I'm a femanon who wants a girlfriend. We know how guys get girlfriends, but what do girls do? Should I be doing the same things? Working out, getting a good job, learning to be interesting? And then how do I know if she is interested or if she is even gay?
Sorry if this is a stupid question, it just seems like no one is drawn to me, male or female, so I need to be more proactive.
You're asking a bunch of straight male virgins, how you, a lesbian, should get a gf. You may want to reconsider your approach.
i'm bi, but more into girls.
i like the anonymity of Jow Forums and consider you my brothers. I'm just like you, minus the anatomy.
Yes and "just like us" means a lifetime of
>tfw no gf
Posting. No one on Jow Forums knows how to get a gf as the gender most of them are attracted to, let alone as a woman. Honestly you're probably in a better position than a normal user, since presumably you know the preferences of at least one woman.
Think about what you want in a girl partner. What qualities are turn ons? Which are turn off's?
Your perspective is probably better than anyone here, considering the majority of people here are not bi/gay women
If you have places around you that are popular with gays, you can feel pretty confident that any girls you meet there will be open to the idea. If that isn't your thing, dating sites are very convenient and normal to use. Meeting a girl with a mutual interest by chance can happen, but isn't super common.
Can't help you. All the experience I have from lesbians comes from porn and that one "not porn" video about lesbian rape that was supposed to be educational.
The only other experience I have is with California lesbians and they're all cunts of the worst kind. Good luck.
dating apps
I'm not really sure. I'm new to this. I guess I want someone fun, but how to be fun?
I'm in a medium sized city but it seems like all the gay bars cater only to dudes.
I've thought about that. I'll probably eventually do that, but I'm worried someone I know will see me. I'm in the closet and would prefer to stay that way for now, at least until i meet someone worth coming out for.
>I'm worried someone I know will see me
why
I don't even really know. I'm confident that my family would be ok with it, and the ones that might not be I wouldn't care about anyway. I guess I just don't like change.
Use a popular app/website that has a filter for women seeking women (which is basically all of them). Anyone you know who stumbles on it will either be surprised to learn about your newly found common interest, or is a creep and isn't worth the drama.
You're being fucking stupid.
If someone you know sees you that means they're gay too looking for a girl so if you see someone you know who might be interested in you that is nothing but a good thing.
Do you want to meet someone or not?
I guess I'm just private and don't want people I'm not interested in but know from around (like work or school) knowing i'm gay and spreading it around. I've always been rumored to be gay and I was never comfortable with it. I don't know. It's a change and it's scary.
Then don't ask for advice when you're not even willing to try the most obvious, simple, 0 barriers to entry except your own irrational silliness option.
Get over that first.
You said you live in a decent sized city. Do you have any idea how many people there are to somehow home in on your deal and care enough to give it a second thought? Don't use tinder where people file through hundreds of people near them every day, the odds of being caught are VERY low, and good luck just bumping into an interesting, gay, single chick at the library.
Tfw you are your own gf
You're right. I guess I thinking I would do self improvement and then start looking, so jumping right into the dating app scene is scary.
I guess in my head I would always meet someone first and come out by introducing them as my girlfriend. Maybe I need to accept that it's not going to happen that way.
Depending on the people in your life, it may not even be a change at all. You said people suspect it of you anyways, they may just be happy to know you're finally embracing it.
Yes, good point.
Oof, this is difficult.
Thanks for the kind words, user.
This guy's got the right attitude.
I'm a dude, but my best friend's a gay chick, so I've spent a bit of time hanging out with gays of both genders and basically where I've seen her meet people is:
>Gay bars (though occasionally chicks at gay bars are straight chicks just looking to hang out with gay guys/to get wasted while still staying semi-safe)
>Ladies nights at gay night clubs (Wednesday nights for us. dunno for you)
>Pride events
>Certain concerts (I.E. teegan and sara)
>Online dating (she's currently in a 2+ year relationship from it; unrelatedly, so am I.)
As for what you can specifically do:
Strive to become the best version of yourself that you can be. The version of yourself that you actually genuinely like and can feel proud of unabashedly being.
That applies across all orientations. When people genuinely own their shit, it's attractive. And even if it's not to everyone, who gives a shit because they probably weren't someone you were going to get along with anyway (P.S. that's 90% of people you'll date, may as well filter as many out as possible from the get go so you're not wasting time--especially over something as fundamental and superficial as them not being able to like you for who you are)
Now i'm not saying you've gotta be perfect, far from it. Just that you have to come to actually like and strive for yourself.
Faking it seems easier and *can* work... But more often than not, faking it either produces superficially ingenuous results that ultimate end in dissatisfaction, or it doesn't work at all and leads to a negative reinforcement loop where you fake it to get liked, which causes you to lose sight of who you are, which causes people to not like you, which causes you to try harder, which makes you lose even more sight of who you are, and the loop continues until you're completely lost.
I've seen that loop happen with straight men, gay women, and everything in between, and no one ends up happy.
Thanks user. Do you have any concrete examples of being your best self? Like actual steps you take to be that person? I sometimes have trouble putting advice like this into motion.
