Living together with my gf

She says that she doesn't want to have children, I am using condoms when we are having sex.

From this thread it honestly sounds like she's losing respect for you. She wants you to fit into her existing belief of what an adult male is (decision maker, organised, self sufficient, whatever) and she's getting frustrated you aren't meeting her ideal. Honestly doesn't sound like a good match up at present (you're not in the wrong, you're just not meeting her criteria).
Only thing i can think of is that you both sit down together, make a list of both of your wants and needs and make a plan from there, probably both having to compromise in places.

Thanks for advice, I will do that. I told her multiple times that I'm not a child and she doesn't need to worry about me but different families have different rules at their houses and since I can't read in her mind, she needs to tell me if I'm doing something wrong...and it goes back to "being a child".

While it's in your best interest to work it out, don't be afraid to walk away if you have to - especially if you're the one making all the concessions and she's unwilling to make some too. Otherwise she'll slowly wear you down over time, make you feel small, get more and more frustrated herself and the relationship will become toxic and be doomed to fail anyway. Look after yourself user

Thank you!

Welcome to women.

I've had girlfriends before but none of them acted that way, when there was a problem, they told me and we solved it. When they wanted me to do something, they told me and I did it. I'm a simple guy, I don't like drama. I like clear communication without all of that "you should have known what I want you to do" bullshit.

What do you Know about her parents?

Uhhhh
I couldn't deal with this at all.
I'm serious I don't know how you put up with it. I would walk away for my own sanity

Almost nothing, I just know that her dad really hates Koreans.

Moving in together is stressing.
She probably is upset because you aren't doing as much as she wishes you'd do, and you're being unhelpful and ungrateful. She feels like she needs to work extra hard to take care of you, which can be extra frustrating if she's the only one working right now too.
Spend the next few days doing all the chores. Clean, cook breakfast and dinner, prepare the table, do the laundry. Make sure she knows you appreciate her.

After she calmed down, sit down and talk about the issue. Tell her it was reasonable of her to feel upset, and you realise you've been a little insensitive, but you wish she talked to you when you had an issue. I had a similar issue with my boyfriend and what I told him was "I know I can be a little dense, and I sometimes struggle to understand how you feel about stuff. Can you tell me directly if I am failing you or upsetting you? It'd be much easier for both of us and we'd argue much less".

Needs more saxophone.
>There problem sloved,magic.*Throws cumfettie everywhere.

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Just learn to be more empathetic and less dense. It is basically your fault for asking obvious questions.

Ok I will try to, but don't you think she overreacted a little?! Throwing her phone at me for eating a bun?! Or saying that she hates me a little because I can't figure it out instantly? She got mad at me for hugging her, when she was cooking, because she might have burned herself. Come on, it was a hug, not a brutal attack from behind...

I'm not ungrateful, I'm trying to help her and I'm asking if there is anything I can do all the time. But sometimes I have no idea that something needs to be done, when she won't tell me about it, and when she tells me, she thinks I'm a child because I could read her mind...

couldn't*

She completely, absolutely did. You might want to point that out too. But try to understand that she is probably tired, stressed and frustrated and it all adds up. It can exacerbate things.

I can empathise with her, I was in a situation really similar to yours. It can be very frustrating to come home after a long day of work, and instead of coming home to your calm and clean house you come home to your boyfriend and his mess. You have to clean up after him, cook dinner, and then ask him to do things and beg him to follow the plans you have in your head when it comes to meal planning and stuff. You do all this while he's kind of begging you for affection and being unhelpful. You do this while you think to yourself "this fucker has been sitting on his stupid fat ass all day and can't do shit to help me out, what a fucking cunt".

I don't think it excuses her shit behaviour, but I really get where she's coming from and why she is frustrated.

Do something nice to her, take care of her for a few days, and then talk to her. It'll be fine.

I understand and I wouldn't be so confused by this if I would in fact make a mess. But after she comes home, everything is clean, I wash the dishes just after eating, I make the bed and basically I sit in front of the computer so I can't make any more mess. She told me that she is stressed out about my diet because she believes that I can't cook for myself and she needs to cook for me, but I have never asked her for that and told her that I'll be fine on my own.

Move out, go rent a cheap motel.

You stupid kids and your LDR bs, when will you realize this shit doesn't work

She came back home from work, everything was clean and I was very nice to her but she just told me to leave her alone and she is not saying anything.

Ask her to talk in an hour or so, and then try to talk things out.
Ask her why she is so upset at you, and tell her that you can't read her mind. Tell her that she is mistreating you and it isn't okay, even if she's frustrated over something.
Ask her what she expects from you and what she wants you to do. Tell her what you want.
Communicate till you have a solid plan.

