Another woman is sending selfies and cat pics to my boyfriend. Do I beat the bitch up or what?

gut feeling.. i feel there's been distance between us. we don't really spend time together or have sex much anymore. in a past relationship i had a gut feeling, looked at his phone, and my gut was right. i know it's bad to do this but having it confirmed before makes it seem justified.

All men are retarded and constantly just trying to spread their seed, why are you even trying to keep him in the first place. Make bank and keep a few large dicks around for fun sister.

kike detected

>larping this hard

I tried to talk about it indirectly because I don't want him to know that I looked through his phone. I already did something stupid.

I know what you're talking about. Usually worked out that way for me too. Actually it did every time. That isn't necessarily the case here though. It doesn't sound bad from what you said.

How long have you been dating? What do you think caused the distance?

I‘d confront him. I mean, you could say that you saw her message pop up on the screen and then took a look.

If this is really just some random attention whore, he should block her. A guy in a relationship is not the right source to fuel someone‘s need for male attention. That attention is reserved for you. You can tell him that directly. If he refuses then that‘s fishy and you should reconsider if you‘re both ln the same page and share the same values.
Sometimes guys are just too naive to realize when they are being used as beta orbiters/backup plans/random attenions source. Once he knows he should not want to keep the contact up.

Well, it depends on what you want. Do you want to stay with this guy? Are you enjoying his company?

Be rational. Talk to him directly. Tell him you're feeling he's distant and it's hurting your feelings. Come clean and tell him you looked at his phone. Tell him you want to trust him and ask him if he trusts you. He's obviously and justifiably gonna get defensive so try not to be too conflictive.

Okay.. thank you. I feel a little better.

Almost a year. It could be that I bore him now, or that we've been living together for a couple months. There really isn't much to do in this small town and we both got used to entertaining ourselves.

The message pop up is a good idea but he has his phone set to not show anything on the screen, lol. I've been thinking I could sneak up on him while he's talking to her and ask who it is.

I also don't want to seem controlling/abusive/manipulative and I'm struggling to figure out how much of my worry is justified, how much of it is insecurity, or if I'm really being a bad person for not wanting him to talk to her. I don't demand that of him for any of his other female friends because I know nothing is going on. I'm worried because of the secrecy. If I full on confront him I won't know if it's the truth or denial either way.

I really want to stay with him. He's the only person I've ever wanted to be with until I die.

I'm scared he's going to think I'm crazy and controlling. I don't know how to approach the subject. I'm scared that being at this point means that the relationship is already doomed.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I was feeling needy and insecure and I feel like we're drifitng apart so I looked through your phone. Can you forgive me?"

Stop being sneaky

Thanks so much you guys ;_;

Wait. What if she is sending selfies to a friend? Is that supoosed to mean something?

2-3 girls I know send me selfies from time to time, what's wrong with that?

This here is the truth.

It wouldn't bother me if he wasn't keeping her a secret from me

I‘m all for honesty. Everything short of it will just spiral over the years and not benefit anybody.
Best would be to talk to him. About everything. Also about how you‘re worried that you‘re just being paranoid/controlling and so on.

The bottom line is that there is no way of telling if this is your own insecurity or id there‘s something going on. There‘s also no way of telling if he‘s honest or not. But if he know that you‘re struggling, them he should take it serious. If this girl doesn‘t mean anything to him, then it should be easy for him to decide between having her keep sending him cat pics and risking to hurt you. Even if you‘re being unreasonable. You have your personal reasons to react the way you do. Yes, those reasons might need to be adressed, but even if that‘s the case, he should try his best to not pour gassoöine on your fire whilst you‘re trying to put it out. If this is just your own insecurity then he should be interested in helping you get over it, even if that means that right now you‘re not at a point where you can handle him texting with random girla about his penis. You can‘t force being ok with something you‘re not ok with and he should respect that and act accordingly.
My bf is very insecure about other men, too. I had a male friend who i‘ve known for years before i met my bf. we dis nothing else than write each other emails, talking about personal stuff. It made my bf insecure, so i stopped. Because he‘s higher up my priority list. There was no threat to him, but he wasn‘t at a point where he could gandle the situaion, so i gave it up. Insisting on keeping contact because „he can‘t tell me who to be friends with and he should get over himself“ would not have been beneficial to our relationship at all. Your bf should do the same.

Bruh, going out of your way to confront the other girl makes you look WAY crazier. You just seem to have some insecurity issues, which is entirely normal. All relationships have their ups and downs, don't see this as the absolute end, think of it as a challenge both of you need to go through.

Be with him. Talk to him. Let him know you want to be with him. We're idiots, we don't pick up signals that fast.

Also this

What do you mean "he wasn't keeping her a secret from me"? Do you have to know each one of his female friends?
I am just asking. It kinda makes sense but I wouldn't think it's a big deal

Thank you for the advice and insight.. and yeah, a lot of it has to do with insecurity like you and said. Also I was joking about confronting her/beating her up lol. We also already talked about marriage and he's said that he wants to marry me.. something neither of us ever wanted to do before we met each other.

It's not that I have to know every one of them, but he always talks to me about all of his friends, except for this one.

One time early on when my husband was just my boyfriend, I was staying up late because of my frequent insomnia.

I was on the computer out in the living room while he went to bed. He came out a couple of hours later and startled me because he came up almost behind me and I didn't hear him. I put the computer down and went to go hug him.

He'd been cheated on before, multiple times. To him it looked like I was trying to block him from the computer. He didn't think I would do anything but his history made alarm bells go off. He asked to see my computer, just to check.

I let him. I had nothing to hide. There was absolutely no reason for me to feel protective of my stuff. He saw my history, was reassured, and it wasn't a problem afterwards.

While not everybody would be so secure, I feel like someone who legitimately has nothing to hide wouldn't get really defensive. Your partner should be understanding and willing to work with you. Even if the fears are unfounded, it's easier to prove that they are and establish trust than to hide it. Hiding it, regardless of the reason, will only breed mistrust.

I would ask him kindly about it. Maybe it's nothing at all. Maybe he's closer to this girl and not cheating, but feels like you'd get jealous. Maybe he is crossing the line. Ask, and see how he reacts. If he reacts defensively, tell him that you don't want to be feeling this way, but you can't shake it. Ask him for reassurance. If he continues to get angry or doesn't understand, then that's going to be a problem even if nothing is actually happening.

Ah I see, then yeah, confront him.
The good old "who is she?" Should be enough. He might not enjoy it, but if you feel uncomfortable is the way to go.
Good luck.

why do you care, you're gonna cheat on him down the road and you won't even think twice about it

Look...to be really honest, the one thing I've learned about men is that cheating is in their nature.

Lol. Leave him or be cool with it. If you don't value yourself then fuking stay. If you do and you love him then bring it up. Who knows maybe she's cool and you'll end up poly.

A match made in heaven.

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What's the point of forcing someone for TRUST...If he is not honest with you...u might as well brk up with him

Nah, thats just your trauma you had with the last asshole who cheated on you. We're not all like this