I'm also a girl looking for a girlfriend, OP. In my case, I've had a little success with girls, but not any that I would want to seriously date.
But I think you should tell us more or less what you're like, and what kind of girl you hope to attract. There are actually many differences between how a butch or a femme attract partners.
I think I'm pretty in between, mostly just androgynous.
I guess I'm more butch by most standards (I have short hair, wear jeans and t-shirts almost exclusively, and I like outdoors stuff), but I'm also petite with uh, huge tracts of land, and like makeup and looking nice and do a lot of girly things. I don't look in the mirror and think of myself as "butch"
Would it help if I tended to be more solidly one or the other?
I would prefer either a femme or androgynous gf.
Pic related is what I try to look like at least.
>Thanks user. Do you have any concrete examples of being your best self?
NP. But i can't really give you one, because like I wrote in the ATOGA many years ago... There is no single magical moment that will instantly change you forever. It's step by step process of constant escalation and repetition.
As someone who spent about half a decade+ breaking out of his shell there's three major things really:
1.)Change your own self-image in the superficial way
>Maybe that's getting new clothes
>Maybe that's getting a new hair cut
>maybe that's fixing your posture
>Maybe that's working out so you find yourself sexy
>maybe that's speaking up and fixing your diction
Change the superficial small things so you at least physically see yourself in a better light and start to believe there's something visually more appealing about yourself. (***WARNING*** this step may be superfluous and even detrimental but this was one I personally needed)
Simultaneously (and more importantly) change yourself in a metaphysical way
2.)Do the things that make you proud of yourself for.
>Maybe that's you being able to climb a rock wall.
>Maybe that's you being able to win a magic the gathering tournament
>Maybe that's you being able to get a black belt
>Maybe that's you being able to play your favorite song on the guitar
Accomplish things.
3.)Follow the code of life that makes you feel warm and fuzzy about yourself:
>maybe that's you helping out at charities
>maybe that's you helping an old lady across the street
>maybe that's you being their for your friends when they need you
>maybe that's you learning to say "No" when people try to take advantage of you
>maybe that's you standing up for your own rights as an individual
>maybe that's you getting involved in LGBT rights, or political activism
Find what it is that you do that makes you feel good about yourself and who you are as a person.
All of that goes towards building a sense of self for you to own.
thanks, this is a great starting point. i think i'm going to take some time tonight and write out adjectives i want to describe myself and then figure out the steps i need to take to make it so.
bump
anyone else have insight into this?
Just be hetero
Oh hey finally something I can answer. OP If you're still around, I'm a girl who dates girls (bi but I like girls more.)
Everyone likes different stuff but this is what works for me:
>stable income
>ambition in work
>keep yourself groomed and sexy
>be the 'leader' in the relationship
I'm pretty boring tho, so I attract a lot of women who like that kind of stability. If you want a girl who's more fun be fun yourself.
It's pretty clear when girls start showing interest: escalating physical touch, she tries to look and behave her best when you're around, and she'll probably tease you a bit.
no thanks, user
i just got back
i've got stable income...no ambition in my current job, but i'm working on a career change. sexy isn't for me to say and i need to work on my confidence.
where do you go to meet girls?
One of my friends is a Lesbian.
She hits on every girl and sees how they react
that works for her? i think i would feel like a creep
wb
I've never really gone out to meet girls, most of my relationships were through work or hobbies so I guess pursue the stuff you love and when opportunity presents itself seize it. Hardly ever been single so I guess it works. Have fun!
It's worked for her.
I've never seen it work though.
I think it's one of those swing at every ball that sooner or later you'll get a hit kind of thing.
She's also very out going and has no shame when it comes to how people perceive her.
huh, for some reason, it's really terrifying to me to hit on someone who may not even be attracted to my entire sex.
i don't think it's such a big deal if they're just not attracted to me, but I guess I'm worried I would completely offend someone if they were only into guys, even though I'm not offended when guys hit on me.
i just feel like such a creep.
>feel like such a creep.
nah don't be. Literally no one will call you a creep if you make sure they're comfortable and respect their boundaries. Maybe at worst a misunderstanding, which is no problem.
I never really had this problem anyways because girls usually make the first move with me. I throw out a teasing joke, compliment them, leave things open, give them their space and personal bubble, and they'll reciprocate if interested, if that makes sense.
i definitely think i'd be more comfortable being the one being hit on, but that hasn't happened in a long time and even then, it was girls i wasn't interested in making the movies.
If you don't have gaydar and can spot a lesbian a mile away, then your only solution is to go where they are.
Depending on your location, age, tastes, etc that might be a local university's LGBT club, a lesbian bar, a LGBT bookstore, or online dating sites.
In short, instead of looking for attractive girls and hoping they're gay, go where the gay girls are and look for one who's attractive
Idk, I've rejected several so you should plan on handling rejection.
>No one on Jow Forums knows how to get a gf as the gender most of them are attracted to, let alone as a woman.
If that makes you feel better, guy.
How old are you and which country?