Moving in together can be rough, I'm sorry it is so rough for you.

Thank you, I will try to do that.

I'm really sorry she's so upset. It really can be rough on some people to change their routine over.
It was really rough for me and my bf and it took time for us to figure things out. It's working well now, but shit was it messy at the beginning.

Just try to keep calm and do your best to work things out together. Try to make her feel like you're on the same team and what you want is to succeed together, not to win an argument. That's probably the only important thing I've learnt by the I-want-to-shoot-you phase we had right after moving in together.

Do you live together?

Don't really get most of the comments in this thread. Your girlfriend clearly has a borderline personality disorder. Also sounds like she might be Chinese as living in a society with little to no rational logic, unsurprisingly leads to the lack of ability to rationalize things. Could be wrong. Either way, she's crazy in the coconut.

>giving mental health diagnosis over the internet
Ahhhhhhh.

Chill out, give her a little space, and go explore your new country in the limited free time you have before resuming work.

Shit good advice from /adv

Thanks user.

She's responding not to what you actually do, but that which you don't do.

As a woman, I left a perfectly lovely relationship with a man who had extreme potential but had a lot of learning to do. In a sense, I took car of the cleaning, cooking, have a white collar job, pay the bills, am the one buying gifts, and so forth.

I left him because he did not, like 98% of all men under 50, anticipate my needs or desires. All the romantic bullshit women love isn't about flowers or being surprised or being given the new dumb fucking 300 palette of eyeshadow they want. They want to see the manifestation of your love as a desire to please them exactly as they want to be pleased.

She wanted you to recognize that she was making dinner, and it would be helpful-- and a cooperative activity rather than one that makes her feel like a domestic servant (even though that isn't the case. women tend to overanalyze by male standards)-- if you set the table. It would make you a team, and it would signify that you were anticipating what she was about to do, willing to do something for her that she would willingly do for you, and so on.

If we have to tell you, the magic feeling is not there. You may say, tough luck. But, really, if you pay just enough of the right attention to a woman, you can anticipate what she wants and needs and please her with little energy.

This is really true. One of the things that made me really want to stick with my boyfriend is how attentive he is to my needs.

We were long distance for a while, he came over for 10 days at my place. I had to work on the day he arrived, and before going out was whining that I needed to do laundry when I got home. He did it for me. I came home to all my laundry washed and ironed (and dinner ready).
Literally the most romantic gesture a man has ever done for me to this day, kek.

I don't know, it's stuff like that that makes me feel like he's the one. I don't have to ask, he just knows and does shit for me because he knows me and loves me.

She is Japanese actually...nice guess user.

I'm not saying OP's gf is in the right, she definitely overreacted. But what this poster says is true. It's not about being difficult or creating drama, I think it's actually a huge thing in a relationship to be able to anticipate each other's wants and needs. Woman want what men want, to be loved and cared for. If you have to dictate everything out step by step, it's not the same. Men can say it's difficult, not worth it, etc, but those small gestures of you caring mean the world to us. The reason some marriages die out (not saying all, sometimes the woman is the lazy, selfish one) is because men don't take this initiative, the woman feels unappreciated/unloved as a result, and it only becomes a problem for the man when it affects intimacy in the bedroom.

No, actually this sounds a lot like me. With the exception that I can be self critical, and she doesn't seem to be. What is happening here, is that she has a very specific idea of how certain things have to be done. She's probably also the type that demands certain things to be done at certain times.

To a certain degree, everyone is like this, but it seems girls tend to be more like it. She wants OP to comfort to her habits exactly, because otherwise she is uncomoftable. It honestly sounds like she's not gonna be able to become more open and compromising in a short time.

OP, why did you move into a foreign country where you don't speak the langauge AND moved in with her right away? This was a very bad decision, and you'll have to live with some bad things now because of that. What you need to do is communicate to your GF that you need her to be more clear and that you are in fact, not a baby. If you can't sort this out within a month TOPS, you really should start looking for your own appartment.

Okay, well no one can anticipate needs so any relationship would be a no-go for you.
He isn't anticipating your needs, he has some free time on his hands and knows that a chore has to get done regardless of who does it. It's simply common sense.

Both of these posts generalize way too much, the latter even stating "us" as in all women want what she wants. All women are different and not everyone upholds your standards, I've dated a girl that wanted me to just laze around while she did everything for me. She wouldn't even let me touch the bill on our dates, she'd buy me new clothes, weed, and video games and even when she wasn't in the mood she'd do something sexual for me to get off. Now there's nothing wrong with your standard, but when you talk about it like it's ALL women it doesn't come off as genuine and just makes you seem whiny and high maintenance.

