over a long period the environment you're in and the people you surround yourself with definitely have an impact on your personality and views.

That's easy to answer. Friends are 'random' people that come and go, where it's highly probable your ways depart somewhere. A gf is somebody you intend to build a life with. Marry her, make her family, have kids and all the good stuff. Also strangers are a bigger problem. The less I know someone, the less I can tolerate to be near them. Most people are fake, Espacially most guys (around here) are so shallow I feel the need to puke.

>The less I know someone, the less I can tolerate to be near them.
>Friends are 'random' people that come and go, where it's highly probable your ways depart somewhere.

I think this is what you should focus on changing. I think trying to build meaningful relationships that aren't sexual would go a long way towards improving your quality of life (and probably end up opening doors to sexual relationships too). I'm sure not everyone around is fake and shallow if you give them a chance and get to know them. People probably come off a LOT more shallow with someone they just met than with a close friend. You can't expect everyone to open up and show their true selves to someone they just met.

And that's weak somehow.

I don't see how these other social realtions should work out? Why should I invest a shit ton of effort into someone that might just vanish one day?

I don't know how to convince you of this, but to me a really good, close friend is at least comparable in value to a relationship. Why? Because your friendship doesn't depend on physical attraction. I'd say it's much more unlikely that a best friend would just vanish from your life than a gf would. A really solid friendship is something that you can always count on when it comes down to it, and isn't conditional on temporary qualities like physical attractiveness. And really, anyone might vanish someday. Your wife could divorce you. Your kid could get hit by a car and die. Who knows? If that's your line of thinking then why invest in a gf who might just break up with you?

It's the potential of buidling up from it. I can spend my time alone. Having friends is nice, but optional.

Well, I'm out of advice for you then. You say you can spend your time alone, but it doesn't seem like anything you're doing alone is giving you much satisfaction at the moment.

Neither is doing things with people. And that's probably the core of the problem

Yeah, probably is the core of the problem really. Last idea I have for you is a couple of activities that you didnt list above that you could try if you could get friend(s) to go with you: snowsports (skiing or snowboarding) and travel. Snowsports because it's easy to get into, fun as hell and if you get into it it will provide you with motivation to work since it's so expensive, and travel because similarly it gives you something to work towards, doesn't require any skill to enjoy, could help you meet people outside of the shallow people in your area and might refresh your mental state a bit. Travel you could even do alone and meet people along the way depending on your age etc.

Guess what, I called my big sister and I will visit her next month. It's only about 100km away, but I'll use it as a start and just go somewhere in my country for a day or two,just to get my head out of my ass

Hey good for you man, maybe taking the time to break out of your routine and disconnect a little from games will cause you to have an epiphany or some deep shit like that. Enjoy the trip!