I mean she's kind of right.

You tell kids to set the table because they're self-centered little brats and won't do anything unless you make them. If you exhibit the same behaviors she will naturally think of you as such. Are you her partner or an adult baby she has to order around to do basic things?

The bun thing sounds weird though I don't really understand why she'd be angry over that but it could be just built up frustrations and that was the last straw or something.

>he has some free time on his hands and knows that a chore has to get done regardless of who does it
He is doing something I needed to do to take a burden off my shoulders, without me even asking.
That's quite a nice gesture and far from "common sense". The guy I lived with before wouldn't even do his own laundry, my boyfriend did mine just because he wanted to make me happy.

We don't know if he would have set the table on his own though, sure she told him to but given just a few more seconds he might have done it on his own. Jumping to "you have traits of a child" is a bizarre leap, especially when we don't even know if it's an everyday thing. I mean can you really picture a relationship where a woman has to say "set the table" every day? No, she would only have to tell you once and then you'd assume "Okay, I'll just set the table anytime she's making dinner." It's not similar to a child who is aware of the task but still doesn't want to do it.

>We don't know if he would have set the table on his own though
Well yes we do, because he didn't.

Honestly if one of a couple is doing nothing and the other working the flat should be spotless when she gets home and you should have shopping g and dinner sorted every evening when she's home . even lunch sorted for her to bring I the morning if yer playing Xbox and doing fuck all itl grind a relationship to ruin and make anyone bitter and thinking negatively about the future . if she's taking up the slack she'll think its like a having a child not Man

Well we clearly live in two entirely different places, I don't have a single male friend who wouldn't do both his own and his girlfriend's laundry. Feels like common sense to me. If it's romantic for you then that's great.
I'm saying that he might have set the table on his own if she'd given him more time. Not sure why that was hard to understand....

Make sure you have shot to talk about and that you get out every day and better yourself . gym etc and if your not woroing your obligation d to do 100 percent of the chores and cooking that's a norm in a modern world especially if your not bringing home the bacon

He didn't need more time she was cooking that whole time and he even asked if she needed help.
Of course no one NEEDS help setting a table but instead of accepting "no" or even asking in the first place, it's just something you should do if you actually want to help and not just act like you do as an empty gesture.

>I don't have a single male friend who wouldn't do both his own and his girlfriend's laundry
Kek, I'm sure you now. I can witness the classic chit chat at the bar, "I'm the kind of guy who does laundry".

It's common when you live together, very uncommon when you're just dating. And, trust me, most men don't really care much about making your life easier.

I didn't say he needed more time. Just re-read the posts because, no offense, this seems a bit hard for you to follow.
>Kek, I'm sure you now.
What?
>I can witness the classic chit chat at the bar, "I'm the kind of guy who does laundry".
Why would we talk about that at the bar....?
>And, trust me, most men don't really care much about making your life easier.
Well most people in general don't care about making your life easier, that's just common sense.

Lol. Don't move countries to be with women from the internet. She is straight up a head case.

You said "if she'd given him more time."

The implication is that more time was needed for him to take action. Rather than me not following I think you're so desperate to make excuses you're not even coherent.

Okay, not trying to be a dick, but how is this hard to understand? If more time had passed OP MIGHT have set the table himself. Not sure why it's in your head that I'm saying "Oh, he needed more time and he definitely would have done it." Please tell me you know what the word "might" means.

>he definitely would have done it
Where did I say this? Please quote it.
Get a grip, you're the one who is confused as fuck if you can't grasp my original and simple refutation of your point which is that time is irrelevant. There's no reason for you to be getting bogged down in semantic garbage and imagining things I didn't even write.

>The implication is that more time was needed for him to take action.
Literally from your post right here: Sorry you couldn't get that ego boost you wanted, hope your day gets better.

Where does that say "he definitely would have done it" ?

Read posts, you dumb nigger.

>As a woman, I left a perfectly lovely relationship with a man who had extreme potential but had a lot of learning to do. In a sense, I took car of the cleaning, cooking, have a white collar job, pay the bills, am the one buying gifts, and so forth.

Also, she is no longer your girlfriend. Makes sense.

be a man
you tell her what to do not the other way around

Thanks Owen, good adv

You're single for a reason.

This is the correct answer and was my first instinct myself I'm glad someone else typed it up.

You didn't mention in the OP what things you were doing for here while you're sitting around waiting to work. It sounds like she's working, cleaning, and having to cook for you while you sit around and do nothing. Wouldn't you be upset if someone flew to your country to be in a relationship with you, only to find they don't care enough or are too dense to help in any tangible sense.

"I help her vacuum" and "we do the dishes," get off your as and help her out more. And for fuck's sake, just do some small nice things for her and try to think of how she feels.

A bunch of stupid men are going to respond to this thread and OP's going to look for the answers he wants to see, and this relationship is going to be fucked. She feels underappreciated and like she made a mistake because you don't seem to care about her as much as she cares about you. Telling someone "I love you," in a relationship is not showing them how much you care for them.

I'm mostly learning the language and studying work related things. What the hell should I do? Clean the entire apartment every day even if it is already clean? That's pointless.
If there is nothing that needs to be done, I won't try to find something just to score some points like a good boy.
What the hell? I do appreciate her! But after she got home today she basically didn't said a word and told me to leave her alone. FFS she is acting like I raped her mother or something...

I feel like I can't make a single mistake or a single thing that she might dislike, like I'm walking on thin ice around her and she just judges everything I do. I'm trying to be understanding even when she does something that I find pointless or stupid, but she is just cold and doesn't cut me any slack at all to get used to her lifestyle.

I find the logic in the "you gotta predict the chores dude!" camp really strange.

Relationships are about being rational and communicating. The correct strategy here is to sit down and have a conversation about the problem and then formulate a chore schedule so there's no confusion or arbitrary "predictions" required. Successful relationships aren't built on exhausting mind-reading and whirlwind "omg I came back this one time and the whole house was clean!" shit -- it's consistency, discipline and understanding.

There's no anticipation required in healthy relationships. The people who suggest there's some complex ritual to appeasing them/their partner are far more immature than they realise.

just strike me as bizarre. Why didn't you capitalize on the so called extreme potential and formulate a fair division of labour? lmao. If you had, and they'd resisted it, then sure. But from what you've provided here it just sounds as if you let his sins pile up without ever letting him know your vision of the relationship was otherwise, or guide the two of you towards an equitable solution.

The SO in this situation is in the clear wrong because they're failing to communicate (based on OP's information). They throw tantrums instead of explaining the matter or trying to find a solution. They're a brat.

t. engaged in a long and healthy relationship

Because the potential wasn't to be a woman pleaser, it was to be a successful artist. A lot of time, the comfort in a relationship allows each other to collapse into habits that-- to spite their relationship-- can't be broken until one exits the relationship.

Women don't get frustrated because we tried to pull out a dry tampon all the time.

In my case, I would insist that he do something around the house, anything. Constantly. For the entire time we lived together. The problem there was his depression, the fact that I was the breadwinner and the wife (for him, like, Where am I in this relationship? She doesn't need me etc). My problem was that he was never willing to work in the house, take initiative to take me out, was antisocial//esp when we were out together, and was jealous and controlling when I wanted to go out by myself.

We're still close friends.

For example, when he took a year to do an internship in another state, he would call me or video chat me every single night. If I didn't answer, or was still at work, it was a huge letdown. All the while, I'm sending giant care packages, randomly shipping him a stuffed lemur or some comfortable pajama pants from Amazon, sending DoorDash orders to his place. I planned a huge going away party for him because he once said no one had thrown him a party since he was in grade school. I would bring him home a special candy bar or write him a poem when he had a bad day.

He didn't do anything for me unless prompted.

It isn't mind-reading. People treat their SOs, in the best cases, like they want to be treated. Men aren't exactly intuitive in that sense and, biologically/socially/psychologically, have never had any natural imperative to be.

My dude, get away from this girl.

But aside from that, never, ever, EVER rely on your girlfriend for financial support in any way shape or form. They can talk all of the feminist shit they want, but at the end of the day, nothing makes them rage or dry up faster than having to take care of some grown ass man.

slideshare.net/hajnali3/nonviolent-communicationalanguageoflifemarshallbrosenberg

Read this book if you want to get to the real reason

Honestly all this? "predict her needs vs talk about the needs" is somewhat funny. I believe both should be present but the first one must be used as an extra or a now and then type of thing. Like a cute gesture to make her feel nice while the second one must always be present. Thats how a relationship should be imo. But in anons situation only the second one will be able to help him now

Why's she so concerned about OP's diet?
Are you fat OP? Overweight?
Did she know before?

Just something worth considering no ones brought up yet

I'm not, I came here with my own savings and I'm paying for dates etc.

I'm 185cm and 85kg so I guess I'm normal. Maybe she just thinks that every meal should be cooked while I like to eat cereal or sandwitches for breakfast.

wow, good advice for once

retard alert beewoo beewoo